16. Jumping The Gun
16
JUMPING THE GUN
H yde couldn’t remember the last time he was this depleted after sex.
Tori asked that question, he laughed, and said, “Just made each other very happy.”
When she jumped up off of him and was reaching for her clothes, he realized she wasn’t asking the question in a way he thought. “This was a mistake.”
“Oh no, you don’t,” he said. He was getting his wits about him now.
“What?”
“Don’t you dare say that,” he said. He was ready for battle but had to pull it back. The two of them had too many of these mistakes jumping the gun and he was going to try to avoid it again.
Her face was beet red. “It shouldn’t have happened.”
“Then you shouldn’t have asked me,” he snapped. So much for staying in control! “And I asked you multiple times if you were sure.”
He was having a panic moment.
Was she going to say he was taking advantage of her?
That she didn’t want this and he forced himself on her?
“I know you did,” she said. “You could have told me no.”
“I’m a dude. Are you serious?” What the fuck was he missing here?
She stopped and stared at him. “Back up.”
“I’m still on the bed,” he said. “I haven’t moved.”
“I meant my thoughts. I’m talking to myself,” she said, shaking her head rapidly.
“Out loud?”
“Yeah,” she said, sighing. “Urghhh!” She ran her hands through her hair as if she was going to pull it all out. “Yes. I asked you. I wanted it. I don’t want you to think I’m going to say otherwise.”
“Then why are you saying I should have told you no?” he asked, rubbing his hands over his face hoping to clear up any confusion.
It wasn’t happening.
He stood up to get his clothes and walked into his bathroom with the door open. He took care of the condom and heard her moving around in his room looking for her clothes.
He yanked his underwear and jeans up fast.
“I told you that you bring the worst out of me. I’ve never done that before,” she said.
If it wasn’t for the fact Tori looked as if she was ready to burst into tears, he might have yelled something at her and they’d both regret it.
He was going to be the one to stop and think of his words more carefully from this point.
“I don’t think what we did was bad,” he said calmly. “I’m a little insulted, if you want to know the truth, and I’m trying not to get pissed over it.”
“This is on me, not you,” she said.
“Why does it have to be on either of us?” he asked, throwing his hands up.
“I have to leave,” she said.
“No,” he said, grabbing her arms. “We are going to talk about this like mature adults. Tell me what was going through your mind.”
“I don’t want to,” she said.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You know, Tori. I’m starting to think your superpower is self-sabotage.”
Her jaw dropped. “What?”
“You heard me. The last hour or so was all you. All on you. I went along and even asked a few times if you were sure. We were talking about things and you wanted to just kiss. You wanted to forget everything going on in your life. So I’m going to think all you wanted to do was use me and I don’t believe that is the case. I don’t think you’ve got it in you to do that.”
He hoped not. He was taking a risk saying that because his first instinct was to accuse her of that, but he’d learned already the two of them shouted things without thought at each other.
He was going to try something different.
“No,” she said. “I wouldn’t. I mean, I kind of did but not like that. See? That isn’t like me.”
“Come here,” he said softly.
“I should go,” she said.
“You’re not leaving. I’m not letting you do this to us again.”
“Letting me?” she snapped.
“Stop it right now,” he said firmly. “One of us has to put their foot down and it’s going to be me. We keep doing this. We have these wonderful moments and then something makes us do things we don’t normally do. You said we bring the worst out of each other, but right now, you’re bringing the good out of me. Do you see it? I’m not snapping. I’m not yelling. I’m trying to get you to see reason. To look at it the way I am.”
She stopped to stare at him, her eyes the size of oranges. “You are.”
“So will you calm down and talk to me? Please?”
She nodded her head. “I need the wine.”
“Let’s go sit on the couch and talk.”
She took a few deep breaths and followed him to the couch and they sat.
“Can you put your shirt on or I’m going to be distracted.”
He laughed. He wasn’t sure if she was joking or not, but by her glossy eyes, he knew she was serious.
He went to his room and pulled out a T-shirt to slip on fast.
“Better?” he asked.
Her glass of wine was gone, so she must have just downed it like a shot.
“Yes,” she said. “Thank you for calming me. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry for what I said after. I ruined what was a nice thing and now that the thrill of that orgasm is gone I’m feeling very ashamed of my words toward you.”
“A great thing,” he corrected. “Don’t feel shameful. We’ll get past it.”
She forced a smile. “A wonderful thing. A record for me. Or a first.”
He smiled. “Never had two in a row before?”
She shook her head fast. “I’m not a bold person in the bedroom.”
“Then I’m glad you were different with me. Being different isn’t bad. It’s not bringing out horrible things either. It’s just...different.”
“It is,” she said. “I don’t want you to think I’m someone who does that after a few dates.”
“I’d like to think what we’ve got right now is more than a few dates. We’ve had some pretty in-depth conversations and fights. Our emotions have been all over the place and the fact we are feeling these emotions means more than just sex. Don’t you agree?”
“Geez,” she said. “You should be the counselor.”
He pulled her under his arm for a snuggle. “Take a deep breath.” She did and let it out. “One more,” he said. Her body sagged against his. “I’m happy this happened. I don’t regret it and I don’t want you to either. I thought we had a great dinner. Enough that you wanted to spend some more time with me. Something changed when we walked into my place. What was it?”
“I saw what you had growing up that I didn’t. I see parts of your life around here that come naturally to you that make you a good person and I realized that you aren’t what I thought you were.”
“Okay,” he said. “All sounds good to me.”
“Then I felt sorry for myself, which I don’t do, and said it’d be nice to just feel.”
“We both did that,” he said. “Nothing wrong with it either.”
“I panicked when we were done.”
“No shit,” he said. “I’m not even going to ask you why you did. I’m not going to take offense to it. Nothing. I’m going to chalk it up to hormones. I knocked them loose and you lost the ability to think clearly. How does that sound?”
Damn, he was smoother than he thought with the words coming out of his mouth.
She let out a laugh. Not even a forced one.
“I think that sounds good.”
He kissed her on her forehead. Her light brown hair was a mess.
She was wrinkled like a woman well and truly used.
Not that he liked the word used, but it was what popped into his head.
“Can we press the rewind button to before the words came out of your mouth but right after I collapsed on you? I don’t want to forget an orgasm like that.”
She turned her head and looked into his eyes.
There was humor in there now. “Okay,” she said. “No way I can forget mine.”
“Either of them,” he said. “Remember. You had two.”
She laughed. “I did. What is wrong with me, Hyde?”
“Nothing,” he said, running his finger down her cheek. “I think you’re just really hard on yourself and I’m not sure why. But maybe you need to stop doing that.”
“You’re just as hard on yourself, but this time you weren’t.”
“I am, and I wasn’t this time.”
“Why?”
“Because I see something here and it’s what I told you before. I don’t want regrets and that means making you talk to me and find out the root of your problems.”
“There aren’t enough hours left in the night to get to the root of my problems.”
“I don’t think you have as many as you think,” he said. He kissed her on the forehead one more time and hugged her. “I think you just don’t cut yourself any slack and you’re afraid to let someone in.”
“And you want to get in?” she asked.
“I think I already am and I’m not talking about sex.”