Chapter 7 #2
I was in a strange place, around strange people...
but it was going to be okay. Eun hadn’t reacted to me grabbing him with sexual or physical aggression after the fact.
He didn’t act as if I owed him anything.
He was just gifting me with things and giving me the time, space, and resources I needed to learn on my own.
In fact, looking back on it, he reacted to me grabbing him with presents.
What if I had just initiated some form of courtship?
A flutter of excitement stirred in my belly.
I shook that thought away. Whether or not Eun thought we were dating because I grabbed his junk after he grabbed me wasn't my problem.
Figuring out where I was and how to get home was my problem.
Eun wasn't treating me badly, and he clearly understood the word no in a sexual context if he was willing to use it to stop me, which was another green flag to show he was a good guy.
He wasn't going to force me into anything I didn't want, nor was he going to accept anything from me he didn't want.
He also wasn't going to treat me badly if I made a mistake with him.
The sudden rush of emotion at those thoughts caused tears to burn in the corner of my eyes, but I blinked them away, widening my eyes so that the air would dry them up before they could fall.
I was vulnerable, but I wasn't alone.
Even with the barriers of language and culture, even with all the ways things could go wrong between us, he was still there, helping me. He was there for me.
I bent over the workbook, picking up where I’d left off, but my thoughts drifted.
Back in Paris, I went on a lot of first dates.
They all seemed to come with invisible expectations, silent rules I never quite understood.
Every date felt like an unseen moment filled with landmines of expectations.
Like, there was a version of me they wanted, and when the reality of me differed, they took it as a personal offense.
Some thought paying for dinner meant I owed them something.
Some thought that just talking to them meant that I was open to immediate sexual interaction.
I'd learned very quickly to drive myself to the first date and never allow a guy I didn't know to know where I lived.
When I did try to pay my share on a first date, that wasn't always well received either.
One guy even snapped at me, saying I was emasculating him.
It was like I nothing I did resulted in me being treated with respect, like I was being hunted by predators who didn't view me as an equal being who had to be courted instead of bought.
The worst was when I hadn't gotten laid in a while, and in a fit of instant attraction, made the choice to go back to their place or had them come to mine.
It wasn't the worst because first date sex was bad, I had enough experience to know how to get what my body needed out of a hookup, even with a self-centered man, as long as the guy had the very basic capacity to communicate and listen when I told him what I needed.
It was the worst because I would lose interest. Part of me would remain interested, the part of me that loved the bonding chemicals, the oxytocin released in my brain from the orgasms. But the guys always acted weird afterward.
Either they'd play games and only ever want to meet up late at night, not go on dates, or they'd get mad that I didn't want to take the relationship part of things slower than the physical side.
No matter what I did, pay for my dinner, not pay for it, sleep with them quickly or wait, they all acted like I was out to get them, like I owed them or was trying to use them.
All I ever wanted was to be wanted… simply for being who I was.
But none of that mattered anymore.
One thing I was certain of was that I was a long way from home, and I could barely communicate.
Right now, the only thing that mattered was putting my head down and learning the language, especially the words that helped people navigate junk-grabbing social interactions.
Unfortunately, there wasn't anything like that in the books provided.
I flipped through the pages, trying to find anything that looked like adult-specific relationships, but the closest thing I could find was what appeared to be the words for family, in a great deal more variety than I was used to on Earth.
There were images of two parents with children and grandparents, both single- and dual-sex couplings, but there were also images of the hyena-like aliens, which looked like one female with several males.
It seemed like the diverse family structures were described with different species as the focal point.
There was an image of one of the smaller species I'd seen, with 12 children all the same age, and two parents.
"Leija," said a high-pitched, familiar voice.
I looked up to see Abby setting a new stack of books down as she slid into the seat next to me.
In the bright blue sunlight streaming through the windows, her iridescent skin seemed more muted than it did under the apartment's indoor lighting, looking less like a rainbow on an oil slick and more like tan concrete with the hint of a paint splash.
Eun leaned over the table, taking the book in front of me and flipping through it to a specific page.
He put it back in front of me, tapped an image on a page, and said the word.
The picture was of an adult standing in front of a smaller alien of the same species who sat behind a desk, a book with the same cover as this one on the table in front of it.
"Teacher?" I repeated the word, finding that the sound of it sat more where my tongue met the ridged part just behind my teeth.
"Abby, teacher," Eun said.
Then the chime echoed from the kitchen, and Eun walked off, giving me a good view of his muscular backside.
Abby slid a book out from the middle of her stack, dragging my attention away from his ass and back to her. She placed the book she already had open inside the one I had open, then lifted them both upright so that her book was completely hidden by mine. She opened it up.
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I saw images of exactly what I had been searching for.
She pointed at a body part, glanced around to make sure no one was near us, and then leaned in close to me to whisper it.
Eun walked back out, a to-go order in his hands.
She cleared her throat, closed her book that was within mine before he saw it, and pointed at one of the pages of my original workbook, saying it out loud.
I repeated that word. Eun walked back out the door, and she opened her smaller book with graphic images of adult relations again.
She didn't want Eun to know that was what she was teaching me?
I wanted to know why.
Had he asked her to teach me, but didn't want to be 'aware' of it?
Was this some sort of social taboo or rule that meant that he shouldn't be a part of that piece of my education?
Or had she taken it on herself to teach me?
Was I even sure she was female? Maybe her species had males that had features that registered as female to me, but really she had an ovipositor or some crazy alien thing and wanted to educate me so she could knock me up.
I looked over at Abby, and she smiled back at me with closed lips.
I immediately felt embarrassed at where my thoughts had gone.
Even if she wanted to educate me for her own nefarious purposes, she was focusing on communication, which meant consent.
I shouldn't make assumptions about her intentions, just as I shouldn't make assumptions about Eun's intentions towards me. I needed to ask.
But I couldn't ask, so instead I pointed at a picture of a naked hyena-alien with eight breasts.
"Breast," she whispered, pointing at one of them. Then she dragged her finger up and down the boobs. "Breasts."
I let out a giggle, and she made a tittering sound that was more like the high notes on a xylophone.
I repeated the words, just as quietly as her, and the two of us hunched over the pornographic book, whispering body parts and action verbs back and forth to each other until Eun returned.
Then it was back to words designed to help someone navigate an alien world, such as how to ask where the library was, all the while smiling at each other.
Whatever Abby's intentions, her company made learning more fun.