Chapter 45
Pain jolts through my body, and somehow, somehow, I make it halfway to the living room, where I’m planning on spending the rest of the night on the couch, when I realize I could lay in my bed. My room is dark and furthest away from the place where my heart just got broken, and as I’m making my way down the hall, my front door flies open, slamming against the wall.
I jerk in surprise, turning around when Tanner walks through my living room, those green eyes still an odd combination of brightness from wanting to cry and frustration. His jaw ticks, but he stalks his way over to me with nothing but sheer determination. My feet move on their own accord, and suddenly, he’s meeting me halfway and grabbing my elbow, pulling me into him as his lips crash onto mine. I moan against him, hands instantly wrapping around his shoulders as his hand presses against my back, pushing me closer to him.
“If we’re done,” he rasps between kisses. “If we’re truly done, Daisy, then I want one night with you. One night to show you how much I love you.”
I nod, barely able to process the words as his lips trace the outline of my jaw, finding my lips again and working their way down the column of my throat. His hardened dick presses firmly against my center, and I sink teeth into my bottom lip as the tears continue falling from my face, whether from the happiness he came back for one last time or because I know after this, we’ll be done. He doesn’t allow me to focus on it long enough because his hand grabs the back of my head and tilts me up gently so he has better access to my lips, my mouth.
Our teeth clash together, hands and mouths moving too fast for our brains to catch up. My hands slip under his shirt and claw at the skin on his back, trying and failing to mold us together as one. His hands grip my hips, hoisting me up as a surprised noise slips from my lips as my legs latch around his waist, my fingers finding their place in his hair. He groans against my mouth, his tongue licking across my bottom lip as I open for him again, savoring the taste of mint on his lips from the gum he chewed on after dinner. Maybe subconsciously, he’d anticipated something like this would happen, but I don’t care about that right now. I don’t, can’t care.
“Room,” he grounds out, and I lift my hand from his hair to point behind us.
“Farthest room back.”
He walks us there, our lips only breaking from mine to press against my throat, my cheeks, my jaw. “So beautiful,” he murmurs. “So beautiful and all mine.”
My heart cracks in my chest because I’m not his anymore. I never was. But I kiss him harder, grip his hair with the same fervor, and nod against him because, in some ways, I think I’ll always be his, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
The door to my room closes behind us, and he gently throws me on my bed, another noise escaping from him as he reaches back for the collar of his shirt and discards it somewhere in my room. I sit up on my elbows, taking my time looking at the broadness of his chest and the sculpted ‘v’ of his stomach while he’s seemingly doing the same to me, although I’m fully clothed.
“Take ’em off, sweetheart,” he groans, jutting his chin at my clothes. “Keep the skirt on, though.”
My eyes widen, but with shaky hands, I oblige, quickly taking off my sweater and bra, laying somewhat bare to him. Goosebumps scatter across my body, my breathing ragged, and he hasn’t even touched me yet. My gaze drops to his pants, the thick length pressing against his jeans, and my mouth waters. A smirk pulls at his mouth, the heat searing in his eyes.
“Gotta earn my cock, baby.”
“H-how?” I stammer, embarrassed at how vulnerable and hungry I sound for him.
He only grins, bending a leg so his knee presses against the mattress, pushing my legs apart with the back of his hand. “I’ll show you.”
Large hands push my skirt so it bunches against my waist, his head dipping down to press his nose against my thong as he inhales my scent, visibly shuddering in pleasure.
“Smells like mine, too.”
I whimper, my eyes already fluttering closed, and he’s barely touched me.
“Do you know how long,” he rasps. “I’ve been wanting to taste your sweet cunt?”
My nerve-endings are sparking with pleasure and rippling through me, and my mind focused on the pleasure of his finger tracing up my clothed slit. He pushes the fabric to the side, meeting my gaze with an intensity that makes my stomach flip and my limbs feel like jelly.
“Too fucking long,” he growls, answering his own question before dipping his head down and licking up my center. I instantly cry out, hands shooting for his hair to keep me rooted as he wastes no time licking and lapping me up. He groans against me, sucking on my clit as a finger enters me at the same time. My hips shoot up, legs wanting to close, but he shimmies his shoulders forward to brace my legs.
“So.” lick. “Fucking.” lick. “Sweet.”
