Chapter 30
FORD
The place I had always escaped to was losing its charm because I didn’t feel even a tiny bit better the following morning.
Normally, after an entire day to myself with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, I would’ve worked my way out of my funk.
Would’ve gotten over whatever was bothering me and gotten back to the status quo.
Instead, I still felt like shit. Still felt this ache in my chest, this emptiness that had Quinn’s name branded on it.
And I had no idea what the hell to do about that.
I sat in the hammock, my legs hanging over the side as I stared out at the glittering path the sun made on the surface of the ocean. It wasn’t long before the sound of shoes crunching over the forest floor reached me, and I didn’t even have to turn my head in that direction to know who it was.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at the farmers market?” I asked as I swung back and forth, not bothering to lift my gaze to his.
“Made an exception this week.”
“How’d you find me?”
Beck walked up and took a seat in the empty space next to me, the hammock halting its rhythm until he got settled and pushed us to swing again.
“It wasn’t hard. If you’re hiding, maybe don’t go to the same place you always do when shit gets too real.
” He scratched his jaw. “And also not a place Brady drives through every night for welfare checks. He sent me a text last night to let me know you were here.”
I blew out a frustrated breath. I loved my siblings. Didn’t know what I’d do without them. But Jesus Christ, they irritated the shit out of me sometimes. Couldn’t they ever leave well enough alone?
“I figured my coming out here was a big enough hint to stay away.”
He shrugged, his shoulder brushing against mine. “I gave you till the morning.”
“How generous of you,” I said flatly.
“I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re not out here because the asshole doctor died.”
I breathed out a humorless laugh. “Not exactly.”
Although, in a roundabout way, all this pain was his fault.
If he hadn’t made his stupid stipulation and Quinn and I hadn’t gotten married, I could’ve gone on living in blissful ignorance, chasing a high I didn’t know I’d found in her, all while my dick ignored every other woman in existence.
It would’ve been a lonely life, but at least it wouldn’t have been painful.
“What’s going on?” he asked, all teasing gone from his tone.
I didn’t want to tell him. It wasn’t like he’d be able to fix it anyway. And I didn’t want to admit it. Didn’t want to voice aloud that it was over. Because maybe if I didn’t say it, it wouldn’t be true…
He jabbed an elbow in my side. “Well?”
I shrugged like what I was saying wasn’t a big deal. Like the two words weren’t tearing me up inside. “We’re done.”
“You’re…done.”
“Yep.”
“Are…you gonna tell me any more? Or do I have to guess what the hell is going on?”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “She said I wasn’t built for forever. That we weren’t forever, then she stormed out of the cottage like her ass was on fire. Like she couldn’t get away fast enough.”
“I thought you weren’t forever. Wasn’t the whole point of this idiotic plan just to be temporary?”
“Thanks for reminding me I was an idiot.”
“No problem.”
I shook my head. “You and I both know the whole temporary clause was a crock of shit. I was all in from the beginning. You knew it, and I refused to acknowledge it. But I’m not in the mood for I told you so.”
“Good because I wasn’t going to say it.”
I cracked open one eye and glanced over at him. “Why not?”
“Why would I? I’m not an asshole.” He paused, then said, “Not all the time.”
“No, but it’s the truth. You called this from day fucking one. Said I shouldn’t go through with it because I was already in too far. You were right.”
“I didn’t want to be.”
“Doesn’t matter. You were. I was in too deep, and she wasn’t in nearly deep enough.”
“I find it hard to believe it’s over just like that. Have you tried—oh, I don’t know—actually talking to her?”
“It wouldn’t matter even if I did. She already made up her mind about me.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“She saw our contract on the counter, and then she saw a text from someone and assumed the worst about both.”
“The contract’s not usually out?”
“No. Usually, it’s tucked away in my pocket because I’m so fucking gone for her I act like some kind of love-sick idiot. But I was in such a hurry to make sure she was all right last night that I emptied it out of my pockets along with everything else.”
“That seems reasonable. A little weird, but reasonable. Who was the text from?”
“Jenny.”
“Who the fuck is Jenny?”
I blew out a humorless laugh. Yeah…exactly. The woman hadn’t even ranked in importance enough for me to tell my twin about her, which was to say she wasn’t important at all. “Someone I hooked up with a while ago.”
