52. Sina
“Why do you wear the leather gloves? You said when we first met that touch triggered you. Right? But why? And why do you sometimes not wear them? Like now.”
I gestured to his bare hands.
His jaw worked, like he was grinding something down, deciding how much to give me. Then his fingers curled gently into my hair. It had been a while since he’d touched me like this. I’d always found it unsettling before. Now, it felt comforting.
“I’ve been desperate to touch you since the moment we met. But I was afraid I’d lose control. So I settled for something small.”
I gave him a small smile.
“Playing with my hair?”
He nodded slowly, returning my smile. “Yeah. Now I get to feel how soft it is without gloves.” I searched his eyes, waiting for the joking or flirting to return.
It didn’t. “So you asked why I wore them. I lost control once. A really long time ago. The gloves went on after that.” He tugged playfully at the strands tangled in his fingers.
“The first time I touched someone without them was you.” His gaze drifted, distant.
“I’ll never understand why you let me touch you, Sina, but I’m fucking grateful.
And I'll do my best to be worthy of you.”
My breath caught when he met my eyes again. All I saw was raw honesty, something I never thought I’d see from my playfully unhinged vampire.
“You never flinch away from me. I might make you nervous, but you don’t fear me. Not like everyone else.”
“That’s because you’re not as dangerous as you think you are,” I teased, though we both knew I was lying.
His eyes darkened instantly.
“ Oh, little vixen. I am very dangerous.” His fingers tightened at the back of my hair. “Just not to you. Never to you darling. ”
The words settled heavy in my chest, twisting everything I thought I understood into something sharper. I believed him. I didn’t think he’d ever hurt me.
“What happened when you lost control and the gloves came on?”
It had to have been bad. Right?
His jaw clenched.
“If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to.”
“I want to. I told you to ask me anything, and I meant it.” Something in him shifted. I braced for him to pull away.
Instead, he pulled me into his chest, arms wrapping around me like it was instinct instead of choice. I gasped, bracing my hands against his bare chest at the sudden movement.
“Sorry,” he murmured near my hair. “If I’m going to talk about her, I just… need to hold you. It helps me stay calm.”
Her . Who was her?
A small, ugly pinch of something I didn’t want to name tightened in my chest. I snuggled closer, forcing myself to brush it off before it could take root.
Of course there had been someone before me.
They were vampires. They’d lived whole lives before I ever existed.
And knowing that I calmed him helped calm my swirling thoughts too.
Harlow sighed, his fingers drawing a path on my skin. “Just because I wear the gloves doesn’t mean I don’t still do dumb shit. For example, I changed a bleeding biker instead of just healing him. On a whim.”
I gasped at the reminder that Kiron had said Harlow turned him, and twisted my gaze over my shoulder to find him watching us.
“I hadn’t thought about the fact you could’ve just healed him.” I looked to Kiron. “How long have you been listening?”
“The whole time,” Kiron said hoarsely, his voice still thick with sleep.
Heat rushed to my cheeks. “ Oh . Why didn’t you say anything? ”
“Because you need to know more than you do. And I didn’t want to interrupt.” His gaze shifted to Harlow over my head. “For the record, I’m finally coming to terms with the life you gave me. Now that I have Sina.”
My chest did a stupid, traitorous swoop.
Kiron’s gaze dropped back to mine. “So go ahead. Tell our mate about Clarissa and Elias. It’s time she knew about your previous hive.”
The warmth evaporated instantly.
Somehow, knowing her name made me the possessive one.
“ That’s her name?”
Harlow let out a low huff and drew me fully back against his chest, his arm coming around me in a way that felt less teasing and more steadying.
“Is that jealousy I hear, little vixen?”
Heat rushed to my face, but I didn’t pull away. “I know you had a life before me. It’s just… strange sometimes. Trying to picture it.”
“You don’t need to picture it. Clarissa only ever wanted Nik. And Nik never wanted her for himself.” Harlow’s arms tightened around me. “For the record, I never wanted Clarissa either.”
I glanced back at him. “Why? Wasn’t she your blood mate or whatever?”
Harlow shook his head. “My brother tried to force her to fit our hive. She was never ours, Sina.” His mouth curved wickedly. “Not that I don’t enjoy your jealousy. But it isn’t necessary. I don’t want anyone else.”
My chest ached at the honesty in his words. He’d told me he wouldn’t lie to me, and he was proving it.
Kiron leaned in behind me and pressed a kiss to my bare shoulder. “You are the only blood mate I want, little spitfire.”
I leaned back into his chest with a content sigh. Knowing Kiron hadn’t been around when Clarissa was here definitely helped.