Stars already shoot behind my eyes, the sensation rippling through my stomach as his finger pumps in and out of me, curling in the most delicious spot as I’m withering above him, legs violently shaking on either side of him.
“Tanner,” I cry out, fingers gripping tightly in his hair. He moans—literally moans at the sensation, which only heightens my orgasm more. Every one of my limbs no longer exists, floating on a cloud. He sucks hard on my clit, and at the same time, he pushes another finger in, and that’s my undoing. I scream out, my eyes slamming shut as pleasure ripples through my body from head to toe. He coaches me through it, saying things like, ‘Love the way my name sounds on your lips, baby,’ and “God, I never knew something could taste this divine,” and I can barely think straight when he lifts his head to wipe the remnants of me on the inside of my thigh before pressing a kiss there. He’s panting, and my eyes are still closed, breaths labored. His weight dips from the bed, and a moment later, my eyes open to find his pants and boxers discarded, his length hard and resting against his stomach. My eyes widen as much as they can after that earth-shattering orgasm, and his hand grips the base once, twice, as he watches me.
“Skirt off,” he commands, and I’m instantly flinging it off, along with my thong. They fall somewhere to the side of my bed, but I’m too unbothered to care.
He grins, but it’s lazy and hungry and so fucking hot I can barely think straight. His hand slowly pumps his cock, jerking his head towards me.
“Touch yourself.”
My eyes bulge again. “What?”
“You heard me,” he says, voice so thick with pleasure it doesn’t even sound like Tanner. “If this is the only night I get with you, I want to make it count. Now touch yourself.”
I hesitate. I don’t usually engage in self-pleasure because I’m not comfortable in my body. I’ve obviously masturbated before, but there’s a vulnerability with having him watch me, and I’m almost tempted to say no. But then I watch him continue pumping his cock, and more than the nerves I feel, I want him in me. So if it means I have to touch myself first, then fine.
My trembling hand slowly works its way down my torso until landing on my already sensitive clit. “Good girl,” he rasps, jerking his head towards it again. “Now, play with yourself.”
“Tanner,” I say shyly. “I—“
His hand doesn’t stop the methodical pace, but his face softens. “I’ll walk you through it, baby. I’m here with you the whole time.”
Staring into his heated gaze, I believe him. It’s just me and him, and he’ll keep me safe. My fingers press on my clit, and my hips instantly jerk up, the breath escaping from me as a groan ripples from his throat.
“My pretty Daisy baby,” he hums. “Show me what you do when I’m not here.”
I don’t tell him I rarely touch myself, but instead, I imagine what it’d be like if it were him instead. Pressing on my clit, rubbing firm yet gentle strokes along it before dipping into my soaked core and dragging it back up my seam. I whimper, my face scrunching in pleasure as emerald eyes find mine, his jaw slack.
“There we go,” he husks out, pumping a bit faster. “Doing so well, baby.” I so desperately want it to be his fingers playing with me, but I don’t stop. My fingers dip into my core, pumping in and out, and we both hiss out a breath.
“Baby,” he rasps. “Are you on birth control?”
The question nearly stops me, but all I can do is lift my head slightly. “Yes,” I say breathlessly.
“Need to be in you, Daisy girl,” he groans. “I’m not gonna last long,” he pants. “And I need to be in you.”
“Please,” I whine, fingers moving faster on my clit. “Please, Tanner.”
His hand slows on his cock, eyes filling with wariness despite the heat around them. “I don’t have a condom, though.”
“I don’t care,” I ground out. “Just get in me.”
His weight dips down on the bed, and one moment I’m touching myself, and the next, I’m gripping his shoulders, clawing the fuck out of him as I hiss out a breath. He pushes into me slowly, hand slipping behind my knee and hoisting my leg to change the angle, and I nearly cry out. “Fuck, Daisy,” he grits out. “So tight, baby.”
I can barely breathe, barely think. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so full, so complete, and not at the same time. I need more of him, all of him, and when he hits the hilt, my body is visibly shaking.
He leans down, the angle deepening as his lips hover mere inches from mine. “Breathe, baby,” he says calmly, although I can hear the strain in his voice. “Need you to breathe.”
I take one small breath, and that satisfies him. He smirks boyishly, lips moving to hover by my ear. “I love you.”
