Chapter Nine
Liam
I line the laser measuring the two by four and square the edge at three feet and five-eighths, drawing my pencil down in a straight line. Usually when I’m building things, I’m thinking about the way the precision makes me feel, the way the laser lines with the square, and the sound the saw blade makes as it drives through the wood. It’s like a composition. A dance. Every part must line up exactly or the next won’t fit. That thought process is relaxing for me. That’s why I agreed to take vacation time to come out here and help Ranger. That and it’s nice to catch up with the guys.
Between Jake’s military time and Ranger’s move out here, we haven’t gotten to spend much time together. It’s too bad Ryan couldn’t get time to come out too. Though, after the conversation last night, I’m glad he isn’t here.
Hell, I’m half wishing I wasn’t here. Part of me thinks it would’ve been better had I not known Aspyn had a thing for me. A few times over the years, I’ve let my mind wander to the place where I fantasize about her, but I’ve always made an effort to snap the thought back quickly. She’s never been an option. First, our age difference would be an issue. Second, and most importantly, she’s my best friend’s little sister, and that’s not something I fuck with… even if she is perfect for me.
All those rationalizations made perfect sense before last night, before I knew how she felt, before I knew she was fucking Jake and Ranger.
Ranger. He’s the most responsible guy I know, yet he was pacing the room like a god damn gorilla because he’s so torn up with emotion over her.
I suck in air and shake my head before pulling the circular saw down over the line I’ve drawn on the pine board. I’ve been tasked with a custom fireplace surround, and I’ve decided to go with antique pine for the mantel piece with a nice river rock frame. It’ll be the first time I’ve worked with masonry, but I’m sure I can figure things out. I like the challenge of measuring the rocks and piecing them all together just right.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to see a text from Ryan.
Ryan: Hey, dude. How are the guys?
I consider leaving the message to sit for a bit, but everyone knows you’re ignoring them when that happens, and I’ve got a lot of guilt rattling around after the thoughts I was having last night about Aspyn.
Me: Good, bro. We all miss you. You should’ve come.
I, of course, don’t mean this literally, but it feels like the right thing to say given the circumstances.
Ryan: I was thinking the same thing. It would be awesome to catch up with everyone again.
My heart stops as three little dots keep typing.
Ryan: I’m going to check flights. I’ll tell you when I’m on my way. Let the guys know. Can’t wait.
Fuck. What the actual hell? I can’t tell the guys this. Maybe he’ll change his mind. He hasn’t booked anything yet. He’s only thinking about it. Truth be told, I can’t remember the last time Ryan left Alaska for anything. He’s toyed with vacations a few times over the years, but he could never actually pull himself away from work.
Me: Sounds good!
I, of course, don’t mean this either.
“Hey, man. Lookin’ good.” Jake steps down into the garage to grab another piece of drywall. “How’d you sleep?”
I could have used a second to transition my thoughts, but I guess I’m not getting that. I need to be as normal as possible with Jake. I don’t want everyone getting worried about nothing. Ryan talks a lot. Most likely, nothing will come of this.
“Losing my damn mind since last night. What about you?”
He sets the drywall down and grabs a beer from the fridge. I don’t think it’s even noon yet, but I don’t hesitate when he hands me one.
“Yeah, I can see that.” He pops the top on the tailgate of the truck. “You know she took off again this morning? Ranger went looking for her. Not sure what’s going on. Whatever she and Ryan are fighting about has her really messed up. I want to call him so fuckin’ bad and find out what the hell is up, but she made me promise, and I love her so… but you see the guy every day. You sure you never heard anything between them?”
I blow the sawdust off the end of my board and stare at Jake. “Not much, but you know how things are with siblings. You also know how Ryan is.”
Jake nods slowly as he drags a sip of beer from the bottle. “I do, but he’s never taken it out on Aspyn, has he?”
“Not that I know of, but I know Aspyn was pretty torn up when she came to see me the night before she left.” I clear my throat. “I didn’t know she was leaving then, but she was freaking out. At the time, I thought it was depression because you know how close she was to her parents. I tried to calm her down with conversations about this comic series I’m reading. It’s fun escapism, ya know. But… I don’t think it landed well.” I sigh. “I know it didn’t land well because she was gone the next day.”
Jake laughs. “Yeah, I don’t know why comic book talk didn’t help. That’s weird.”
“Okay,” I groan and brush my hand across the pine board. “Your idea of helping her through stress is fucking her, so you’re one to talk.”
He grins. “What’s more relaxing than sex?”
“How about soft music or a massage?”
“Hey!” He shoots me a finger gun. “I like the way you think. Maybe that’s what we need to do for her. A massage. You should mention that tonight.”
I laugh. “Well, I don’t think my hands all over her body are going to keep away the thoughts I was having last night.”
“That bad?”
“That bad,” I repeat, trying to block out the pictures of her in my head. “It was a struggle before to not think about her, but something about knowing she’s interested is making that option impossible.”
“I get it. She and I had a thing for a while and it was exhausting worrying he’d find out, but shit, I gotta tell ya, being with Aspyn was the best love I’ve ever felt in my life.”
