28. Epilogue
Epilogue
Zach
Two Months Later
Zach was lying in bed, tapping away at the mindless game on his phone to help keep his anxiety and the intrusive thoughts at bay. Though he could still very much feel the tightness in his chest and the chaos in his mind. Milo was helping too, his big, heavy, warm body pressed up against Zach’s side and his large head resting on Zach’s stomach.
If Milo was snuggling, it meant Drew was gone. But it was fine. Drew had sent him a text telling him exactly that—he’d gone out for his run and he loved him and everything would be fine. It was well past 9 a.m., though, and Zach wasn’t sure when Drew would be back. Maybe he’d made an extra lap around the park, since he’d probably assumed Zach was still sleeping or something.
But it was going to be fine. Today would be fine. Drew was probably almost back, or at least he would be very soon because he knew Zach was more than anxious about Drew’s first monthly brunch with his parents.
God, his mind was off and running anyway, despite his attempt to distract himself by playing this useless game. He put his phone down with a huff. It would be fine. It was going to be fine. Drew had said it would be fine. And he’d reassured Zach all week that there was nothing Zach’s mother could say that would make Drew love him any less or even think about leaving him.
It would be fine.
But oh, the anxiety had its talons in this one, and it wasn’t letting go so easily. Skipping last month’s brunch had probably only made things worse, but Drew had been busy with a volunteer thing down at the UNM LGBTQ Resource Center and Zach had been covering for an employee at the rescue. So, it wasn’t like they had purposely avoided brunch, and his mom had been all sorts of understanding.
Almost too understanding. That nice kind of understanding that came with a jumbo side order of guilt even though it was still filled with love.
Oh, Zach, it’s really okay! I know you two lovebirds need time to yourselves, and Drew’s trying to make connections in the community with his new job down at Legal Aid. I’m so proud! It’s so lovely and makes me so happy that you’ve found someone! I just wish I could spend some time getting to know him, is all. But that’s what next month’s brunch will be for! Oh, we should do something extra special for the occasion...
Ugh, maybe he was ridiculous for being so worried about things. He wanted to find it ridiculous. Maybe then his mind would just stop having these thoughts. But—
Zach flinched when a cold nose nudged his arm. “Ahh! Milo, you startled me.”
Milo was looking at him, tilting his head a bit. He gave Zach a whimpering chuff, and then he started a lumbering crawl to settle himself right on top of Zach, his body stretched out longways covering Zach’s chest and stomach and thighs.
“OOF! Milo! God, you weigh a ton, dog,” Zach said, closing his eyes to focus on his breathing, which was substantially more difficult with eighty-five pounds of dog on top of him. But, like usual, it was actually pretty fucking calming and effective—the pressure on his chest from Milo’s weight distracted his body from the angry, pricking pressure of anxiety.
“Was I really that bad, boy?” Zach opened his eyes to look at Milo, who chuffed again and then pressed his wet nose into Zach’s chin. “Okay, okay, I guess I was.” Zach chuckled lightly and took Milo’s face in both hands, stroking his head and neck and scratching behind his ears.
“You have to be on your best behavior for your first family brunch tomorrow, sir. If you’re not, Mom will disinvite you, and you’ll be stuck at home most of Sunday without us,” he teased, starting to feel just a bit more lighthearted. Then he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Of course, I wouldn’t mind if you distract Mom enough that she doesn’t scare Drew away.”
“Hey, honey,” came a soft voice from the other side of the room.
Zach’s heart fluttered with relief and the comforting reassurance Drew’s presence always brought him. He craned his neck a bit to look around Milo and saw Drew leaning against the doorframe, wearing only a pair of gray sweatpants. His hair looked like he’d just showered, and he was holding Zach’s rainbow travel mug.
Milo turned to look too, and Zach grunted as the dog’s weight shifted uncomfortably on top of him.
Drew made a little clicking sound with his tongue and tilted his head just slightly, eyeing Milo’s corner of the bed. “C’mon, Milo.”
