Chapter 43
Stop talking. Please stop talking. For the love of god, I don’t care about your wife or your vacation plans. Shut the fuck up.
I smile and nod as I stand by the conference room door while the liaison from Smithfield continues to yap about every inane thing under the sun. Our meeting that was meant to be an hour long extended to over two, and if they don’t leave soon, I’m going to lose my mind.
Between all the little surges of emotion I’ve felt from Camille and the dried jizz gluing my underwear to my dick, I’m crawling out of my skin. My alpha screamed at me to go check on my omega over and over during the entire meeting. I’m honestly not sure how I got through it even semi-coherently.
I can’t stand the thought of Camille sitting at her desk worrying about what happened between us. I have to reassure her, then explain what happened and apologize for my mistake.
I bonded Camille.
She begged me for it, and I didn’t even put up a fight.
Every moment over the past year I spent suppressing my desire for her boiled over and made me lose my mind.
I thought she understood what was happening. I thought she wanted it…
Fuck, maybe I shouldn’t bring it up right away. It’s bad enough that we had sex in the office and need to figure that out ASAP. But I’m so tired of hiding things from her.
She’s mine now, whether she meant for that to be the case or not. I have to believe that her omega understood and asked for it because she knows we belong together. Otherwise, I won’t be able to live with myself.
“Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Gotta get back to the office in time for the lunch delivery.” The older beta chuckles and pats his stomach.
My smile in response is weak, but he doesn’t seem to notice. As soon as I’ve dropped him off in the lobby by the elevators, I race back toward Camille’s office.
My stomach sinks as it comes into view, and I don’t see her inside. Shit, she must’ve gone out for lunch. Now I have to wait until she gets back, and I think she has a meeting, so that means I’ll have to wait hours to speak with her.
I slump against the wall, all the tension that’s been buzzing through me releasing in a wave of fatigue and defeat. There’s a faint current of Camille’s emotions inside me, the thin thread of our one-sided bond calling to me. She’s no longer actively upset, but there’s still a lot of worry.
Worry that I caused. Worry I need to make better.
I head back to my office and shut the door, sagging into my chair with a groan, only to spring back up and start pacing a minute later. There’s no way I’m getting any work done now, and I can’t lurk by her office waiting to pounce the moment Camille returns.
I grab my phone and head down to the parking garage, pulling up the pack group chat on the way.
River: I’m coming home for lunch. We need to have an emergency pack meeting.
By the time I’m in my car, I’ve gotten a reply. Thank god for Jackson’s addiction to his phone.
Jackson: I’m here, but Ambrose is at work.
Jackson: But whatever it is, I can help you figure it out.
Shit. Ambrose leaves his phone in his office when he’s working. It might be hours before he checks it. I could call the front desk and ask them to page him for me, but having sex with and bonding Camille isn’t exactly a genuine emergency.
River: Okay, thanks.
Anxiety makes my stomach clench violently.
River: I fucked up. It’s bad.
I set my phone down on the passenger seat as it vibrates with a flurry of incoming text notifications, and start the engine. A moment later it rings, coming through the car speakers.
With a groan, I answer it.
“You can’t say ‘it’s bad’ and then stop replying!” Jackson’s panicked voice yells from the other end. “What’s going on?”
“I’ll be home in fifteen minutes. I’ll tell you then.”
“Nope. Tell me now,” Jackson insists.
Maybe it’s better to tell him over the phone. Face-to-face, he’d be able to strangle me for my idiotic behavior.
I release a shaky exhale and pull out into traffic, white knuckling the wheel as I build the courage to speak.
Jackson sighs, softening his voice. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. But I need to know, dude.”
“Shit, okay. So… Camille came to talk to me in my office. She was upset about something she overheard me say to Ambrose when she spent the night.”
“Oh fuck,” Jackson groans, assuming that I screwed things up in my standard way of making Camille feel unwelcome.
If only that were the case.
“Let me finish!” I snap, though I’m not sure why I’m being so pissy about the interruption when what I’m going to say next is even worse.
“Okay, okay, damn,” Jackson grumbles.
“I explained to her that what she heard was out of context. I was upset that she’d eavesdropped on a private conversation, and, uh, well, things… escalated.”
“Escalated? Like you yelled at each other? Man, please tell me you didn’t call off the courtship. I thought we’d agreed to make all the decisions together. You can’t choose to do that on your own. It’s not fair!”
