Chapter 15
IVY
Ipulled up my messages and started typing to Sofia.
Hey. Could I get Eric's number? I don't have Grayson's contact details.
Her response came within seconds.
Of course. Hang on.
I stared at the screen, watching the three dots appear and disappear as she typed.
Here you go.
A phone number followed.
I saved it to my contacts under just his first name. Eric. Simple. Easy. Unlike everything else about this situation.
My heart thrummed like a hummingbird against my ribs. This was it. This was the moment where I chose whether to close the door completely or leave it cracked open.
My thumb hovered over the call button. What was I even going to say? Part of me wanted to throw my phone against the wall and pretend none of this happened or existed. The other part just wanted to hear his voice, to know he was real and that he cared deeply for me.
Fuck, this was a mess. Did I take the risk of something special or flee the potential danger it came with?
"I can't have just dated an accountant," I muttered. Then again, a normal life sounded boring to me.
I pressed call.
He answered before the first ring finished.
"Ivy."
Just my name, but the way he said it made my chest tight. Relief and something deeper, something raw. Like he was having the same messy emotions I was having.
"Eric."
Silence stretched between us, the only sound was his soft breathing.
"Can I come over?" He asked gently, although there was an urgency underneath. "I can explain everything. Whatever you need to know."
I closed my eyes, leaning back against my headboard. "I do want to speak with you. Just not tonight."
"Okay." He didn't argue, didn't push. Always so considerate. Save for the lying. "Whatever you need."
"I'm still wrapping my head around everything." I tucked my legs underneath me, pulling a pillow against my chest. "I know who you are now. Sofia shared some things with me, although she said I should talk to you about most of it."
"What kinds of things?"
"Just basics about you and your family, that you seem trustworthy and good to your allies."
"But you still aren't sure about me?"
"It's not that, there's still so much I don't know. I don't know who you really are, Eric." My throat tightened, but I shoved it aside, the anger flaring up to suppress the sadness. It was a bad coping mechanism.
"I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"I needed to fucking know you were in the mafia. That you have a target on your back. Hell, you've probably killed people!" I snapped.
"Is that a statement or a question?" he said calmly after a moment, and I wanted to punch him through the phone.
"Have you?" My voice lowered.
"Yes."
I swallowed. "How?"
"Do you really want to know that, Ivy? There's a side of me that is a part of me, but you don't need to see it or know it. I'd rather you didn't."
Those words cooled my fire just a little. Did I truly want to know? Morbid curiosity said yes, but the part of me that wanted to still have hope for us, that stupid, dumb, broken part, said maybe I should overlook it.
"Did they deserve it? Were there ever any innocents?" I opted to ask instead. It seemed like the better choice.
"I never hurt anyone innocent, and never women or children," he assured me. Sofia had said their morals aligned with the Donati, who had the same code. Since my trust in him had waned, I was trusting her word more.
"I need to figure out what I want to do next." I said quietly, the fire now flickering out as exhaustion overwhelmed me. "I'd appreciate it if you gave me a little bit of space and time."
Another pause. I could almost picture him in his hotel room, jaw tight, fingers curled into fists as he fought against every instinct telling him to show up at my door anyway.
I remembered the times we'd fought last time we were together, my fire getting to be too much, my trauma overwhelming me and making me try to sabotage us. He'd ignored my insults and attempts to keep him away, and he'd come to me, holding me as I'd screamed and then cried.
I'd grown since then, done some work on myself. I wasn't the same Ivy anymore. Still wild, but more calm in ways. More in-tune with my emotions and needs.
"I'll do whatever you need," he said finally, as if he sensed the shift within me as well. Either that, or he knew this was bigger now, with more at stake with his alliance. "But if you want me there, I'll be there in a heartbeat. Any time. Just say the word."
A strange relief washed over me. He wasn't making promises about being perfect or claiming this would all work out. He was just offering himself. That was all I needed, too. No false promises, no false hope. Just him, willing to do what was needed and to be there.
"Thank you."
"Good night, Ivy."
"Good night."
