52
Buzz
"We need to talk about the elephant in the room,"
I say when the movie finishes.
Court grabs the flicker and turns the TV off.
"That's a bit rude, isn't it?"
I peel myself off his lap, which I've been using as a pillow ever since Renée Zellweger declared You had me at hello. "Huh?"
"The elephant is right here,"
Court says, gesturing toward his groin.
I roll my eyes.
"Stop making everything about sex."
"Didn't hear you complaining this morning."
"That's because you were aggressively throat fucking me."
He clasps his hands behind his head, looking all smug and sexy.
"Yeah, I was."
I sit up.
"Can you be serious for a minute?"
"Sorry. What's on your mind?"
he says, snapping out of sex-crazed mode.
"We need to talk."
Court stares at the empty black TV screen and frowns.
"Inspired by Jerry Maguire?"
"Actually, a little. Yeah."
When the old-school romcom came up as a recommendation as we were scrolling through movie options, I never expected it would affect me the way it did. But there were several scenes where being brave enough to have an honest conversation came up. It wasn't lost on me that's something Court and I might be slightly terrible at.
"What would you like to talk about?" he asks.
So. Many. Things.
Like how good it feels having him back here.
How much I never want him to leave.
How I'm never going to find anyone that satisfies me the way he does on every level—emotional, intellectual, and sexual.
But the specific elephant I have in mind for this conversation is.
"Your mom's offer."
"Oh."
"Have you been thinking about it?"
"Of course I have. It's impossible not to."
"And where are you at with it?"
He takes a long breath and stretches his legs out, resting his socked feet on the coffee table.
"Honestly?"
I nod.
"Honestly."
"I think we should seriously consider it."
Every muscle in my face goes rigid. I was not expecting him to say that at all. "Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's a lot, and there are so many factors to consider."
"Like what?"
"For starters, the matter of your father. On the one hand, I have to respect Mom's decision, but on the other, I strongly disagree with it and think your dad deserves to know. What he does once he finds out is up to him, but he should be informed."
"I think so, too. And so does Howie."
"What does he think about the whole thing?"
I feel my cheeks burning. The conversation he and I had about this was severely entwined with him seeming to think Court's in love with me.
Wishful thinking at best. Dangerous thinking at worst.
Court doesn't love me in that way because if he did, surely he'd have told me by now. And I can't keep holding out hope that he is in love with me because I should be focusing on all my own needy shit I need to work on before I can entertain being in a relationship with anyone.
"Howie thinks it's pretty messed up."
"That's a nice way of putting it."
"What else are you considering?"
Court drops his head back and lets out another long breath, like he's been coiled with tension and is finally finding release.
"Everything, Buzz."
"Everything?"
"Yep. I'm putting my whole life under a microscope and asking, What the fuck have I been doing?"
"Um, you've been doing really important work like saving lives. That's a pretty big deal."
He cranes his neck to me and smiles, but there's a sadness lingering in his eyes.
"That's my career. What about my life? Oh, that's right. I don't have one because my career is my life."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm not really sure. But Mom's offer is making me reevaluate a whole lot of things because if I am seriously considering raising this child, I can't do that with the way I'm currently living. My lifestyle isn't exactly kid friendly. I think I'm having an existential crisis."
"You mean a midlife crisis?"
His cheek rises as he tries not to grin. "Shut up."
"Make me."
He grabs the bulge forming in his sweatpants.
"That an invitation?"
I chuckle and thrust my hips closer to him. "It is."
"What are you offering?"
"What would you like?"
"I wouldn't say no to a repeat of this morning."
I reach over and palm his cock.
"You seem to really be into me blowing you."
"What can I say? You've got a velvet throat."
"I think you like it because you can talk dirty to me, and I can't talk back."
"Not true. But you do look even more beautiful with my cock stuffed in your pretty little mouth."
Heat surges through my body. It's wild how free we can be with each other. I've never been like this with anyone before.
"Bet you say that to all the guys."
Court's palm cradles the side of my face.
"Don't say that, Buzz. You know it's not true."
"Actually, I don't know that,"
I reply in all my needy glory.
Yep, I even get jealous over imaginary scenarios involving a guy I'm not even dating. I seriously need a boatload of therapy.
Court stares deep into my eyes.
"Buzz. I've never done anything like this with anyone. And I wouldn't want to. It's only you."
I close my eyes and let the words course through my veins. Even though he's only talking about sex, I let myself get swept up and imagine he's talking about me.
About us.
"And I'm sorry I haven't been more communicative,"
he continues.
"It's not because I'm avoiding stuff— Wait. It's not only because I'm avoiding stuff. I just have so much going on in my head at the moment, and all of it is major life stuff. I want to get crystal clear on what I want, and then I'll tell you everything. I promise."
He pauses, and I would literally do anything for him to fill the silence with the words I so long to hear from him.
When I open my eyes, he's staring at me so intently I can almost sense those very words on the tip of his tongue, so close to escaping from the prison of his mouth.
"I get that," I say.
"We just have to keep talking."
"Agreed,"
he says, a sly smirk rising on his lips as he takes hold of my wrist and guides my hand to his dick.
"And if we're going to be talking more, we should give that jaw of yours a proper workout to get it nice and strong."
I chuckle and squeeze his dick. Guess I should put him out of his misery. I slide off the couch and onto the floor then peel down his sweatpants to his ankles. I'm greeted by the prettiest dick I've ever seen in my life—long, hard, and glistening in invitation.
My mouth waters.
Let the blow job begin.