I don’t get a chance to react because he pulls out of me before jamming back all the way in. My back bows, and I’m pretty sure I scream out, but I can’t be certain because my head is completely underwater—lost as he pulls me deeper and deeper into the trenches of everything he is. He groans, snapping his hips hard and fast, obliging when I beg him to go even harder, even faster.
“My sweet girl,” he groans, thrusting at a methodical pace that has me clawing at his stomach, the sheets, everything I can possibly get my hands on. He leans down, pressing his lips against mine. “My sweet, sweet Daisy,” he murmurs before his hips thrust even harder.
If this is what falling feels like, I hope to god or whoever is out there that I’m never caught.
“Touch yourself again, baby,” he rasps. For a second, I think he’s joking, but the darkened gaze he sends me makes me reach back down and start toying with my clit. His hand reaches up to squeeze my hardened nipple, rolling and toying with it as my eyes flutter, all the sensations too much at once.
“Want you filled full of me, baby,” he groans, removing his hand to grab my other leg, hoisting it over his other arm. The position pushes him in deeper, and I scream out, throwing my head back as he pumps harder and faster.
“Need you to come soon,” he grounds out. “Think you can do that for me?”
I nod because, little does he know, I’m already on the brink of it. He praises me again, dropping his head back in pure ecstasy, and for the first time since we started doing this, the chamber in my chest tugs for him. The realization that tonight is all we have, knowing that when I wake up in the morning, he won’t be with me anymore and that we’ll be done, makes my heart slowly break again. It was rebuilding itself, and now it’s broken, the weight of all of this being overheavy on me.
And suddenly, as he’s thrusting into me, I’m screaming his name out, and tears are flowing down my face. He drops my legs gently, leaning forward to piston into me as his lips kiss each place where the tears are until he’s roaring out my name. Promising me that it’ll be okay, that he loves me and is sorry he’s telling me as he’s goodbye fucking me, and my heart shatters even more.
He pulls out once our breathing stalls, leaving the room for what feels like an eternity, and I roll on my side, holding myself. He re-emerges moments later, the sheer determination in his pained gaze as he stalks over to me, crouches down in front of me despite being as naked as I am and runs a hand over my face and into my hair. “Come shower with me, sweetheart,” he says gently. I barely register him pulling me from bed and into his arms, carrying me the three feet it takes to get from my room to the bathroom in the hall before setting me down, slipping my shower bonnet on my hair, pressing a kiss to my nose and pulling me in with him.
The hot water soothes me and makes me take a breath for the first time since doing this. Tanner stands behind me wordlessly as that piece of my heart is like a shard, poking and prodding me as a reminder that after tonight, after all of this, we’re done for good. He must sense the heaviness between us because he’s reaching for my body wash and pouring it into his hands, slowly massaging it into my back, my shoulders, the swell of my breasts, and in between my legs. He kisses my ear, promises it’ll be okay again, and I rinse off.
When we’re done in the shower, he wraps one of my towels around me, takes my bonnet off, and presses another kiss to my lips as he grabs the extra one I have hanging up and wraps it around himself.
Guiding me back into the bedroom, I pick up his shirt from the floor, slip it over my body, and lay on the sex-stained sheets. I don’t care. I’ll wash them tomorrow. I won’t have him to look forward to, anyway.
He slides into the opposite side, and I realize that this is the first time we’ve ever slept together both figuratively and literally. Both times end with us not working out.
I hate everything.
“C’mere, baby,” he says softly, like he knows the magnitude of this pain, too. I scoot back into him, my ass pressed against his front, and although he gets hard again, he only wraps an arm around my waist and nuzzles into my neck.
There aren’t words to say besides goodbye, and even though I’m not ready for that, I say something more fitting.
“I’m sorry.”
I can feel the surprise on his face, and he squeezes me tighter.
“I know.”
I’m sure he’s crying, too, but I don’t turn to look. I can’t because if I do, that means we’re officially over, and that’s the last thing I want.
Instead, I close my eyes, and imagine that forever is with Tanner and not alone by myself, because for the first time, I want to win. I want my win to be him because I fucking deserve the good things this man offers. I know I could love him one day because I think I already do.
I fall asleep shortly after the realization, nestled into the security of his arms, and when I wake up the next morning, he’s gone.