Chapter 12
Unpacking Some Baggage
Noah
We’d had a text from Ivy an hour ago with an update on Lorelai.
They’d been sitting in the waiting room at convenient care for almost an hour, but after seeing a doc, the double ear infection had been confirmed.
They’d headed to pick up some meds and get them in Lorelai as soon as possible so she could start feeling better.
Jake had offered to drop them at their place and swing by to get Addie, but I’d let Jules convince me to tell them we’d keep Addie until dinner.
Jules had made no moves to tell us to leave either, not that I’d wanted her to, thereby prolonging the longest breakfast date ever into one that was now stretching into early afternoon.
I looked over at Jules’s living room. She and Addie had made a fort with sheets and blankets over the tops of chairs and the couch.
Bluey was on the television, and Addie and O’Malley were set up to watch it from their cave-like location.
Jules had just popped back over to check on them and was headed back my way.
And how was I doing? Pretty shitty if I was being honest. I’d escaped any conversation about it so far.
In the past three hours, we’d made homemade chocolate chip cookies, checked out Jules’s new bird feeder, identified birds that were about, Jules had helped Addie make an illustrated “book”—printing paper stapled together—about Addie and O’Malley, and had some sandwiches for lunch.
Then fort building had commenced and here we were.
I had a funny feeling my time of avoidance was at an end.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to Jules, but I wasn’t even sure where to start.
The expressions she’d been giving me for the past few hours were wary, which was the last thing I wanted.
Yeah, it was high time to make sure we were on the same page and get out whatever other crap we had hanging there, ready to weigh us down.
Then again, what did I say? I thought we had potential together and absolutely wanted to kiss her again but didn’t think I should date until Addie was an adult.
Oh, and I was carrying around several suitcases full of baggage of my own?
That seemed like a great conversation starter.
And to think this morning I just wanted to talk to this woman and let her share her own stresses.
Now I was asking her to take on some of mine. Fuck.
Oblivious of my inner torment, Jules plopped down on the stool next to me at the island, still in hostess mode. “You have enough tea?”
“You don’t need to wait on me, Jules.”
“And you, Noah, have been avoiding a real conversation,” she said bluntly, her foot knocking against mine.
I looked over at her and she, like she had ever since I met the woman just under a week ago, took my breath away.
Her hair was still in a bun on her head, but far more than a few strands had escaped at this point.
She’d kicked off her shoes when we got here and had been barefoot since.
Her vibe was relaxed and unpretentious, and I was a huge fan.
I took a deep breath and sat back in my seat. “What would you like to talk about?”
She looked like she was going to give me shit, but I held a hand up when I realized how that sounded.
“Swear I’m not trying to avoid this, but there’re so many directions we could take a conversation… The kiss, your writing, et cetera. What baggage do you want me to start with?” I worked to lighten the conversation, though it felt anything but.
She ignored my quip and leaned forward, clearly trying to keep this between the two of us. She didn’t need to worry—Bluey was on and Addie had a cat with her in a homemade fort. She was in her happiest of places, and whatever we were discussing wouldn’t even factor into her world over there.
“All those are important conversations, Noah, and I’d like to talk about each one.
For what it’s worth, it’s not baggage to me but parts of you.
For now, however, I’m more concerned about why you became clearly upset when Ivy and Jake had a sick baby and had to head to the doc.
” She watched me with a warm gaze, clearly trying to send reassurance to me with telepathy.
My original impression of the woman remained true—she was just good, down to her core, and I had a strong desire to know more.
I let out a sigh as I debated how to do this.
Jules’s look changed, became a bit more closed off. “This really is none of my business, we just met…”
I shook my head. “That’s not it, and I think I can speak for both of us in that we’re building a solid friendship with…” I glanced over at her. “…the possibility of more?”
Jules nodded.
“Then you are absolutely entitled to ask questions when you are concerned.” I thought for a minute. “But about my reaction to Lorelai’s ear infection, I know I was being weird earlier. There’s one answer for that, but it might lead to a bigger conversation.”
“That’s fine.” She relaxed again.
