Chapter Four
Three weeks had gone by since I’d found the messages, since the secret split itself wide open behind Cam’s phone screen.
Three weeks, and I still hadn’t worked up the nerve to face him.
Fear kept me paralyzed, like a rabbit staring down the barrel of a gun.
If I asked him, if I forced it into daylight, what would he say?
Would he admit he loved her and wanted out? Would he just leave?
I didn’t want to imagine life without him; I’d built myself around being his wife. But the hurt was just as sharp as the fear, trapping me between resentment and heartbreak, like a pinball caught bouncing in every direction. Around and around.
Things at home had only gotten worse. Cam was barely there anymore.
He started drifting in after I’d fallen asleep or leaving before I was awake, like a ghost haunting the edges of our life.
The messages stopped entirely unless I made the first move.
He didn’t bother telling me when he wouldn’t be home.
Sometimes I would just sit, alone, in the dark, picturing him out somewhere with her.
My mind would wander: Cam and Lacey in clubs, Cam and Lacey laughing under golden lights at some intimate restaurant, or catching late movies, or crowded in at a noisy bar.
Every scene was borrowed from something he used to do with me.
I saw the way he used to laugh, only now it belonged to someone else.
I saw him falling onto a bed with her, caught up in sheets at some fancy hotel—or maybe just her place, some little apartment where she lived alone.
I kept telling myself I had to confront him. I needed my answer, even if the answer meant choosing her. But the thought of him picking her over me was unbearable, and frankly, likely. Still, I couldn’t keep living like this.
A text lit up my screen: I NEED my bestie!
My gut twisted with guilt. I’d been a terrible friend, avoiding Rachel the same way Cam had been avoiding me. I just hadn’t wanted her to see through me—to see my marriage unraveling—but maybe what I actually needed was help. Someone to talk to.
Come over tonight?
I’ll bring the wine! See you in a few.
Reading that made me smile for the first time in weeks. Maybe it would feel good to let someone in.
It was less than twenty minutes before I heard the knock. I opened the door, and there was Rachel, two bottles of wine held aloft like trophies.
“Geez, Rach, how much do you plan on drinking tonight?” I tried to sound annoyed, but the words came out softer.
“Girl, we gotta make up for lost time! It’s been forever!” She brushed past me, beelining for the kitchen and digging through drawers like she lived here. Which, once upon a time, she almost had.
I reached up and grabbed two wine glasses.
“Aha!” Rachel crowed, finding the corkscrew in one of my “catch all” drawers. She worked the first bottle open with a flourish and poured us each a generous glass.
“So, tell me what’s been happening.” She planted her elbows on the counter, eyes locked on me. “Why have you been pretending I don’t exist?”
“I haven’t,” I said, sitting down. “I’ve just been busy.”
She snorted. “Busy with what, exactly? Your blockbuster career, your busy social life, or the kids you don’t have?”
The words stung, and Rachel immediately winced. “Sorry, Livi. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s fine,” I said, brushing off the apology and taking a long drink. “Really, Rach. It’s just… a lot lately.”
She leaned forward. “Spill. Is this about Cam? Because if I need to go over to wherever he is and whip his ass, you know I will.”
I gave a half laugh, but it turned to a sob almost instantly.
“Livi, what’s going on?” Rachel reached out, covering my hand with hers.
“Cam’s having an affair.” Once I started, it all came spilling out, word vomit I couldn’t hold back. “With his secretary—or assistant, or whatever she is.”
Rachel’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “No way. Not Cam. He worships you. Are you sure?”
I nodded. “He’s been checked out for months, Rach.
He never comes home anymore, and when he does, he acts like I’m invisible.
He’s always got these urgent ‘work emergencies’ that just so happen to involve Lacey.
Then, the other night, I saw texts on his phone.
They didn’t say ‘affair’ outright, but they weren’t work-appropriate either.
And that night he forgot to tell me he’d be late?
I called Lacey to see if she knew where he was.
She lied to my face; said she hadn’t seen him.
But when Cam finally came home, he told me she was with him the whole time.
Why would she lie if it was innocent? I think they were on a date, Rach. ”
The tears started then, relentless. “He hasn’t touched me in over five months. I feel completely alone.”
Rachel squeezed my arm, hard. “You’re not alone, Livi. Not ever, and especially not while I’m alive. You can’t let him turn you into a shadow. He made vows, remember? You deserve better.”
“I can’t force him to love me.” The words came out so small.
“You don’t have to.” Rachel’s voice softened.
“This isn’t about love, Liv. He’s hurting, maybe, but that doesn’t make this okay.
After you guys got the news about not being able to have children, I think it broke something in him.
But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Cameron Milo James is obsessed with you.
He would run through fire for you. Maybe he needs a whack on the head to remind him. ”
I actually laughed, even as I wiped my eyes.
“But you’re going to be the one to do it,” she continued, all business now. “You’re not waiting around for him to keep playing games with that blonde homewrecker.”
“She’s actually brunette,” I muttered, a little embarrassed. “I might have spent some time on her social media. She’s younger. Gorgeous. I made myself feel worse.”
“She could have a tail for all I care. Still a tramp for chasing married men.” Rachel pointed her finger at me.
“You’re staying up tonight, and when he comes home, you confront him.
Tell him it stops now or you’re walking out with your bags.
You want counseling? You tell him. You call the shots now, Livi. ”
I stared into my glass. “And if he says he loves her? Or wants to leave?”
