Chapter 12 #2
“No, that’s a compliment.” I tried to think of how to put my feelings into words.
“I think it fucks with a person to grow up without a support system. I’m not sure if people know how lucky they are to have supportive parents at their back.
Ivy, once we became friends, was all I really had.
Well, along with an employee of my parents.
I think that’s why I was so upset when I found out last year that Ivy had really struggled to make ends meet after having Addie.
” I looked down at my hand on Jules’s. I hadn’t let go because it gave me the feeling of support.
“I felt like I was no better than my parents—at least they had offered financial support when I was a kid.”
“Noah.” Jules’s voice was firm. “Did you offer support to Ivy?”
I met her determined gaze and shrugged. “Well, yes, but she turned me down, so I started a college fund for Addie instead, but if I had known they were struggling that first year…”
“So how is that not supporting your child?” She didn’t let up.
I slid my hand away so I could sit back on the stool and ran my hands over my face.
I knew what she was saying, but it didn’t change what I felt.
I was overwhelmed, thinking of my parents, their dismissive nature, the memories of wanting to be righting the wrongs in the world while also feeling the tug to be here. It was a lot.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to tell you how to feel.” Jules’s voice was smaller.
Jesus, I was fucking this up. “No, babe, I don’t think that.” I sighed in frustration. “I’m just trying to figure out how to put feelings into words, and it’s all mucked up.”
We sat there in silence, and typically that was hard for me.
I wanted to fill it, to make everyone around me comfortable.
That afternoon, however, it felt peaceful as I sorted out my thoughts.
I was struggling to understand how to tell Jules where my mind had been, but if I needed some time, I somehow knew she was fine with that.
The sound of Bluey floated in from the television, and the mouthwatering scent of chocolate chip cookies was still in the air.
Interestingly, I noted that for it being only my second time in Jules’s home, I was comfortable there.
“Before Addie, I didn’t know if I’d ever have kids.” My eyes welled up with all that I might have missed. Without hesitation, Jules slid her hand into mine and squeezed. “My parents were such shit role models; I had no desire to inflict that upon a kid.”
Jules gave me space to think before continuing and waited patiently.
“Ivy and I had known each other for what feels like forever, but I think the main reason we got together was that neither of us has much, if anything, in the way of family beside our parents—and neither set is winning any awards. However, she’d be the first to tell you that mine make hers look tame.
Once we realized we were better off as friends, she helped me plan for my jump to Africa and then”—I looked to where Addie was chilling out and got choked up—“the best thing ever happened.”
Jules squeezed my hand but stayed quiet.
“My mother and father’s reactions were predictable.
They were taking any money I had coming and cutting me off if I continued to be ‘foolish’ in going overseas.
They also said they wouldn’t recognize Addie as their grandchild.
” I shrugged, downplaying how their coldness cut like a knife.
“I didn’t want or need their money and hadn’t expected them to continue to support me financially anyway. But Addie…”
Jules gave up on the silent listening and let out what sounded like a small growl before speaking. “How could they be so cruel?”
I snorted without humor. “It’s so par for the course with them; I wasn’t even surprised.
For my whole life, they’ve worked to control my actions.
Most of the time it was easier to comply, at least by appearances, and do what I wanted out of sight.
And honestly, when they said they were cutting us both off, I didn’t fight it.
I want them to stay as far away from Addie as possible, so that didn’t have the effect they’d intended.
” I bit my lower lip, thinking back on what I learned upon moving to Highland—the truth Ivy had kept from me because she’d known what my reaction would be.
“I just wished I’d known Ivy needed money. ”
“That’s exactly why I made sure you didn’t know.”
I looked up to see Ivy walking into the kitchen from Jules’s front door, which I hadn’t even heard open.
“Iv—” I started.
“Nope.” She made a slicing motion with her hand. “Sorry you’re going to be here for this, Jules, but this stubborn man needs to hear me, and you get to be my witness.”
Jules’s smile stretched wide as she sat up. “Glad to.”
“I feel ganged up on,” I grumbled.
“Tough,” Ivy said. “Noah, I know exactly what your parents are like, and I was so damn proud of you for growing up in that toxic bullshit but still being a kindhearted person who didn’t care about the privilege he’d been given but still wanted to go out there and right some wrongs.