My laugh was rough. “There’s only so much childhood bullshit I want to dump on you in a weekend, Jules. I don’t want to scare you off.” It struck me when I said that how true the words were. Was that a normal thought about a friend? More to think on later.
“You won’t,” she promised.
I looked at the ceiling, searching for a way to put my fears into words. “Umm, well, you know the backstory of me moving here, right?” I remembered her telling me the other day she knew some of it, but I wasn’t sure what details she’d heard.
I felt her hand on my thigh and looked over. “I know a little. You were in Africa and worked with a company to install wells but then moved to the States a year and a half ago.”
“Yep, that sums it up.” I thought back to my time after a college with a smile.
“Addie was a surprise Ivy and I hadn’t planned on, but the best surprise possible.
When we found out she was coming, we’d already decided we were more friends than anything else.
” I took a deep breath. Jules already knew I’d been overseas for most of Addie’s early years, but I still felt like a deadbeat dad whenever I talked about it.
“I offered to stay, but Ivy knew how much I had looked forward to working in Africa, to making some type of difference.” My voice trailed off as I thought of my parents.
Jules squeezed my leg, and I looked into her eyes, which held no judgment. “Why did you want to make a difference? Was that something your mom and dad instilled in you?”
I choked on the laughter that burst out at the image of my parents wanting to give to anyone but themselves. “Hardly.”
She raised an eyebrow and furrowed her brow.
“Ivy and I come from a wealthy circle. And I’m sure not everyone with money is a self-entitled asshole, but my parents certainly are.
They were infuriated that I didn’t follow in my dad’s footsteps and cut me off when I went to Africa, also cutting Addie off.
” My gut churned with the memory of the words they’d shouted at me, the absolute disbelief that I’d want a different life than them.
“My god, Noah. I’m so sorry.” Jules’s eyes were watery. She exuded kindness and compassion. My parents would eat her alive. Mental note to never let them meet her.
I slid my hand on top of hers to reassure her but also because it felt right.
“Thanks. I wish I could say that was out of character for them, but that would be a lie. But in a weird way, they did inspire the need to give back. My entire life, I was surrounded by excess by the privilege of where I’d been born, not by anything I’d done to deserve it.
So the idea of traveling to Africa, helping people have access to water, was born after I heard a presenter to my middle school class talk about his work over there.
My parents thought I’d ‘get over it,’ but that was not the case. ”
Jules gave me a soft smile as Addie let out a peal of laughter.
“You good, Addie?” I called.
Her voice echoed out of her fort. “Yes, Daddy. Bluey is so funny. O’Malley loves this show, Ms. Jules.”
“Glad to hear it, Ms. Addie,” Jules called over, her eyes sparkling.
Damn, that was a good look on her.
“So you went to Africa.” She got us back on track.
I smiled, acknowledging what she was doing. “Yes, and I did love it, but the guilt of not being here, of what I was missing, ate at me every single day.” I tipped my head toward the fort, and she nodded in understanding. “Finally I came back—”
“And the rest is history?”
I tipped my hand from side to side. “I mean, kind of? I’m more grateful every day that I made the choice to come to Highland Falls, but sometimes things pop up that remind me of all I missed with Addie’s first four years and that there’s no way to undo that.”
Jules looked off in thought but then turned my way with an expression that told me she got it. “Like a baby having an ear infection…”
“And Ivy having to take care of that on her own, over and over, for years.”
Jules’s eyes were watery again as she squeezed my thigh. “I don’t know Ivy well, but she doesn’t seem like the type of person to hold that against you.”
I laughed. “Oh, she absolutely is not that type of person, but it doesn’t keep the feelings of guilt at bay.”
“I get that.” Jules’s voice was soft. “And the childhood trauma? How does that tie in?”
I ran my free hand through my hair. “I mean, beyond what I already told you about my parents…”
“Yeah, they sound like real peaches.” Her voice was scornful. “I’d like to have a word with them.”
The image of Jules going toe-to-toe with my mother and father was interesting.
I immediately had the protective instinct that had popped up earlier to keep her away from them.
I also had a warm feeling that she even wanted to try to defend me.
The only person who had done that for me before was Ivy.
I smiled at Jules. “You’re like a ferocious little kitten.”
She blushed while attempting to deny it.