Chapter 7 – Nate
“You have a lot of nerve,” Rafael Osorio said when he finally picked up the phone. It only took him four fucking calls. “Do you know the shitstorm you’ve put me in?”
Nope. Didn’t care either. “Do tell.”
Rafael ignored my sarcasm, as usual. “I wasn’t aware Mari didn’t know who you were, you little prick. Do you have any idea the damage this could do?”
Considering my relationship’s implosion recently, yeah. I did.
“We can talk all about the ways that you’re going to castrate me for this later. Where is she?”
“What makes you think I would tell you where she is?”
“Are you aware that her other uncles are planning to take her out? Soon, from what I’ve heard.” The last part was a guess, but one I was pretty sure about.
“If Mari’s uncles wanted her to bend the knee, forcing her during a time of upheaval—like, say, when her boyfriend turns out to be an enemy spy—would be their best bet. She’s unstable, and people are watching. She’s hemorrhaging power daily, and it’ll only get worse the longer my brother runs amok in her city.”
Silence was Rafael’s only answer, and my fingers tap, tap, tapped the steering wheel in impatience. I was desperate to move but unwilling to take action until I knew where to go. I couldn’t run in circles when I wasn’t sure Mari had time to waste.
“I see,” he said flatly, and I wasn’t even surprised that he already knew. I just needed to know if Mari did.
“Where is she, Rafael?”
Rafael’s huff was grating to my already frayed nerves, and I sighed. “I’m not going to hurt her.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He had no reason to, but it didn’t change the fact that he was going to tell me one way or another. “Does she know?”
Does she know her family’s out to get her?
Rafael’s pause was as good as a yes, and I cursed again. Everything in Mari’s life was going wrong and I wished so desperately that I could help, but I knew better. There was no helping. Not like this. Not when I was the cause of all this turmoil.
“Please just tell me where she is. I promise not to hurt her. Hell, you can follow me there if you want. I just need to make sure she’s okay.”
Another long pause. So long, I felt like I’d ground my teeth to dust until, finally, Rafael said, “She won’t see you.”
“Then what’s the harm in giving me the information?”
“If she figures out it was me?—”
“She won’t,” I said quickly, knowing he was going to give me what I wanted. He had to.
“I won’t tell you exactly where she is, but I’ll give you a general area.”
“Fine.” I could work with that. Nothing that a little stalking couldn’t fix, even if it felt weird to think about following the love of my life.
Then again, if she never forgave me, I had no doubt that was going to be my future. Provided we all survived Cash.
Rafael rattled off the cross streets, more irritated than I’d ever heard him. I was about to hang up the phone when he snapped my name. “If she gets hurt because of this, I’ll make you wish your brother had actually killed you.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I said, starting the car before I’d even hung up the phone. I had to warn my girl.
Finding Mari was easier than I expected after making my way uptown, per Rafael’s instructions.
Hard to have true stealth when you ran a city.
I was barely out of my car before someone was pointing me in the right direction. Every other turn, I heard reverent whispers of the Marcosa queen, leading me to her like a trail.
My first glimpse of Mari since the damned meeting was a brutal one.
She looked put together. Makeup on, hair slicked back in a ponytail and straightened to a single sheet of silky brown, perfect suit, and heels to kill. She looked incredible, and I had to palm my cock where it was trying to tent my jeans.
Not the time.
Especially because I could see beneath the mask. Her lips were pressed together so tightly that twin lines bracketed them. Her steps were a little heavier.
The only thing I couldn’t see were her eyes, and I knew she’d hidden them on purpose. Easier to fool the people she interacted with that she was fine when they didn’t have a direct view to her soul.
She moved as a unit with Dominic and Moore, though she didn’t touch either of them. She barely even looked their way. Dominic was dressed casually, as usual, but even he seemed subdued. Angry.
When Mari stumbled and flinched away from his touch, his anger grew until more people were veering away from him. I wasn’t even sure they realized it either. It was instinctual. A primal response to a predator losing his shit nearby and a desperate need to get out of the line of fire.
