15. Full Of Yourself
15
FULL OF YOURSELF
S he was an idiot for agreeing to this date.
But there was no way she was canceling. Not after he threw it out there as a challenge.
She was telling herself this was the last time she was going to put herself out there for Hyde.
What was it about him that just sucked her into a vortex spinning and getting dizzy to the point she was willing to give it another try?
Was it the racing of her heart when she looked into his eyes?
The smile on his face that caused her blood to push through her body faster.
Or the dreams she kept having about him where she woke up hot and sweaty?
Hormones.
That was what this was all about.
Tori had never been ruled by them before either.
After looking into the mirror one more time, she was satisfied with her black cotton skirt that hit her mid-thigh and had some swing to it. She had a fitted purple T-shirt on with it and multicolored sandals on her feet.
Casual and not sexy was the way she was playing this.
She drove to the restaurant that Hyde had texted to her. One a bit on the outskirts of downtown. Worked for her on a Friday night.
She parked and then got out of her car. She heard her name called and turned to see Hyde walking toward her. Not in the parking lot, but on the sidewalk.
“Hi,” she said. “There are plenty of spots. Where did you park?”
He turned and pointed. “I live in that building. I come here often. Don’t even need to drive.”
She looked to where he was pointing a few buildings over. Maybe a football field length or so away, if that. “That’s convenient,” she said.
“I think so,” he said.
“Do you rent or is it a condo that you bought?”
“Rent for now,” he said. “I haven’t been back long enough to buy yet. I mean I’m staying, don’t get me wrong, but I need to get on my feet more and figure out what I want.”
It was the way he was looking at her. “Am I something you are trying to figure out if you want or not?” she asked.
He winked and smiled. “I know the answer to that. I guess you are the one that has to decide.”
That didn’t tell her what changed though from the last few times they’d talked to now.
She’d try to find out when they were eating.
He opened the door and held it for her. Not a lot of men did that, which she found disappointing. But Hyde normally had good manners. Just not with his phone.
“Hi, Hyde. Table for two or do you want the bar?” the hostess said. It was a guy in his earlier twenties she was guessing.
“Table for two,” he said.
The young man looked down. “I’ve got a booth close to the back if that is okay?”
“Works for me,” he said. “Thanks, Jimmy.”
The two of them followed Jimmy back to their booth. “Heather will be over in a few.”
Tori slid into one side and Hyde to the other. “Guess you do come here often.”
“Jimmy is in college. Good kid. I’ve been in here watching games before when it’s slow and he’ll be helping to clean up. He’s going to Duke for engineering.”
“Ahh,” she said. “So you told him where you worked and most likely your relationship to the Fierces?”
“Where I work but not my relationship to them,” he said. “I’m not one for boasting about who I know. And the only reason he knew that was because I came in one day and my badge was still on my neck and I hadn’t realized it, so he saw it.”
“I hate having the badges too, but I get it. Everyone will know who you are and it allows you into the buildings.”
“I carry mine in my hand now or my pocket,” he said.
Which explained why she didn’t know who he was the first time she’d seen him and thought he was just a visitor in the building.
The server came over. “Hi, Hyde.”
“Heather,” he said. “How are you doing?”
“Better now that you’re here,” Heather said. Another twenty-something. She didn’t sound as if she was jealous that Hyde was here with a date though. Tori didn’t know why she might have thought that. “What can I get you both to drink?”
“I’ll take a white wine. House wine is fine,” she said.
“How about number three,” he said. He’d been looking at the beer menu that Jimmy had set down.
“You got it,” Heather said. “I’ll be right back with your drinks.”
“How do you know her name?” she asked. “Is she in college too?”
“She is,” he said, smiling. “But it’s Jimmy’s girlfriend. I tend to tip well, so you know, they are extra nice to me.”
She laughed. “You’re so full of yourself.”
“I’ve heard that before. The question is, is that a negative or positive in your eyes?”
“I’m not so sure myself,” she said. “I can’t figure out what it is about you that has me coming back for more.”
“I don’t think I want to answer that.”
“I’m sure I know how you’d like to answer it but are telling yourself not to be that person? That’s the thing,” she said. “It’s fine to want to change or make improvements in our lives. But do you want to be someone you don’t feel comfortable with?”
Guess this was starting exactly as she’d thought it’d go.
He appeared to be in thought, then said, “I feel comfortable not being the guy who didn’t care what he did each night or who he was with. Those days are behind me. I can own them and at the same time want to still have some fun banter and playfulness without someone holding it against me that I’m reverting to that college kid. We all did things in college that we might not be proud of.”
If he hadn’t said the last part she might have brushed off his words as just blowing smoke her way.
But he was right.
She knew that herself.
There were a lot of things she did in college that she wished she hadn’t.
“You’re right,” she said. “Part of me wishes I didn’t know what I did about you.”
“Meaning that it clouds your opinion of me instead of judging me on just the past month or so?”
