Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Sailor
I don’t realize the entire day has passed until Sam comes through the front door. I look away from the screen, my fingers still hovering over the keys, and watch as Sam moves into the dark room. He flicks the light on, causing me to see nothing but bright white light for a moment.
“Hey,” he says carefully, pulling his key from the lock and closing the door. His eyes narrow on me… as mine water.
“Hi.” I wipe my eyes and blink a few times.
I go back to the game to finish the task I’m working on with LMCYTTWACYAGG. We’ve been gaming together all day, and he’s helped me level up my character enough that we’ve gone into battle a few times and upgraded our equipment. He’s not half bad at the game.
“Sailor?” Sam’s voice has a hint of harshness to it, so I turn to face him. “Did you not hear me?”
“No, what’s up?” I turn back to the screen just as we come upon an ogre.
I quickly type a message to LMC to let him know we should fight him, even though he’s a level ten mob and both our avatars are level sixes.
The fight could get us a lot of EXP and loot if we beat him. He agrees, and so we start.
“I asked you if you did anything today.” There’s an edge to his voice, but I can’t pay attention to that, not when this mob strikes me and knocks twenty points from my HP.
“Uh, no. Not really. Just been playing Solar Surge.”
“I thought you were going to look for a job?”
Narrowing my eyes, I glance at him over my shoulder but hear a grunt that makes me go back to the computer.
I attack a few times, getting back at the ugly green ogre with my sword.
LMC aims low as I pull back, and we work together flawlessly, but I still get hurt and have to back out of the fight or I’ll get crushed completely.
I right-click, hit the run button, and flee.
LMC does the same thing a moment later and we meet up at a large rock across the field.
The ogre takes off in the opposite direction.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: That was a close one!
Golden_Phoenix: You’re telling me!
“Sailor?” Sam says my name firmly, the way a parent would when their child isn’t listening.
“What?” I bark, spinning in my chair.
He stares at me, mouth agape, like he’s mad about something and I’m an idiot for not being apologetic. What in the world could he be mad about?
“You said you were going to look for a job today, and you spent the day playing video games?” His brows are raised, expression firm.
I try to focus on his mouth for a few seconds, on the words coming out, but they’re not registering. What is he even saying right now?
“You literally told me not to do that.”
“I didn’t mean sit around all day and play games.”
“So what am I supposed to do then?” I snap back.
He opens his mouth like he’s going to argue, but then he snaps it shut, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I had a long day.” He comes to stand in front of me, holding his arms out. “Can I have a hug, please?”
Do I want to hug him? No, not really.
Sam has been clingy ever since I got here, but he’s never been mean to me.
Not like he was just now. I get that I didn’t do anything today, but he told me not to get a job.
And I actually did take a small break to work on a paper, and I studied for finals that are coming up, so I wasn’t completely useless.
It’s not like I need to work, I have plenty of money, and I’ve offered it to him plenty of times.
I really don’t know what he’s upset about right now, but he’s letting me stay here.
He’s doing me a huge favor, and though I’m not his biggest fan, he gives me a sense of comfort I wouldn’t have on my own.
That has to count for something, right? And part of me is still holding onto hope that we can find our friendship again, even though part of me knows he thinks I’ll go back to him if he tries hard enough.
Despite that, I get to my feet and give him a hug.
He holds on to me for too long, and when we finally break apart, he gestures to the computer.
“Who’s LMCY—uh, whatever the rest is?” he asks. “That’s not someone we know.”
I roll my eyes as I drop into the computer chair.
“Just someone I met today. He’s new.”
“Oh.” I don’t miss the tone he says it in. Snarky.
Golden_Phoenix: I have to go.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Everything okay?
I look over my shoulder to make sure Sam isn’t hovering. He’s in the kitchen, putting the clean dishes into the cabinet, so I respond.
Golden_Phoenix: My roommate came home. *eye roll*
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Will you be on tomorrow?
I hear Sam’s footsteps, so I quickly send an IDK, shut the chat, and log off the game.
“Let’s go out to dinner tonight.”
I sigh, swinging around in the chair. “I’m honestly really tired, Sam. I don’t want to go anywhere.”