Fuck. I’d expected her to hate me, but I hadn’t thought her trust issues would seep over to the others. The distance between them proved she’d lost even more because of me. Dominic and Greyson were her home, her shelter. She was supposed to lean on them and let them guide her through this bullshit. Instead, she was secluding herself and hurting all of them in the process.
You’re a waste of space,Cash’s voice lingered in my head. Look what you do. You break people, hurt them. That’s what you were always meant for.
I didn’t believe it, but it said something that the old words still had a place in my mind.
The small group stopped near the four-story monstrosity of a mall. Mountview Mall screamed privilege and luxury, but Mari didn’t go inside. Dominic did, with Moore following close behind.
Meanwhile, Mari slipped into the flow of foot traffic and disappeared.
What the fuck?
I rocked onto my tiptoes, trying to peer over the bustling crowd moving around the entrance, but I couldn’t see her.
Not until I spotted a flash of chocolate down the block.
Mari was walking around the city alone.
A distant part of me recognized that it wasn’t normal, but anger and panic didn’t give a shit. My girl had a target on her back and enemies coming from every direction, and she was wandering around alone.
Absolutely not.
I was halfway down the sidewalk, moving through bodies with slow, careful movements.
Don’t be suspicious. Don’t look like you’re chasing her. Just a nice guy out for a leisurely stroll.
Mari took the next corner, and I sped up, desperate not to lose her. She took me through the city, keeping to her territory lines. I had no clue where the fuck she was going and no clue if she saw me, but some part of my brain wondered if she was playing with me.
Does she want to be chased?
I rounded another corner to find her gone. Vanished.
That anxiety pushing my heart into my throat got worse, making the vein in my forehead throb and ache. I was going to lose my shit if I didn’t find her because, Marcosa or not, she needed protection.
My protection.
Careful to walk on silent feet, I checked every alley in sight until I found her. She was at the far end, talking quietly on her phone. I still had no clue why she was there, though I had a good idea where we were. The warehouse district wasn’t too far off, where people worked around the clock and there was no shortage of witnesses. But in this unincorporated part of the city, it was probably just us.
With one eye on the ground so I didn’t kick something and startle her too soon, I followed Mari down the alley, hugging the wall until I was right behind her. The second she hung up the phone, I pushed her against the wall, my hips pressing hers to the brick, and knocked her phone out of her hand.
As expected, Mari went feral. Kicking and scratching. Biting and clawing. All she knew was a man was holding her in an abandoned part of town. Of course she was losing it. I didn’t want to scare her, but maybe she needed it, because who the fuck walked around alone in the middle of a war?
That thought brought the rage, the near-blindness-inducing panic at the thought of her being caught unawares or worse. What if someone grabbed her for Cash when she wasn’t paying attention? Prisoners weren’t treated kindly in his camp. I didn’t want that for Mari.
“It’s me.”
She stilled, a dangerous tension coiling through her.
“You normally follow people who don’t want you around?” she asked.
“When I have to protect them from themselves, yes. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I snarled into her ear, despite the fact that I absolutely had no right to.
“I don’t need your protection,” she growled, kicking her head back. I narrowly avoided the skull to the nose and buried my face into her neck to protect it. Fine—and to smell her too. “What the fuck are you doing following me? Aren’t you connected at the hip to big brother?”
“No, and I’m not the one under fire everywhere she goes.”
“No, you’re just the one who lit the match.”
I sighed, hating the way the conversation was going already. “Where are Dominic and Moore?”
“Shopping,” she deadpanned.
I flipped her around, shoving her right back to where she was. I didn’t like trapping her, but what else could I do? She needed to hear me. She had to understand the dangers of running around like this. And I needed to see her eyes.
Those sad, broken, very angry eyes. My dick jerked in my pants at the thought of those eyes glaring at me while she was on her knees, and I gave it the metaphorical middle finger. She’s more likely to slice you off than she is to suck you.
