17. Ivy
Ivy
It was New Year’s Eve, and I was stuck in every way possible. I had wanted to go with the guys to the Order’s masquerade party, but instead, all of them gave me pained looks, telling me I needed to stay in Strathmore. Deep down inside, I understood why. Now, I didn’t have just myself to worry about; I also had a tiny being growing inside of me.
Still, I wanted to throw a fit. Everyone had been silent about the actual plans when they were around me, leaving me completely in the dark. I’d overheard a whisper of explosives, but that was all. Caleb had tried to reassure me that Dominic had helped them plan all the details and they would be safe, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that nothing would ever be the same again.
Even if they managed to weaken the Order by taking part of the members out, then what would happen? My guess was that the people who died would be replaced by people who were equally bad. The number of potential applicants was surely high between the children of current members and corrupt politicians. How did a secret society recruit fresh blood?
I choked back emotion at seeing the men I loved all wearing black clothing, guns strapped to holsters on their chests. They’d dressed the same way when they had rescued me from the Gilded Lily, the same night one of my only friends had hung herself. What if this time they didn’t escape? What if something went terribly wrong?
It was difficult to tell from the expressions each wore how they were feeling, but Cam was the one I zeroed in on. He’d been solemn since the night before in the kitchen, and something was bothering him. His face was drawn, and he avoided looking me in the eye. Dread pooled in my stomach as he got ready.
When he ducked into the bathroom, I followed him, hoping that it was all in my head. The articles that I read on the internet said that pregnancy could make me emotional, and I hoped that was all it was. I was worried, and the baby was making me think things that weren’t true.
Cam stared into the mirror, gazing past me as he picked up his toothbrush. “Talk to me,” I whispered.
He let out a sigh as he applied toothpaste, avoiding the conversation. My eyes pricked at the sensation of tears. It wasn’t my imagination. He was treating me like the nickname he’d given me months ago, like I was a ghost.
I cleared my throat and fisted the edge of his shirt. “Please.” He let out another sigh and began brushing his teeth methodically, as if I wasn’t there. “I’m scared.”
That was what stopped his motions. His hands faltered and he spit into the sink before speaking. “I am too.”
The confident man I had fallen in love with, the one who had betrayed me, belittled me, and broken me, sounded so small. His voice wasn’t any louder than mine, and my heart fell further. The tears that I had managed to keep at bay fell silently down my cheeks. Why was I always crying?
“Then don’t go.” I already knew what his answer was, but it didn’t stop me from saying it. The words sounded so simple. It would be so easy to just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie instead of whatever they had planned. For a moment, I wished we were all different people with different backgrounds. What would our lives have been like if we lived anywhere else?
“I can’t.” He turned to face me and placed his hand on my stomach, where I imagined our baby was growing. “Not if we want to keep you or the baby safe.” Suddenly, he fell to his knees and pressed his cheek against my abdomen. “In case something happens, I want to tell you I’m sorry. There are so many things I wish I could change or take back.”
Tenderly, I ran my hands through his golden strands, hoping to comfort him. Ironically, I had come into the room hoping that he could reassure me, but the roles had reversed. “It’s going to be okay, and you’re going to come back to me. You can work on fixing it for the rest of our lives.”
He nodded, but still didn’t meet my eyes.
A knock at the door made us both jump and quickly, I dried my eyes on my sleeves, hoping to conceal the fact that emotions leaked from them. “Come on, you two. Stop making out. We have to leave in fifteen minutes,” Trey called out.
Those fifteen minutes were the longest of my life. I knew my time was up when Dominic stepped through the door with Rayne’s bodyguard. I pressed a kiss to each of their cheeks, hoping they knew how much each of them meant to me. Hoping that no matter what, the four men would return to me before dawn broke the next day.
Ethan walked in behind them. “Ivy, I’m your designated escort for the night. You, Maya, Katya, and Sergei are wanted upstairs. From my understanding, there has been a movie night planned.”
I gave him a weak smile, knowing what he was doing. Ethan was a clown, but he was attempting to distract me from whatever was happening. I was grateful for him, for the way his appearance seemed to brighten the somber mood.
As I got into the elevator and caught one last glimpse of the guys standing there, I wanted to scream at them, beg them not to leave, and tell them something was wrong. Instead, I offered them a tight-lipped smile.
“It’s going to be okay,” Ethan offered. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t because I didn’t know how to. Every nerve in my body yelled at me that it was a lie. I knew that something bad was going to happen, and I didn’t know what it was.
I appreciated the fact that he attempted to pacify me, though. “Are you going with them?”
He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. As stupid as it seemed, I briefly considered stealing a car from the parking garage to follow them. It would have been a terrible decision, putting me and the guys in danger, not to mention the tiny life I was now responsible for. As soon as he followed up, the thought stopped. “Hunter is staying with you, and so is Phillip.”
There was no way my brother or their head of security would let me out of their sight. So, instead, I sat on their couch and mindlessly ate popcorn that tasted like ash while everyone around me laughed at whatever movie was playing. I couldn’t even tell you the film’s name or the premise, only that it had race cars and a man with a terrible French accent.
The entire night, my stomach churned as I waited sleeplessly for the dawn.