“Tired from gaming all day?” He smiles like it’s a joke, but something in his eyes tells me differently.
“I just want to go to bed.”
I get up and head into the bedroom. I call out, “Good night,” before closing the door and changing into my pajamas.
Sam used to be one of my best friends. It’s why I came to him after everything that happened.
I knew he could keep me safe, and that he would.
I knew being with him would be okay because we’ve known each other for a long time.
Things went a little haywire when he stayed with me, but I never felt uncomfortable with him in the sense that I thought I was in danger.
It was just awkward because things were ending, because I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted anymore.
But if he didn’t want me here, he could have said no.
It’s obvious he took this as an opening to get back together, even though I’ve said I don’t want that.
But fighting him off is easier than dealing with being alone in my house. At least, it is for right now.
I lie in bed, staring at the dark ceiling as if words are going to scroll across it and tell me how to fix all this.
In the back of my mind, I know what to do to fix it, and I’ve considered the idea already. But in the end, I come up with the same answer.
Going back to Jaxon is dangerous.
That should be all I need to know.
Going back to him would be easy. It would fill so many holes in my heart, but… would it? Because he still hasn’t texted me. And he’s not a good person. Mindy is still dead. The scales are tipped, and not in a good way.
But I know myself, and I know how I can be.
Retreating back into my shell is what I do.
It’s my safe place. Hiding out here, away from everyone, is what I’ve always done because it’s easy.
But it’s not what I want to do. It’s not who I want to be.
There’s a reason I went back to school, a reason I started to make friends, and a reason I took the leap with Jaxon. I don’t like being like this.
Going home is scary though. Too scary. It’s too much right now.
It’s bad enough I think about Jaxon as much as I do, but being home, knowing the places he’s been, how easily he could slip through the cracks for real…
it’s terrifying. Maybe one day it won’t be, but that’s not today.
I also need to consider everything, and there are some things I’m refusing to think about.
Like the fact that no matter what has happened, Jaxon has done everything I asked of him.
No matter what messed up thing we did, he respected my boundaries.
He never made me uncomfortable, and in fact, made me feel more safe than I ever have before.
More than Sam ever has. If I said no, Jaxon listened.
I can’t say the same about Sam. Jaxon never crossed my physical boundaries — but the world he lives in is dangerous.
Jaxon hasn’t bothered with me once, and maybe it’s because he knows I don’t want him to bother me. That I need a break. That I need some space. Maybe he knows me well enough to know that I need to go to him.
But if he missed me so much, if he cared, wouldn’t he send one text? Just one. Just something to let me know that he’s still there? That I shouldn’t stop trying?
It’s crazy that even though I don’t feel safe with Jaxon, I do feel like he would respect me more than I’m being respected now. It makes no sense because at the same time, part of me does feel safe with Jaxon and I don’t know how to process all of this. I can’t make sense of it.
I grab my phone from the end table because I need a distraction. Time heals all wounds, right? There’s no reason to rush into a decision.
I open the Solar Surge app and search for LMC’s profile. My finger hovers over the message button, wondering if this is weird. It’s never been weird before, not on the app. It’s how I made friends on here in the first place—how I met Sam. So I hit the button and type out a message.
Golden_Phoenix: Hey, you still around?
I stare at the message, waiting for a response, but I don’t get one. My phone drops to my chest with a thud. I let out a sigh and close my eyes. Moments pass, and my phone vibrates. I lift it to see a message on Solar Surge—from LMC.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: I am.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Did your roommate leave?
Golden_Phoenix: No, I’m hiding in my room.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: XD
I stare at the screen, not sure why I’m talking to this person.
I have no idea who they are, but honestly, it’s just nice to talk to someone.
Even if they are a thirteen-year old kid.
Some would say it’s weird, and yeah, it definitely can be.
But gamers can game together at all ages as long as they’re appropriate and respectful, which I am.
Solar Surge has never had an issue with predators, but I know plenty of apps do.
As a woman, part of me understands the fear behind it.
And if LMC turns out to be a pre-pubescent teen, well, I guess we’re only going to talk about the game.
But if he’s an adult… maybe he could be another friend.