“I know. I know that. It wasn’t yelling. We… I told her I have feelings for her. Blurted it out, really. My alpha couldn’t stand her not knowing any longer and I asked her to put me out of my misery and reject me so we could move on accordingly. But… uh… She didn’t.”
There’s a long pause as Jackson processes my words. I sit at a red light, heart slamming against my ribcage as I wait for him to reply.
“Riv, that’s fucking amazing news. You told her and she’s down to be with you too? I don’t get what the problem is. I mean, yeah, we’ll need to figure out stuff with your job, but it’ll be okay.” He chuckles. “It’s your turn to rely on us for a change.”
“We fucked,” I blurt, hating how excited and hopeful he sounds. I want to have the same hope and I would’ve if I hadn’t made such a colossal mistake.
“What?!” There’s a bark in the background, Jackson’s shocked gasp startling Dahlia.
“Well, technically, we kissed a lot, and I fingered her. But that’s still sex. We did it on my desk.”
“Shiiit, that’s hot.” Jackson clears his throat like he’s embarrassed by his own reaction. “The whole forbidden workplace thing and worrying you might get caught is risky, but sounds fun.”
“That’s not everything.” I fight the urge to take a wrong turn and head far away from the city to somewhere I can hide and wait for everything to blow over without me. Hell, maybe I should go away permanently and leave everyone alone so they can be happy in peace without me always ruining things.
“Oh fuck. Did you get caught?”
“No… Okay, before I tell you this, I need you to understand that I thought it was what she wanted. My alpha was nearly feral with need for her and she kept begging me, and… Fuck, I promise, I’d never have done it if I knew.”
“You’re scaring me, dude,” Jackson says, all the usual levity gone from his voice.
“I… I bonded her. She smelled so good and her cunt was gripping my fingers like a vise and soaking my hand, and she asked me to do it. Begged me. So I did.”
“You didn’t.” Jackson lets out a disbelieving groan. “River, tell me you’re joking. You promised to talk to us about big pack decisions, and then you bit her impulsively?”
I take it back. Doing this over the phone is worse than in person because he can’t see how damn guilty and worried I am.
“That’s not even the bad part,” I murmur.
“It’s not?” Jackson’s voice pitches higher in alarm.
“Afterwards, when we’d both, uh, finished, I apologized for not thinking clearly in the heat of the moment. She was confused. She…”
God, saying it out loud makes me feel like a monster.
“Camille didn’t know what she was asking for. She said it was no big deal and that it’d heal. She apologized for asking for it, assuming I was upset about indulging a kink I wasn’t comfortable with.”
“Oh… damn, that’s…”
“I bonded our omega, and she doesn’t even know what I did.
She didn’t consent to it and now Camille is stuck with me when we didn’t even have a conversation about what our mutual attraction means.
I wanted to talk to her, but then I was trapped in a meeting and she’s out at lunch and…
” Hot tears prick my eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” I murmur weakly. “I’m so sorry.”
Jackson’s reply takes a few agonizing moments, in which my mistake keeps flashing before my eyes. “Meet me out front,” he says. “I’ll be out there by the time you get here.”
“What? Why?” I immediately imagine Jackson dumping all my belongings on the curb and not wanting to let me into the house. I know it’s absurd, but that doesn’t make the panic go away.
“We’re going to go to the clinic and talk to Ambrose,” Jackson replies matter-of-factly.
“I don’t want to bother him at work,” I say weakly, dread spiking at the thought of my mate’s reaction to my mistake.
Jackson sighs like I’m being ridiculous. “He needs to know, dude.
“I thought you said you could handle this,” I grumble.
“That was before I found out you bit Camille!” Jackson scoffs. “No, this is definitely emergency meeting territory. I already texted Bradley to ask him to page Ambrose so he can wrap up whatever he’s doing by the time we get there.”
With no room to argue, I agree and hang up. When I get to the house, Jackson is outside. He races up to the car and slides into the passenger side, reaching across the center console to tug me against his bulky body.
I release a sound of surprised protest, but he squeezes me harder in an awkwardly angled hug. After a few moments, the tension that’s coursing through my body eases as Jackson crushes it out of me and I go slightly limp in his arms.
“That’s right, relax. I’ve got you.”
My heart squeezes at his casual reassurances. I have the terrible urge to bring my lips to his and kiss him as a thank you. I clear my throat and pull back.
“T-thanks.” I take off my glasses to wipe off where they got smeared on his shirt.
