Chapter 49
Kieran
ICEHAWKS BITCHES
MITCHEL
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ashford’s banging the nanny
IRVING
HE MADE IT INSTAGRAM OFFICIAL
JOHNSON
another soldier down
O’CONNOR
you’re well due to fall Johnson
JOHNSON
never
I plan to be a bachelor for the rest of my days
IRVING
plan or forced to be?
JOHNSON
fuck you
VALENTI
fuck yeah Ashford way to go
ELLINGTON
am I the last to know??? Why the fuck did I not notice a romance brewing???
brOTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER
pays to pull your head off a bunny’s lips from time to time
IRVING
HAHAHAHAHA
brOTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER
no idea why you’re laughing Irving, you could too
IRVING
I’m good with suffocation from bunnies
KIERAN
happy to announce boys
I’m in love
MITCHEL
does this mean we have another chick to worry about reading these chats?
KIERAN
absolutely
IRVING
I’m creating another one without the pussy-whipped bitches
brOTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER
do that and I’ll make sure Bella doesn’t let you eat another blueberry muffin
IRVING
soldier standing down
Nestling in bed with Layla in my arms, I’m about to kiss the nape of her neck when she makes a small noise, but it’s not her sound of pleasure I’ve committed to memory.
No, this sound has me scrambling upwards, the sheets tangling around my legs, my heart pounding a furious beat.
Layla is doubled over, her face scrunched up in pain.
“Layla. Oh my god, Layla, what is it, sunshine? Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong.”
My words are a jumble of heaving breaths and panicked questions, my hands running over her hair and down her body, trying to find what’s got her face twisted in agony.
“C-call Bella,” she manages to stutter out.
My frown etches deeply between my brows. “I will, but Layla, please, what is it? Do you need your medication? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
Her eyes fly wide open. “No more hospitals.” Gritting her teeth, she places her hand flat on the bed and tries to push herself up but gasps, a surprised sharp breath. “It’s a flare-up…my bones…”
Jumping from the bed, I snatch up my phone, my thumbs already moving to dial 911, but Layla’s voice cuts through the air and it’s the only time I’ve heard such a demand in her tone.
“Don’t you dare call anyone but Bella. The hospital can do nothing for me.
I can’t mix heavy drugs with my medication. Please, trust me and call Bella.”
Kneeling beside the bed, beside the love of my life, it goes against every instinct within me not to call for an ambulance, but I can see her determination and know that if I go against what she’s asked of me, I’ll be in for a world of hell.
I haven’t lived with her disease. I don’t know what works or doesn’t, and I have to trust her enough that if she truly needed the hospital, she’d tell me.
But my body is tense, my fingers shaking as I hover over Bella’s contact. Every inch of me is screaming to take care of her myself, to step into the role of what she needs right now.
Lifting my eyes to Layla’s I find her icy blue’s pleading.
“I’ll message her, but Layla, please tell me what I can do. Let me take care of you.” I reach out and gently lay my hands over hers that are fisting the sheet. “Please, sunshine, let me do this. I can take care of you, I promise.”
She bites her bottom lip before nodding. “Okay.”
I heave with relief. “They say hot water helps. I’ll run a bath and when Bella gets here I’ll make a juice blend of everything anti-inflammatory.”
I stand so quickly I only just make out her surprise. Running to my ensuite, I turn the tap and begin running a bath. Without her needing to tell me, I bend low under the sink and take out the Epsom salt I use after hard practices or games.
Walking out of the bathroom, I quickly check the baby monitor, relief swallowing me whole when I find Emmy still sound asleep. Then I fire off a quick message to Bella, telling her to come over when she can and to use the key I gave Grayson.
Placing the phone on my nightstand, I come back to Layla, her porcelain skin paler than usual.
“Ready, sunshine?”
She nods but the motion quickly cuts off as she grits her teeth in pain.
Bending, I gently slide my hands under her body, noting how she winces every so often. “Sorry, baby,” I murmur.
“It’s okay.”
Her voice, usually full of snark and sass, is so soft my heart aches. If I did this to her, if the rough sex made her flare up like this, I’ll fucking hate myself.
“Breathe in, baby. Take a deep breath,” I coax, and once she does, I lift her as slow and controlled as I can, but she still squeezes her eyes shut tightly through a wave of pain.
