Chapter 29
QUINN
Yesterday had been a shitshow from start to finish.
After fleeing the cottage in the morning, I’d been distracted all day, providing less than stellar care to the full schedule of patients I saw thanks to the fact that I was now the only doctor in Starlight Cove.
I didn’t know what the future of the clinic would be, and I certainly didn’t expect Mrs. Dinsmore to already know what her plans were when her husband had just died.
And after my fight with Ford, it was the last thing on my mind.
At one time, it had been my sole focus. My only goal.
But now, I couldn’t even muster up the bare minimum of interest in what the future might hold.
Not when my heart was cracked and bleeding, and the only person I wanted to go to for comfort was the one who’d hurt me in the first place.
I’d had all day yesterday to come to terms with what had happened.
With my overreaction and my failure to let Ford explain.
Worse was that I hadn’t even asked him to.
I’d jumped to conclusions and fled. I’d known the circumstances had made it ripe for me to spiral, but knowing it and being able to do something about it—being able to stop it—were two very different things.
Last night after work, after I’d had time to calm down and ignore those voices in my head, I’d gone back to the cottage with the intention of talking to him and getting everything out in the open.
Figuring out where the hell we stood and where we went from here.
Because real or not, we were married, and that meant deciding our future wasn’t going to be easy.
I’d stayed up until 2 a.m., sitting in the chair in the living room and staring out the window, waiting for his headlights to shine through. Only, his Jeep never pulled up in front of the cottage. He never stepped inside. We never talked.
Because Ford never came home.
I’d been called an old soul more than once in my life, but I was certain that descriptor had less to do with my soul and more to do with the childhood I’d somehow survived. In my experience, old souls were just people who’d lived more in their short lives than most did over the course of decades.
And in my short life, the lesson I’d learned over and over again was that people didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved—with confidence and assurances and unwavering loyalty… I’d learned that people didn’t choose me.
Ford had just reiterated what I already knew.
No matter how many therapist visits I’d gone to, or how many years had passed since I’d become aware of those negative thoughts and actively worked against them, they were still my default, especially in times of high stress.
Still the whisper in the back of my mind that reminded me of all my faults. Of all the reasons Ford wouldn’t stay.
Of course he wouldn’t stay…
I didn’t know where he’d spent the night, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask Beck, too scared of what he’d say. That Ford was with that other woman. That I’d finally pushed him away. That he’d realized I wasn’t worth the trouble.
That none of this had been worth the trouble.
So, I’d avoided. I’d barely slept and had left before the sun had even risen.
I’d taken a sunrise yoga class with Luna on the beach, then headed into town with the sole purpose of keeping my mind occupied all day.
It was Saturday, so the clinic was closed, which meant I couldn’t even fall back on work to fill my time.
Instead, I swung by the café on Main Street, picked up a latte and a muffin, and headed to the gazebo in the park. Maybe not my best idea since I had a front row view of the firehouse from here, but Ford wasn’t on duty today, so at least I didn’t have to worry about seeing him.
Climbing the steps and settling onto the bench that wrapped around the interior of the gazebo felt like déjà vu. In high school, this was the place I’d escaped to when I’d been avoiding going home.
And there had been a lot of nights I’d avoided going home.
I’d loved the peace of it here, with the distant lullaby of the ocean and the hum of Starlight Cove residents as they wandered the streets of downtown.
But mostly, I’d just loved that my parents weren’t there.
That I didn’t have to listen to their thinly veiled insults tearing me down.
Reminding me I wasn’t good enough. That I’d never be good enough.
It had always been quiet and serene here…
Or it had been whenever Ford hadn’t been nearby, which he’d tended to be with alarming frequency.
Of all the times I’d wanted to strangle him with my bare hands—and I’d wanted to do that a lot—at least half of them had happened right here.
Where he’d argued with me about absolutely nothing while playing catch with his brother.
One time, he’d debated me for fifteen minutes about the pen I’d been using on my homework, as if it had caused him personal distress.
How sad was it that I wanted to have those stupid arguments with him again? Wanted that low-level hum of competition that always radiated between us. Wanted the safety, the familiarity our relationship had been providing me for years, even before this fake marriage.
I couldn’t stop the tears from filling my eyes, but I bit my lip to keep them from falling and swallowed down the lump in my throat.
The last thing I needed was someone showing up and asking why I was crying.
So I put myself back together, sorting everything I was feeling about Ford into a neat little box and closing the lid tight.
When I finally had control of my emotions, I took a sip of my latte and stubbornly pretended I’d been successful at shoving Ford out of my mind. I could do that all day.
“Well, I thought that was my previous tenant out here!”
I turned my gaze toward the voice. Mabel waved, strolling toward me wearing a leopard tracksuit and a matching visor.
I forced a smile to my face even as my stomach churned and dread filled me. Had word already spread about what had happened with Ford and me? God, was Mabel here to interview me for a Live? Ask me about my fake marriage and what I thought about my husband hooking up with some random woman already?
I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.
But one glance at her empty hands, free of any recording device, had me exhaling a deep sigh of relief.
“Hey, Mabel.”