That’s the legacy you gave our daughter—a father she can look up to for his ideals.
So what if we struggled at the beginning?
Yes, I was stressed, and no, I never want to experience it again.
That’s why I’m cautious with money. But not one time did I resent you or feel like you weren’t a supportive dad, Noah.
You need to get past that. If I had really needed it, you have to know I would have gotten ahold of you.
” She looked pissed, which was not an expression Ivy wore often.
I put my hands up to get her to stop her soapbox moment. Otherwise, she’d keep going for certain. “You win, Ivy. I’ll work on it.”
She raised her eyebrow in my direction. “You better.” Then she looked to Jules.
“Sorry to crash your house, but Lorelai got some antibiotics in her and is sacked out for a late-afternoon nap. Jake is hanging with her, and I figured I’d come get Addie so you could go back to your day as planned.
” She waggled her eyebrows at the two of us, breaking the tension.
“You sure?” I asked, considering how tired Ivy seemed of late, though maybe the brewing ear infection was responsible for Lorelai’s lack of sleep. “I wasn’t here last weekend, so I’m happy to have Ads today and tonight if needed.”
Ivy smiled warmly and leaned over to kiss my cheek. “You are the best, Noah, but we’re good. Ms. Addie will be fine. And mister”—she gave me her best stern expression—“think on what I said. You need to let that stuff go. Goddess knows you are the father our little girl needs exactly as you are.”
“Thanks, Ivy,” I whispered, wishing it was that easy, that I could hear her words and believe them in the depths of my soul.
Jules sat quietly by my side as Ivy gave me a look that said she knew I wasn’t there yet but would get there eventually. Then, as if she’d made some silent decision, she called out, “Ads…”
Addie’s blond curls stuck out of her fort, and she looked our way. “Yeah, Momma.”
“Time to hit the road. Little sis is at home snoozing, and Chief needs you on duty.”
Ivy was a master. Giving Addie a job was the way to get things done without a fight. Tagging in Jake’s pup was expert-level stuff. Even so, Addie sent a side-eye back in her tented area. “But Momma, O’Malley…”
Jules jumped in like the hero she was. “Oh, Addie, thanks so much for hanging with O’Malley, but it’s time for his nap.” She was on the move to the living room as she talked.
“O’Malley takes naps?” Addie’s voice betrayed her disbelief at that statement.
“Of course he does,” Jules said as she leaned past Ads and scooped O’Malley up.
The cat looked up at her adoringly, which I completely understood.
“He dozes most of the day, but in the late afternoon, he likes to get a solid nap in the spot that looks over the backyard so he can be well rested before dinner.”
As Jules rubbed his belly, Addie looked at Ivy and me with delight. “I can hear his purr!” Her head swiveled back to Jules with a grin. “It sounds like an engine.”
Jules smiled right back at Addie in a way that threatened to steal my breath. “He likes his belly rubbed, and he also likes his quiet time in the backyard nook.”
Addie pondered that statement before nodding and turning back to us. “Okay, Momma. We better go so O’Malley can get his rest.” Before she could skip off, she looked up at Jules. “Thanks, Ms. Jules. I like your house and your cat.”
Jules beamed down at Addie. “Thanks, Ms. Addie. You are welcome here anytime.”
“Can I give you a hug?” Addie asked.
Jules shot me a warm look before turning back to Addie. “Well, of course.”
“It’s important to ask and not just do it,” Addie told her. “That’s consent.”
“I love that,” Jules said. “Let me put O’Malley down. Do you want to give him a kiss goodbye first? I know he would be fine with that.”
Addie nodded and they took care of that, then walked the lucky guy to the nook and let him hop to a spot by the windows where he circled many times before settling with his kingdom in full view.
Jules knelt to Addie’s level and gave her a big squeeze that was returned. And with that, Addie was good to go.
She skipped up to give me a smacking, theatrical kiss. “Bye, Daddy. See you soon!” She grabbed Ivy’s hand and skipped to the door with Ivy, who put a hand to her ear like a phone and mouthed, “Call me” to Jules.
And then there was silence.