Chapter 15 #2
“You… weren’t meant to see any of that.” He opens his mouth, but I shush him with a gesture and sigh, focusing on the patterns in the wood making up the ceiling. “I wanted to have a fresh start too. A new life, where my past did not matter, but I did lie to you. I’m sorry.”
“You’re not an ex-soldier?” he guesses with a sigh. “When you spoke to them at first, I worried you just caught me for them, and enjoyed your time waiting until they come collect me. But your loyalty was to me. Why?”
I’m breathless when I glance his way, my heart beating so fast it’s giving me vertigo. “I would never! Of course I’m loyal to you. My life belongs to you,” I mumble, flinching when he strokes my stomach, as if wanting to appease me. But I’m hurt. Of course I am, because he is my whole world now.
He watches me with such softness in his gray eyes.
No one’s ever showered me with tenderness the way he does.
“I felt that. My gut told me to stay. But I need to know what’s going on.
What is this code? What happened to you?
” He reaches all the way to the pocket of his jeans, and I miss his touch for the three seconds he’s away.
He shows me the piece of paper where Lyle had the key to my obedience written down, and I close my eyes, not wanting to see it.
Spiders crawl all over my body, and I roll to my side, facing away from him as I try to rein in the panic growing inside. I know it’s not safe to really show him how wary I am of those few lines of text, but their proximity is like a dagger held to my throat and about to cut through skin.
“He trained me to react to those words from very early on. I was six, maybe seven,” I mumble. “He was relentless.”
“Who? Sullivan? Cesar, look at me, please.”
I swallow with worry, but how can I resist his plea? Moments later, I’m peeking at him above my shoulder. “Yes, him. I grew up in his home. My parents paid off their debts by giving me to him. Just left me there one Christmas, like that unwanted gift you pass on to someone else.”
Eli opens the wood burner and throws the paper inside. He couldn’t have had time to memorize the command. Even though I’m a dangerous monster, he doesn’t want to control me.
“You’re not unwanted,” he says, and sits up, legs crossed.
He sounds so sincere and honest I can barely resist and roll to my back again, seeking his hand. “I want you too. You killed him, so I owe you everything.”
Eli squeezes my hand, looking straight into my eye. “If you owe me everything, you owe me the truth. Who are you, Cesar?”
Truth rolls out of my mouth, because he demands it.
“I used to be Sullivan’s bodyguard before Lyle.
I am also his best killer. He had me trained for it since I was five.
But now I’m retired. I was always meant to retire once my tattoo is finished,” I tell him and move my fingers down my body.
“He picked a design to stand for my best job of the year. But for the past two… he refused, because I lost my eye, and he sidelined me. So I was still bound to him, constantly on call, with the exception of Fridays,” I tell him.
Eli soaks it all in like a sponge, not even blinking. “You’re so… proficient. Why didn’t you just kill him once you grew up?”
“I wanted to, but he had the words to stop me. He also told me an implant was placed on my heart, and he could use it to stop it remotely,” I say, tracing the scar on my chest. When Eli’s eyes widen, I clear my throat and shrug.
“I used to believe that when I was younger. Now… I no longer do, but a part of me still wonders what if. That’s why I’m so unsettled during storms. It messes with my head.
I was only ten when I had a surgery and woke up with this massive scar.
Over the years of working for Sullivan, my forced loyalty to him was so built in I just…
couldn’t overcome it, even if it’s unreasonable. He had a power over me.”
“And yet you didn’t want to avenge him for what I did?”
My body relaxes and I press his hand to my chest, because this is so much easier to talk about.
I want my whole life to revolve around him.
“No. I would be adrift without Sullivan letting me go, but you removed him and I decided to give back. Help you escape. Now I know I don’t want to leave your side. ”
He smiles at me, and it’s as if the warmth of the wood burner becomes stronger, enveloping me so pleasantly.
“Without your help I would have already been in prison if not shot. We only have each other, but that’s more than enough for me.
I meant it when I said it. I love you. I know it. You’re everything I need.”
My chest tightens, and I shift, pushing my head against his chest. I might not be enough, but I’ll still do my best so he never regrets being with me.
“I… can’t give you that in return, I’m sorry.
I can’t feel love. I’m empty. It’s what my training did to me.
But I will always stand by you, take care of you, and I will be the best boyfriend you could have. Promise.”
Will that be enough?
Is this an exchange he can accept, or is this lovely thing between us over?
He watches me in silence for a while, and I wish I could know what’s going on in his head. I dread the outcome once he opens his mouth.
“That’s ridiculous. No one can take that away from you, and you’ve been nothing but loving to me.”
I frown, because what does he know about what I’ve been through, but I’m tired and don’t want to argue. “I like being with you.”
Eli leans close and bumps his shoulder against mine. “I will prove to you that you’re capable of love. Even if it takes me a lifetime.”
He’s so sweet. Sweeter than I deserve, but before I can think his words through, I notice his ankle and sit right up.
It’s swollen.
“No… what…? What happened? Was that me?” I ask as guilt trails down my body.
Eli shakes his head. “Ah. That. Price of freedom, I guess. I crawled out through the window in the attic, and then slid down the roof John Wick style to surprise Lyle with my hammer. There wasn’t much time to think it through, because he had you at gunpoint, but… yeah, I fell on the bad ankle.”
Unbelievable.
“I told you to take it easy,” I mumble, but the truth is what’s done is done. Neither of us can reverse time, so I shake my head and meet his gaze. “Fine. We’ll ice it, and then you’ll rest, and I get rid of the bodies. We will be driving off tomorrow.”
Eli looks at the Christmas tree with longing. “I did hope we’d be here a little longer. Oh well, goodbye Christmas cabin where I met the love of my life.”
He winks at me, and my heart melts a little.