Chapter 3 #2
I’ve talked to Amelia a couple times since being here, but she’s been so busy with school that we don’t get to talk that much. I guess I’m just lonely, and making friends online is safe. It’s what I know.
Golden_Phoenix: How old are you?
LMCYTTWACYAGG: 22. You?
Golden_Phoenix: 18
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Have you played SS for all 18 of those? Because you’re pretty good.
I laugh and it feels good. It’s been a long time since I laughed so freely, since something someone said was funny and I didn’t have to force it.
Golden_Phoenix: No, but it has been quite a few years. It’s a guilty pleasure at this point.
Golden_Phoenix: What’s up with your username?
I stare at the phone for a while, waiting for a response.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: I didn’t want to use all my creativity on a username I may not keep. You know, in case I didn’t like the game?
Golden_Phoenix: So you threw letters together?
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Basically.
There’s a knock on the door, and then it opens.
“Sam—”
“Are you hungry?” he asks, not letting me get another word out.
I huff a sound, then count to five before I answer. I need to leave, but fighting with him and getting kicked out won’t make my life any easier. What I should do is find a therapist to dump all this stuff on, minus the murder part of course, get into a better headspace, and go home.
“No, thank you.”
I watch him standing in the doorway and wait for him to leave, only he doesn’t. He comes into the room instead.
“I don’t like that we’re fighting.”
I put my phone down and try to hide my annoyance. This is his room, and he’s letting me stay here, but he should respect the fact that he offered for it to be my space.
“We’re not fighting.”
“Well, we aren’t getting along.”
“Living with someone isn’t easy, I hear.”
“I just miss the way we were.” He reaches for my hand and gets it before I can pull away. He links our fingers, and it feels all wrong. I tell myself it’s a friendly gesture, something Amelia has even done, but it feels… weird.
“I told you, Sam, we’re friends.”
Sighing, he nods, not letting go of my hand. It’s quiet for a while before he says, “I’m happy you’re here, Sailor. Really. I love waking up to you every day, and seeing you every night I get home from work. This is really nice.”
He brings my hand to his lips to kiss, and I’m so shocked by his delusions that I don’t pull away from that either.
It’s not what he said, but how he said it. It wasn’t in a friendly way. No, that was more. It was… wistful. Like this whole situation is some fantasy fulfilled.
“I really just want to go to bed,” I say. “I th-think I’m getting sick,” I add, wondering if the lie will make him leave.
My phone vibrates. Then vibrates again. Then again.
Sam glances at it, frowning.
“Probably emails,” I add quickly. “School. I submitted a ton of work today.”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
I was never a liar before. I kept things to myself, but I didn’t outright lie, yet here I am… lying to the man who is helping me out.
“Your email has a different vibration pattern.”
Is it weird that he knows that?
Yeah, I think it is. It’s definitely not only weird but creepy.
“I don’t know then. I’m going to shut it off and go to sleep.”
My heart pounds, discomfort settling at the base of my spine. What if he takes my phone and freaks out that I’m talking to someone and not him? What if he flips out and tries to kill me or something? He could keep me prisoner in here and no one would know…
No, Sam wouldn’t do that.
He wouldn’t.
Would he?
I slip my hand from his and pull the blankets up higher. He watches me a moment longer before getting up and leaving the room, closing the door behind him. When I hear his footsteps stop, I assume he’s lying on the couch, and I pick up my phone.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: So your roommate isn’t cool?
LMCYTTWACYAGG: I hope they didn’t kidnap you?
LMCYTTWACYAGG: They aren’t a gamer, are they?
Kidnap me. It makes me think about Jaxon, and how I maybe wouldn’t hate him swooping in here and kidnapping me right about now.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a breath. I am such a mess.
“Stop being crazy, Sailor. Just stop it,” I whisper.
Golden_Phoenix: I’m here. Sorry. He’s… just too nice.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: He? Are you a guy, too? Not that I care, but I thought you were a girl.
Golden_Phoenix: I am. He’s just a friend. Are YOU a guy?
I assumed he was since he referred to himself as the “new guy” but that’s just a saying, so this could be a girl. Would it matter who they were? No, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t enjoy attention from a guy… especially one who is around my age and into my favorite game.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: He’s probably in love with you.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: And yes I am a guy which is why I can say that.
I chew on the inside of my cheek, hating that even someone who has never met Sam can tell how he feels about me.
Golden_Phoenix: You can tell from just the few words I said to you about him?
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Just cliche, is all.
Golden_Phoenix: He could be gay.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Touche.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Well, if you look anything like this cartoon pic on your profile, I can see why he’s obsessed.
Obsessed.
All these little words that make me think of Jaxon. So many little things.
Maybe I should give in and go to him…
Or maybe it’s not Jaxon per se, that I want, but someone who isn’t Sam? I don’t know this guy I’m talking to, and I don’t hate the fact that he left our chat open for me to start flirting, and maybe send him a pic of me…
Maybe this is what I need to do. Maybe moving on is how I get over Jaxon—but moving on with someone who isn’t Sam, because that’s a mess I don’t want to get tangled up in.
It feels dangerous enough that it’s exciting, but not too dangerous. He’s just a random guy I met online. It doesn’t have to be serious.
Biting on my bottom lip, I click on the photo button then scroll through my pictures and choose one that’s mostly normal but slightly sexy.
I hold my breath as it goes through.
He doesn’t disappoint when he sends me a message back.
A whole row of sweaty faces and…
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Damn.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Now I get it.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: If I was your roommate, I wouldn’t want you talking to other guys either.
My stomach does a little flip, and I smile as I respond.
Yeah, I think this is exactly what I need.