“You got a problem with my face?”
“No.” She was beautiful, always. “You can’t do this right now, Mari. It’s not safe.”
“What do you care about my safety, Beckstrom? Your life would be so much easier without me.”
The words hurt to hear. A world without Mari wasn’t a world at all. I just hadn’t realized it soon enough.
Tell her that.
I wanted to. I wanted to talk about the phone call and everything that happened before, but when I looked at her, I saw no vulnerability, no recognition. I wasn’t sure if she remembered our call at all or if it had disappeared in the haze of booze.
“Mari—” The press of a gun to my sternum stole my breath, but not as much as the ice on her face did. Also, how had I forgotten to hold her fucking arms? Was I really that blind when it came to her?
If so, I wasn’t sure I’d be much help on the protection front.
“Why are you really following me?” she asked, peering around without ever taking her eyes off me. “Where’s your brother?”
“I don’t know. I came because I wanted to warn you.”
Her bark of laughter hurt my ears, it was so angry. “I don’t believe you.”
“People are talking. Your uncles?—”
“I’m aware.”
She wasn’t, not really. She didn’t know what I did about them. About everyone. “Let me help.”
She scoffed. “I’ve already made that mistake. I won’t be doing it again.”
“We weren’t a mistake,” I growled, tightening my fingers on her hips, as if a few bruises would prove my point.
“Yes, we were.”
I wanted to argue, but Mari was a remote tundra with nothing but miles between her and civilization. I missed the warmth she used to bring more than ever.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I whispered again, loosening my grip on her. What good had coming after her done, beyond showing anyone watching that Mari really was a priority for me?
Fuck, if Cash caught wind of this, it was going to be bad. Very, very bad.
Especially since I hadn’t helped her, hadn’t warned her of anything she didn’t already know, hadn’t fixed things. I’d just made everything worse.
“Fuck your intentions,” Mari spat, trying to weasel her way out of my grip. If she moved left, I countered it. If she dodged, ducked, and weaved, I mirrored her.
If she wanted out of my grasp, she’d need to pull the trigger.
“I never should’ve touched you.” Her words stung, but all I could see was buried hurt. There was no way through it. Not now. Not until I earned back her trust.
Maybe not ever.
“Shoot me.” My mouth moved on instinct, refusing me even a second to think things through, but I couldn’t deny I’d have made the same choice over again.
Her eyes widened, her strong stance faltering just a touch. Mari wasn’t as unaffected by me as she’d hoped I believed, but would that matter in the end?
Finally, she shook her head, restabilizing the gun pointing at my chest because she needed the control. I got it. I’d be upset too, given the circumstances. “What did you say?”
“If you think I’m a danger to you, pull the trigger.”
I didn’t tell her that I didn’t want to live in a world where she hated me, or that it would be a mercy to take me out before my brother did. Because it was only a matter of time before Cash realized my loyalty had shifted that day on the side of the road, and if he got his hands on me after he did, I’d wish for an easy death.
I stayed silent and watched as Mari thought about it. She didn’t dismiss me or pull the trigger immediately; she looked at the situation from every angle, like she always tried to.
I watched the moment her finger twitched so damn close to pulling the trigger, and I didn’t flinch.
Didn’t blink. Refused to look away. If I was going to die, I’d do it with her face as the last thing I saw. It was a mercy I wasn’t sure I deserved, but one I was taking anyway.
Finally, the gun eased off, and so did she. “I’m not going to make more trouble for myself by killing you now. I’ll wait until I can do it without risking the people I care about.”
The heavy implication that I was no longer one of those people bruised, but I didn’t dwell, because for the first time since I’d caught up to her, Mari let me see her.
And I liked what she was hiding.
“You can’t do it at all.”
She rolled her eyes, but I pushed forward, putting myself in her space and waiting to see what happened. When she neither retreated nor shot me, I smiled, knowing I was right. “You can’t do it. You can’t shoot me.”
