Chapter 20 #2
“I need you to know I wasn’t hiding it from you.
At least not…not in the way it seems. It just didn’t feel important.
I woke up this morning, realized I would never stop loving you, and that I wanted to make this, us, work.
” She gestured between them, the same motion she’d used on the balcony that night.
Eric started to speak, but something occurred to him.
Nikolett’s gaze narrowed. “Why are you smiling?”
“Am I?”
“Yes, and it’s not your ‘I’m going to kill someone’ smile. It’s your smug smile.”
“You kissed someone else last night and woke up with a realization that you loved me, would always love me, and needed my dick immediately.”
“Eric, you are such a—”
“Seriously, I need Cookie Guy’s name so I can send him flowers.”
Nikolett’s outraged expression made him laugh.
“He must’ve been a really shit kisser.”
Nikolett crossed her arms. “He was an excellent kisser.”
“Nope. Because if he had been, you might have done more than kiss him.”
Her gaze narrowed. “I tried, but—”
She cut herself off, eyes a little wide.
“But what?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, you’re going to tell me.”
“No, I’m not.”
Eric lunged for her. She tried to scramble away but was unsteady on the cast boot. This time, he swung her into his arms. He bounced her once, half pretending to drop her, when she struggled.
Nikolett yelped and wrapped her arms around his neck. Really tightly around his neck. Eric coughed as he carried her into the bedroom and then into the bathroom while she tried and failed to strangle him.
“Why are we—”
He set her on the sink counter. “What happened between you and the cookie boy?”
Nikolett glared at him. “He’s a cookie man. Big. Maybe bigger than you.”
Eric snorted. “I doubt it.”
“Arrogant asshole.”
“You won’t distract me with compliments. What happened?”
Nikolett tipped her chin, looking down her nose at him, but her cheeks were pink and getting pinker.
“I’ll tell you every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done,” he promised.
“How do you know what I did was embarrassing?”
“You’re blushing.”
She slapped her hands to her cheeks.
Damn, she was cute. He was sure she’d hate that description, but in this moment, bare-faced and trying to hide a blush, she was fucking adorable.
So he kissed her, not doing all that great a job because he couldn’t stop smiling.
When he broke the kiss, she tucked her face against his neck, hiding. She mumbled something.
“What was that?”
With a frustrated hiss, she sat up and stared at him. “I called him Eric when we were making out.”
Eric tried. He really did. Even bit the inside of his cheek.
Nikolett sighed. “Go ahead. Get it out, you horrible man.”
Eric roared with laughter, bending over as he struggled to get in enough air.
“Asshole,” she muttered.
That only made him laugh harder.
Head braced on her shoulder, hands planted on the counter on either side of her, he let the laughter release not only his amusement but the tension from before.
When he finally calmed down enough to clear his throat, he raised his head.
Nikolett crossed her arms.
“Tell me all of it,” he pleaded.
“You have to promise not to laugh.”
“Nope. I’m only going to make promises to you that I know I can keep.”
She visibly softened.
He wanted to kiss her. Wanted to take her back to bed and this time go slow. He hadn’t spent nearly enough time on her breasts. Wanted to roll her onto her stomach and stroke her bare back and ass so every part of her became familiar with his touch.
But they needed to finish this conversation. His own masochistic streak needed to know about the only other man who could make his Nikki “feel something.”
“Will you tell me about Cookie Guy?”
“His name is Angus McAngus. We met in Budapest, at a coffee shop.”
“That’s when he gave you a cookie.”
“It was only half a cookie and I couldn’t even take it. This was right after the bear trap attack. I’d been locked up in my house for weeks, and I was losing my mind. I insisted on going out, even if it was just for a cup of coffee.”
She looked worried, then grimaced. “Irresponsible of me, I know. I used too many of my territory’s resources to go out for a single cup of coffee.”
“Nikki, if you, the most responsible person I know, insisted on going out, it means you really needed that.”
The defensive tension in her shoulders softened. “We stayed so long that it was lunch time and there were no seats and this guy asked if he could share my table.
“We talked a bit and because all I’d had was coffee, my stomach was grumbling.” She winced with embarrassment. “He heard it and offered me half of his cookie that he hadn’t yet eaten. Grigoris came over to make sure I didn’t take food from a stranger.”
“Fun when your security treats you like you’re an incompetent toddler.”
“It is frustrating. Though in your case, you usually are behaving like an incompetent toddler.” She smirked at him.
Eric leaned in and kissed the side of her neck. “Looking for a spanking?”
Nikolett’s breath caught, but Eric refused to be sidetracked. He pulled back.
“How did you get from half a cookie Grigoris wouldn’t let you eat in Budapest to dinner in Paris?”
“We were texting, and at some point, he mentioned meeting up again. I didn’t respond until you locked me in Triskelion Castle.”