I’ve never known anyone with arthritis, but if I understand it correctly, then this will be painful regardless of how gently I try to move her.
Standing in the bathroom, I look from Layla to the bath, not sure how I can get her in there without falling or hurting her.
“Fuck it.” I step into the bath.
“Kieran!” she scolds.
Ignoring her, I slowly bend until I’m fully submerged in the warm water, gray sweatpants and all, with Layla in my arms. The heat vanishes from her eyes as the warmth of the water soothes her aches.
She sighs, laying her head on my chest before removing her arm from around my neck and submerging her hands in the water.
I kiss the top of her head. “That’s it, sunshine.”
“Did you tell Bella?”
“I sent her a message. I told her to let herself in.”
“Thank you,” she murmurs, her eyes closing as she soaks in the warm tub.
Keeping my arms around her, I lay my chin on top of her head, not knowing if I can rub her skin or if that will hurt her more.
“Layla, did I…” My words trail off, my throat tightening, and I find I can’t ask the question.
“No, not at all, Kieran. This isn’t from…” She clears her throat. “I told you I’ve been feeling off lately. I promise it’s not from yesterday.” Layla begins to sniffle, her shoulders shaking. “I just wanted to be normal. I’m tired of this. I’m so, so tired.”
Tears roll down her cheeks in waves and I wish nothing more than to hold her tighter.
“I know, baby, I’m so sorry. If I could trade places with you I would in a heartbeat.”
Layla’s breathing quickens, shifting from the breaths of someone who’s crying to something entirely different, to a breathing pattern I recognize instantly.
She shakes her head side to side. “I don’t want to do this again. I don’t want to be sick anymore!”
On the last word, the dam erupts within her and my sunshine breaks. Devastation like I’ve never seen before overpowers her, consuming her in a tidal wave of panic and sadness. Her sobs have my own tears rolling down my face.
“I-I don’t want to do this again. I can’t do it again.”
“Yes you can, baby. You’re strong, the strongest person I know.”
“I’m not, Kieran,” she hiccups. “I won’t be able to go through it again. I thought I was better.”
I kiss her forehead, trying to coax her through her panic. “If you can’t be strong right now, sunshine, then I’ll be strong for the both of us.” I run a hand down her hair. “I’ve got you, just let it all out, baby.”
And she does.
Gigantic heaving sobs pour from her.
“That’s it, Layla. Breathe through it, sunshine. Breathe.”
Her chest rises on a deep inhale, her first one since the tears began streaming down her freckle-covered cheeks.
“W-what if the medication stopped working? What if I got to taste feeling normal and now I have to go back to being miserable?”
I’d love to promise her that I won’t let that happen, that I’ll throw every cent and penny I have at doctors until they’re able to find something manageable for her lupus, but I know I can’t. I can’t control science.
And I don’t want to begin breaking promises to her now.
I’m saved from having to try to come up with an answer to something impossible when I hear the front door bang open downstairs, the rush of feet running up the stairs.
“In here!” I call out. “Bella’s here, sunshine,” I whisper in her ear.
No sooner do the words leave my lips, Bella barges into the bathroom, coming to a skidding halt at the sight of us. “What the—”
Shrugging helplessly, I explain, “I didn’t know how to get her in without hurting her.”
Dropping to her knees and ignoring the water she gets on her from that, Bella reaches over and pushes Layla’s hair out of her eyes.
“Hey, B,” Layla whispers.
“Hey, Lil. I take it you’re having—”
“Don’t say it.”
“Okay.” Bella’s gaze lifts to mine before she looks at the two of us entangled in the steaming bath. “You can’t move. I’m going to go get everything I know that can help. I have a kit that I brought over—”
“You have a kit?”
Bella dips her chin. “Anti-inflammatory foods, naturopathic supplements, honestly anything to get the inflammation down and her immune system stronger.”
A look is all it takes—I need to get a kit of my own.
“I’ll also call your specialist and schedule an emergency visit.”
“Thanks, B.”
“Anytime.” Standing, Bella blows out a deep breath, steeling herself for the hours to come. “Keep the temperature high. Don’t let it go lukewarm.”
