Elle
My hair flies behind me like spreading wings as I run toward him, but I quickly lose my balance as Hale and Zedd’s long legs overtake me and reach the bed first. It squeaks in protest as they dive for him, one on either side.
My shock wears off at the sight of Gant’s genuine smile as he looks at me. Despite their embraces, his hands are still free, though pinned between them, and he lifts his palms, inviting me to join them.
I climb up, keeping most of my weight between his parted legs and on my elbows as I gaze up at him. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time again, pale skin, sharp lines, and black eyes as shiny as his tousled hair that’s fallen onto his forehead. I know him, but I don’t. An angel or a fiend? Or a hybrid? Because he’ll do anything to save me by any means necessary.
“I’ve done so much to you,” he whispers as I draw closer. “But I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this scared before. Not when I pinned you down in the auditorium, or when I shoved you in the lake, or when I shared my obsession and told you how much I loved you.”
My breath hitches.
“You’re trembling, dovey.”
“Y-you…you left me,” I gasp as the words spew out like vomit.
“And that terrifies you?”
I shake my head. “Petrifies me.”
“You don’t ever want to lose me?”
“How could you even ask me that?” I hiss, tears splashing my cheeks. He strokes them with his thumbs.
“Good,” he whispers. “Then beg me to stay.”
“ What? ” But then I see his wicked grin and know he’s doing what he always does. Toying with me, but I’m not playing.
I lean back on my heels so that I’m kneeling between his calves that are tucked beneath the blankets. I swipe at my tears, clench my fingers together and hold them tight against my heart as if I’m in prayer. It is a prayer. A plea.
“Don’t ever leave me. Please .”
His smirk falters. His fingers twitch as if to drag me back to him, but I shimmy out of his grasp. This is important.
“I…I know how fucking crazy you are. I knew better than to say those words to you. That I’d only forgive you on your deathbed.” A deep hiccup racks my shoulders.
“Dove.”
I shake my head. “I said them anyway because I didn’t care. I thought I didn’t care.” He blurs before me. All I can see are a mesh of colours through a liquid lens. “But I did because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have wanted to shatter you so that we both could be destroyed, together. Even if we were broken, I wanted us to be broken together.”
He grips my thigh tighter.
“You could never be a spare because there isn’t anyone like you. I don’t see anyone but you first. For me, there’s only you because… I love you. I don’t ever want to spend another day without you, and I won’t waste what time we have left pretending to hate you any more. I don't care about winning. If I can just keep you forever, I’ve already won.”
A gasp flies from my lips as I’m tugged down. His fingers slip into my hair, his lips descending on mine. Warm, his tongue is so warm against mine as he tries to soothe me. I stroke his nape, my tears rolling along the curve of his nose and splashing his cheeks. Through my haze, I can see his dazzlingly white teeth as he smiles once we break apart.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear you say, that you love me. The fact that I made you believe I didn’t love you for even a day…it was unbearable. I’m sorry I had to shatter your heart. Again. But we did shatter together that night.” He shakes his head slowly. “That night… I couldn’t stay in our room without you. I couldn’t forgive myself for dismissing you, for handing you over to Rin and Hale until I was positive I could keep you forever.”
Rin and Hale…
Bae’s key out in the open…
Hale’s phone call…
Him locking me up in that cage away from everyone’s reach…
He’s always one step ahead.
Always.
“I’m sorry,” I whimper. “I’m so sorry for wanting to win so badly, I’d do anything. Like backstabbing you, double-crossing you, believing you when you said you didn’t want me any more.”
The tip of his tongue tickles my cheek. “What did I tell you before about apologising to me?” he asks between licks.
I knit my brows.
“ Swallow your sorries, dove. Everything you did was for a reason I drove you toward. I made you a player.”
I hiccup. “But I drove you, too. You knew Bart would never accept me, so you killed him? For me?” I swallow the words, my palm covering my mouth as my eyes fly to the door. We shouldn’t talk about this here.
“For us. And I own the hospital now, Dove. The police have already left, although I’m sure they’ll reach out again. But I have alibis. Witnesses. Some of the same ones Bart planned to use.”
He’s thought of everything.
And all I thought of was money.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper again. “Another death. Another parent death, and this time I’m even more involved. Bart…”
“Has returned to the underworld.” “You say that now but — ” “I’ve said it since forever. Before I even knew you existed.”
“But now that he’s gone…emotions aren’t black and white. They ebb and flow.” Jarett’s childlike, clueless face comes zooming to me. I hate him, and yet there’s this undercurrent within me that wonders if he’ll ever be normal again, but why would I want that?
“Are you thinking about Jarett?”
I blink a tear away. He must be clairvoyant.
“It’s complicated. Those emotions. You feel concrete about it, but then sometimes you don’t… I just mean that it’s okay if those complex feelings hit you hard later.”
“You want me to give myself permission to feel them, although I caused them in the first place?”
“Like I said, it’s complicated.”
“For me, it was straightforward. The only way.”
“You said you’d do anything for me.” I bite my lip to stop it from trembling uncontrollably again. “I didn’t believe you.”
“Anything. Everything. I told you, if I can just have you, if you can just love me, I can bear everything else.”
Guilt racks me so hard that I keel over, slumping against his chest, unable to hold myself up any more. Before I can scramble to get off of him, he grips the back of my neck, holding me tight against him. Like a puppet master, he turns my head, forcing me to look at him. We’re so close, his eyelashes can practically graze mine, and I free-fall into those endless tunnels.
“This is our new beginning, Dove. No one will ever keep you away from me again because I’ve won. The game was never against you but against whoever opposed us. You were wrong when you said I needed Bart for my future. I just needed his apex position, and now that I’ve ascended into his place, who on earth can oppose me? I’ve burst this bubble that’s consumed you since we met. I told you I won’t have any barriers between us.” He draws me closer for a kiss, my lips are parted, unable to kiss him back, so he sucks on my tongue instead, sucking me back to reality. “And I meant it.”
“ No barriers? You fuck without condoms?” Hale asks dreamily, worming his way closer to Gant’s head as he snuggles into the pillows, and I freeze, my spine ramrod straight.
“I’ve never been in love enough to trust the other person,” Zedd says, nestled at the other side of Gant’s head. His and Hale’s fingers are laced over Gant’s heart, checking that it’s beating.
I’d forgotten all about them. I’d only had eyes for Gant, but they seem to need their underworld leader as much as I do.
“That seems so intimate. So special,” Hale says contemplatively.
“It is,” Gant says, tracing my lips with his thumb. “And I trust with my life. It’s at her pretty little fingertips.”
I shake my head furiously and lean into his touch. “Don’t you ever put your life in my palms like that ever again.”
“Too late,” he pulls me down for another kiss, and this time I can actually kiss him back. “I’m at your disposal.”
Kiss.
“And at your Mercy.”
Kiss.
“Forever.”