Elle
I peel my tits away from Gant’s bare chest. We’re both sweaty despite the chill of the room.
I’d given in to his skin-to-skin contact beneath the blankets for the past six hours. He swore my nipples tickling his would reinvigorate him as my energy transferred into him nip to nip. More like comforted him enough to ease back into a peaceful slumber. The first hour, he’d had a gridlock on me, but after I drifted into that peaceful realm with him, his muscles had relaxed as if sensing I’d relaxed and wouldn’t leave him.
I don’t ever want to leave him, but I woke up ten minutes ago to my stomach clenching painfully. Gant’s still not on solids yet, and the doctors and Zedd don’t want him tempted, so I’m going down to the cafeteria instead. But just for seven minutes tops. Three minutes to get down, one minute to grab what I need. Three minutes to cram it into my mouth before I reach his room again.
I don’t want those little black eyes cracking open to see me missing. I promised I wouldn’t leave.
Guilt wracks me as I don Hale’s jacket. There’s no way I’ll waste fifteen minutes shoving myself back into Libellule’s corset only to have Gant rip it off. Unlike my cheap original, this uniform was pure satin and silk. But I don’t know which one will infuriate Gant more, the corset or seeing me wrapped in his brother’s jacket. I’ll throw it off the second I get back in the room. I can’t bear to put on the stilettos either, so I slip on Gant’s hospital slippers before bending over the bed to kiss him. I shouldn’t in case it wakes him up, but I can’t help it as I get close enough to inhale the air he’s exhaling. It’s intoxicating as I taste his lips and stroke his hair back from his face before begrudgingly heading for the door.
The second I step out of the hospital room, I nearly run into a blonde carrying two lattes.
“Stas,” I breathe, grabbing her wrists to steady her and her drinks. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Sorry, I just came. Zedd told me Gant was still out until about an hour ago. He told me to come for lunch. I think he’s bullying the kitchen staff.”
“Sounds on brand,” I say with a chuckle. I didn’t think I’d laugh so soon, and as if realising my split second of joy, my subconscious clouds it again like a dark cloud, and we fall into a solemn silence. “He’s already asleep again,” I say finally.
Stassi lets out a shaky breath, her eyes suddenly brimming as she juts out one of the lattes to me. “I figured he would be in and out. It’s like that when it’s a close call… The important thing is that he’s recovering.”
I accept the latte that’s still steaming, and as I watch the smoke waft out from the cracks in the mouthpiece, a memory comes to me.
“When I found you crying in the girl’s bathroom in the library, you said you’d seen an overdose before.”
She nods slowly.
“Who?”
“Hale.”
Suddenly, my knees are weak as I slump against the door and think about the way Hale hovered over Gant’s bed for the first three hours after he was stable. Refusing to take his eyes off his rising and falling chest, too distrustful of the machine’s steady beeps. He’d been there before.
“It was the worst day of my life,” she whispers before a shake racks her. “He’d casually pop pills to party. They all would, and they all stopped when we almost lost Hale last summer. That’s when we got super close, and that’s when things changed between us.”
Not for the first time do I think about how many memories the group has that I don’t. But what prods at me is how much I don’t want to miss any more. I want to be engrained in Gant’s circle.
“How?” I ask.
“I’ve always had a crush on him, but I’m sure he always saw me as a little girl. Zedd’s little sister, despite the age difference being seven minutes.” She rolls her eyes. “Anyway, that summer, he began talking to me. Not just joking and teasing; he was opening up to me. I thought… I thought he was beginning to see me as a woman, and I got confused. I was so stupid.”
I touch her arm and lead her to the small, private waiting area. “Stassi, what happened at your birthday party?”
She shakes her head, not meeting my eyes. “He put me in my place. Reminded me that we come from different worlds.”
I knit my brows. “But…he’s always so sweet, so gentle with you,” I say, remembering the renovations nearly two weeks ago when I witnessed their interactions free of Zedd’s interventions. “What caused him to change?”
“Me. I overstepped. Remember, I had three wishes?”
“Yeah?”
“I asked him to do something for me…”
I can tell she won’t share the details. Yet. “He turned you down?”
She shakes her head no, taking me by surprise. “He gave me an ultimatum. If I did this, he’d do that. He knew I couldn’t do it. It was so… humiliating.”