“Obviously pre-marriage…”
“Try pre-last year.”
“And?”
“ And Quinn thought I was…I don’t know. Cheating on her? Or I was going to? I have no fucking idea.”
“So what? You obviously weren’t, so just tell her that.”
“So what?” I asked incredulously. “ So what ? So I opened myself up to someone other than you for the first time in my entire fucking life. I cracked my heart in two and laid it at her feet…showed her who I am—who I really am and not who I project to everyone else. I showed her me , and she either didn’t care enough to see it or decided she didn’t like what she saw. So that’s what .”
Beck blew out a long sigh and shook his head.
“Look, man, I don’t know how things are between you two behind closed doors.
And I don’t know what her history is or what kind of baggage she’s got, but we’ve all got shit.
I’m going to hazard a guess and say she felt like she was backed into a corner.
And people don’t always think rationally when they’re backed into a corner.
” He gestured to our surroundings. “Case in point—your dumb ass out here because you’re scared. ”
“I’m not scared.”
“No? Then you’re hurt. Or you’re just being an idiot. Or you can’t figure out how to own your shit and come out and tell her you love her. Take your pick.”
“I never said I loved her.”
Beck rolled his eyes so hard, I could’ve sworn I actually heard them.
“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.
But I’m guessing if she’s feeling insecure enough about your relationship that a random text from another woman was sufficient to set her off, you haven’t bothered to tell her that you’ve been obsessed with her for half your life. ”
“For the last fucking time, I’m not obsessed with her. Jesus, you make me sound like a stalker.”
“ Fine …you’ve been into her for half your life. Better?”
No, that wasn’t fucking better because that made this even worse. Made this loss hit all that much harder. Because she was all I wanted. All I’d wanted for years , and it’d taken me until recently to realize it.
To realize it, only to lose her in the end.
“You’re being an idiot,” Beck said.
“Awesome,” I said flatly. “Great pep talk. Thanks for that.”
“You want a pep talk? Fine. This is crunch time—which you should know, based on the number of romances you steal from Everly—”
“I don’t steal them!”
“—when the two idiots in the book can’t figure out their shit and they break things off because they’re too scared or too stupid to talk it out.
Except this isn’t a book. This is happening in real life, in real time.
And you’ve got to decide if you’re going to be the dumbass who buries his head in the sand and lets the best thing that’s ever happened to you slip through your fingers, or if you’re going to pull your head out of your ass and actually fight for something for once in your life. ”
He pushed himself out of the hammock and stood in front of me, blocking the sun’s glare as he stared down at me. “This isn’t going to be handed to you, man. Not like everything else in your life has been. If you want this bad enough, you’re actually going to have to fight for it.”
* * *
It took me all of twenty minutes after Beck left to come to my senses. My twin was a man of few words, which meant the ones he used generally held weight and should be listened to. So, I did.
And…he’d been right.
No two ways about it. Hadn’t I said the same thing to Cassidy at little league practice?
That we all had off days, but the point was to show up and try again.
That you didn’t give up if it was something you loved.
And instead of loving Quinn like I needed to—like she needed me to—I’d been ready to give up.
Ready to shove my head in the sand instead of facing things and putting in the work.
I was so used to things coming easily for me that I didn’t know what to do when I was presented with an actual challenge. And my wife was nothing if not a challenge—I loved that part of her. And she was a challenge I would gladly face every day for the rest of my life.
First, though, I had to make sure I had the rest of my life with her. I just had no fucking idea how to go about doing that. Not when I’d already been loving her every day of the past nearly eight weeks. I didn’t know how else to show her that.
But I was going to have to figure that shit out because I wasn’t going to lose her now that I’d finally gotten her. Not after spending fourteen years searching for everything she gave me.
I tossed my hammock and bag in the back of my Jeep and then climbed into the driver’s seat, intent on heading to the resort to do…something. I wasn’t sure what my next step was, but I knew I wasn’t going to find it out here.
Before I could pull out, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I couldn’t stop the hope from rising, but it was quickly squashed when Addison’s name flashed on the screen.
Addison:
You’ve got a package at the main inn
Come pick it up because I’m not your fucking courier
Ford:
Calm down. I’m heading that way now.
Have you seen Quinn?
Addison: