Chapter 10
TEN
EUN
I didn't know how I could fix this.
What I'd just done was unacceptable.
I turned on the cold water to the sink in the restaurant's kitchen.
The problem was, I shouldn't say anything at all.
I shouldn't even go talk to her again. I should avoid her, never see her again.
It would be better that way. I had no business living with an herbivore.
It was insane that I would choose to do that.
People like me only made choices like that for one reason, and that reason was clear the moment she touched me, and I lost myself again, giving into the mine, mine, mine that chanted through my brain anytime I got too close to her.
I was so far gone that I was going to fight my uncle for her.
Then she bit me with those blunt little prey teeth of hers and...
I leaned down and stuck my head under the cold stream of water, letting the chill shock me as it ran over the back of my head, streaming over the long locks of my hair as it ran down off my chin into the sink.
It did nothing to soothe the rising heat inside of me, the fire that she ignited that wouldn't go out.
That little quiet voice inside of me whispered in the back of my mind that she was mine.
Mine to envelop.
"I've sent her back to the apartment and closed the restaurant," my uncle said from behind me, pulling me from the strangeness of my own thoughts.
I turned off the water, standing up as small rivulets ran down my neck and under my shirt.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"This isn't your fault, Eun," my uncle said. "You know that."
It wasn't her fault either.
It wasn't her fault that every time I glanced her way, my heart thudded in my chest like it was trying to break free from the cage of my ribs.
It wasn't her fault that the sunlight would catch in her brown hair, and I would wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers through it.
It wasn't her fault that the soft curve of her hips mesmerized me, and the sound of her laughter made my own want to bubble to the surface.
"I should be able to control myself," I said, staring down at the floor.
"You shouldn't have ever been put in the position to have to," he said.
He strode forward and put both of his hands on my shoulders.
"You're young. You should have been able to grow up without any of that in your system.
You should have had a family that let you make the choice for yourself when you were an adult. "
"I am an adult," I said.
"You are," my uncle said. "And I'm proud of the adult you've become.
Choosing to get clean is not easy. You are the one choosing to make it harder.
You're torturing yourself by being around Leija.
It is one thing to work here in the restaurant and get small doses of the interactions with herbivores to acclimate yourself; it is another entirely to be around one person who you... that is..."
He couldn't say it, so I finished the words for him.
"Triggering my deviance," I said, looking down at the floor.
My uncle let out a sigh and squeezed my shoulders. "You're making everything harder on yourself, and you're putting her in danger. You shouldn't spend so much time with any individual herbivore until you've really gotten a handle on this."
He was saying everything we both knew that I already knew.
I also knew what I was supposed to say now. I should ask him to help me find a safe place for her. I should say that I was going to get her situated with an herbivore community.
But if I wasn't around her, I couldn't protect her.
Someone might hurt her.
"She's mine," I growled, letting him know the depth of the problem with those two words. The rest of the words that followed after, the strange feeling of being too small, of wanting to envelop her, those I kept to myself. Those feelings didn’t make any sense to me.
"Eun," my uncle said. "That's prey guarding talk. That isn't you. That is the addiction."
I rubbed the back of my neck, rotating my head as if I could release the pressure of my need for her by cracking my neck. I knew he was right.
"I'm not going to hurt her," I said. "I have myself under control."
The memory of her teeth closing around my neck whispered through my mind.
"I need to go make sure she is okay," I told him, feeling the intense urge to go to her.
"I'm going to call in someone else for the dinner shift," he said. "Listen, Eun, if you can't let her go you then there is something else you should try. The prey guarding urge, if you redirect it, then it can work for you, to achieve your goal of keeping her safe from you."
"Redirect it?" I asked, already knowing what he was going to say. There was one well-known method for predators to redirect their hunting drive, but it usually only worked for those who weren't already fighting off the addiction.
"Fuck her," he said. "She appears to be willing. Plus the way she bit you... She's likely been with a predator before."
Heat rose to my cheeks as my embarrassment rose in equal portions to my excitement at the idea.
"That... I..." I stammered.
"You were ready to fight me for her," he said.
"You need to get this out one way or another, and mating can help change the urge from one thing to another.
It is only deviant if you hurt her, and you handled her gently out there.
There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults working out their instincts in other ways. "
The thought of sinking my teeth into her neck caused my cock to twitch. She had tilted her head up, baring her throat like she wanted it.
"I'm going to go check on her," I said as I turned to go towards the door, that excitement winning as my mind swirled with the possibilities.
The way she had taken me in her hand before, the way she had clung to me, the way her body felt against mine, and how her rump felt in my grip...
it was so similar to the hunger that they were almost indistinguishable.
The truth of the matter flared through my body, igniting my nerves with the memories of the feel of her, the soft touch of her skin.
Did she feel the same?
Would she want that?
How would I even ask?
The thought of bringing up the subject was intimidating.
I'd never been with anyone before, but at the same time, she was the one who had grabbed me the other night.
Maybe she was more experienced. Maybe she had even been with a predator species before, and it was the danger that attracted her.
Maybe she was just as deviant as me. She could be waiting back at the apartment, the same thought in her mind, ready to consummate the intensity between us.
"You need that energy to go somewhere," my uncle said as I headed towards the door. "Put it in a direction that is better for both of you."
I rushed back to the apartment, running up the stairs.
I paused at the door, hesitating as I smoothed my hair back, straightening my shirt. I'd run all the way over here in my uniform, but I couldn't fix that now.
I took a deep breath and went into the apartment.
It was silent, dark.
I flipped on the light.
"Leija?" I called out, surveying the empty room. The door to her bedroom was open, and I walked over to see that it was empty as well. My heart began to race as I rushed over to her bathroom, pushing open the already ajar door to see that the room held no Leija.
She wasn't in the apartment.
I shoved my hand into my pocket, feeling only emptiness where a crumpled piece of paper should be.
The map to the spaceport. She had taken it.
If she got there and someone noticed she couldn't speak the language fluently, she would be flagged.
"No," I gasped, and I ran after her.