20 Aubie
WHEN I GET A TEXT FROM Jimi saying he’s in the neighborhood and can he stop by, I jump at the distraction. I need a jolt of normalcy after the weirdness of what just happened.
I’m rarely out of my element when it comes to sex, but that’s where I find myself right now.
What the ever-loving fuck was that?
I was ready to back off. To do exactly what I said I was going to do, even though I’d sooner cut off my left nut after taking his cock. But a promise is a promise. I don’t break them, which is why I rarely make them. I know, shocking.
I also don’t do repeats, but we see how far that got me.
From every indication I got from him previously, Cutter Knight hated my guts.
Had nothing but disdain for me, which is one of the things that made tormenting him so much fun.
And to be honest, I shared that opinion.
He’s an uptight dick. All that shit about being betrayed might play into it, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that his default personality is totally dickish.
The sex was…sex. Same act. Same technique. Same body parts.
But that’s where it veered off course.
Because I’ve never felt anything like that.
Something that caused my world to shift.
Well, maybe once.
But that was a long time ago.
The truth is, I felt.
I don’t do feelings.
I can’t do feelings.
Not anymore.
Fuck.
I need to stay away from him. Been warned off. All the consequences spelled out. Danger, danger!
Write him out of my life.
God I want him again.
It’s like that first hit of the best drug, but more. More taste. More scent. More touch. More everything. A craving that’s eating me up inside.
I can still taste him on my tongue. Still smell him on my skin. Still feel him in my ass.
This is bad.
No one’s more happy than me when Jimi arrives at my door. Anything to get me out of my head, because I don’t like the things that are happening there right now. I need some perspective, and who better than my old fuckbuddy?
Jimi is dressed for trolling, so this isn’t your typical ‘let’s hang out and order in’ type of visit. Maybe I can hitch a ride to his party. Maybe getting back in the saddle will jerk a knot in these thoughts. He follows me into the livingroom and stops, looking around.
“What?” I ask.
“Am I interrupting?”
“There’s no one here,” I assure him.
He snorts. “Then why does it smell like cum?”
I roll my eyes and plop down on the couch, which surprisingly didn’t suffer a single stain.
Not sure if I’m happy or sad about that.
I kick back and reach for the remote to turn on the TV.
“There was someone here.” I scroll around until I find a music channel I like and toss the remote on the ottoman. “He’s gone now.”
He joins me on the couch, propping his feet up on the ottoman. “Was it good?”
I flash a wide grin full of teeth and sarcasm. “I’m smiling, aren’t I?” He leans forward and studies me for a moment. “What are you looking at?”
“I’m just trying to figure out if that’s your smooth operator voice or you genuinely enjoyed him. It was a him? Don’t want to assume with you.”
“Fuck you. Yes, it was a him.”
“Give me all the details.” I chuckle and shake my head. “You know I’ll just bug you until you tell me. I’m relentless like that. Ask any of my lovers.”
I smirk. “I am one your lovers and I don’t find you the least bit relentless.”
“Just for that, you don’t get this dick anymore.”
“In your dreams you’d give up this ass.”
“Come on,” he whines, sliding down further on the couch. “I need a distraction.”
“Why?”
He rolls his eyes. “Don’t think that’s going to work.”
“Okay, fine. You tell me why you need a distraction and I’ll tell you one detail about him.”
“Why only one?”
“Take it or leave it.”
“Okay,” he mumbles. “Who is him?”
I hesitate, though I don’t know why. Why am I protecting him? This is Jimi. He may be a manwhore, but he doesn’t blab. Except with me.
“Is that really the detail you want?”
“Hmm. Judging by the way you’re oh-so-obviously trying to push me away from it, I’m going to go with, yes for five hundred.”
Shit. I walked right into that one. Say something. If I stall too long he’ll think it’s important. And it’s not.
It can’t be.
“I hooked up with Cutter.”
He stares at me without speaking for at least a full minute. Finally he sputters, “Cutter from the club?”
I nod.
You know that expression, your life passes before your eyes before you die? Looking at Jimi right now, I’d swear he’s experiencing that very thing.
He opens his mouth, shakes his head, closes it, then sucks in a deep breath.
“Okay,” he says at last. “What the actual fuck, Aubie? I thought he was an Everest.”
Everest is our code word for completely unattainable–for whatever reason–but it’s more of a guideline than a rule. Who wouldn’t get the urge to climb Everest now and then?
“So did I. Turns out, I was wrong.”