I ended the call and set my phone down, hating the lump in my throat.
The apartment felt too quiet, too empty.
A part of me did want him here, holding me, telling me everything would be okay.
But that was weak, and I needed to be logical just this one time in my life.
To make the smart choice rather than the impulsive one.
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine, the kind I kept around for nights exactly like this.
A knock at my door made me jump.
Through the peephole, I saw a man in a dark suit. One of the Donati drivers I recognized from the club.
I opened the door but kept the chain latched.
"Ms. Halloway." He held up my car keys. "Mr. Graves asked me to return this."
"Thank you." I unlatched the chain and took the key from him.
He nodded once and disappeared down the hallway without another word.
I locked the door again and leaned against it, staring at the key in my hand. Such a small thing, but it represented how tangled my life had become with theirs. Elena's connection to the Donatis had pulled me into their orbit, and now Eric had anchored me there.
I was already in this even without Eric, but his presence in my life would only make the target on my back bigger.
But it also gave me a chance at something good. Even if he lied about who he was, hid it from me, I found it hard to believe his kisses, his soft touches, his need to care for me, were all untrue as well. He'd been the exact same for those seven months we were together all those years ago.
That had to be real.
I carried the glass of wine to my bedroom, taking another gulp of it before setting it on the nightstand and crawling under the covers.
This was so much more than I'd bargained for. I'd always been rough around the edges, wild, the kind of girl who didn't play by anyone's rules. But I danced on the edges of danger, never fully submerged myself in it.
This was different. Eric wasn't some small-time player.
He was high up in an international crime family, someone who made decisions that affected territories and alliances.
Being with him wouldn't just mean accepting his dangerous job and a target on my back.
It meant long nights, meetings, time apart, and who knows what else.
I thought about Elena and Jackson, about Sofia and Grayson, about Meredith and Leo. They'd all found a way to make it work. But they were stronger than me, weren't they? More capable of handling the darkness that came with loving someone in that world.
My eyes grew heavy as I finished the wine. Sleep pulled at me, dragging me down into dreams where Eric called me his princess, where he promised to make me his queen. His hands on my skin, his voice in my ear, telling me I was his, only his.
In the dream, I believed him.
Afternoon light stabbed through my curtains, forcing me awake. I groaned and rolled over, grabbing my phone from where I'd left it charging.
Three messages waited for me, along with the time of past three in the afternoon. The nights I worked late always had me sleeping most of the day away, but last night had just been the headache of it all that made me refuse to leave my bed.
I opened up the messages.
Elena: You okay? Call me if you need anything.
Sofia: Checking in. No pressure, just wanted to make sure you're alright.
Meredith: Hope you got some rest. We're here if you need us.
I typed out similar responses to all three, thanking them and saying I needed some time to myself today. They'd understand. They all knew what it was like to sort through impossible choices.
But there was no message from Eric. Sure, I'd told him I needed space, but I was a little hurt at the lack of a message from him.
But it was also what I asked for, right?
My apartment felt suffocating. I needed to get out, clear my head somewhere that didn't smell like Eric's cologne or remind me of last night's emotional tornado.
Lunch sounded good. Or was it dinner? Who cared. Honestly, cocktails sounded even better, because if there was ever a situation that called for day drinking, this was it.
I thought about asking Elena to join me, but I couldn't. She was too close to all of this now, too embedded in the criminal world through Jackson. I needed to think outside of that sphere, away from the pull of the families and their complicated webs.
I needed to figure this out alone.
I showered and dressed in jeans and a soft sweater, something comfortable and unremarkable. My reflection in the mirror looked tired, dark circles under my eyes despite the sleep. I covered them with concealer and pulled my dyed red hair into a messy bun.
Coffee. I'd get a coffee for now, because the thought of eating didn't appeal to me, and drinking came with the possibility of stupid choices. I didn't need that right now given my circumstances.
The Starbucks drive-through line moved slowly, giving me time to second-guess my entire plan. But I needed this. Space. Clarity. A chance to figure out what the hell I actually wanted.