Chapter 39
“Enough. I’m tired of this.” River cards a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh.
“Ignoring your feelings is only going to make things worse!” I protest, my rarely provoked temper rising to the surface. That and my alpha clawing at my mind to chase the desire flooding my veins.
When Jackson absconded with Camille, and cut off his end of the bond as we all agreed on, River’s mood soured. But he refused to talk to me as we cleaned up the scattered board game, or when we were doing the dishes. He stayed silent as we got ready for bed, frustration simmering down the bond.
At least he’s kept that open like he promised. It lets me know he’s not happy, and I have a good idea why.
I place a hand on his shoulder, willing my mate to let down his guard and know that no matter what he says, I want to hear it. “It’s okay to be jealous. Don’t bottle that shit up again. Talk to me.”
He looks at my hand, jaw flexing. “I can handle it on my own.”
I scoff, stepping back and throwing my arms up in surrender. “Fine. But when you explode and destroy this thing we’re building because you ‘handled’ your jealousy, don’t expect me to be there to console you.”
River’s eyes flash with bitter anger and he steps into my space, crowding me against the wall. This close, his deep chocolate scent envelops me and my pulse spikes with how much his nearness turns me on, even when I’m upset.
Maybe even more when I’m upset. Not going to examine that too closely.
“I don’t expect that, because it won’t happen,” River bites out through gritted teeth. “Now stop challenging me before my alpha decides you need to be taught a lesson.” He leans in closer until I can feel the heat radiating off of his bare chest and his stiff cock against my hip.
He gives me time to think, his breaths quickening as he brings his hand to rest on my sternum. He’s waiting for me to tell him I don’t want to play this game with him right now, while we’re having a serious conversation.
But I can’t resist him. I’m already worked up from the combination of being around my scent match all night, and the firm, possessive touches River kept giving me while we were all together.
Trying to get him to be forthcoming with his feelings is like bashing my head against a brick wall.
Maybe by letting his alpha take over for a while and burn through the potent emotions he’s bottling up, it’ll make him more willing to have a vulnerable conversation.
Maybe if I show River I can handle anything from him. Pleasure, pain, joy, darkness.
Maybe then he’ll get it through his thick skull that I’m not going anywhere.
“Green,” I murmur, preemptively using the check-in word to let him know I’m okay with leaning into this. I know they say not to go into a scene angry, but I don’t care right now. I trust that no matter how high tensions rise, the moment I tell River to slow down or stop, he will.
River’s hand slides up to rest on my throat. “You want my alpha to come out, don’t you? You’ve missed being my fuck toy and need to be shown who you belong to.” His arousal surges through the bond, eclipsing the frustration that was there before.
“Yes,” I breathe, wetting my lips as I anticipate what comes next.
His hot breath fans across my skin as he leans in so his lips are hovering beside my ear. His fingers tighten ever so slightly on my neck, making my cock buck eagerly. “Do you like that I’m jealous?”
I swallow against his grip. “N-no.”
River pulls back to give me a look that makes my legs weak. “You know what happens when you lie to me. Tell the truth. Does it turn you on thinking I’m jealous of you? Jealous of your scent match to Camille? Jealous that I have to share you?”
My eyes widen, worried that maybe I was wrong about playing our game right now, because I can’t hide the way I react, lust coursing through me and down our bond to mingle with his.
Rough disdain tinges River’s voice, even as his excitement increases. “That’s what I thought. That’s why you keep checking in with me about this. Such a needy slut wanting to hear that your alpha is jealous.”
My cheeks burn at the degradation, and I release a soft gasp at the force of River’s alpha putting me in my place.
Fuck, is he right? Is there a part of me that gets off on being wanted like that?
Shame hits me, and I lash out. “And what about you? You’re hard, too. You like putting me back in my place. You get off on being a martyr. ”
Surprise flashes across River’s face at my retort. Our scenes never involve me talking back. I’m his good, obedient toy, and that works really well for us.
But I can’t do that right now.
I’m embarrassed.
I’m frustrated.
I’m scared.
River’s jealousy terrifies me. I’m worried if he doesn’t express it, and lets it fester inside him, it’ll ruin us. And I can’t keep trying things with Camille if I see us continuing to head down that path. I’d be just as responsible for the pain that would cause.
Tension snaps in the air. We’re almost at our breaking point, both so on edge that I could cry from the intensity of it. It’s making my mind hazy, because there’s the faintest scent of Camille right on the edges of my senses.