I put my arm around her. “What? What did he want you to do?”
She hiccups as someone enters the hall. Someone with red hair.
My lungs seize.
“Jaime?” Stassi whispers in my ear as she pulls away from my embrace and gets to her feet. “Aria’s almost here. She got on the first train back. I’ll go meet her in the cafeteria with Zedd, and then we’ll come up to see if Gant’s awake.” She squeezes my shoulder. “We’ll talk more at Beaulieu, yeah?”
She doesn’t wait for me to reply before she saunters off in the opposite direction of Jaime, who’s pushing someone in a wheelchair.
Someone who’s wearing disposable bedroom slippers and a robe.
Jarett stares beyond me, unseeing, as he mumbles to himself.
“Ellie.”
The chuckle had taken me by surprise, but my full-on laughter as tears spring to my eyes, and my stomach contracts as I keel over more than shocks me.
Mum mistakes this for joyful laughter, happiness at the sight of two fuckups.
“Ellie?” she repeats, pushing Jarett closer. “What are you doing here? Did you come to see Jarett?”
When the laughter dissolves into stoicness, I lean back in my seat, tilting my head against the wall and ask, “Why would I be here to see Jarett?”
Her brows knit in confusion. “I thought you must’ve heard the news.”
“What news?” I ask, but I don’t care. It’s like my lips formed the question as something to do.
“Jarett’s medical insurance was accepted. He’s a part-time resident in the psychiatric ward for the next six months. He’ll undergo therapy sessions, physiotherapy, the works, right, Jay?”
Jarett mumbles, spit bubbles popping at the corners of his mouth.
“After that, they’ll reevaluate him and see if he can come home for good.”
“Home,” I mutter. “Little Wing? Nine hundred and twelve?”
She looks confused. “Where else?”
“Where else indeed. I don’t know why I bothered to ask.”
“,” she says pleadingly. “We’re a family. Family sticks together.”
“You and Jarett are a family.” I nod.
“Where else do you expect him to go? I can’t afford two flats. Him being here for his day groups means that I can work doubles, even triples, to afford the insurance.”
Insurance. At this, Gant’s private hospital?
‘I own this hospital now, .’
Whatever Mum’s copay is, it’s significantly undervalued.
Then it hits me.
Gant threw her a pittance, but he could’ve given it to her for free. But instead, he made the copay high. For her. So she could kill herself at the deli and be too busy for me, even when Jarett isn’t around.
He meant it when he said he took care of everything. That he had plans for me, for us all along. I should want to be included, but I’m tired. I want to fall. Into his arms. Into his net. But he didn’t have to take this final step to ensure I’d never speak to Jaime again. I’d already decided that for myself two weeks ago when she let me walk out of her and Jarett’s home, alone, in the cold, dark dead night.
“I have something for you,” I say, digging into my purse. I ball it in my fist and extend my arm toward her. Her smile as she accepts it quickly falls as she peers at the tarnished ballet necklace. “I don’t need it any more.” I don’t need you any more. I never had you.
I reach for one of the double doors and hold it open so she can roll out of my life for good. I’m about to let the door shut behind her when I see a familiar head of dark, wavy hair at a nearby table. He’s making arts and crafts with a withered woman who’s staring despondently at the creation he’s lovingly showing her. When he turns to face me, I freeze in my tracks, but the door slips from my fingers, shutting him out.
He couldn’t be here. He should be visiting his mother...
The door swings, and étienne slips out from the ward, his eyes wide and wild as he spots me before he gazes around the hall. He stalks off, but he glances over his shoulder, clearly wanting me to follow him. I silently follow him around a corner.
“Aren’t you supposed to be across town?” I ask when he seems at a complete loss for words. “I am across town. Technically.”
Technically, we are far from the towers. “I’ve visited Gant a few times,” he says. When? I’d only left Gant to eat with Zedd and Hale.
“Zedd told you the coast was clear?”
He nods.
“It’s Gant’s hospital. Of course, he knows your mother is here. He knows you’re here.”
“Aria doesn’t,” he says softly. “And she can’t know.”
“Not yet.”
“Why?”
“Because it’ll ruin everything.
A silent moment passes between us.
“? You didn’t see me, okay?”
I swallow another secret whole. They’re rampant with this group.
“Okay.”