“Anytime.” Jackson gives me a warm smile. “I was kinda hoping you’d smell like Cami since you, you know…” He waggles his eyebrows at me.
I let out a choked sound. “Too soon. Also, if I smelled like her, that’d be a big problem at work. Thank fuck for that industrial strength de-scenter Ambrose buys us.”
Jackson shrugs. “Can’t blame a besotted beta for trying. I mean, look at you. Your alpha made you bond her.”
“Man, it’s not funny! It’s a serious problem and I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.”
Jackson clamps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes.
“Yeah, it’s not great, but come on. It’s a little funny.
You’ve been so uptight and worried about being the odd man out for our pack, and then you went and bonded the omega we’re courting.
Once we get past the misunderstanding, this is something we’ll all laugh about. ”
Can it really be that simple? Am I worrying too much, like always?
I swallow down my protests and nod, making myself have faith in Jackson’s assurances. I can either torture myself until I can speak with Camille, or I can live in Jackson’s fantasy world, where everything works out fine.
With him grinning at me, the choice is simple. “Yeah. You’re right.”
Jackson squeezes my shoulder again before letting go. “Alright, let’s go talk to Ambrose before he has a heart attack wondering what the emergency is.”
“You didn’t tell him? Jackson!” I glare at him as he shrugs.
It doesn’t talk long to get to the clinic, and Ambrose is exiting the building as I pull into the parking lot.
He races over to the car, eyes wide with panic. I barely have time to put the car in park before he’s shouting, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Camille okay?”
My mate’s wild eyes search me for injury or distress as I get out of the car. “We’re all okay, babe. Jackson should’ve been more clear that no one was hurt when he called the front desk.”
The beta rounds the car to stand beside us, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. “I wanted to make sure he was ready to talk when we got here.”
Ambrose’s gaze darts between us, his brow furrowing. “I’m here. Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on.”
I open my mouth to speak, hesitating for a moment as anxiety about how he’ll react rises in me.
“He fucked Camille and bonded her,” Jackson blurts.
“What the fuck, man?” I snap, glaring at him.
“Sorry, I figured it’d be better to rip the bandage off than let you tiptoe around it.”
“You what?” Ambrose’s brows lift in alarm and disbelief.
“I… She came into my office because she overheard something I said the other night and took it the wrong way, and in order to clarify, I confessed my feelings for her.”
“Which led to him finger banging our omega on his desk and biting her,” Jackson adds.
I barely resist the urge to smack him, focusing instead on Ambrose’s reaction.
I wait for him to get angry. To yell at me. To tell me I’m a terrible packmate and partner.
Instead, a burst of startled laughter falls from his lips. “That’s… wow, love, that’s one way of doing it.” Ambrose steps forward and pulls me against his chest, a pleased purr rattling out of him. “I’m proud of you.”
“You… What?”
My mate laughs again and presses a kiss to my cheek. “You told her how you felt. That’s huge.”
“Yes, but I bonded her. She asked me to bite her, and I thought she understood, but it was clear afterwards she didn’t.
” There’s a stab of guilt in my gut saying it aloud again.
“And we did it at work. She could get fired for that if anyone found out, and I would absolutely lose my job. I made things even harder for everyone.”
Ambrose pulls back to look me in the face and shakes his head. “She’ll understand. You didn’t force yourself on her, or do anything she didn’t ask for, right?”
I nod, though the way he asks lets me know it’s not a real question. Ambrose has no doubt that I would never do something like that. He has faith in me, even now. Even when I fear I don’t deserve it.
He smiles gently. “We’ll figure it out.”
Jackson nods in agreement. “Camille will understand. She knows we all belong together.”
They both say it like it’s a foregone conclusion. And fuck, as the new bond with Camille simmers inside me, I know they’re right.
My alpha knew this whole time. My pack knew. I think even Camille knew. I’m the dumbass who couldn’t read the signs.
“I’m going to quit my job.” I freeze after the words slip free from my lips, waiting for them to tell me that’s a terrible idea. Waiting for that practical voice in my head to tell me I can’t take away our pack’s financial security so flippantly.
Neither happens.
Jackson smiles. “Makes sense.”
Ambrose squeezes my arm. “Yes, it does.”
It’s alarming how simple it feels now that I’ve made the choice.
God, I’m an idiot.
Jackson lets out a loud bark of laughter and claps me on the back, making me realize I said that out loud. “Yeah, you kinda are. But you’re our idiot.”