Chapter Ten
Aspyn
My brain is foggy and so is my vision. I’ve been crying for the better part of three hours and I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to explain what’s happened. It was hard enough just saying the words. I loved my parents. I never would have intentionally hurt anyone.
Not ever.
That said, here I am, a few hours away from turning myself in for their murder.
I blow out a heavy breath and stare toward the guys. They’re in the kitchen talking lowly about something. I assume it’s me. Whatever version of me they’d curated over the years is now gone, and I’m sure they see me as some violent monster. There’s no doubt that Jake and Ranger regret everything that almost happened last night, and I’m sure Liam is remorseful that he even came here.
The bonus of all this is that I got to tell the guys myself. They didn’t find out a week from now from Channel Six News or hear it from Ryan.
The familiar scent of grilled cheese spreads through the farmhouse, and when I see Jake coming toward me with a plate and a drink, I almost burst into tears again.
“I don’t deserve this.”
“You don’t deserve to eat?” He smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulder. “You deserve to eat, cat. Go ahead.”
It’s sweet that he’s gone to all this trouble, but guilt has my stomach in knots, and I don’t think I’d be able to keep anything down right now even if I tried.
Ranger carries over a drink and Liam isn’t far behind with a tray of store-bought, chocolate chip cookies.
“Okay,” Liam’s tone is deep and focused, “tell us everything … slowly.”
Looking at all three guys so dialed in like this reminds me of the family meetings my parents used to call whenever my brother or I were in trouble.
Usually, it was my brother .
He would be fighting with someone in school, and that night they’d sit us both down in the living room, we’d go over the rules, and then talk about how to treat people. I knew those conversations weren’t for me, but I listened to them anyway. Mostly because my parents were always so busy. Any attention they gave out, I sucked up like a sponge.
I’d take notes, recite back what they’d said, and I’d listen intently. This used to annoy Ryan, but I remember feeling so proud of myself for paying such good attention. Their praise is all I ever wanted. It’s what I strove for day in and out. It’s why I went to business school instead of pursuing culinary arts. It’s why I stayed home and worked alongside Liam in the finance department instead of moving to France to learn about global cuisine and exotic spices.
I wanted my parents to see me. But more than that, I wanted to be the person they needed me to be.
My shoulders stiffen as I open my mouth to talk, then I pinch it closed again. I’ve already come this far. I need to talk. If I’m going to say any of this to the judge, I need to be clear on why and what I did. “The night they died, they’d, ugh,” I wipe away a tear, “they called a family meeting. Apparently, they were heading down to Juneau to check the work going on for this major construction by the cruise ship docks. They wanted me to put my name on a bunch of paperwork and I started asking too many questions.”
“I remember you talking about that.” Liam’s hand lands on mine. “It was loan documents, right?”
“Yeah. They thought it would be good for me to build my credit or something. Ryan had done it and now it was my turn.” I look down at the table then back up at the guys. “Ryan wanted that life, though. He wanted the business. I didn’t, and I didn’t want the loans weighing me down. When they left the house that night, I called Molly and broke down to her. I had to pretend like I wanted the business because that’s what they wanted, but I didn’t. I wanted to go study food in France, open a restaurant, and…” I huff out a heavy sigh and choke down the lump in my throat. “I called my mom after I hung up with Molly. It was raining, they were yelling, then I was yelling. I was trying to tell them that I wanted a restaurant and that I didn’t want to die living their dreams. When my mom hollered back, I hung up the phone and sent this terrible text.” A quick succession of tears fall, and soon, I’m gasping for air. “They went off the cliff right after that. Ryan told me all about it and got really worried when I told him about our fight.”
Liam glances back at the guys. “Can we have a second?”
My stomach tightens as Jake and Ranger track my gaze, making sure I’m comfortable with being left with Liam.
I chew my bottom lip and nod. I’m not sure things could get any worse.
The guys stand as Liam wraps his hand into mine. He’s warm and his touch is different now than it had been before, though I can’t explain it. I blame it on the overwhelming emotional state I’m in.
“What kind of loan did your parents what you to sign off on?”
I glance toward him and shrug. “I don’t know, some personal thing. I think they were trying to consolidate stuff. Why?”