River’s nostrils flare, though, so maybe he scents her, too.
Another beat passes, then River’s lips curve into a half smile. “You get off on being a martyr, sir.” He emphasizes the last word with a hint of a growl, but there’s an unexpected playfulness in his eyes.
I let out a surprised, choked laugh. “Sorry, sir.”
He leans in, rubbing his cheek against mine to mark me with his dark, delicious scent. “You’re wrong,” he murmurs, staying close so I can’t see his expression.
“I am, sir?” I ask, keeping my voice even because it feels like if I show him how badly I want to hear what he says next, it will scare away the words.
“Yes. I’m a jealous asshole with a martyr complex. But it’s not in the way you think.”
I hiss as he nips at my ear, the sting of pain lighting me up. My body presses closer, begging for more.
River lets out a dark laugh and pulls back to look me in the eye. There’s a clenching anxiety down the bond before he speaks. I send back all my love and support and he swallows hard.
“I’m not just jealous of you,” he murmurs.
I can’t keep the surprise off of my face.
God, of course it’s not just me. I’ve been so concerned about his reaction to me being with another person that I hadn’t considered the other ways our pack dynamic has changed since we started courting Camille.
“Is it Jackson?” I ask hesitantly, knowing it’s a very tender subject for my mate. “Are you worried about Camille taking away his attention?”
River smiles, the expression rueful. “Yes. But again, it’s not just that.”
Nervous anticipation flutters inside my stomach. “What else?” I ask.
He opens his mouth to speak, but freezes, eyes flicking away from mine to look at the door. “Did you hear that?”
“I didn’t hear anything.” Desperation swells inside me, needing to know what he was going to say. I grip his arm. “Please, River. What else?”
He looks back at me, his dark gaze boring into me. “Hold on.” River steps back, and the lack of his slender frame and long limbs caging me in against the wall makes me sag.
Fuck. He was so close to opening up to me. Did he really hear something, or was that an excuse for him to back away from the vulnerability?
River pauses at the door to his bedroom, listening for a few seconds. His whole body is tense, like he fears whatever is out there. A moment later, I hear what he noticed. The faint whisper of voices.
He listens for a few more seconds, then spins back to face me, pupils blown wide. Whatever he heard has made his alpha rise to the surface again.
“Get on the bed,” he growls, pacing toward me, every inch of his lithe body coiled to pounce.
I cross my arms and shake my head at him. “Tell me what you were going to say!”
He sighs, reaching up to tear off his glasses and pinch between his brows. “I will. I’ll tell you everything. But please, get on the bed. My alpha… I need you.”
His vulnerability startles me enough that I acquiesce, nodding.
He didn’t ask me to undress, but I know from the hungry way River watches me, that was implied. I tug off my underwear and toss them in the hamper, then get on the bed, cock stiff and leaking as I wait for him to join me.
He climbs onto the bed, hovering above me as he searches my face with wild eyes. “Color?”
“Green,” I confirm. “But if you don’t tell me—”
River’s mouth is on mine, hot and hungry. His tongue pushes against my lips and when I open for him, he’s demanding. I let out a half-groan, half-sigh at the intensity, but squirm beneath him, frustrated he cut me off.
“Patience, toy. I’m getting there,” he rasps, reaching between our bodies to wrap his slender fingers around my cock. “God, you’re always so needy. No wonder you have a scent match. You’re insatiable.”
“River,” I moan as he gives my cock a rough tug.
He removes his hand from my aching length and shakes his head. “Not River. Sir.”
“S-sir,” I say, the words shaky with the combined force of my lust and need for him to just fucking tell me already.
“You want it all. You’re greedy,” he growls, moving off of me and gesturing for me to roll over onto my stomach as he grabs the bottle on the bedside table and pumps some lube into his hand.
“I am,” I agree, skin burning with the delicious sting of embarrassment as I follow his order, rolling onto my stomach and presenting myself for him.
“You’re lucky, fuck toy. Because I’m greedy, too. As much as I try to fight it, I want it all.” The bed shifts as River positions himself behind me and knees my thighs further apart.
I suck in a shaky inhale as he circles my hole with two slicked fingers, spreading lube around the rim.
He’s distracting me, but I’m burning with the need for more.
More of his touch.
More information.
More about what “wanting it all” even means.
If it means what I think it does…