Milo gave Drew a doleful look and then clambered off Zach and headed for the bottom corner of the bed. Drew met him there and gave him some pets. “Who’s my good boy? You are! Such a good boy taking care of Zach while I’m gone.”
Drew’s affection for Milo came across so clearly in every word, and his gentleness... God, it made Zach’s heart swell. With Milo’s weight gone from his chest, though, Zach felt a bit chilly, a bit exposed, and he pulled the comforter up higher.
Drew set the travel mug on his nightstand and climbed into bed and under the covers, scooting over so that he was next to Zach. They both shifted until they were in their favorite position—Zach snuggled up against Drew with his head on Drew’s chest, his arm draped over Drew’s stomach, and Drew’s arm wrapped securely around him.
God, this had to be one of his favorite places ever. The feeling of comfort and belonging did so much to soothe his soul. They lay there quietly while Zach listened to the sound of Drew’s heart beating, letting his chaotic mind focus on its strength and reliable rhythm.
After a few minutes of quiet—well, save for Milo’s soft snoring—Drew brushed a kiss on Zach’s forehead. “Couldn’t sleep last night, honey?” There was so much love and concern in his voice, his tone low and soft like it always was when he knew Zach’s anxiety was bad.
Zach shook his head against Drew’s shoulder and let out a sort of self-deprecating sigh. The buzzing and tension of anxiety were mostly gone for the moment, but now Zach was left feeling foolish. Or maybe powerless and vulnerable. That would be more accurate.
“Sorry, I know you say I should wake you, I just always feel so guilty. My brain keeps saying at least one of us should get some uninterrupted sleep.”
“Oh, honey . . .”
“I know. I know. I try, I do,” Zach said, tightening his arm around Drew’s midsection briefly .
He could feel Drew’s nod, and then Drew kissed his forehead again. Zach closed his eyes. “This was the worst it’s been in... a while.”
“Brunch?”
Zach nodded. “I know what you’ve said, baby, and god, I love you for being so amazing and supportive about it, but my brain won’t let this one go. There’s some part of my brain—of me —that’s convinced my mom is going to cause you to go running back to Dallas. She—she’s intense, and she just has this way of—of... Ugh, I don’t even know how to explain.”
“I have met her already, though. Does that help at all? That I’m still right here with you, in love with you, even after having had dinner out with your parents twice already?” Drew asked sweetly.
Zach shifted a little more to his side so he could look at Drew. “I really wish it did. And that’s—it’s not you, I promise. It’s—it’s...”
“I know, honey.” Drew dipped in for a quick kiss on the lips. “What is it that you’re afraid she’ll say or do? Maybe just saying the scary thing out loud will take away some of its power?”
Zach bit his lip, suddenly far more anxious than he’d been the minute before, and he turned his head and snuggled back into Drew, feeling the need to look away. He hesitated for another moment longer, but then it just all spilled out. “God, Drew you’re not even out to everyone yet and you’re still getting used to it and she’s just going to foist all of this other stuff on you and then you’re going to run screaming for the hills. I’m her only child—and she’s invested, overinvested —which means she’s got years and years and years of these dreams she’s had for me and whoever I end up with. Like engagement and wedding and marriage and kids—and she goes into DETAIL, like surrogacy and adoption, because she’s so extra. She’s probably got our whole future planned out for us and all the amazing things she’ll do with her future grandbabies and...”
Zach ran out of breath. There was more he could say. His mother had dreamed up thousands of options for him over the years, and if he were honest, so, so many of them were his dreams too. He wanted it all, and there was still a big part of him that was terrified he would be the one to scare Drew off with all his hopes and dreams and talk of forever. Fuck, there was so much in his head, but he’d clearly already said too much because Drew was being really, really quiet. Too quiet.
Drew’s breathing was uneven too, and Zach was terrified to look up, his chest almost painfully tight.
Then Drew spoke, just three words, but with such quiet reverence that Zach wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “That sounds amazing.”
