Fear of Flying

27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Drew

Drew was in heaven, absolute heaven. They’d grabbed his bag from his car, and then Zach had pulled out a spare dog crate from his garage while Drew settled on the opposite end of the couch from his mischievous mutt, who of course clambered over the second Drew sat down. When Zach got back from setting up the crate, there were some tough negotiations between Zach and Milo about who was to have Drew’s lap. Zach won, of course, settling down on the couch right next to Drew, but the whole thing—the dog and the domesticity and comfort of it all—made Drew’s heart overflow with the most wonderful emotions he’d ever felt.

“They’re throwing confetti and demanding a picture of us,” Drew said, his phone in his hand with the Discord app open. He couldn’t help how wide his smile was or the slight blush he could feel creeping into his cheeks. Drew snaked his other arm behind Zach and hugged him low across his waist.

“Is that so?” Zach’s grin lit up the room and made Drew’s heart swell. “Well, I guess we’d better give them one so you can tell them you’re all mine for the rest of the day.”

Although he was pretty sure Zach hadn’t meant to sound suggestive, warmth flooded through Drew’s body anyway. Zach shifted slightly so their heads were side by side, and Drew held up his phone to take the picture. At the last second, just before Drew’s thumb hit the button, Zach turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Drew laughed and tapped to look at the picture. God, it made his breath catch. It was perfection—their eyes closed, Zach’s lips on his cheek, and his own face with such a soft and contented smile.

Was this really what it could be like? Always?

Drew stared at the picture for what was probably an embarrassingly long time, but when he turned slightly, he only found Zach quietly watching him, looking like he was feeling the same damn thing.

“Send them that one,” he said softly.

Zach snuggled in closer as Drew navigated to Discord and then to the picture-sharing options. Drew tapped on the image and was about to type out a message when Zach gasped.

“Wait, wait! There were other pictures there!”

Drew froze. He’d been so preoccupied with getting here, getting to Zach, and then being here, that’d he’d nearly forgotten he had them. “I, uh—”

“Send, send! Go ahead and send your message and then gimme your phone.” Zach grinned up at him with a giddy, hopeful smile.

Drew nodded, finished up his message, and sent it, feeling a nervous fluttering in his chest, though thankfully it was tempered by the warmth of Zach’s body still against his. After setting his status to Do Not Disturb, he thumbed his way back to the photo album and hesitated, not giving Zach his phone just yet.

Drew let out a small huff, anxious about Zach’s reaction. He felt the need to explain so he didn’t seem... like a creep. “I, um... I took these before I—before I decided to leave. It wasn’t, um—I’d just wanted to see what it looked like, me holding you, what we looked like together. ”

He handed his phone over, and he felt Zach’s breath catch when Zach finally saw the picture fully. “And what did it look like?” Zach’s voice was a rough whisper, and his eyes were on Drew now.

“Like a dream come true.”

Zach inhaled shakily and wrapped his arms around Drew, holding him tight. His head came to rest against Drew’s chest as though he was trying to hear Drew’s heartbeat.

Zach hadn’t asked for any explanation, or maybe he was planning on waiting until later, but Drew needed to tell him. To let him know how much he’d wanted to stay. To let him know why he’d thought he’d had to leave.

“I was holding every dream and wish I’d ever had right there in my arms,” Drew said, his voice raspy. “And I-I started seeing forever and all the things I’d thought I could never have. So I searched and searched online for everything I’d need to do to move here and be with you. Everything . And—and then I was scared, scared that—”

Zach put a hand on Drew’s chest, right over his heart, and he seemed to be waiting for Drew to find his voice again. God, he didn’t deserve this man’s kindness or forgiveness, or his love.

“I wasn’t sure I’d be able to... come out, to give you the life I know you deserve, one with a partner who’s not hiding. I didn’t want you to have to wait for me if I could never... get there, being out. I didn’t want you to miss out on finding a forever with someone who could be everything for you, who could—”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Zach cut in, and then almost urgently, he moved so that he was straddling Drew’s lap, and he brought his hands up to frame Drew’s face, looking deeply into his eyes. “I want you ,” he whispered.