She put her chin in her palm. “Well now. If all I had was the few times we met, that might be worse. So it’s a no-win situation.”
He smirked. “Good point,” he said.
Heather returned and put their drinks down. They listened to the specials and rather than look at the menu, Tori ordered the fish special and Hyde got some seafood dish.
“I have to know, what changed your mind? Why did you decide you wanted to seek me out and do this again?”
“I’m not completely sure,” he said. “It’s been a rough couple of weeks with CeeCee. I think of what could have happened. Then I think of what happened with Shana. I finally told myself I didn’t want regrets anymore. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring and refuse to look back and think I was too afraid to do something I’d been thinking about.”
It might have been the one thing he could have said to get her to be more open without even knowing she needed to hear it.
“You’re right,” she said. “I find when we are together, we are either laughing and have a good time or wanting to bite each other’s heads off.”
“I’m trying to figure out why that is,” he said.
“Have you yet?”
“No,” he said. “How about you?”
She wasn’t going to share that she thought it was hormones. That’d be stupid on her part.
“I wish,” she said. “If you figure it out before me, will you share it?”
“Does that mean I can plan on more than this date tonight?”
“We’ll see,” she said.
But an hour later, she was having such a good time.
It felt wonderful to put all the drama of her mother and the stress of her job in a closet and shut the door for a few hours.
She was with a guy that made her laugh and turned her on.
“We can call it a night,” he said. “Or get another drink. Your choice.”
“How about we get that drink at your place,” she said. “Then we won’t be holding up a table. I mean it’s not like we’ve got far to go.”
“No,” he said. “We don’t. We can drive over and you can park your car in the lot.”
He settled the bill and they left.
She might be nuts to go to his place, but she suggested it.
Maybe she did want to get to know him more. Even seeing his apartment, she’d get a better idea of him.
They drove to his place, she parked where he’d pointed a spot out to her and then walked into the building and to the fifth floor.
The building reminded her of a hotel more than apartments, but when he opened his door, she was surprised to see how light and bright it was.
Modern too.
“This is nice,” she said. “Very fresh.”
“It’s a newer building. Less than five years old.”
It wasn’t that big from what she could see, but they moved into the kitchen that opened into the living room. There was a door to the side and she noticed it was his bedroom.
“Are those pictures of your family?” she asked, moving to the bookshelf.
“They are,” he said. “Several of my sister and me growing up. One of my parents.”
She looked at the pictures in frames, different sizes, and was stunned that she’d never been with a guy that had family pictures out like this.
“I’m jealous,” she said.
“Of what?” he asked.
“That you’ve got this with your family. Oh wow, is that Ryder?”
“High school graduation,” he said, grinning. “This one is college. Some of our friends.”
A group of hot college kids. Good lord, no wonder why they were cocky.
“I don’t have any pictures like this of Raina and me in college. None of my family either.”
All the pictures she had in her apartment were decor. Nothing personal other than Raina’s wedding picture.
“How come?” he asked.
“I have a picture of Raina and me at her wedding, but that’s it. I told you some of my childhood. I guess maybe I didn’t want pictures of that either.”
Which just brought back the conversation she had with her mother a few days ago.
She’d always been the adult in the house and it just got tiring.
Even living states away, she still had to give advice and clean up messes.
“I’m sorry about that for you,” he said. “I’ve got wine if you want a glass. Not sure if it’s what you had tonight, but it’s white.”
“Did you plan this?” she asked, putting the picture down and following him to the kitchen.
“You suggested this, not me,” he said. “So that would be no. I’ve had the bottle here for a while. I like to have white and red in the house in case I get company. And I’m not talking about women. My mother and sister drink wine and they have been known to come over.”
“I find that sweet,” she said. “They come to visit or bring you food?”
“They come over and I cook for them,” he said. Her jaw dropped. “What did I say?”
“Nothing,” she said.
She wanted to giggle over him hitting all three of the traits she and Raina laughed about. A job, a good family relationship, and someone who cooked.
There was a lot more to relationships than that, as she knew already with Hyde, but she wanted to know more about him .
Yet looking around his home, she thought she was more judgmental with him than she’d been with anyone else.
“What’s going through your mind?” he asked when he handed her the glass of wine.
“So much,” she said, taking a sip.
He poured himself a glass too and they went to sit on the couch. “Tell me about it.”
“Why?”
“Because I like you. We’ve had some hiccups and I think the fact we are still here proves that we can talk through anything. I’d like to think that is a good characteristic trait of us both.”
“That’s a very mature thing to say.”
“I’ve been known to be mature before,” he said, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows over the rim of his glass as he took a sip.
Oh well, here goes nothing. “I feel as if I’ve made so many mistakes with you.”
“I could say the same. And like that broken record we’ve talked about before, here we are still talking about it.”
“Then I wonder if it’s only hormones.”
He coughed on his wine. “Excuse me?”
She put her glass down and took his out of his hand. “Hormones. You’re making mine stand up and want to wave you down as if I need the plane to land on my body.”
