53
Courtland
"Thanks for the lift,"
Buzz says when I pull up outside the fire station.
"Don't mention it."
He shoots me a smile, looking sexy as fuck in his navy-blue fireman's uniform, and my heart damn near caves in on itself.
The chat we had last week was a game changer for me.
I saw something in his eyes, something I've never seen before. He wasn't just looking for assurance that I haven't done anything like what we're doing sexually with anyone else, he wanted to know if this is special.
And it is.
More special than I could adequately put into words.
Some people use humor or sarcasm as a deflection tactic, I've started using sex. It's so much easier to just grab my dick and grunt than it is to open my heart to the man I love.
That's not healthy and something I need to fix ASAP.
Because time is ticking.
It's late March. Still cold and unpredictable, but there are early signs of spring. Yesterday was unseasonably warm, hitting fifty-five during the day. Which made me think of another new arrival—Mom's baby.
"What are you thinking about?"
Buzz asks, his deep voice cutting into my thoughts.
"Weirdly, Mom's baby."
"There's nothing weird about that. Anything specifically?"
"Do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?"
He scratches his chest as he thinks about it.
"Honestly, that's one thing I haven't given much thought to."
"Yeah. Me neither. You got a preference?"
He snickers.
"Yeah. Like what I want affects the outcome in any way."
"I know it doesn't. But if you could choose. What would you prefer? Boy or girl?"
His teeth sink into his lower lip, and I try not to get distracted by how sexy that is.
"Girl,"
he finally says.
"Why?"
"I'm surrounded by guys all the time. You. Howie. At the station. My closest friends. Some female energy might be nice."
I smile.
"I can see us raising a little girl."
Buzz's eyebrows shoot up toward his hairline.
Oops?
We've both been so preoccupied with Mom's refusal to tell Buzz's dad, nitty-gritty details, like the baby's gender, have slipped through the cracks.
He swallows thickly. "You can?"
Before I'm able to respond, a loud pounding rocks the car.
"What's up, motherfuckers?"
Ramzi booms, and I grab my chest, my heart beating a million miles a minute.
"Fuck. That scared the shit out me,"
I mutter before rolling down the window.
"The windows weren't fogged up,"
Ramzi says, peering in, dressed in the same uniform as Buzz.
"But that doesn't rule out a discreet hand job. Buzz here has a fondness for those, don't ya, buddy?"
"You know, for a straight dude, you seem pretty fixated on my sex life,"
Buzz quips, unbuckling his seat belt.
"I'm in a drought. I'll take living vicariously through my best friend if that's the best I can get."
My chest tightens, but it's more of a reflex response than the actual possessiveness I normally feel whenever Ramzi calls Buzz his bestie.
I know they're close. Given the nature of their work, they have to be. It's in both of their best interests to trust each other implicitly—after all, it could very well be a matter of life or death. I get that just like I understand it's illogical to be jealous of that bond.
Previously, it's driven me mad although I've done a pretty good job of hiding it. But now? Now Ramzi can have the best friend title all he wants because where Buzz and I are feels way past friendship and into something deeper and way more delicious.
Buzz fumbles over his words, trying to come up with a save. I place my hand on his leg and smile to assure him it's fine. He looks at me like I've grown a second head.
Ramzi pokes his head in through the open window and peers down.
"Just checking."
"Yeah." I snort.
"Way too interested in gay dude sex."
"We need to get going,"
he says to Buzz.
"Can't miss the morning briefing."
"He's right,"
Buzz says, and I can hear the resignation in his voice.
"Hey. Stop by the inn for lunch today. We'll continue our conversation then."
His whole face brightens.
"I'd really like that. Plus, it'll give me a chance to say hi to Zane at work."
"I'm sure he'll like that."
Much to my surprise, Manuel was cool with hiring Zane, and I have to hand it to the guy, he's been doing a really good job.
"All right. Well, see ya."
"Bye."
We lean in for a kiss only to be interrupted by the world's loudest cough. I pull back and glare at Ramzi.
"Scared you'll get a hard-on seeing us kiss?"
He rocks on his heels.
"Bold of you to assume I'm not already hard."
I look at Buzz and roll my eyes.
"Are the rest of the crew as immature as him?"
"Nope. He's the only one,"
Buzz says, smiling.
He leans over, kisses me on the mouth, winks at Ramzi, then hops out of the car.
I can't wipe the grin off my face the whole drive back to the inn.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, my life is going well. Everything isn't an uphill battle. I'm not constantly fighting exhaustion, eating shitty food, getting shitty sleep, dealing with shitty weather.
Okay, the weather hasn't been super wonderful, but I'll take a freezing cold winter in a small town over winter in a big city any day of the week. The cold here feels cleaner, the snow stays white, and I don't have to contend with traffic, fumes, and people rushing to get somewhere wherever I go. I'd forgotten not only how pretty Clovelly is, but how at peace I used to feel here, before all the family drama went down.
I pull into my parking spot at the inn, step out of the car, and take pleasure in the simple sounds of birds in the distance and the crunch of my boots against the gravel. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and let my lungs fill with the crisp air.
Yeah, this is where I'm meant to be.
"Are you okay?"
Zane asks. He's wearing dark work pants, a thermal undershirt beneath a fleece-lined flannel, and a puffer vest with the inn’s logo. His long hair is tied in a low ponytail.
"You look like you're in a Claritin commercial."
I chuckle. He's actually a funny guy.
"I was just taking a moment. Enjoying life's simple pleasures."
He glances around.
"Like a parking lot?"
"Yeah. Like a parking lot."
I make my way toward reception, and he falls into step beside me.
"How's everything going? Manuel tells me you're doing really well."
He smiles at the compliment.
"Thanks. That means a lot. I'm not naturally the cleanest or tidiest person in the world, so Linda has had to show me how to do everything. But she's been terrific, and I'm working super hard."
"That's good to hear."
I clap him on the back.
"Hey, listen. Buzz is coming by the inn for lunch today. Make sure to come by and say hi."
Yep, my days of being competitive with Zane over Buzz are over, too. The more secure I get about me and Buzz, the more the petty rivalries I used to hold on to just melt away.
"I will. Well, I should get back to it."
"No worries. See ya, Zane."