“I still don’t know if I can do it, but—but I had to just get here. I needed—I need —you. And I’m sorry if—”

“Drew, I love you. Right here, right now, right where you’re at.” Zach took a shuddering breath, dipped his head down and closed his eyes for a second, and then he looked up, meeting Drew’s gaze. “Do you love me?” Zach asked in a shaky voice.

God, Drew hadn’t told him yet, he hadn’t said the words. But his throat was so tight with emotion, he wasn’t sure he could talk. So he nodded, repeatedly, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Then nothing else matters. We’ll figure it out. Together. Whatever you need.” Zach’s thumbs moved across his cheeks to brush away his tears. “I love you, and I want to be with you.”

“I love you too,” Drew managed finally, and something shook loose inside of him, warmth and love and relief and joy all blooming inside his chest.

Zach had tears falling now too, and Drew would have swept them away, but the need to kiss him right then was so fierce. He reached up to frame Zach’s face and tugged Zach down to his lips. It was achingly tender and filled with so much love and affection and everything else all at once. And heat too—his body reminding him what they’d had last week. Drew’s hands held Zach close as their mouths moved in tandem, and Zach seemed to melt into his embrace.

The moment was interrupted by a newly familiar snoring sound, and Drew found himself smiling into the kiss. He captured Zach’s lips one more time before pulling back and glancing over at the other end of the couch. “I guess he thinks we’re pretty boring.”

“I guess so.” Zach laughed, then wiped away a few more stray tears from Drew’s cheeks before letting his hands slide down to Drew’s neck. “Are you okay?”

“Are we okay?”

Zach nodded. “Yeah,” he murmured, bringing one hand up to trace his fingertips across Drew’s brow as though he was trying to smooth away Drew’s worry as easily as he’d taken away the tears. “We’re okay, baby.”

Drew’s heart squeezed. He was still a bit terrified of what the future might hold, but Zach’s tenderness and reassurance made everything feel infinitely safer than it had last week. It felt like he had a parachute, a safe place to land—and now, there wasn’t any rush to jump.

Zach’s perfect blue eyes were searching Drew’s face, his expression holding a bit of wonder, maybe. Wonder and love and desire. And god, he felt the same. Drew closed his eyes as Zach’s hand settled on his cheek again, and then Zach tugged him forward for another kiss. This one was just as perfect as the rest—less charged with heavy emotion but no less meaningful and no less exquisite. Zach’s tongue sought entrance, pressing gently at his lips, and Drew eagerly let him in, loving the way it felt as Zach’s tongue swept through his mouth.

Drew caressed Zach’s jean-clad thighs, both comforted and aroused by the feel of Zach’s solid weight straddling him. As their mouths and tongues and lips teased and soothed and tangled, his arousal began to stir, their heartfelt reunion developing into something more sensual and needy.

God, he needed Zach. The ache was almost painful, so strong that it almost felt selfish, and it made him hesitant to ask. Even as Zach’s lips caressed a path along his jawline and down his neck, clearly indicating Zach’s intentions, Drew wasn’t sure he’d ever feel deserving enough for this love Zach was so freely offering. Zach’s kisses were warm and wet and increasingly more arousing, and Drew couldn’t resist sliding his hands up from Zach’s thighs and around to his backside, pulling him closer against his burgeoning erection.

“Make love to me,” Zach whispered in his ear, nuzzling gently at his neck .

“Always.” His reply was immediate and raw with emotion, and he trembled as Zach pulled back slightly to look in his eyes.

And there was Zach, studying his face again as though he wanted to memorize every inch of it. Drew’s heart twisted at the thought that some part of Zach certainly feared Drew would leave again. But the longer Drew watched his eyes and felt his touch, the more he settled into the sense of trust and love that seemed to be building and growing with every second.

“Bedroom?” Zach murmured into Drew’s ear.

“Yeah,” Drew breathed, a thousand butterflies in his chest taking flight all at once.

Milo let out a particularly loud snore, and they both laughed quietly. “What do you want to do about this guy?” Zach asked. “Crate him? Or let him sleep and trust he’ll be a good boy when he wakes up?”