“Right,” I laugh, “because it’s wrong. The second you give each other permission, all that lust will go away.”
“We started as friends, and though at the beginning it was hot and taboo, for sure, the closer we got, the more I realized how perfect we were for each other. Since then, I can’t go an hour without thinking about her. She’s what got me through most days, just knowing she’s out there. My perfect girl.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy.”
He laughs. “It’s not, man, but I’m not sure any love is.”
I nod and brush my hand down over the stubble that’s grown in on my face. Considering I haven’t dated in close to five years, I keep my judgment to myself, though it does tease the tip of my tongue quite liberally.
“I think we should talk to Aspyn when they get back. She’ll tell us what she wants and we’ll—”
Tires pop up the stone driveway and Jake and I turn to see Ranger driving up with Aspyn tucked against his chest. They don’t wave or look happy at all. I’m all for keeping track of Aspyn, but dragging her back here against her will is a little much.
Ranger parks in front of the garage and Aspyn slides out the driver’s side after Ranger, landing her small hand in his as she steps down.
My palms itch with the desire to know what she’s feeling, like in that intimate way one feels when they’re connected to another person. In that space, even the brush of a hand feels different. In that space, neurons are activated, and brain cells are altered.
She glances toward me. “Hey, Liam.” Her tone is low, and her face is puffy as though she’s been crying. I don’t like that she’s been crying.
“Hey, sweetheart. What’s wrong?” I reach out to her for the short hug we always give one another when we’re saying hello, but she’s slow to lean in this time.
She pulls in a breath and lets it out with a hiss before stepping toward me and slowly buries herself in my arms with a whimper.
Fuck! What the hell is going on? If she didn’t want to come back here, we should’ve let her go. I’m all for keeping her safe, but I want her here on her terms, not in some barbaric show of dominance. I glance toward Ranger with a heavy expression, but I don’t say anything.
He closes his eyes and shakes his head as I drag in the scent of wildflowers on Aspyn’s skin. She’s always smelled like this, despite the shampoo or soap she uses. I swear the girl could marinate in chocolate for a week and she’d still smell like wildflowers.
“What happened?” I hold her tighter, but she slips away and steps back with heavy tears.
“I’m going away for a while, and I just wanted to say that I love you guys.” She cries harder. “I mean it. All these years, all of you have been there for me.”
All of you.
“Ranger, you’ve always guided me. Jake, you always made me laugh. And Liam,” she looks toward me and hooks her hand into mine, “you are the smartest guy I know. You remind me that feelings aren’t facts, and I’ve needed that so many times.” She swallows hard and wipes away another tear. “I’m so lucky to have you all. And in a perfect world, I have you all forever. But,” she holds her breath and leans against my chest as though she can’t hold herself up any longer, “I did something horrible, and I have to turn myself in.”
“No, baby, you don’t. We talked about this.” Ranger’s voice is low, and his gaze is on hers.
“I do.” She swallows hard and turns toward us all. Her face is dark red and swollen, her hands are shaking, and her eyes flutter back and forth between the concrete floor and our faces. “I killed…” She cries and doubles over. “I killed my parents.”
I shake my head. “What? No, I was there with you. Your parents had an accident. You didn’t kill them, Aspyn.”
Her gaze sits on mine for a long second, and I wonder if maybe she’s lost it. Maybe the stress has gotten to her, and she somehow believes that she’s to blame for their death. I know how close they were, and I know how terrible heartache can hit a person. Grief is no joke and Aspyn is in the throes of it.
She heaves in shallow breaths. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go to the police station and end this.”
Ranger glances toward Jake and then myself. Usually, the man can talk a fish into needing air, but right now he seems to be at a loss for words and I can’t blame him. Whatever’s going on with Aspyn is deep. Emotionally inclined or not, I’m not sure any of us have the tools to help her.
Jake steps forward and wraps her in his arms. “You’re okay, little cat. Come on, let’s go get a drink and talk about this. We’ll come up with a plan.”
Aspyn pulls away from him. “No.” Her tone is aggressive and firm. “There is no plan. I’ve done what I’ve done, and that’s the end. I tried to run, but the guilt is eating me alive. I can’t be this person anymore. I need to pay for my sins. They were my parents, Jake. They loved me. I loved them. I… I made a horrible mistake.”
“Okay,” I say pragmatically, hoping she respects this take on things. “We need to understand, though.” My hand lands on her back. “You need to explain to us what happened, in every detail, so you’re less emotional when you’re talking to the judge.” I don’t believe any of this, but I’m hoping this approach will help us out. If Aspyn is having some kind of breakdown, you’d think that giving her something else to focus on would equal a calmer outcome.
Freakout plus relevant distraction equals calm.
She blinks up through wet eyes. “You’re right. This will be on every news station. I need to own up to my mistakes and I need to do it calmly.”
Fucking hell. Whatever she’s told herself is really ingrained, but it makes no sense. I was with her that night. I held her against my chest. Her tears soaked my shirt when she got the call. I know how much she loved them, and I know she’s not capable of murder.
My hand lands on the small of her back as I guide her through the garage and up toward the house. We need to get to the bottom of this, and we need to do it before I hear back from Ryan.