“I’ve got her, Bella.”
She pauses, her eyes zeroing in on my face, and she must find something she likes because despite the situation, she offers me a small tentative smile. “I know you do.”
Layla, now out of the bath, is somehow managing to stand despite the pain I continue to watch roll over her features.
“I can take care of Emmy,” Bella offers, looking past my shoulder into the living room where she’s cuddling with Bambi on the floor.
“No, Kieran, you should stay with Emmy. Bella can take me,” Layla says softly.
“No.”
Bella swivels to face me incredulously while Layla arches a brow. “No?”
“I want to take you, so please let me help. I’ll go out of my mind if I have to stay here and wait.”
Bella and Layla exchange a glance, a simple look that seems to hold a thousand words and an entire conversation.
“Please, Layla, let me take you,” I say again.
My chest is beginning to get that buzzing sensation, the telltale tightness of panic, and I fear that if I don’t go with her, I’ll be left here to have a panic attack. Every instinct in my body is screaming to take care of her, to help in any way I can.
I’ve never felt so useless before, utterly helpless to stop the pain from destroying her. The least I can do is take her to her specialist.
Biting her lip, Layla whispers, “Are you sure?”
I place a kiss on top of her head and whisper hoarsely, “I’m begging, sunshine. Don’t make me get on my knees and plead.”
Layla peeks behind me at Bella. “Are you sure you’re okay to—”
“I’m overdue for auntie time. I promise it’s okay. Grayson is driving to the airport to pick Allie and Carlton up right now, and the second she gets wind of this, she’ll be over here in a heartbeat.”
“She’s in town again?”
Bella nods. “They’re looking at houses this weekend.”
I go to wrap my arm around Layla but think better of it. “See, Allie will be bulldozing the situation in no time.”
That manages to make her laugh a little. “Okay, fine, let’s go.”
We’ve managed to keep Emmy preoccupied with Bambi but she’s been watching the entire interaction from her spot on the floor, her head resting on Bambi’s belly, and I know she can tell something is wrong.
“Bella, do you mind helping her in my car?” Handing over the keys to my truck, I head over to my little girl.
Her eyes watch me the entire time as I round the couch; they don’t even leave my face when the garage door opens and closes behind us. Sitting in front of her, my hand reaches out and pats Bambi behind her ear, hitting a spot that makes her groan low in her throat, like a purr.
“Auntie Bella is going to take care of you. Is that okay?”
Emmy dips her head slowly.
Blowing out a breath, I decide to go with the truth. That seems to be my parenting go-to—if all else fails, tell the truth. Maybe that can be our thing. As she gets older and no doubt into mischief, our one rule is that we tell the truth, no matter how much it might make me freak out.
“Layla isn’t feeling well right now, so I’m going to take her to the doctor.”
“Is she going to be okay?” Emmy asks as she sits up, Bambi protesting and trying to keep Emmy’s hand where it’s petting her. She does so, but her entire focus is on me.
“I hope so, munchkin. I’ll do everything I can to help her get better.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
Chewing on my lip, I try to think of the best way to explain this. “Layla has an immune system that’s mean to her.”
Emmy scrunches up her little nose. “What’s a mune tem?”
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Emmy’s butchering of the word makes a small chuckle escape me. “Immune systems are what the body uses to protect us from diseases, like colds or a runny nose. But Layla’s is mean to her and doesn’t work properly.”
Emmy clutches her chest. “Does my mune tem work?”
“Yes, sweetheart, yours works and so does Daddy’s.”
A little frown overtakes her features. “But Lil is nice. Why is hers mean?”
Tucking her hair behind her ear, I say truthfully, “I wish I knew, munchkin, but I’ll take her to the doctor and try and help her, okay?”
“Okay, Daddy, you’ll fix it. You make everything good.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
Am I going to cry again?
Coughing to clear the emotion, I choke out a meek, “Thank you, sweetheart. Give me a hug before I go.”
As I wrap my arms around my daughter, I understand why Layla’s parents put themselves in debt and were planning to take out a second mortgage on their home. Because if Emmy were sick, I’d do anything to help her. I’d rip out my own heart and give it to her if I could.
I’d do anything for my girls.
“I love you, munchkin.”
“Love you, Daddy.”