16. Cam
Cam
The city of Strathmore at night was breathtaking. Thousands of lights lit up the city skyline. I dangled my feet over the edge of the rooftop, thinking. Tomorrow night was when everything went down. Dominic had helped us plan everything down to the last detail. Despite that, an unsettled feeling consumed me. I crept out of the apartment while everyone else slept, blissfully unaware of the bad feeling that I couldn’t shake.
Ivy’s news about being pregnant left me conflicted. No matter what, I would love the baby, but the timing was terrible. I always assumed that, eventually, I would get married and have a few kids. The dreams from the last time I was in the hospital haunted me. The ones where Ivy stood at the stove cooking, her belly round. Her smiles were only for me. They were the best of torture, a future I never thought I’d have.
Now, at least part of it would be a reality. Her smiles would never only be for me, and we’d never be married, but her being pregnant had to be enough. Still, in the back of my mind, I wondered how I could ever fix everything. Was she also still plagued by the things that had driven her to try to end her life? By the things that I had done to her?
How did you have a future after something like that?
I flinched when I heard footsteps heading towards me. In the darkness, moonlight glinted off waves of blonde hair. Ethan. A lighter flicked in the darkness, illuminating his face, and he took a deep drag. He sat down and settled next to me. “I thought I was the only one that came out here in the middle of the night.”
He passed me the joint, and we sat in silence for several minutes. I inhaled deeply, holding the smoke in my lungs, slowly letting it out. Relaxation washed over me before handing it back. “How are you supposed to fix things after you fuck them up? How are you supposed to keep someone safe you love?”
He inhaled deeply, and I watched as rings of smoke wafted into the dark night sky. “You do whatever you have to. You do what it takes.”
Those were the things that, deep in my soul, I already knew. Whatever it took to keep Ivy safe—the baby safe—it was my responsibility.
“What do you do when you’ve hurt someone so deeply that you think you can never make it right? What if you’re the reason their entire soul is scarred?”
He shrugged at me while staring at the sky. “I don’t know. I wish I had profound words of wisdom for you, but I don’t. The same thing applies. You do the best you can.”
I felt like time was running out, and I stood, needing to get back to Ivy. Even if Ethan’s words weren’t profound, they instilled a new sense of urgency in me. I told him goodbye over my shoulder as I headed back downstairs.
When I walked into the apartment, I’d assumed Ivy would be asleep with everyone else still. She wasn’t. Instead, she was sitting on the countertop, eating ice cream from the carton. I didn’t waste time. I plucked the spoon from her hand and brushed my lips against hers. My hand clutched her hip as I positioned myself between her thighs. My lips attempted to convey the urgency I felt as I pressed every bit of emotion into her. That I felt like the clock was ticking. How much I loved her. How sorry that I was for everything I had done. I was an idiot and an asshole.
She whimpered, and my mouth communicated what I was trying to say without words. She thought that I simply needed her, and I did, but that wasn’t the reason my hands roamed her body. Even as her fingers reached for my waistband and she rocked her hips against me, my lips never left hers. I nipped at her mouth with my teeth while she lowered my pants. Her fingers wrapped around my cock, gliding up and down the length.
We were locked in a bubble where only the two of us existed. I pulled away long enough to whisper to her, hoping not to wake anyone else. “I’m sorry.” It wasn’t groveling but remorse for my actions, combined with the feeling that this was goodbye for us. It made little sense to me.
“Why did you have to ruin me?” she asked as she moved her hand. Her tone was desperate and full of sorrow.
“Why did you let me?” It wasn’t the way I should have responded. I should have fallen to my knees and begged for forgiveness like a man seeking absolution. Instead, I reached between her thighs, allowing my fingers to trace over her slit.
“No underwear.” I clicked my tongue at her, chiding her playfully. Gently, I ran my fingers through her folds, finding her clit. Her hips bucked at the sensation, wanting more. With one smooth motion, I gathered both of her hands in mine and pushed her back onto the counter, pinning her in place. I rolled my hips, allowing myself to sink into the wet heat a single inch. “Tell me that no matter what, you’re mine.”
My words were desperate and illogical. Of course, she wasn’t mine. And who could really blame her? What had I ever done to make her want me? Blackmail, deceit, and misunderstandings were the foundation of our history. As I rocked inside her slowly, circling her clit, all I could focus on was the look on her face. The way her cheeks flushed and lips parted at the sensation of the two of us becoming one. I tried to burn the scene into the recesses of my memory. One day, if I made it to be that old, that was the image I would have in my mind on my deathbed. It wasn’t about the physical pleasure, even though there was plenty of that. At that moment, we were connected, and nothing else mattered. Everything else fell away as she clenched around me.
In my mind, I said I love you a thousand different ways and apologized a million. But none of it came out. Instead, the room was filled with the sound of our mingled breath as I pushed her over the edge again and again, never going faster than I had to. I wanted the time together to span into an eternity—if not for her, then for me. Finally, breathlessly, she murmured, “Please no more.”
“Surely you have one more for me,” I teased, moving my fingers faster. Her skin was slick with sweat, and her pussy was paradise. I knew I wasn’t going to heaven for the things I had done. This was the only heaven I would ever see.
And when she cried out a final time, I released my hold on her wrists and grasped her hips with both hands. I drove into her like a man possessed. Like I would never see her again because deep down, my gut told me I wouldn’t. I wanted to leave my mark on her, no matter how small. I wanted her to remember me the same way I would her.
It was almost like she knew exactly what I was thinking as a tear rolled down her cheek. She knew this was the closest thing to goodbye I could manage. We had only ever been bad for one another. She had been hurt by me more times than I would ever know. More times than I could count. And she brought out the best and worst in me. I had never treated someone as badly as I had treated her. Never accused someone else of the things I had accused her of.
My muscles clenched, and the base of my spine tingled before I came inside of her, my fingers searing her skin everywhere I touched. I pulled out and laid my head on her stomach, pressing a small kiss to it. We stayed there until my heart stopped racing in my chest, and my breath evened out.
It was funny how the words I had taunted her with played in my mind as I gathered her in my arms, determined to clean her up. Care for her as I always should have. Poor rich girl with nothing left to lose. How does it feel to have everything stripped away from you piece by piece? And somehow, I had managed to fall madly in love with her. I could have lied to myself and claimed that it was the baby growing inside of her, but that wasn’t true. It never had been. Deep inside, I knew I had always loved Ivy Spencer from the moment I first saw her.