Chapter 5
Hard Decisions
ARES
Ididn’t sleep a wink.
I made the mistake of taking the room next to Lev’s, and rather than letting sleep take me under; I spent most of the night straining to listen to any noise coming from the room next door.
All I can say is that whoever said that modern houses are built with shitty insulation hasn’t spent a night in this house. Not a single fucking peep.
At some point I thought I heard them talking, but I can’t be one hundred percent sure.
I spent most of the night tossing and turning in bed. My brain refused to shut down. Anger, remorse, jealousy, and fear kept me up.
When I heard Chance and Lev getting up to go to practice—funny how I couldn’t hear their conversation with Zara last night for shit, but they went down the stairs with the gentleness of a herd of buffaloes running to a watering hole—I gave up on trying to sleep and I came downstairs.
I spent a couple of hours in the kitchen drinking coffee and thinking about what I wanted to say to them. Especially to Zara.
Then I decided to make use of the state-of-the-art kitchen that I’m pretty sure has been just used by the personal chef Lev’s parents pay to leave freshly cooked meals in their freezer.
I saw a waffle maker next to the Keurig, and since the fridge and the pantry are stocked with everything one might want; I thought I’d make breakfast. I even let Chance know that they don’t need to bring anything from outside.
They should be back any minute now, and I have a huge plate of waffles staying warm in the oven. I cook a whole family pack of bacon and I’m scrambling some eggs when I realize that I’m no longer alone in the kitchen.
The feeling of being watched makes me turn around.
Zara has just entered the kitchen in a t-shirt three sizes too big for her, her bare feet making no noise on the tiled floor.
She stops when she spots me, frozen in place like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights.
I turn back to the pan of eggs I’m stirring, and she approaches me cautiously, stopping a couple of steps behind me.
“Here,” I open the oven and grab a piece of bacon, offering it to her.
She accepts it with a small smile curving the corners of her soft lips. Every time we’ve had breakfast at our parents’ house, I noticed how Zara can never resist the bacon, especially if it’s crispy.
“Thank you.”
The eggs are ready, so I turn them off. I have plates warming up in the oven too.
“Coffee?”
When she nods, I press the start button on the coffeemaker.
I can’t take my eyes off of her while she nibbles on the bacon. Maybe it’s a little rude to stare at her like this, but the truth is that since the day we met, Zara has had my attention, no matter what.
She uses the hem of her shirt to clean the grease off her fingers, and I’m about to tell her that we have napkins or kitchen paper, but she speaks before I can.
“Ares, before Chance and Lev get here and before this whole thing turns into another fight, I owe you an apology.”
I open my mouth to tell her that I think I’m the one who should apologize for how I talked to her yesterday when I walked in on the three of them.
“No, please.” She stops me. “Before you say anything, let me say what I need to. I should have told you I was JJ. I was going to a couple of times. But I always chickened out because I was scared of how you would react.”
When I don’t say anything, she continues.
“The truth is that I have no idea who tried to hit me in Bridgeport. So I didn’t think it would help you a great deal to know it was me on that old Aprilia.
After everything went down, I ran because I was terrified of what my mom would do if she saw me on that racetrack. I even left my old bike behind.”
I’ve spent the last two years hoping that whenever I found the elusive JJ Smith, he could tell me who ended up killing my brother in the attempt to hurt him. I joined the police force to have access to more resources to find Smith.
The disappointment must be written all over my face, because Zara apologizes again.
“I’m so sorry, Ares. I understand if you’re angry. Even if I have no idea why someone would want to hurt me, I blame myself for what happened to Atlas. If I hadn’t been on that racetrack, maybe he would be here now.”
Fuck.
I close the distance between us in two short strides. Her hand is so small when I take it into mine.
“None of what happened in Bridgeport is your fault. All this time, I wanted to find JJ Smith in the hopes that he would know who could be trying to come after him. That’s the only reason why I wanted to talk to him.
I never thought that he was responsible for what happened.
The only person who’s responsible is the person who tried to ram into you. ”
Her eyes are two huge pools of barely contained tears when our gazes meet. “Really? You don’t hate me?”
“Hate you?” How could I have fucked this up so badly that she can think, even for one minute, that I could ever hate her?
