Chapter 14 #3
“Okay, but now seriously,” she says, eyes bright with mischief.
“I know you and Alexander are stuck in this... whatever this dragged-out tug-of-war is. I can’t even believe that man spent an entire month here because of you and you two didn’t kiss even once.
Talk about slow burn...” She shakes her head like a disappointed mother.
“He was here for business and...”
“Anyway,” Felicity cuts me off with a dismissive wave.
“Don’t let your insecurities speak louder than your own desires.
I know you’ve only ever been with that asshole Colin your whole life, but don’t keep depriving yourself of new experiences because of fear or because of things that happened in the past.”
I’ve spent the last few weeks working through all of this in therapy.
Caroline, my therapist, has told me nearly everything Felicity just said, just in a far more professional tone.
Encouraging me to talk openly about my fears and insecurities, to question what I’m feeling until I reach the root of each emotion.
“I know. I’ve talked about all of this with Caroline too.”
“Well,” Felicity replies, teasing, “Caroline’s going to whip you into shape one way or another.” Then her face lights up again, and she adds, “And don’t forget to keep up with your Kegel exercises. Just because you haven’t hit forty yet doesn’t mean you get to slack off.”
I swat her shoulder and then pull her into a hug. Grateful for everything she’s done for me these past few months.
They call my flight, and I turn to Alicia. The moment I see the tears in her eyes, my heart stutters. “Hey... don’t cry, or you’re going to make me cry too,” I say, pulling her into my arms. “Five weeks are going to go by so fast.”
“I know, Mom. And I want you to go and have the best time,” she says, her face buried in my chest.
I glance at Colin standing just behind her. From here, she’s going straight with him, and it feels strange having him here beside us. But Mark is in San Francisco, so he couldn’t be the one to bring Alicia to say goodbye.
“I need to go, sweetheart, or I’m going to miss my flight.”
Alicia hugs me tight again before letting go. “Don’t forget to take lots of pics and videos. Oh! And my gifts, obviously.”
I laugh. “I won’t forget. Promise.” I turn to Colin. “Thank you for bringing her. If you need anything, just call me. I’ll always have my phone with me.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of our girl,” he says, resting his hands on Alicia’s shoulders.
I give Alicia one last quick hug, then turn away, adjusting the leather backpack on my shoulder.
Every step I take toward the plane pulls my stomach into a tighter knot of nerves. By the time I find my seat in first class and fasten the belt, I can feel my pulse fluttering in anticipation.
When the plane finally takes off, I watch New York shrink beneath the clouds, the city growing smaller and smaller until it becomes nothing but distance. I lean back into the headrest.
I’m nervous. Hopeful... terrified. And excited for whatever the next few weeks are going to bring.
Alexander
Following the last eighteen days of Cecilia’s trip through her blog, and through our calls and messages, turned my work into nothing more than background noise.
I can’t fully believe she’s this close... and that I’ll see her again soon.
The day I called and she told me about the trip, I smiled like an idiot the entire time, trying to keep it from bleeding into my voice. And in these last few days, I’ve caught myself counting the hours until her next update.
Not having the six-hour time difference has helped, but I prefer waiting for her to reach out first. I don’t want to interrupt her exploring, or make her feel watched. It’s the first time in years that she’s taking time just for herself, and I want her to enjoy every moment of it.
So far, she’s been through Lisbon, Barcelona, Amsterdam, Paris, London, and now she’s in Edinburgh. Her favorites were Barcelona and Amsterdam. Her least favorite... Paris.
When I asked why Paris disappointed her, she said: “I thought the city would, at the very least, smell better than it does.”
When I asked if she expected it to smell like French perfume, we both laughed, and she called me scemo—her new favorite Italian word whenever she wants to call me silly.
Another complaint: the landmarks didn’t meet her expectations. Which is why she cut Paris short, stayed only two nights, and arrived in London a day early.
But after our conversation last night... something tells me Edinburgh is going to become her favorite. At least until she sees my homeland. I hope so.