“You were wrong? Are you listening to yourself? Cutter is not only straight, he’s a massive asshole.” He pauses. “Okay, that came out wrong.”
“I know what you meant, and you’re right.” Though unfortunately I didn’t get a close enough look to testify about his asshole’s massiveness.
He shakes his head again. “Now I really need details.”
“Nope. One detail.”
“You’re kidding me? You can’t leave me like this.”
I grin at him, enjoying the game. “Tell me why you need a distraction and maybe–maybe–I’ll tell you more.”
“See there, he rubbed off on you. Now you’re a massive asshole.”
“You didn’t say that the last time you stuck your cock in it.”
“You don’t fight fair,” he pouts.
“I am my father’s son.”
“Only when it’s convenient.”
The mention of my father kind of takes the starch out of Jimi’s argument for a minute. He doesn’t know everything, but he’s been privy to my general feelings about the current Gauthier patriarch. Not the whole story, but enough to engender sympathy hatred. It’s one of things we’ve bonded over.
“Sorry,” I murmur. “Didn’t mean to evoke Asmodeus.”
He shrugs. “Everyone’s entitled to a faux pas once in a while.”
I chuckle to myself. My father would love being called a faux pas. “So why do you need a distraction?”
“Right now I’m thinking you need one more than I do.”
“Nice try, but we’re talking about you now.”
He sighs and folds his hands on his belly. “Remember Ethan?”
Oh god, I know where this is going. “Ex Ethan? On again off again Ethan? Fuck around and find out over and over and over again Ethan? That Ethan?”
“Okay, you remember him. Jesus.”
“Why am I being forced to remember him?”
“Well, I might have agreed to meet him tonight.”
Wow. I’m starting to feel a whole lot better about the things that were running through my head a few minutes ago.
It’s my turn to be speechless. It’s not that I can’t talk, it’s that once I start, I won’t shut up and I’ve talked myself sick on this subject.
Doesn’t do any good. It’s unhealthy. If Jimi was a drug addict, Ethan would be his heroin.
He can’t get high enough on him. Can’t OD enough to swear him off.
I can’t count how many times over the years I’ve held his hand while he suffered withdrawals from Ethan’s latest betrayal.
It hardened Jimi. Made him like me. But neither of us are like Ethan.
That man is pure evil.
And he has Jimi wrapped.
“Stay here tonight,” I finally say, reaching for his hand. He wraps his fingers around mine and offers a sad smile.
“You know I can’t do that.”
I can’t speak to the mechanics of addiction, though I’m beginning to see how it might work. Is that what I’m feeling with Cutter right now? It feels like drowning. Like I can’t get enough oxygen.
Is that healthy? I don’t know. I do hope I’d never get to the point of losing my free will because of it, and I’m afraid that’s what Jimi is sliding toward.
It’s hard to watch someone you care about self-destruct.
I’ve often thought of using some of my father’s far-reaching influence and money to get rid of Ethan.
Nothing heart stopping. Just send him off to live in some far away land where he can run his game on a whole new pool of victims not named Jimi.
But that would mean speaking to my father, and while I want to help my friend, I want even less to be in the same room as my father. And talking on the phone is out. You don’t ask favors of my father over the phone. He likes to look you in the eye like the predatory bastard he is.
I have no doubt he’d do it, though. All I’d have to say is he’s a threat to the company and Ethan would never be heard from again.
I’d probably only need to suffer through family dinners for a couple of months, but the cost to my soul would be irreversible.
My father has already taken a big enough chunk of it.
“I’m going to say this once and you’re going to shut up and listen to me.
” I know it’ll probably fall on deaf ears, but I have to try.
“No matter what Ethan says or pretends to feel, he’s just using you.
You’re my friend. You came here looking for a distraction, so I’m giving you one.
Turn off your phone and get your ass comfortable because you’re not going anywhere. ”
He looks like he’s going to panic. “But–”
I slap my hand over his mouth. “Nope. Nothing that comes out of your mouth is going to change my mind. I know you’re jonesing for the man.
I get it.” Boy, do I get it. “But you’re stronger than this.
For once let him be the one left hanging.
I’ll make popcorn and we’ll get drunk and watch Drag Race reruns. ”
I hold his gaze for a minute until I’m sure he’s not going to bolt, then finally release my hand and snuggle up to him. “It’ll be okay.”
He sighs and wraps an arm around me. “I know. It’s just…he’s so…and the sex is…”