“I can?—”
“You can’t because you still love me like I love you.” I brushed a hand over her ponytail, enjoying the silkiness against my skin and wondering what it would feel like hiding our bodies as we writhed?—
Don’t get ahead of yourself.
For her part, Mari looked completely unfazed. And pissed. Very, very pissed. “Love isn’t real when it’s built on a lie.”
“Then what is this?” I pulled up her empty hand and placed it on my chest, right over my thundering heart. It’d been pounding since I’d gotten her alone, and it was getting bad enough that I worried I was having a stroke.
But what a way to die, right?
Mari flinched, ripping her hand away with a snarl. “It’s adrenaline and bullshit.”
Bullshit was definitely right, but I didn’t call her on it. I wrapped my hands around her hips, pulling her against my body, and for the first time in days, I felt whole. My thumbs slipped beneath her suit jacket until I found the sliver of skin I wanted, and fuck me, if just touching her didn’t make me hard as stone.
“Let me rebuild it,” I whispered.
“Rebuild what?” She knew. We both knew she did, but if Mari needed me to say it, then I would.
“Us.”
I thought she’d soften—hoped, really—but she stiffened instead, pulling away without moving an inch. “Did Cash ask you to do this? Get close and try to soften me up for round two?”
“No,” I growled, because fuck my brother. “I’m not here for anyone but you, Mari. I know you don’t trust me, but let me prove myself again. We can go slow. No sex, no kissing until you trust me. I’ll even give you your space if that’s what you want. Whatever you need. We’ll take this at your pace, angel. Just let me try.”
She didn’t call me on the nickname again, though her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Does giving me space include following me around town?”
Ah, so she did know I was following her. “Probably.”
Mari’s huff was soft and annoyed. “Don’t bother. I’m not interested in rekindling anything because there is no us.”
My mouth was on hers before she could finish. I was already so tired of hearing her say that, even if it felt like the truth in her mind. But I pushed away the irritation because Mari tasted like home and heartbreak, and I was desperate for more. Threading my hand through her ponytail, I tightened my grip, forcing her head exactly where I wanted it. The bite that followed tore a groan from both of us.
Mari opened her lips, and I took it as the invitation it was, deepening the kiss with the sweep of my tongue. I slipped my hand under her shirt, caressing more skin as I backed her against the alley wall, and she let me, arching so I had access to more of her.
“Angel,” I whispered, kissing along her jawline to her neck then back to her lips again as I rubbed soothing circles along that soft skin with my thumbs. I’d missed the feel of her against me. I never wanted to stop touching her.
As our tongues slid against each other, Mari’s weight shifted so she could rub between my legs. If her skin felt like ecstasy, I wasn’t sure there was a word for the way her hand felt as she stroked my straining cock over my jeans. I had a second to kick my hips into hers, to hear the soft moan she tried to hide, before stars exploded behind my eyes and I buckled.
Holy fuck, that hurt.
“Never took you for a cheap shot,” I coughed as I dropped to one knee, holding my balls protectively. It’d been a long time since I’d been kneed in them, and goddamn, she got me good.
Definitely deserved it, though.
So much for going slow.
Mari stood above me like an avenging angel, the gun in her hand promising eternal damnation if I so much as breathed the wrong way.
“Don’t mistake my previous affection for weakness. I’m not yours, Nathaniel Beckstrom. I never was.”
I couldn’t help myself. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’ll always be mine, angel. Even if I’m not yours.”
“A pity for the both of us, then.” Mari sighed, stepping out of reach before holstering the gun and picking up her phone. She paused at the end of the block, where a car pulled up to grab her. She paused with the door open, the cabbie glancing between us nervously. “Don’t make me kill you, Nate.”
Then she was gone, sliding into the car and disappearing down the street before I could even relearn how to breathe. But I knew that every word I’d spoken was true.
Mari was mine, even if it damned us both. And eventually, she’d figure it out too.
Until then, I’d just have to keep showing up to remind her.