“Wait, what?” Zach shifted quickly, propping himself up on his side so he could really look at Drew properly. “It does?”
Drew’s eyes were glistening, and a few tears had already slipped out. Zach reached up to gently wipe them away. Drew looked so earnest and hopeful, and there was a bit of worry there too. “Yeah... doesn’t it? Getting married, having kids... Doesn’t that... sound amazing to you too?”
“Are you kidding me? It’s all my dreams come true,” Zach said, his voice a bit thready.
The relief on Drew’s face was instant, and he broke into the most amazing, brilliant grin, more tears slipping down his cheeks. “I mean, maybe I’d like to use our plans, whatever we come up with, rather than hers. But god, Zach, sign me up.”
Zach’s stomach clenched tightly with anxious hope. That sounded—that sounded like a proposal. Or at least a promise of one in the future? Hot tears fell down his cheeks now—god, it was like relief and apprehension all at once, and he had to know. He had to know for sure. So he gathered all his courage and forced a smile. “So does this mean you’re proposing?”
Drew’s expression softened, and he reached up to gently wipe Zach’s tears away. His eyes were bright and full of promise as he seemed to search Zach’s face, maybe looking for reassurance that Zach really wanted the same thing. He must have found it, because he smiled softly and leaned in for a gentle kiss, then pulled back again. “There’s nothing I’d love more than to marry you.”
Zach’s heart was bursting with joy, overflowing with so much love, and he just never wanted it to stop. He grinned at Drew, who was still smiling at him, an expectant look on his face.
Zach bit his lip to curb the playful laughter threatening to erupt. Then he said, “You have to ask me first. I’m not going to agree to all these plans until I get proposed to properly.”
“Properly, huh?” Drew’s face scrunched slightly, like he was trying to process Zach’s words, but his eyes showed a hint of amusement. “So, like, the whole to-do? Fancy dinner? Rings? Me down on one knee? Is that what you need?”
God, Zach thought he might die from the mental image alone, but hell if he wanted to wait. He looked Drew in the eyes and shook his head. “I just need you.”
Drew’s breath hitched, and then he took a shuddering breath before he spoke. “Zachary Harrison, will you marry me?”
“Yes!” Zach cried, squeeing before diving down to capture Drew’s lips with his. The kiss held all the warmth and love it always had, and now there was something more to it too, some promise and hope.
Drew wrapped his arms more fully around Zach and pulled him closer, one hand coming up to cup Zach’s cheek. God, the way it felt when Drew touched him like that was just—
A heavy, clumsy weight fell on them, settling right between their bodies, and there was a low howl that sounded suspiciously similar to Zach’s squeal.
“Milo!” they both yelled, then burst into laughter.
Milo chuffed and leaned into Zach, resting his head on Zach’s arm.
“You know,” Drew said, “this dog takes up an incredible amount of space on the bed.” He smiled wryly.
Zach chuckled. “Wasn’t it you who said that doggie snuggles in bed would be the best part of having a dog?”
Drew’s mouth opened then closed again, and with a playful, resigned sigh, he let his head sink down to the pillow. He stared at Zach over Milo’s giant head, a soft smile playing on his lips. Then, after a moment, Drew asked, “How are you feeling now, honey? Or should I say fiancé ?”
“Oh, you should definitely say fiancé, like, for a while,” Zach agreed with a huge grin. He glanced briefly at his rainbow travel mug still sitting on Drew’s nightstand, and his smile grew even more. “Aaaaand you’re gonna have to buy me a new mug. This ‘I love my boyfriend’ one is soooo outdated.”
Drew laughed, the sound filling Zach’s ears and making his heart soar. “Anything you want, fiancé. Anything you want.”
Zach grinned widely. “Thank you, fiancé.”
“So, do you think you’re ready for brunch? You never answered—how are you feeling?”
Zach’s heart was so full. He really couldn’t have wished for a better life than this. “Yeah, I think I’m ready for brunch. And how am I feeling? I feel like I could fly.”
The End