When I answer and hear her “hi”, light and almost laughing, something loosens inside me.
“Ciao, bella.”
She dives right in. “Alexander, you have no idea what Edinburgh Castle is like. I went up there yesterday, and it felt like... I don’t know... And the wind! My God, the wind almost carried me away,” she laughs, so freely that my heart stutters in my chest.
I lean back in my chair, close my eyes, trying to picture it.
“Yeah?” I murmur. “And then?”
“I climbed Arthur’s Seat early this morning to see the sunrise,” she continues, breathless with excitement. “Alexander... you should have seen the sky. It was pink, gold, kind of orange... it looked like Photoshop, it was so perfect. I just stood there staring. I swear, it took my breath away.”
I don’t say anything for a few seconds, listening to her breathe over the line, a sound that somehow makes the physical distance feel even more brutal.
“You would’ve loved it,” she says, her voice calmer now. “I took a bunch of pictures for the blog, but I kept some just for you. You’d love that feeling of... being way up above the city.”
“Cecilia...” I say, unable to hold it back. “I would’ve liked being there with you.”
She doesn’t say anything at first. When she speaks again, her voice drops, like she’s smiling. “I... I would’ve liked seeing it with you too.”
I take a deep breath, trying not to let the impact of her words show in mine.
“Then tell me,” I say. “Take your time. I want to hear everything.”
And she does. Her voice is bright, describing every detail, color, and corner of the city. I close my eyes and listen, imagining each step as if I were right there beside her.
I keep walking at an easy pace over the large rectangular stone blocks, taking in the colorful little shops, the bookshops, local art stores, tiny cafés, vintage boutiques...
Before reaching the end of the street, I pull out my phone and dial the number I know by heart.
She answers on the fourth ring. “Hi. I couldn’t find my phone in my bag,” she says, a little breathless.
I chuckle. “Ciao, Cecilia. Are you at the bookstore you wanted to visit today?”
She laughs. “Well... I kind of got lost. I’m backtracking now, but I don’t think I’m far from it.”
I smile as I turn left at the end of the street, the way already committed to memory.
“Did you get lost, or did you just get distracted by another one of the shops you fell in love with?”
“Both?” she says, laughing again.
I stop in front of the green door, and my smile widens as I glance down the street.
“Maybe I can help you find it.”
She gasps. “Alexander, I know how to use GPS, and I told you I know where I’m going.”
I smile to myself. “Look up, Cecilia.”
When she lifts her face, she stops dead, frozen mid-step, less than thirteen feet from me. For a heartbeat, neither of us moves. The street keeps going around us, tourists talking, cars passing, but it all blurs into a muted haze.
I end the call and tilt my chin toward the sign above me.
Armchair Books.
“It’s here,” I call out, loud enough to rise above the noise.
Cecilia shoves her phone into her bag in a clumsy hurry and rushes toward me. I’m already moving to meet her.
We meet halfway, and I wrap my arms around her, pulling her in, lifting her feet off the ground as her breath catches next to my ear.
I bury my face in the curve of her neck. Dio… the scent of her, exactly as I remembered it, hits me so hard I have to close my eyes for a moment.
Her hands clutch the back of my jacket, and that simple pressure sends a spark through every nerve in my body. When she leans back, I set her down reluctantly, my hands sliding to her waist... and staying there.
“You’re here,” she says, wonder and surprise clear in every word.
“You said you wanted to see these places with me,” I murmur, my thumb tracing lazy, absent circles along the small of her back.
She smiles, a radiant smile that lights her entire face and brings out a smile of my own.
“You came,” she whispers.
I lift a hand to her cheek, and Cecilia closes her eyes. I wonder if she missed my touch as much as I missed touching her.
My heart pounds when I bend and press a lingering kiss to her forehead.
When she exhales, her breath trembles, and I can’t think of anything else. I cup her cheek and pull her to me, my hand resting on the small of her back... and I get lost in her eyes.