Drew looked at Milo, so endearing with his multicolored face and the way he had curled up with his head resting on his paws. “He does look pretty sweet and innocent right now.” Drew chuckled at the sound of yet another snore. “He’ll probably be okay?”

Zach nodded and smiled at Milo’s sleeping form before bringing his gaze back to Drew’s face. “C’mon,” he said softly.

They both stood, and Zach took Drew’s hand to lead him down a short hallway and into Zach’s bedroom, closing the door behind them to keep Milo out. It was slightly awkward as they both took turns in the bathroom. Zach needed a bit of extra time—to clean, he’d said. While Drew waited, he stood a bit nervously, unsure if he should wait where he was or get into bed, and if he got into bed, should he get undressed first? He toed off his shoes and took off his socks, at least.

But god, he couldn’t remember being this nervous even for their first time together less than a week ago. He was just about to sit on the bed—because maybe that would be better after all?—when Zach came out of the bathroom wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs, the rest of his gorgeous body on display just for Drew.

Drew’s breath came out in a whoosh, and he swallowed hard. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” Zach replied, the one syllable far huskier sounding than it deserved to be. As he came to stand in front of Drew, he quirked a smile, a teasing glint in his eye. “You’re a bit overdressed there.”

Drew felt heat creep up in his cheeks. “Y-yeah, I wasn’t sure if...”

“It’s okay.” Zach hooked his fingers in Drew’s waistband and pulled him closer, a sultry, playful look in his eyes. “We probably still need some practice undressing each other,” Zach said as his hands slipped under Drew’s shirt.

Drew grinned his agreement and lifted his arms so that Zach could pull his shirt off, and his pulse kicked up a notch as Zach shifted his focus to Drew’s pants, unfastening them and pushing them down off his hips. Zach’s hands then slid under the waistband of Drew’s boxer briefs and cupped his ass cheeks.

And when Zach looked at Drew, some mix of gratitude and love in his eyes, Drew’s heart surged.

“You’re so perfect. So beautiful,” Zach whispered as he trailed his fingers over Drew’s bare skin, tracing delicate lines on muscles as though Drew were some work of art to behold.

Fire tingled under Drew’s skin everywhere Zach had touched, and Drew had yet to move, too distracted and so very reluctant to interrupt. Finally, after Zach’s thorough exploration of his entire torso, Zach finished by framing Drew’s face and pulling him in for a searing kiss.

Bolts of need rocketed through Drew as they kissed. Zach’s hunger for him seemed to be infused in every movement of his lips and tongue and in the way he whimpered into Drew as he brought their bodies into full contact. The light caresses had made him feel cherished and desired, but now he felt claimed.

Oh god, maybe it was desperation—fear that Drew might disappear again if they didn’t stay close enough. Drew slowed their kisses and pulled back slightly. They were both short of breath, and Drew was sure Zach’s heart must be thudding just as strongly as his own.

He took a moment—only a few seconds really—to study Zach’s expression, but he didn’t see any sign of desperation or anxiousness, only raw need. “I love you, Zach. So much,” Drew said, running the backs of his fingers down the side of Zach’s beautiful face. “I’m so grateful, so lucky... Everything makes so much more sense when I’m with you.”

“I love you too.” Zach touched his forehead to Drew’s.

“Zach, I’m sorry I ever—”

“Shh,” Zach soothed, then moved in to silence him with a brief kiss. His voice was rough with emotion when he spoke. “I love you too. And we can talk more about everything later. We have all the time in the world to talk about things, right?”

Drew nodded, and his heart swelled with love and gratitude.

“Right now, I just want to love each other. I want you to make love to me, baby.” Zach pressed another brief kiss to his lips, then he turned slowly and climbed into his bed.

He lay down in the center of the bed, his head on the pillows, and he motioned for Drew to join him. Drew followed eagerly, settling between Zach’s legs and propping himself up with his arms on either side of Zach’s head. They both moaned when their hips came into contact, their firm erections pressing together.

Drew paused there for a moment, staring down at Zach. He felt like the luckiest man in the world. Zach had made him feel so cherished earlier, and Drew wanted to do the same for Zach, to take his time exploring Zach’s body and learning it all over again. But when he dipped down to kiss him, the slow, tender touch of their lips deepened quickly, as though their fire and passion for each other, which had built up during all the days they’d been apart, had now been unleashed.