He closed one eye at her. “That’s an image in my mind.”
“One in mine a lot too. I always think everything to death. Should I say this? Should I do that? What will the reactions or consequences be?”
“The adult in the relationship,” he said. “Like with your mother?”
“Yeah. And she’s been on my mind this week with her problems.”
“Want to talk about them?” he asked.
He looked sincere and she realized no man had ever wanted to talk to her about any problems she had.
“No,” she said. “I want you to kiss me so I can forget everything. I don’t even want to talk right now.”
He leaned in and put his lips to hers. Just soft again like before. Not a lot of pressure, no tongue action, just a light tease.
She needed more.
She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, then all but climbed into his lap and nudged his mouth open.
He didn’t hesitate to join in what she was starting.
His tongue touched hers and it was as if he was a puppet master and controlling the strings to her lady parts.
They actually started to quiver with each stroke of his tongue in her mouth. What the hell?!
Her hands slid into his hair and held his head in place, the two of them not coming up for air.
When she rubbed against him, she realized she was straddling him and her skirt was giving her plenty of room to rub against his erection in his jeans.
He let out a groan.
“You need to slow down,” he said.
“Actually,” she said. “You need to take me to your room. It’s been a good night. Better than good. When we are like this, it’s great. Can’t we just be great for the moment?”
His eyes were shifting around and looking at her face as if he was trying to read what was going through her mind. “We haven’t had much to drink.”
“I’m not drunk and neither are you. I want this. I really do.”
She didn’t know if she’d ever said that to another man before.
“You’re positive?” he asked.
She slid off his lap and reached her hand out for his.
He stood up and didn’t take her hand, but swung her into his arms and crushed his mouth to hers.
They were moving and she was positive it was to his room, but her eyes were shut and all she wanted was to savor the feeling of being in his arms and what was going to come.
She wasn’t going to think.
She only wanted to feel.
He laid her on his bed and stood back, then took her sandals off her feet, his large hands sliding up her legs, caressing her skin in a slow methodical way.
Her skirt was rising as his hands moved up further, then his fingertip was tracing around her swollen lips under her panties.
“I know you can tell I’m wet,” she said. She felt as if she was soaked.
“I can,” he said, his finger dipping under the hem, then rubbing some fluid around.
She let out a moan and he teased her a bit.
She wanted so much more than he was giving her, but she wasn’t one to voice that either.
As much as she liked sex, she wasn’t vocal about it.
Which made little sense that she’d asked him to take her to his room.
“How long are you going to make me wait for it?” she asked.
He thrust his finger in her and she let out a squeal. “Is this what you want?”
“Some of it,” she said.
He was leaning over her on the bed. She was on her elbows, her legs spread wide, his hand under her skirt so that she couldn’t really see what he was doing.
He was standing next to the bed, bracing himself on one hand while the other was thrusting in and out of her.
“What more do you want?” he asked.
He was staring at her. Waiting for her to voice the words.
She shook her head and pulled him down to kiss her.
She couldn’t say it, but she could show it.
He gave her another one of those make-me-come-kisses and this time, she actually did.
Probably had more to do with the fact he had his fingers curled inside of her making her body sing.
She flopped back on the bed when her body stopped pulsing and feeling a rush of endorphins.
“What are you waiting for?” she asked when he just moved back to look at her.
“Want to make sure you’re still ready for it?”
She smiled and held her arms out for him.
He moved a few feet away and pulled his shirt out of his jeans, unbuttoned it, and pushed it off his shoulders.
“Keep going,” she said. “The jeans next.”
He laughed. “If you insist.”
He undid his jeans and pushed them down with his underwear, his cock springing free, her eyes landing on it.
Long, firm, thick.
Good thing he’d worked her up well to help ease that in.
He moved to open a drawer to get a condom and cover himself and she pulled her T-shirt over her head, then unhooked her bra.
She was lifting up to push her skirt and underwear off, but he stopped her.
He flipped her skirt up, yanked her panties down, pulled her closer to the edge of the bed so her feet were hanging off the edge, and then thrust into her fast.
Her legs went around his waist, but he unhooked them, kept his hands under her hamstrings, and held her wide.
“Now I want to watch you come,” he said. “You can do the same.”
His eyes were on hers, then when hers dropped down, she watched his hips moving forward and back.
His cock slid in and out of her with her skirt around her waist.
It was an erotic sight that fueled the release button in her body to get ready for launch.
Neither of them said a word, just watched the most private parts of their bodies mating, making noises, and feeling the most wonderful she’d ever felt in her life.
When her eyes started to close, she knew she was going to come again.
She started to moan and lay back on the bed, no longer having the energy to support herself.
Hyde lifted her higher and pounded into her more until he was groaning out louder than her and then collapsing down on the bed, turning fast so that she was on his chest.
She smiled until the dread hit her full force in the gut.
“What the hell did we just do?” she asked.