Liam moves his gaze to the wood grain of the table, then back toward me. “You were right to say no. They had debts piling up all over the place. I had to cut like thirty people from the team just to pay bills. There were days your dad would talk to me about selling to get out from under everything.”
My brows narrow. “What? No. Everything was fine. They were rich.”
“They were cash poor and living month to month. All their assets were tied up in the business. Your brother has been trying to stay afloat and put everything back together, but it’s not looking good.”
I narrow my gaze. For some reason, all of this new information is really making me upset. I don’t want to hear about how my parents were shitty businesspeople. My whole life I believed they were smart and successful. I based a lot of who I was on the fact that my parents were some of the biggest real estate moguls in Alaska. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because smart people have answers, Aspyn. Wise people ask questions. You asked your parents for more information. You’re wise.” He leans in and brushes a strand of hair from my face. “You’re wise, and deep down, you know that they shouldn’t have asked you to take on those loans. Deep down, you also know you’d never hurt them. I know you’d never hurt them.”
I stare toward Liam, studying the green flecks in his eyes. When we were back in Alaska, I always wondered why he never married. He’s tall, dark, and handsome, with a side of geek that’s endearing and sweet. Any woman would be lucky to have him.
“You don’t know that.”
My clit thumps between my legs.
Real nice, girl. I really do need help.
Why is it the more jumbled my head gets, the more desperate I am to escape my thoughts?
Liam calls out, “Guys, you can come back.”
Liam stands and reaches for my hand before landing a kiss on the top of my head. It’s soft and sweet, and it’s the first time we’ve ever been so close. “Trust me when I tell you that I know for certain you wouldn’t hurt them.” He flashes me a calming smile. “Come with me. You’ve had enough for today. Why don’t you come lay down for a bit? We’ll take care of you. You could use a massage.”
Jake nudges Liam on the shoulder with a grin, and Ranger lifts me from the ground, carrying me to my room. His gaze is gentle with mine as he moves. And though I’ve done something horrible, he still looks at me like he loves me, like he understands me, like he wants to help.
Ranger slides my shoes off and tosses them next to the door before climbing into the bed next to me. Jake and Liam follow behind and close the door.
“I don’t deserve this,” I whisper. “You need to let me go.”
“No.” Ranger’s tone is deep as he says, “I don’t know what you think you did, baby, but I don’t believe for a second that you killed your parents. You loved them. You just stood up for yourself. It was storming and people argue. You aren’t to blame for an accident. You need to rest your mind.”
I open my mouth to talk, to tell him there’s more, to tell him that he still doesn’t have the whole story, but Jake leans in and kisses my lips gently and my body floods with euphoria.
Liam's hands brush over my legs. “We’re relaxing your mind right now, sweetheart. Let’s rest.” His tone is soft, dark, and like velvet against the lobe of my ear.
A good person would fight this flawed reasoning. A better person would stop all of this and know they don’t deserve to feel euphoria or an escape. The best thing I could do would be scream out the rest of the story in every detail so the monster I am can finally be revealed.
Unfortunately, I’m worse off than I thought. I let them continue. I let them touch me. I let them touch my sinned, wicked flesh as I cry out and melt beneath their touch.
“We’ll give you a massage, sweetheart.” Liam kisses my hand. “Just rest your eyes.”
“We love you,” Jake says as he positions himself between my legs.
Love.
They love me.
I’ve told them the worst thing anyone could ever do and they’re telling me they love me. Maybe they’re just as crazy as I am. Maybe they don’t want to see the truth. Maybe they’re wearing rose-colored glasses and the second this physical exchange is over they’ll be seeing clear again.
“I love you, too. All of you.” The words slide out in a breathless haze as their hands roll over me and their beards graze my skin with heat.
I don’t deserve all of this. As they move, I lose track of where everyone is, but all I know is how safe I feel. Safe and indescribably warm. They work together, kissing me as the cool sheets graze my back.
Big, strong arms move me into position, spreading my limbs out for the massage. I whimper and they growl as their lips pass over mine, and soon, my eyes are shut, and I’m lost to the mercy of whatever comes next.