Their kisses became hungrier and slightly desperate, and Drew felt an urgent need to touch and kiss every part of Zach’s body. His hands and lips moved, explored, but his journey was nowhere near as slow and delicate as Zach’s had been. And all the sounds Zach was making—all the intoxicating whimpers and moans—only further fueled Drew’s passion.

By the time Drew had reached Zach’s hips, Zach was writhing with pleasure. Zach’s hands searched until they found Drew’s face, and Zach pulled him up for a fierce kiss. “Touch me... Ah god, Drew, I need you to touch me. Now. Th-the lube... in the nightstand.”

Zach’s eager plea sent sharp threads of desire straight to Drew’s groin and down through to his toes. He dipped in for a rushed and sloppy kiss of agreement, then quickly retrieved the lube from the nightstand, his dick twitching at the sight of several toys he wanted to hear more about later. But at Zach’s insistent tug on the waistband of Drew’s briefs, Drew groaned, closed the drawer, and scooted back to the middle of the bed.

He knelt between Zach’s legs and set the lube next to them on the comforter. Then with trembling hands, he reached out and carefully pulled Zach’s briefs off, freeing his rock-hard erection. The sight of it, so swollen and so perfect, made him moan, his own dick straining uncomfortably against his briefs. He had the urge to take them off as well, but he wanted to pleasure Zach first, and he needed that added pressure to help keep him from coming too soon.

He dipped down to kiss Zach’s crown and taste the salty sweetness of the precum leaking from his slit. They both moaned, and Drew took more of his lover’s shaft into his mouth, in and then out again, as far as he could go. The taste and feel of Zach’s dick were irresistible, and the memories of their time in Pittsburgh flooded through him and hit him squarely in the heart, even more so when Zach cried out his name.

As wonderful as this felt, though, it wasn’t what either of them really wanted, so Drew let Zach’s dick slide out of his mouth all the way this time. Then he settled back on his heels and grabbed the lube. “Put your knees up, baby,” Drew told him, his voice much deeper and huskier than he was used to hearing.

He could hear Zach’s shallow breathing, his eagerness for Drew’s touch obvious. Drew squirted some lube directly on Zach’s hole, letting his fingers catch up some of the excess. Zach inhaled sharply at Drew’s first touch glancing over his sensitive skin. “Oh god, baby. Please... please, touch me.”

At Zach’s words, Drew started rubbing slow circles on and around his tight opening, letting Zach’s whimpers and gasps and moans guide him as he started slowly but lightly pressing into him. God, his own dick was throbbing so hard. Zach was so aroused, his muscles so relaxed, that it didn’t take Drew long to insert one finger and then a second. Drew continued in a slow rhythm, thrusting his fingers in and out of Zach’s tight passage.

Even though it wasn’t the first time Drew had fingered Zach, slowly and lovingly opening him and stretching him, Drew was struck anew by how intimate and profound the act was. His body was thrumming, every nerve ending alive and wanting, and his heart—oh, his heart felt like it was going to burst, their connection so full and so deep.

As the feeling continued building, it was almost too much for both of them, and Drew let his fingers slip from Zach’s hole before moving to collapse next to him so they were face-to-face. It took a minute or two for both of them to catch their breaths .

Zach cupped Drew’s cheek and tugged him in for a kiss, and then another. “Oh god, you make me feel so good, so loved.” He rested his forehead against Drew’s for a moment, then blew out a short breath. “I’m ready, baby. I need to feel you inside me.”

“Me too. God, I missed you so much,” Drew rasped.

He slipped off his briefs and then carefully shifted over Zach once more, one arm propping him up as he settled himself on his knees between his lover’s legs. “Ah, shoot. Baby, get me the lube, please?”

Zach put a hand down on the comforter, craning his head a bit to look, and quickly found the bottle. Then Drew held out his hand, and Zach squeezed some out, closed the bottle, and set it aside again. Drew reached down to lube up his dick, inhaling sharply at the intense sensation as he stroked himself. He let the breath out slowly, and with his rigid shaft in hand, he leaned in and found Zach’s ready hole, circling it with the tip of his dick.