“Clarissa was meant to maintain my impulses,” Harlow said quietly. “Nothing more. She wasn’t some epic love story, Sina. ”
I didn’t get it.
Then why her? Why not find someone else?
Another girl to be a blood mate or whatever that actually meant.
I was starting to realize a blood mate was more than just a human partner, but my brain couldn’t quite wrap around the implications yet. Because if that were true, then it meant I was something more too.
Didn’t it?
Oblivious to my inner spiral, Harlow continued, his voice drifting back into the past. “Back then, it was just Nik, me, and Elias. She was afraid of me.” His voice didn’t carry bitterness, just fact.
“She didn’t like Elias at all either. She only agreed to stay with us because she wanted Nik to herself. ”
My throat tightened. “What happened?”
Harlow’s fingers brushed my hair, grounding himself in the motion. “I lost control. Fed from her until she passed out from blood loss. I thought I’d killed her, and when she woke up and realized what I’d done, she ran from the monster she labeled me as.”
I sucked in a breath. That did it. I twisted in his arms enough to look at him properly.
“That’s bullshit . You. Are. Not. A monster, Harlow.”
Harlow blinked, clearly not expecting my outburst.
“I mean it,” I went on, rage flaring on his behalf. “You didn’t deserve for her not to be all in on the hive as a whole. None of you did. You’re not something to tolerate just to have your brother, Harlow.” My breath caught. “You’re not disposable.”
Something unreadable flickered across his face. Surprise, maybe. Or something softer that hurt to look at.
“I’m glad you think so, darling,” he said quietly.
My jaw clenched. Clarissa only wanted Nik.
How stupid was that ?
Harlow was a little unhinged, yes, but he was so fucking loyal and lovable in his own right.
He was mine.
The shape of her started to sharpen in my mind, and rage flared hot and immediate.
How dare she make Harlow feel less than.
How fucking dare she tear this hive apart with her selfishness.
I would never do that to them. Never reduce them to pieces, or choose one and discard the rest like they were expendable.
But I had done that. Hadn't I?
I’d divided their hive the same way she had, and the realization made my stomach turn.
I wouldn’t do it for another second. Which meant Nik and I needed to fix whatever this was between us.
It also meant I needed to meet Elias. Needed to look him in the eye and figure out where I stood with him too.
The thought made my stomach knot, nerves and uncertainty coiling tight, but I didn’t shy away from it.
If I was going to belong to this hive, I wasn’t going to do it halfway.
“You okay, princess?” Kiron murmured.
I nodded, even though my chest felt too tight to breathe properly. No . I wasn’t okay. I was angry at Clarissa. Angry at Nik. And furious that I finally understood what he was doing.
This wasn’t about cheating.
Clarissa hadn’t accepted the hive, and Nik thought that was his fault. Thought he’d failed them. Thought wanting someone again would end the same way, with everything breaking apart because of him. So he punished himself for it. It wasn’t guilt that drove him away from me.
It was fear.
Stupid, infuriating vampire.
I’d have to show him I wasn’t Clarissa. That I wouldn’t divide them or choose between them. I wanted the hive as a whole .
Or not at all.
The thought of walking away from them burned a hole in my chest.
I wouldn't allow him to continue hiding from this behind his stupid cameras under the guise he was protecting me from a rogue. No, he needed to step out from the shadows and do it himself.
“Harlow?”
“Yes darling?”
My heart sped. “Is there a camera in this room?”
My gaze flicked around the room trying to spot one.
He slowly sat up and I flicked my gaze to his. He nodded, pointing to a vent above the window.
My gaze narrowed. “Do you think he is watching right now?”
Harlow nodded again. "If he’s back from his run. But even then, I know my brother. He will watch what he missed later. Why? What are you planning, little vixen?”
I ignored him and focused on the vent. My jaw tightened as determination settled over me. What I was about to do was impulsive. Possibly stupid. But I was done with this dance, even if I was wrong, I’d have to follow through.
That was future Sina’s problem.
At least this was easier to say to an inanimate object than to the intimidating alpha.
“Are you so much of a fucking coward you can’t tell me to my face you don’t want me?”
I lifted onto my knees, letting the blanket fall, fully aware of the camera and my nakedness. My heart pounded harder.
‘Be brave’ was becoming my new mantra.
“Or is it that you cheated on Elias with me and you’re too much of a pussy to admit I was a mistake? ”
“Either way, be man enough to face the consequences of your actions, Nikolai. Come downstairs and say it to my face or I’ll walk, and once again it will be your fault your hive loses a blood mate. Again .” The words tasted like ash, but I didn’t take them back.
I couldn’t. I needed to do this.
I just hoped Rafe, Harlow, and Kiron wouldn’t hate me for it.