Chapter Three - Lewis Mark Noble #3
Lewis hadn’t considered this. He felt a rise of something in his chest that felt a lot like guilt. The fact that his mother-in-law was still grieving her husband when her daughter had died, and that tea-time without her beloved was as hard for her as it was for him.
‘Yes, I do know what you mean.’ He made a silent promise to do better, be better for his mother-in-law who too lived in the shadow of loss.
Jane nestled closer into his form.
‘You are lovely, Lew, the loveliest.’ She kissed him again. This time he faced her, and her kiss landed on his mouth. His eyes, although closed, couldn’t prevent the tears that graced his cheeks. To be kissed by her, touched by her, to feel her breath, warm against his skin.
‘What you crying for, Bibber?’
He’d forgotten this too, she called him Bibber, he called her Babber.
‘Just…’ It was tempting, so tempting to tell her to go to the doctor tomorrow, or now, right now!
To try and get the words out that she should rush to the hospital and tell them, tell them what?
She didn’t know yet. They didn’t know yet.
Besides, Chen had explained that one hint of forewarning and he’d lose this precious time, and he couldn’t risk that, wanting to savour every single second!
He squeezed her hand, feeling the wedding and engagement rings roll against his palms, the same rings that now sat in a little glass pot on his bedside table.
‘Just love you so much.’
‘We’re lucky, aren’t we?’ she whispered. ‘Don’t know anyone whose got what we’ve got or feel how we feel. I will spend the rest of my life loving you, Lewis Noble, loving you with my whole heart. What a lovely thing!’
He closed his eyes and wrapped her in his arms, knowing she spoke the truth. They were so very lucky, and it was indeed a fact she would spend the rest of her life loving him with her whole heart.
‘It is, Janey, it’s a lovely, lovely thing.’
The seconds ticked by, and he took the time to recall every facet of the way she felt in his embrace. Their hearts beating in rhythm, their breathing in sync. Content to sit here for eternity. He fought the desire to panic, to fret at no more than the thought that it was coming to an end.
‘What was your favourite day ever?’ he asked, holding her tightly, his voice hoarse with all it wanted to say and all he did his best to contain.
‘Our wedding day,’ she answered without hesitation. ‘It was like time sped up and slowed down all at the same time. Even now, I often think about it. The way you looked, standing there waiting for me at the end of the aisle. The first time you saw my dress.’
‘You looked like a movie star!’
‘I felt like a movie star!’ she chuckled that soft laugh that was like sunshine. ‘Then kicking off my heels and dancing with the girls, sipping champagne. Uncle Tony falling down the steps of the hotel!’
‘I’d forgotten that!’ He had.
‘Luckily his joints were lubricated with Guinness, and he didn’t do any damage.’
‘Only to the steps.’ He laughed.
‘Yep, probably. Mum crying all day, just sobbing with joy! Your dad hugging you and warning you to treat me right.’
‘I hope I did, do… do treat you right, love.’ He held his breath, waiting to see if he’d blown it, fearing she might disappear, and he’d be robbed of his remaining minutes. But no, it seemed he was permitted one small slip of the tongue.
‘You know you do.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘And what about you, Lew, what was your favourite day ever?’
‘This one,’ he managed. ‘This right now. Sitting here with you on the sofa. They don’t tell you, do they, how it’s the small things that are actually the big things. These quiet moments. They’re what shape us, what bind us, aren’t they?’
‘They are, my love. They are.’
‘I’m,’ he took his time, forming his words, ‘I’m so thankful for you, Jane. Can’t imagine what I’d do without you.’
‘Well, you’d miss me, of course, but you’d be fine.’
‘Would I? You sound very certain.’
‘Yes! Because you’d realise how lucky we were to have had each other and I’m sure – like me – you wouldn’t trade the time we get for anything else in the whole wide world.
Besides, it would do us a great disservice, wouldn’t it, if the one left behind spent the rest of their time in misery and regret – that would be like taking a big chunk of our happiness and turning it into something else.
Instead of celebrating the fact that we love each other no matter what.
That would be a rotten thing to do. So yes, you’d be fine.
And I’d be fine, if the boot was on the other foot. Eventually’.
‘Eventually’, he echoed.
It was when Jane trembled in his grip and his own body shook that he knew it was coming to an end.
And just like that, his arms were empty.
Still he sat, as though she were present, trying to conjure the warmth of her being against him. It had been the most beautiful, beautiful gift – and something he knew he’d never forget.
His tears – when they came – were not of the angry kind which he had grown used to but were instead tinged with something that felt a lot like joy.
Happy tears! Because Jane, his beautiful wife, was right.
Living a life cloaked in grief would be like taking a big chunk of their happiness and turning it into something else, what a rotten thing to do.
‘Wow!’ he wiped his face and spoke aloud into the ether, ‘I don’t know what to say, apart from thank you, Chen. Thank you!’
Lewis had slept soundly, this itself a rarity. Throwing open the windows of his bedroom, he stripped the bed linen to wash. Gathering his phone before heading out for a long overdue run, he put a call into his mother-in-law.
‘Everything all right, Lew?’ The note of concern in her tone was evident, and he understood. It was rare for him to get in touch.
‘Yep, everything’s fine, Margaret,’ he smiled. ‘I was just wondering if I could come and have me dinner with you tonight. I really fancy a home-cooked meal, or, more specifically, a home-cooked meal that is cooked by anyone other than me! Still not got the hang of it really.’
‘Oh! Oh, Lew!’ There was no disguising the emotion in her voice. ‘That would be… that would be just marvellous! I’d love it! I’ll get your favourite, a roast with all the trimmings! I’ll see if Melissa and the kids are free, they’d love to see you, I know.’
‘Great. I’ll see you later then.’
‘Yes! Yes, love! I’ll see you later.’
Standing now in front of the photograph of he and Jane on their wedding day, Lewis didn’t close his eyes, but instead stared at her, giving silent thanks for the love they shared and would continue to share, no matter what.