Zach moaned loudly, and Drew could tell by Zach’s slight shaking that he was doing his best not to writhe too much. After another second or so, Drew looked down to guide himself in slowly, just a little, and then raised his head again to find Zach’s eyes. They were screwed shut, Zach’s head pushed back into his pillow and his breath coming in short pants. But then Zach opened his eyes again and nodded as he blew out a slow breath.

Drew’s chest felt tight with emotion, and he looked back down briefly as he pushed in the rest of the way, stopping when he was fully sheathed in Zach’s tight passage. He started trembling slightly and lowered himself down to capture Zach’s lips in a tearful, nearly breathless kiss.

“God, I love you,” Drew whispered, and Zach’s only response in the moment was to pull him back in for another kiss and wrap his legs around Drew’s hips as Drew started thrusting .

“Oh, baby . . . ohhhh goddd. So good . . . so good . . .” Zach cried, his hands finding their way to Drew’s ass cheeks.

“Fuck, you feel so good, so tight.” Drew withdrew nearly all the way and then thrust back in, making Zach whimper and beg for more.

As much as Drew wanted this to last, for this moment of connection and belonging and ecstasy to go on forever and forever, he was too close to coming apart. And with the way Zach’s dick was leaking all over his chest and the way he kept moaning Drew’s name, Zach had to be close too.

Drew thrust faster and faster, their cries and moans mixing together so he didn’t know anymore which were his. And when he felt Zach tighten around him with another long, low moan, Drew came undone. It was an explosion of light and sensation, his dick pulsing as he emptied himself into his lover. Then, utterly spent and weak, he collapsed onto Zach, somehow finding enough awareness to rest at least part of his weight on his elbows.

Zach was still trembling with ecstasy, still coming down from his rapture. And so Drew fluttered kisses along his shoulder and collarbone and neck and up to his jaw, whispering “I love you” over and over again until he felt Zach’s hands on either side of his face, pulling him up for a kiss that was desperate and deep. When Zach came back up for air, Drew pulled away slightly so he could look in Zach’s eyes.

Zach smiled a watery, blissed-out smile and said, “Fuck, I love you.” He kissed Drew again. “I love you so much.”

Drew let out a breathy laugh. “I love you too,” he murmured, and then he shifted slightly and rolled them both to their sides, his spent dick slipping out of Zach. He pressed a kiss to Zach’s shoulder and then hummed with contentment. “I love you too.”

He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, maybe only minutes, until his heart was no longer thudding in his chest and his pulse no longer pounding in his ears, but he eventually heard a scratching sound and whimpering at the bedroom door. His mind was working slowly, so it took him another second to realize what the unfamiliar noise was.

“Shit! Milo!” he said with a start.

“Huh?” Zach said, mildly alarmed and still very clearly blissed out.

“Milo’s scratching at the door, and whining too.”

There was a second of silence and then a long howl, and they both burst into giggles, Drew burying his head into Zach’s shoulder. Neither of them could stop laughing, even when Milo howled again.

Zach patted Drew’s shoulder. “C’mon, c’mon, we need to get up and let the poor guy in,” he said through his laughter.

Getting up and letting the dog in wasn’t all that simple, considering there was still a fair amount of clean up. They did their best, though, figuring a quick rinse off in the shower would be fastest—a time when, as Drew was sure to point out, showering together really did save water. After drying off, they both threw on some pajama pants, and then Drew went to the bedroom door to let Milo in.

The hound padded through the doorway, his head bobbing slightly as he sniffed the air. He shook his head and let out some sort of sneeze or chuff and looked back and forth between Drew and Zach. And then, without warning, he started howling again—a long and almost-melodious howl, punctuated by a few barks and ending with another chuff.

Drew turned to meet Zach’s eyes, and there was silence for a moment.

“Dude, did he just yell at us?” Zach asked, incredulous and amused.

“It sure sounded like it, didn’t it?! ”

They both laughed again, and Milo responded by making a beeline for the bed, jumping up, and settling smack dab in the middle, which only made them laugh harder. Drew was hanging on to Zach’s shoulder, almost doubled over with laughter.