“Hey yourself!” She climbed the stairs before taking the seat next to me and giving my knee a pat.
“How are things going with that hunky firefighter husband of yours?” Before I could answer, she continued, “Really damn good, I imagine.” She elbowed me in the side and waggled her brows as if I hadn’t caught her meaning. “Is he at the firehouse today?”
“No, he’s…with Beck.” I hoped she didn’t catch the stumble in my words or pick up on the fact that I was lying through my teeth. Because, no, I didn’t know where my husband was.
She hummed in acknowledgment and shot me a bright smile.
“I’m so happy for you both. After knowing you since you were babies…
Well, it makes this a whole lot sweeter.
You left for college before you could really settle into yourself—and thank God for that…
gave you a chance to get away from your parents for a bit and blossom into the amazing woman you are… ”
I snapped my gaze to hers, trying to read in her expression if she’d meant that how it had sounded.
My parents had always put on a show for everyone else and had no problem making me out to be the issue.
They were so good at it, so convincing, that I hadn’t stopped to question if maybe not everyone had believed them.
Before I could ask her anything about it, she continued, “But I was lucky enough to watch your husband grow up into the man he is. Watched him wander around, too,” she said wryly, “trying to figure out what it was he was searching for. But I think we both know it was you.”
I blew out a humorless laugh. “I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say that.”
“Oh, honey. That boy’s been smitten for years . Might’ve been too dumb to say anything, but sometimes we women make them stupid. And there’s no doubt that man is stupid in love.”
“I’m not—” I cut myself off before I could finish the rest of that sentence, because what could I say?
That I wasn’t who he wanted? That he didn’t love me?
Even if those statements were true, I was his wife in the eyes of everyone in this town.
From their perspective, of course he was in love with me.
“Well, I’ve gotta run.” She patted my knee again and pushed to stand. “Would you mind letting your husband know the picture he wanted should be delivered to you soon?”
“Picture?”
“Yes! He didn’t tell you? It’s your first kiss as a married couple.
The one from the front page. Boy, let me tell you, when he cornered me after that was printed, I thought for sure he was going to tear me up one side and down the other.
” She clucked her tongue. “Could’ve knocked me over with a feather when he said he just wanted a copy—one for his phone and a print for the cottage—and if I got him both, he’d let my stalking slide and wouldn’t mention it to Brady.
Heaven knows I don’t need any more trouble with the sheriff… ”
My brows furrowed as I registered everything she’d said. “Ford asked for that?”
“Sure did.” She grinned then gave a slow shake of her head.
“I never thought I’d see the day Ford McKenzie voluntarily displayed a picture of himself and a woman on his phone for the whole world to see, but here we are.
He enjoyed sampling the wares, if you know what I mean.
Nothing wrong with that! I did a little of it in my day.
But as soon as George and I had our first date, that was it.
I’m not surprised Ford was the same. As soon as you came back into town, it was game over for him.
But of course, after the crush he had on you in high school, that’s to be expected. ”
“Crush…”
“Oh sure, like you didn’t know.” She smirked at me. “And it was no surprise that continued, especially when you’ve grown into such a gorgeous, kind, intelligent woman that anyone with half a brain cell would be proud of. He didn’t stand a chance, now did he?”
That damn lump was back in my throat, and I worked overtime trying to swallow it down.
Trying to make sense of what she’d said, but everything was getting jumbled up, too much information at once.
Ford hadn’t had a crush on me in high school…
He’d driven me to the brink of insanity, and I’d been downright cruel to him.
And the picture he wanted? That didn’t necessarily mean anything.
Of course he’d have proof of his wife when we were trying to make this ruse a reality to everyone around us. Of course it wasn’t real.
“Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I ordered more of that strawberry lube. I’m sure you two’ve already gone through what I gave you…
” She sighed, a dreamy, far-off look on her face.
“I remember when George and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other in that honeymoon stage.
But don’t you worry—my supply should be restocked lickety-split. ”
And then, before I could tell her there wasn’t any lube use in our future, she took off, leaving me staring after her, my thoughts chaotic.
Ford…crushing on me in high school? Ridiculous. And absolutely not true. It couldn’t be…
But before I could focus more on that, my phone pinged with an incoming text.
Luna:
I think you left your water bottle down at the beach this morning. Purple?
“Dammit,” I muttered before typing a response.
Quinn:
Yeah, that’s mine.
Luna:
I thought so! I’ll leave it at the main inn for you.
Quinn:
Thank you. And thanks for the class this morning. I had a lot of fun.
Luna:
Anytime. I mean that.
There was no way Luna had known what had gone on with Ford and me, but she’d been extra gentle with me this morning, shooting me concerned looks whenever she thought I wasn’t looking.
So I definitely looked like a mess. And I had no interest in seeing Ford yet if my pain was written all over my face.
But I needed to pick it up, and at least doing so would occupy my mind for a little while. After I grabbed it, I could go for a walk on the beach. Let it soothe me in the way it always did.
And the chance I’d run into Ford at the main inn when he wasn’t working today was slim to none. That made it a safe bet in my mind.