CHAPTER 9 Charlie
CHAPTER 9
Charlie
“ D ude, watch out for the tree branch!” Danny yells.
I duck and swerve, but the pine needles brush the top of my head.
Shit, that was close.
I need to pay attention to the slope and not to the pink-haired menace occupying all of my thoughts and blowing up my phone. I can’t wait to get down to the bottom to see what else he’s texted me.
Rowan’s this huge enigma that I can’t stop thinking about.
Since I left him at his apartment yesterday, he’s sent me more than a dozen texts, starting late last night after I was settled into my cabin in Mammoth.
Menace
Hey, Daddy.
I took the longest nap on the planet, and now I’m wide awake and thinking about you.
My roommate says hi
I probably shouldn’t try to sext you with my roommate nearby but I don’t think he’ll actually care since he’s vaped too much weed tonight
I wish I could see you again
Am I coming on too strong?
I am, aren’t I? Are you going to block me?
Well, I’ll keep sending you texts until you tell me not to
Charlie
Hey
Menace
OMG you’re alive. What’s going on? How’s skiing? Tell me everything.
Charlie
I just settled in the cabin
Menace
Do you miss me?
Charlie
Sure
Menace
That wasn’t convincing
Charlie
Who do I need to convince?
Menace
Me, obviously
Charlie
Menace.
Menace
I don’t think I’ve properly thanked you for not pressing charges
Charlie
Yet
Menace
Yes, yes. Yet.
Thank you. For more than that.
Charlie
Yep.
Menace
So back to the sexting …
Charlie
Despite myself, I’m interested.
Rowan then sent me a selfie of himself wearing my leather jacket, which he stole, and nothing else. It’s a tease of a picture, taken with him looking over his shoulder. He’s biting his finger and grinning at the phone, with the jacket hiked up so one ass cheek shows.
Jesus.
Charlie
Fuck me. You’re hot. Give me a few minutes alone with that photo.
Menace
[Heart eyes emoji]
My hand found my dick very fast. It was convenient that I was all alone in a small cabin with no one to disturb.
This morning’s text was:
Menace
So on our second date, shall we go to the movies? Or is that too normal? Do I need to take you, like, to Rocky Horror?
Charlie
We’re not going on a second date
I can’t just give in. It’s not in my nature.
Everyone accuses me of being an asshole, and maybe that’s in large part because I’m so focused on achieving the goals in my plan that I end up ignoring any side quests.
And maybe sometimes those side quests could be things I actually want.
Menace
Yet.
The cold air whips against my skin. It feels good to be out and skiing, but as usual when I’m with my friends, I’m jealous of them being paired off while I’m lonely in my own cabin. Tristan would never attend something like this. Too public.
Tristan isn’t the reason I’m so distracted, though. How can one chance meeting change everything? Rowan feels like a tropical storm. A force of nature. He may have a gravitational pull, for all I know.
“Where’s your brain at, dude?” Danny calls.
I don’t answer him immediately. In part because we’ve hit a steeper slope where we have to pay attention or we’ll go off into the trees. But once the terrain is less dangerous, he skis right up next to me.
“Um, Charlie. Dude. Don’t make me ask again. What’s up with you?”
“I got together with that guy I thought was going to murder me,” I start, smiling as I think about Rowan prancing around my house wearing my T-shirt and nothing else. Or wearing nothing.
Danny stops right there in the middle of the slope. I nearly run into him, but I stop, too, facing him, our skis pointed perpendicular to the mountain. “Charlie Cooper. What happened?”
I’m pretty sure my cheeks redden, and I’m glad he can’t see them under my sunglasses and scarf—although if he asked, I could attribute the color to exercise or sun or wind exposure. I’m also very glad he can’t see the scrape on my chin or the cut on my neck. My scarf is useful for more than one reason today. “I hooked up with him after the bonfire.”
Even though that’s technically true, it feels like the biggest lie I’ve ever told. Not just because of everything I’m leaving out, but because it felt like more than a hookup. I get this excited flutter in my stomach every time I think about Rowan.
“Okay,” Danny says slowly, watching a kid snowplow down the slope. “What’s the problem? I thought Santa Barbara closeted dude wouldn’t care.”
“He wouldn’t.”
He turns to me. “Then, again, what’s up? You’re thinking way too much about murder guy.”
“He’s not a murderer.” I gesture, demonstrating that I am indeed alive and well. “The problem is, he doesn’t fit into my ten-year plan.”
“You’re still doing that shit? Fuck your plan. Explore shit with the murder boy.”
“He’s just a hookup.”
Danny’s still staring. “Right. You don’t get hung up on hookups.”
“Why do you think I’m hung up on him?”
“Because you’re distracted.”
Tugging at my collar, I wince. “Am not.”
“Are too.”
“See?” I say. “This is the problem with knowing someone for seven years or so. When I act childish, you act the same way back.”
“Only because you deserve it. What’s his name? I forgot.”
I relent. “His name’s Rowan. He’s younger, smaller, not my type.”
Danny shoots me a skeptical look. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen who you take home from the club. You think you’re all into being bossed around, but I know the truth.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You secretly want to be in charge.”
“Well, maybe …”
Maybe I do want to overpower Rowan. I can’t stop thinking about what he looked like naked. I’m drawn to the hunger in his eyes when he watches me—like I’m the only thing that’s ever existed in the history of ever. He intrigues me, with the glimpses he’s given me of his sad background and the fact that he’s down on his luck and yet has so much energy.
“And this Rowan got under your skin?”
The sun is bright in my eyes, even with sunglasses, as I glance up. “Kinda. Maybe. Yeah.”
I want to ditch this ski weekend and drive back home so I can see him—room deposit, friends, and even my plan be damned.