Eric grimaced. “Would you believe me if I apologized?”
“Are you sorry?”
“That I made you mad? Yes. That I kept you somewhere safe for the sake of my own fucking mental health? No. Won’t apologize for that part.”
Nikolett made a pissed-off noise.
“But I did go to therapy. I get credit for that.”
She studied him with a skeptical expression before continuing.
“I agreed we could meet for a date, but then when I got home, I decided it was time for me to find my own trinity. Then came Bachelorette Hungary—that’s what Elena and Nyx called it.
I went on one date with someone from that list, but felt nothing.
“Then when we decided that I’d come to Paris as bait—”
Eric suppressed a twitch. He’d done his best to ignore that part of the situation, because if he thought about it for too long, kidnapping her to Trikellion and locking her not just in a bedroom but in the castle dungeons, started sounding very reasonable.
“— I asked him if he was going to be anywhere near Paris at the same time and maybe we could meet.”
“He’s not a member?”
“No. Part of our dinner last night was an interview to see if he was a good candidate. He is.”
“You were going to recruit him.”
“Midway through last night, I decided that I couldn’t recruit him since he has no strong ties to my territory, but I would talk to Arthur about him becoming a member of England. Then maybe an inter-territory marriage.”
Eric tried not to let his feelings show on his face. “You had a plan mapped out for marrying him.”
“I did. Until I drank too much and when he put me to bed, I called him by your name.”
This time he didn’t laugh.
Nikolett leaned her cheek on his shoulder. “Even before that, there were times I looked at him and thought of you. I…I wonder if I only like him because he reminds me a little of you.”
“Nikki, you sound worried again. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Then why do I feel like this?” She sat up. “Why didn’t I tell you about him this morning before we had sex?”
“Because it was about us, no one else mattered, even the random Scottish dude you kissed last night.” He kissed the frown line between her brows. “You don’t have to tell me anything else, Nikki. Not unless you want to.”
“I just feel…” Her frown deepened, her gaze unfocused as she thought. “I…told him things.”
Eric stilled. “Things nonmembers shouldn’t know?”
“No.” She shook her head. “No. Things about…me.”
He blinked.
“Things about how I grew up, and why I decided to go into politics. Things that I never really talk about with anyone. He felt…safe…to talk to.”
Eric had to swallow hard. “And I…don’t. Feel like someone it’s safe to talk to.”
Nikolett wouldn’t meet his gaze. “There wasn’t really room for my past, my trauma.”
Fuck, he was an asshole. An absolute asshole.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. “Someday, if you want, I’d love to know about your past. But if you don’t feel like I’m a safe person to tell—”
Nikolett put her hand over his mouth. “Please don’t. It’s making it worse.”
He studied her over the top of her hand.
“Right or wrong, I feel like I cheated on you yesterday. Not physically but emotionally. Like I showed someone else something that should have been yours, and I’m…I’m ashamed and guilty.”
He gently tugged her hand away so he could talk. “I’m the one who should, and does, feel guilty. I was ready to let you go because I know just how much of an asshole I was to you.”
Wait, he should tell her the full truth.
“Actually, I wasn’t planning to let you go. After you said no to dinner, I was going to kidnap you, but my therapist told me to respect your ‘no’ and your boundaries.”
“You were going to kidnap me?” She smiled, and was she blushing again? This time, he was pretty sure it was a pleased blush, not embarrassment. Damn Elijah and his terrible, healthy advice.
“And then lock you in the dungeon at Triskelion. Actually lately that’s my go-to solution when it comes to worrying about you.”
“There’s a dungeon?”
“Yep.”
“I’d like to come back to that, but first…” Nikolett slumped again. “I think I need a minute to deal with my feelings. I know you said I shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty, but I do, and until I deal with it—”
“Until we deal with it. You’re not alone, Nikki. We’re in it together. Always.”
She looked surprised, but nodded slowly.
Eric had an idea, but he wasn’t sure if it was legitimately a good idea, or if his libido held too much sway in his thoughts.
“You want…absolution.”
Her nose wrinkled. “My religious trauma objects to the term but…I guess that yes, I do.”
“If you’ve done something bad, something wrong…” He ducked down, making sure he caught her gaze so he’d be able to see her reaction to his next words. “You need to be punished.”
Her lips parted on a surprised inhale.
“And once the punishment is done, all is forgiven—including forgiving yourself.”
She studied him, both wary and hopeful.
This whole time, he’d kept his hands on the counter, but now, he wrapped them around her wrists, slowly drawing her arms behind her back. Transferring both wrists to one hand, he cupped her throat, forcing her chin up. With each touch, she relaxed a little more, the tension seeping out of her.
“Nikolett, do you need to be punished?”