Finally, they both straightened up, and Drew swiped the tears from his cheeks. They failed to convince Milo to get off the bed, and every forcible removal of the eighty-five-pound dog just ended with him hopping back up. Drew insisted to Zach that Milo was well-trained and had always been well-behaved at the rescue, and Zach just laughed some more. They eventually negotiated with Milo for him to use the lower left corner of the bed so that Drew and Zach could actually cuddle up together.

Once they were all settled back in bed, Zach snuggled into the crook of Drew’s shoulder, legs entangled and arms holding each other close—and Milo curled up in his assigned corner—Drew let out a deep but contented sigh.

“What are you thinking about?” Zach asked as he traced an aimless pattern on Drew’s chest.

“Would you be mad if I said I was about to drop off to sleep?”

Zach chuckled lightly, the whiff of air tickling Drew’s skin. “Did I wear you out?” Zach teased.

“Mmm, definitely.” Drew smiled lazily and kissed Zach’s forehead. “But also, Milo and I kinda pulled an all-nighter.”

“What?” Zach asked, shifting to look up at Drew.

He felt his cheeks heat up. “Uh, yeah. I, um, would have been here yesterday, but I had a shift at the shelter, and it was an adoption event on top of that, so I—”

“You had to go. I understand.” Zach nodded against Drew’s chest. “But why didn’t you sleep?”

“Because being without you hurt, like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and I-I was prepared to live with that, to make sure that I wasn’t standing in your way of finding someone who could be what you wanted—”

“I just wanted you ,” Zach whispered, his arm squeezing tighter around Drew’s chest and his hand coming up to so tenderly wipe the tears from Drew’s cheeks.

“I know. I know that now...” Drew sniffled and kissed Zach’s forehead again. “I just—I had myself convinced that you were better off without me, and we’ll, um, have to have a long talk about my parents later. But, um, god, this is a longer story—and I’ll tell you everything, I want to share everything with you—but the point is, I finally realized that I had to try, that if I loved you at all, I had to try. And once I made that decision, to drive here, I couldn’t sleep knowing that every second was one I could spend getting back to you.”

Zach sniffled, but an endearing grin crept across his face. “You know, flying might have been faster.”

Drew chuckled, his heart feeling lighter already. “Yeah, but Milo here’s afraid of flying.”

Zach laughed and shifted slightly so he was facing Drew more fully, and his hand came up to cup Drew’s cheek. “Did you offer to hold his paw and tell him it’s the safest way to travel, statistically speaking?”

“Mm-hmm.” Drew nodded. “Still wouldn’t go for it.”

“Can’t say I blame him. I wouldn’t fly either if I couldn’t sit next to you.”

Something about the slight tremble in Zach’s voice made Drew stop for a moment, his brow furrowing as he regarded Zach more closely.

A rueful smile crossed Zach’s face, and he looked away for a moment. “When you—when I—” He seemed to struggle to find the right words, but he continued when their eyes met again. “I rented a car and drove home from Pittsburgh,” he said quietly, a hint of shame in his voice that tore at Drew’s heart.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. I’m—” God, he hated himself for putting Zach through that.

Zach shook his head against Drew’s shoulder and stroked his thumb across Drew’s cheek. “It’s—you couldn’t have known. My massive anxiety isn’t your fault, and it’s actually kind of a hassle, a-a burden sometimes—”

“Zach,” Drew cut in, his heart hurting to hear the defeat and shame in Zach’s voice when he talked about himself. “Didn’t you just tell me that you loved me—right here, right now, right where I’m at?”

Drew felt Zach’s breath hitch and watched as his brow furrowed and his eyes shimmered with tears. Zach nodded, his hand slipping back down to Drew’s chest.

“Then what makes you think the same doesn’t go for you? Whatever you need. We’ll figure it out together, right?”

Zach let out a breathy sob. “Right.”

Drew dipped in for another kiss, something soft and tender and full of promise. A promise that he would never leave again. A promise that he would give Zach everything he could, and Zach would do the same in return. A promise that, as long as they were together, they could face anything.

“So maybe we can... promise to fly together from now on?” Drew asked softly.

A smile stretched across Zach’s face. “Sure thing, Superman.”