Several more skiers whiz by us. “Fine. When you’re ready to talk about him more, let me know. I’ll be here,” Danny says.
When we break for lunch, I take a few minutes to sneak in a quick call to my mom. I always call about this time. She picks up on the first ring.
“Charlie!”
“Hey, Mom. I’m calling you from the ski slopes in Mammoth. We’re going to go get some lunch, but I figured I’d call you first. What are you doing today?”
She tells me about the hiking she’s been doing with her friends and a new recipe she tried and how she and Dad are starting to decorate for Christmas, but they want all the kids to come back home to put ornaments on the tree. I listen dutifully, and then she asks, “What about you? Skiing, huh? Are you having fun?”
“Yes, I am. ”
“Who are you with?”
“Reyna, Cam and Shelby, Danny and Alden, and a bunch of other people from the office.”
“No friend for you?”
“I have a cabin to myself.”
She clucks her tongue. “Charlie, I worry about you.”
I won’t roll my eyes, since I’m an adult. “I’m fine.”
“I just wish you had someone special in your life.”
“That’s you, Mom.”
Her voice is warm. “Charmer.”
We talk a few minutes more, and she lets me go. Since the signal is good in the lodge, I also post a video I edited a while back and had ready to go. It’s a compilation of Cam and me fixing up his pool house. It’s been a while since I posted, and it gets views fast—likely because Cam’s wearing a backward baseball cap and no shirt for most of it. I remind myself not to take views for granted. I respond to a few comments to keep the algorithm happy, then put my phone away.
With those tasks checked off, I clomp into the restaurant, which is basically a cafeteria. But it’s the best kind of cafeteria, with an entire wall of windows looking out at the snowy mountainside. The decor is rustic and kind of midcentury functional. I like it. It’s also industrial strength to handle getting beat up by all the ski boots, but it’s cozy, except for the areas closest to the doors.
Shelby and Alden sit down at a large table to hold it for our group while the rest of us get food. We all start shedding outer layers, hanging them up on the convenient hooks nearby.
When I take off my scarf, Danny stares. “What happened to your chin?”
Camden scrunches his nose. “Yeah. Where’d you get that scrape?”
Why are my cheeks burning? I rub my chin, thinking less about the scrape than about what Rowan and I did the rest of Friday night and yesterday morning. “Would you believe me if I said I cut myself shaving?”
“Nope,” Cam says, hanging up his ski jacket.
Danny grins. “Did you finally get someone to agree to your fantasy of chasing him down in the woods and?—”
Cam holds up his hands. “Whoa, TMI. Not shit I want to know about my brother. I’m getting in line for food. Any requests, baby?” Shelby asks for a chicken sandwich, and Cam drops a kiss on the top of his head before striding over to the counter. Shelby’s eyes follow his every move.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I tell Danny, “We never should’ve played drunken truth or dare.”
Shelby perks up, sitting straight and clasping his hands together. “Oh, you absolutely should have. If not for a slightly drunk dare, Noah and August would never have gotten together.”
“True.” I sigh. “Don’t worry about the cut. It’s nothing.”
Danny opens his mouth, then shuts it and nods, and he and I join Cam in the lunch line.
To my relief, when we get back to the table and everyone digs into their lunch, the topic of conversation has shifted away from me. But I don’t escape entirely. Cam corners me when Shelby and Alden are chatting and Danny’s refilling his drink.
“Charlie,” he starts, leaning over, his voice low.
I take the last bite of my burger. “What’s up?” I ask, my mouth full.
Cam peers at me in his big brother way. He’s always had some kind of intuition when things were happening to me that weren’t good. “That’s what I wanted to ask you. Everything okay?”
I swallow. “Yeah, of course. Why?”
His voice is low and steady. “At the bonfire, you seemed … more of a loner than you usually are.”
“I’m fine.” I wave a hand.
Cam presses his lips together, his jaw set. “That means you’re not. Everything okay at work? ”
I shift in my seat. “The office is great. You know everyone who works there is amazing.”
“Uh-huh. But it still seems like something’s bothering you.”
Shit. Cam’s making eye contact like it’s an Olympic sport. He’s not going to let this go. And bottling up this part of me has made me even more bitter than usual.
If I can’t tell my secrets to my brother—the one I first came out to, and who recently came out to me—then who can I confide in?
Glancing around, I can see that everyone’s in their own conversations, and I don’t think I’ll be overheard. “I guess I’d just rather be doing our videos than practicing law.”
Saying the words out loud makes my throat thick, and my gaze flits around the room again before settling on my brother.
“You mean … doing them more seriously? Instead of working at the firm?”
I nod.
Cam raises an eyebrow. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”
I huff. “Here I go telling you my deepest, darkest secret, and you act like it’s nothing. It’s not nothing to me. I’d be throwing away my education.”
“Charlie. Your happiness is more important than anything else. I know you put a lot of work into studying and getting to where you are, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay there. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out who you really are. Look at me.” He smiles. “I thought I was straight.”
Despite myself, I chuckle. “Yeah, that was a big one for me to get used to.”
“But you did. Fast.”
I shrug.
“Tell you what. Let’s ramp things up, do as many videos and projects as we reasonably can. See if we can get more sponsors. Maybe something will take off and you can quit or figure out a way to get a film job instead of toiling at something you don’t enjoy. There’s nothing that says you have to stick with a decision you made when you were, what, twenty?”
It sounds like a pipe dream to me. My stomach gets all floaty.
But it can’t be that easy. I’d be letting too many people down if I quit the firm.
And I wouldn’t be finishing what I started. I don’t like unfinished things. My career can’t be one of them.
Still, though, Cam is making me think that it’s possible for me to someday not be a lawyer.
And maybe, someday, to be happy.