I pull her closer, and I’m relieved when she doesn’t fight me.
“Princess, I could never hate you. I love you, Zara. I’ve loved you from the second I saw you.
Fuck knows I’ve tried to resist this feeling, but I never stood a chance.
I love you so much that it hurts, and I hope that yesterday I wasn’t too much of an asshole for you to ever forgive me.
The things I said to you when I saw you with them…
I have no justification other than that I was jealous.
Even so, I should have never spoken to you like that. I hope you can forgive me?”
She surrounds my neck with her arms, her soft chest touching mine. “I love you too, Ares. And of course I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean it.”
All I want to do is kiss her, but I know she’s holding something back. “What? Whatever you need to say, princess, I want to hear it.”
Her expression is cautious. “If things between us are going to work,” her tone is cautious but firm. “I need you to understand that I’m not going to choose. I love you with all my heart, but I feel exactly the same way about Chance and Lev.”
I knew this was coming.
“I can share your heart with them.” I say honestly. “But I don’t know if I can share you with them.”
Zara understands exactly what I mean. “That’s all I can ask of you. But I need you to work on this for real. The fact that I love them doesn’t mean that I love you any less. I know it sounds crazy, but I love each of you completely. I need to know that you don’t feel betrayed by this.”
Her hand cups my jaw, and something in my chest loosens.
Since I lost Atlas, I have erected walls around me, and my heart has been coated by a thick layer of ice.
I was aware that it was a way to protect myself when I was hurting so much that I had nothing to give.
Zara has made those walls fall one by one, and I can almost feel that ice, that last layer of defense, melt when she stands on the tips of her toes to touch my lips with hers.
My entire body reacts to that kiss as I close my arms around her.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for Zara. I would give anything to make her happy and to keep her safe.
“You’re so soft.” I whisper, pressing her tighter to me.
“And you’re so… hard.”
It’s true. I’m as hard as a rock. All I want is to carry my princess upstairs and show her just how much I love her.
I grab the back of one of her thighs, lifting it to my hip and grinding into her. The groan that echoes in the kitchen comes from both of us.
Breakfast is ready, and Chance and Lev are on their way home. I don’t think we have time to do anything about the mutual desire that’s charging the air around us with electricity.
“Ares.” She nips at my bottom lip, and I can’t even think straight anymore.
Fuck it. I’m going to take Zara upstairs, and if my brother and Lev get home before we’re back downstairs, they can help themselves to the food. I’m hungry for something totally different right now.
Before I can act on my decision, the noise of someone clearing their throat tells me that I should have acted a few seconds ago.
Chance
“Something smells good in here.” I say, entering Lev’s kitchen.
Practice was more grueling than usual, and I’m absolutely starving, but my need for food is momentarily forgotten when I see Ares and Zara kissing in the middle of the kitchen.
Does that mean that Ares didn’t yell at her about racing? Relief floods me at that thought. I don’t care if Ares yells at me and Lev. I don’t give a shit if he fucking arrests us. As long as he doesn’t cause trouble for Zara, I can deal with any other consequences.
More than kissing, they were full on making out; at least judging by the way he has her leg up against his hip.
“Get a room, you two.” I chuckle when I meet my brother’s glare.
“Fucking cockblock.” Ares bites out. “It was just what we were about to do if you had had the decency of being ten minutes later.”
I can’t resist the urge to give him shit about it.
“Ten minutes is all you can last?” I provoke him.
Ares lowers Zara’s leg, turning fully to glare at me. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I can last all night. Unlike you though, I can make Zara come multiple times in ten minutes.”
Laugh rumbles out of me. “Are you challenging me?”
“That’s the kind of challenge I like.” Lev smirks. “I can do better than both of you combined.”
Ares’s scowl deepens. “I would love nothing more than to win any challenge you two want to throw my way. But Zara needs to eat something, and we have a lot to talk about.”
“Fucking killjoy.” I roll my eyes, but my stomach grumbles at the idea of breakfast.
“Takes one to know one.” Ares bites back, adjusting the obvious bulge in his sweatpants. “Make yourself useful and help me bring the food to the table rather than being a gigantic pain in my ass.”
We all work together, bringing several serving platters to the kitchen table.