Chapter 46
“You have to come out with us on Friday, Daisy!“ Gia pouts, her chin resting in the palm of her hand as her bottom lip juts out in a playful pout. “It’s been so long since the three of us have done something together.”
“You both have been busy,” I mutter, biting the straw resting in between my lips before taking a sip of my water. Right as I started my workday this morning, Sam and Gia knocked at my apartment door and practically dragged me out for brunch despite my protests. I didn’t want to leave my desk to drink boujee drinks and eat greasy food, but it didn’t seem like I had much of a choice. I knew my friends and knew they wouldn’t have left until I either invited them inside or went out, and since I didn’t want anybody lingering in my space right now, I grabbed my work phone, and my bag, and headed out with them. We’ve only been here for an hour, and I’m already ready to go home.
“And you’ve been ignoring us,” Sam says pointedly, although there’s no real bite to his words.
I shrug as if to say, ‘Can ya blame me?’ but he only frowns from the opposite side of the table, sharing a look of concern with Gia. I sigh and set my glass down before leaning back in my chair, folding my arms over my chest while I wait for one of them to remind me, for the millionth time, why isolating myself isn’t healthy. If they aren’t texting me, they’re Facetiming me, or Sam is bombarding me in the office. It means more than I can explain that I have friends who are willing to show up for me when I can barely do it for myself, but they’re honestly overwhelming me. When something big happens, like the breakup, which wasn’t the most painful part now that I’ve had time to think about everything, I need a lot of space to reorient myself and figure out where to go from there. One minute, somebody is in your life. The next, they’re gone. That’s not easy to bounce back from.
And I’m not intentionally trying to ignore anybody, I swear, but I simply don’t care to socialize. There’s a big difference in my opinion, and I’m not ready to move around in the world, pretending like I didn’t spend three months with the first person I’d fallen in love with since…well, ever. Realizing that, after being basically the cause of a relationship ending, is enough to send me into a deeper depression.
“Daise,” Sam says gently, his brows dipped in concern. My gaze flicks up to him through my lashes, the straw still dangling from my mouth. “Will you come out with us on Friday?”
I glance away, my eyes landing on a couple walking into the restaurant we’re all at. My stomach clenches in pain, a subtle knife slicing through my most vital organ as I watch them together. They’re holding hands. The guy is a bit older, with brunette hair slicked back and stubble peppered on his jaw—he’s handsome enough, but as she talks to the waitress, he only looks at the girl. She’s animated and smiling during the interaction, and he looks at her like she hung the moon. My throat constricts, and I swallow thickly before shifting my focus back to my friends. I had that once, sort of.
I bite back a sigh, seeing the hopeful gleam on their faces. “If I consider it, will you two leave me alone?”
Sam and Gia share another look, but I hold my hand up to pause whatever they’re going to argue or protest. I love my friends dearly, but their concern is becoming suffocating. I need space and time to heal and figure out how to move forward in the way that works for me, especially knowing I still work with and have to see him whenever I go into the office, even though I try my best to avoid him as much as possible.
“Look,” I continue, setting my hand on the table. “I get that you both are concerned about me. I do, and I appreciate it more than you know. But you guys are suffocating me, and it’s only making it harder to move on. I need to go through this by myself, and I need my best friends to trust that I’ll be okay. Not hover like concerned parents.”
“We’re just worried,” Gia says softly, her frown pulling at the corners of her mouth as her lips turn down. “You barely answer our texts or phone calls, and you went almost an entire week without eating—“
“I wasn’t hungry,” I snap, but Gia shoots me a look that says, ‘Really?’ so I close my mouth and lean back.
“We’re not saying move on,” Sam adds, my gaze shifting to him. “But we just want you to be okay.”
As if I could move on in three months. I can’t. Tanner made an imprint that will last a lifetime. I’m angry it took me this long to see, and appreciate it. I’m angry that I allowed my anxiety to get in the way of the best thing to happen to me, and no matter how many therapy sessions I’ve completed in the last three months, not even my therapist can convince me that it wasn’t my fault.
I’m about to respond and remind both of them that I’m a grown-ass woman who can take care of herself, and while I appreciate the badgering, I still need space to breathe, but my phone starts vibrating next to me. I glance at it, an incoming text from my coworker Penelope—well, I guess my employee, since Mr. Moore promoted me last month without much of my own say, my brows furrowing.
“Shit,” I say, reading the text twice, glancing at Sam with concern. He sits upright in alarm, eyebrows pinching together.
“What is it?”
“Our entire website is down,” I say without looking up from the phone as more incoming texts come in. “Apparently, as a result of her own fuck up.”
Sam’s eyes widen as he slowly reaches for his phone to shove in his pocket. “What did she do?” There’s a hint of alarm in his voice, and I briefly flick my gaze up from my phone.
“I have no idea. She’s trying to explain over text, but it’s not making sense.”
Gia gets the hint and slowly begins packing her stuff, too. It’s great having a best friend who works in the same industry as us because we don’t have to say much for her to understand the severity of the issue.
“I can go in,” Sam says, standing from his chair. “I know today isn’t your day to be in office—“
“She’s technically my employee,” I argue, following him as I slip my phone in my sweatshirt hoodie pocket. Sam arches a brow as if to argue that point when his face falls suddenly. I don’t need to know what he’s going to say before he does.
“He’s going to be in today.”
The weirdest thing happens in this moment. Every sound echoing through the restaurant suddenly silences, and for a split second—the briefest moment in time,—my head dizzies with the reminders of him. His smell, the curve of plump, red lips, when he told me he loved me before burying himself in me, leaving the next morning without so much of a goodbye. I still have his shirt from that day. I always meant to give it back to him but couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Tanner and I have gone our complete ways to ignore each other since that fateful day, and as happy as I am about it, it sucks. I miss him. Never thought I’d say that about anybody, but I do. He was slowly becoming one of the most important people in my life, and he just…left. There haven’t been any reminders other than the ones in my memory of him because we work hard to avoid each other at work if one of us has to be in the office at the same time, but not having his presence in my life is dreadful.
“‘Kay,” Gia interrupts, coming to stand behind me. “Bill is paid. Y’all don’t need to pay me back, just pay for my drinks on Friday.”
I roll my eyes, still knowing I have to reply to Sam’s question when I shift my focus to her. “I’ll let you know if I’m going out on Friday.”
Gia makes a face, slinging her arm around my shoulders before pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I love you, Daisy, but I’m not letting you isolate all weekend. After this weekend, I promise to stop hovering over you so much, but it’d mean a lot.”
I roll my eyes. “We’ll see.”
Before Gia can protest further, Sam tugs on me to leave, and I quickly wave goodbye to her and head out of the office.