“If it comes to that, we deal with it together.” Rachel’s thumb wiped away another tear. “You always have a place to go as long as I’m around. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thanks, Rach.”
“Anytime. So, when does the prodigal husband usually get home?”
I shrugged. “After midnight, lately.”
She clapped her hands once. “Plenty of time to get tipsy and plot his demise.”
∞∞∞
Rachel had only just left when Cam finally came through the door. I’d stopped at three glasses of wine—not enough to get drunk, but enough to quiet my hands, steady them for what was coming.
He paused in the threshold of the living room, surprised.
“Livi? You’re still up?”
“Rach was here.” I stood my ground. “She just left.”
He set his briefcase on the nearest chair. The sight of it made my skin crawl. Was it all just for show? Just another prop for his lies?
“We need to talk, Cam.”
A flash of surprise in his eyes; he braced himself against the back of the chair. “What’s going on?”
“I know you’re having an affair.” The words hit the air before I realized I’d actually spoken them.
He blinked. “What?”
“I know it’s Lacey. I know it’s not just work anymore, Cam.”
He said nothing, just watched me.
“I saw your text messages, Cam. And the night you had dinner, she lied to me. She said she hadn’t seen you, but you said she was there. Why would she lie, if there wasn’t something to hide? Were you on a date?”
He gripped the chair, dropped his head, and let out a shaky breath. “It’s not what you think, Livi, but you’re right. We need to talk.”
He walked past me to the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” I followed.
“We’re going to need a drink.”
“I don’t want a drink,” I said, teeth set.
“You’re going to want one.”
I sank onto a stool, all my dread welling up. This was it. The big confession. “Wine for me,” I tried, weakly.
He shook his head, already pouring two glasses of scotch. “You’ll need something stronger.”
He set mine in front of me. I sipped it, the burn catching in my chest. He knocked his back and poured another.
“I’ve been avoiding this for weeks,” he said. “But I have to say it.”
“So say it.”
He took another drink, this one slow. “I haven’t been having an affair.”
I stared. “But the messages... the lies...”
“She’s been pursuing me, yeah. Flirting, really pushing. And I’ll admit, I sent a couple texts that got out of hand. But I haven’t touched her; no dates, no kissing. Nothing physical, Livi. I promise you.”
“Then what is going on, Cam? Why did you vanish? Why haven’t you touched me?”
He swallowed; his voice cracked. “Because it hurts, that’s why.”
“You don’t love me anymore?”
His gaze snapped up, fierce and bright. “Don’t ever say that. You are my whole world. I love you, Livi.”
Tears were streaking down my face now, but I held onto his hand. “Then why are things like this?”
He looked so lost; I’d never seen him like this before.
“Ever since the doctor told us… you know… I lost my vision for the future. I always wanted a family, a big one. That’s how I pictured us.
Now all I see is this blank wall. I got stuck in it and couldn’t get out.
And I guess I started looking for a way to feel different. ”
A sob caught in my throat.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you that, Cam. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “Please don’t blame yourself.
I never have. I just wish I could make it better.
When Janet left and I hired Lacey, she came onto me right away.
Not that I wanted her—not really. But it was a rush.
Someone found me interesting, attractive.
It made me feel like a man again, not a failure. ”
“You’re always enough for me,” I whispered.
His voice got even quieter. “I know. But you’re in this pain with me. When women flirt with me, it’s the only time I feel alive anymore.”
I made a broken, ugly sound, but he just stared at the drink in his hand.
He looked up, met my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I know I’m about to.”
“What is it?” My voice was a rasp.
“I want to see other people.”
The words landed like a blow. I felt like the world was spinning sideways. “You’re leaving? You want to split up?”
“No. Never.” He lunged forward, wrapping me up in his arms. “I never want to lose you. I just… I need something. I need to feel like myself again, so I can come home and be the husband you deserve. If I can get this out of my system, maybe things can go back to what they were.”
I broke away, stinging. “You think sleeping with other women will fix us?”
He was relentless. “It would just be meaningless sex. I’d come home to you, always to you. You’d still have all of me. It’s just… I need the novelty, the difference. I promise, I’ll never make love to anyone else. That’s only for you.”
My mind whirled. I could barely comprehend what he was asking. “So you’re asking for an open marriage?”
“In a sense, yeah.”
“And what about me?” I said, voice flat.
He flinched. “I don’t want you with other guys. But if you wanted to—I couldn’t say no, I guess.”
He said it like he already knew I wouldn’t. He was the only man I’d ever been with, my whole world. He must have known I’d never want anyone else.
“You don’t have to decide tonight,” he said, trying to sound gentle. He circled the island, hugging me close, his chin in my hair. The first time in so long. “Take a few days. We’ll figure out rules that make you comfortable.”
“And if I say no?”
He didn’t answer, just looked down at me with a tremor in his jaw.
And there it was. I had no real choice. He was going to do this, with or without my blessing. My only options were to accept—or walk away. And I loved him too much to leave, even if all he was offering was a sliver of himself.
I cried in his arms for hours. I was drowning in hurt, but at the same time, being held by him again felt so good, it was almost enough to make me forget what had broken between us. It was like being starved, then finally tasting what you’d missed for so long. Except it came at an impossible price.
He stroked my hair and whispered that he loved me, over and over. And I wanted so badly to believe him. Maybe I did. But I knew nothing would ever be the same again.