Chapter 28
Marta
I stood in front of Lilith with the rest of the coven circled me.
Bridge hovered off to my left, her brows furrowed as she tried to give me a reassuring grin.
She’d been part of the conversations around what to do with me, but despite being my cousin and my best friend, she couldn’t tell me what they’d decided.
It had been three days since we’d been back, and I hadn’t been permitted to see Atlas or Wes.
A Harlot was with me every minute of the day, standing guard or escorting me through the estate.
My warriors were still close, but their absence needled under my skin like a tattoo, slowly piercing me into delirium.
I needed to be near them, skin to skin, bone to bone.
But that, too, was part of the reason I probably should maintain my distance. I didn’t know or understand what I’d unleashed in us, and I didn’t trust what would happen when we were finally reunited.
“Marta,” Lilith said from her spot at the head of the table. Circe sat on her right, smoking a cigarette, and Rhiannon, the Harlots’ enforcer, sat on her left with her hand crossed in front of her. “It’s good to see you up and walking around.”
“Thank you,” I said and straightened my shoulders. “It’s good to be home.”
Lilith nodded, her focus unnerving me, making me want to explode or rage just because of how much I knew she could see. I might as well be naked in front of her, all my scars on show, all my faults bared for her judgment.
“You were trapped in the liminal for two months with your warriors,” she said. “Circe has told me your side of the story, just as Valkyrie and Gullveig have collected versions from the Colts.”
I swallowed, knowing our stories had more or less lined up.
Both Wes and Atlas were reluctant to admit what had driven us to use a banishment spell, knowing it would create even more hesitation from the Harlots to welcome us with open arms. But I couldn’t keep it from them, as much as I initially wanted to.
It was up to me to protect them, all of them.
If I were a threat, let them do with me as they will.
“I must admit,” Lilith continued. “I’m impressed. That you managed a blood binding, a flesh binding, and a banishment all by yourself speaks to an…unknowable power.”
Unknowable.
I licked my lips and glanced at the ground, perhaps sensing where this was going. Lilith didn’t like unknowns. The safety of the Harlots depended on the rules of magic, the discipline of order, and a strict hierarchy of strength. I’d upended that in a variety of ways.
“I’m told you invoked St. Michael, that you called divinity into yourself.”
“I did,” I said, the ghost of that incredible energy flickering through my veins. It combined with that mysterious darkness, that emptiness, and sparked a small fire in my gut. I feared I’d never be rid of it, not truly.
“You’re aware that banishment is forbidden,” she said. “It always comes with a cost. It’s the reason we created liminals in the first place.”
“Nothing is free,” I said. “To banish a soul, you must give a piece of your own.”
“Indeed,” she said. “And still, you did this anyway.”
“I didn’t see any other way to get out of there,” I said. “I couldn’t reach the coven. The only contact I made was with my abuelita, and even that was cut short by the demon. I would do anything to protect my warriors. Anything.”
Lilith nodded. “I believe you.”
I sighed as a weight lifted off my shoulders, but the clenching in my gut didn’t release. There was more coming, and I prepared myself for the fallout.
“Even still, when I look at you, I see something else in your eyes…something missing.”
I cleared my throat. “The binding rituals I did with my warriors tethered us in ways I don’t truly comprehend. Being apart from them—”
“That’s not what I mean,” she cut in, balancing her elbows on the arms of the chair so she could bring her fingers together in front of her mouth.
“You know as well as I do that there is no such thing as light and dark magic. There is only order. Only chaos. As wielders of magic, it is our duty to balance these two forces, to maintain what is just and limit energetic disruptions.”
I nodded and bit my bottom lip, now seeing where this was headed.
“More importantly, it is my honor and my obligation to keep the coven safe.”
“I understand.”
They would kick me out. They would strip my patch, my cut, and my magic. They would—
“It is not your fault,” Lilith said. “What happened was divine intervention. You were meant to go to the liminal. You were meant to bond with your warriors.”
That had me snapping my head up, furrowing my eyebrows. “What?”
“We will rework our ritual to ensure it does not happen again,” Lilith said. “I’m sorry we failed you. I’m sorry we didn’t get you out of there sooner.”
Shock trickled down my chest and settled into my gut like lead.
“I fear the damage to your magic may be too far gone, but as long as you are a Harlot, we will work to set things right.” Lilith glanced around at our sisters, all of them nodding in blatant agreement.
“In the meantime, you will remain at the estate with your warriors. Six months of probation so we can be sure there are no lasting effects.”
“Probation?” I blinked. “You’re not taking my patch? You’re not shunning me?”
“Shunning you?” Lilith snorted and shook her head. “If the ancestors have set you on this path, I am in no position to argue with them.”
I should have been relieved. I should have fallen to my knees and thanked Lilith for her mercy and the ancestors for guiding me to this precipice.
But the everlasting numbness only spread.
They were making a mistake. The hollowness in my soul would tear this place apart.
The lingering shimmer of whatever overtook me in St. Michaels would one day explode, and I wouldn’t be able to control it.
“I believe whatever divinity there is…God, the ancestors, the deities…they give the hardest battles to the strongest warriors. You faced an impossible situation, and you walked through hell to survive. I am not fool enough to spurn a gift like that.”
“We will help you, sister,” Circe said. “So will it be.”
“So will it be,” the rest of the Harlots echoed.
“And my warriors?” I asked. “What becomes of them?”
“I understand you are more deeply bonded to them than what is expected,” Lilith said. “Even now, I can see their auras intertwined with yours. Be careful.”
I took a deep breath, understanding this for what it was: cautionary advice.
“I will admit, it did cross my mind to try to separate you,” she said. “Warrior bonds are not meant to be so codependent. Warriors are meant to protect their witches, to put themselves in front of danger, to sacrifice their bodies should the need arise. I fear what such a loss would do to you.”
She spoke from experience, having lost her own warrior years ago. She’d never taken another. If that loss cut her so deeply, I couldn’t imagine what would happen to me if I lost Atlas or Wes. Or God forbid, both of them. The thought of it nearly made me panic.
“Be that as it may,” Lilith went on, “we are stronger together. If you have the likes of Michael the Archangel on your side, if you can channel such power, I will not be the one to stand in its way.”
I couldn’t believe this. I’d been preparing myself for a downfall, for exile. Not a slap on the wrist and a warm welcome home.
“Is there anything else?” Lilith asked, looking around.
When she was greeted by silence from my sisters, she nodded.
“Very well. Marta, I caution you to use this gift wisely. I have faith that you will seek help should you need it. In the upcoming weeks, you will meet with Gullveig and Hella to recount the precise rituals you used, so that we may better understand how it might have impacted you.”
“Thank you, Lilith.” I nodded.
“Moving on,” she said with one final glance in my direction. “What do we know about the Bloody Femmes? Have they been seen riding through our territory again?”
Gullveig gave an update while Aradia pulled up some files on her computer, detailing their last known location.
I tried to stay present, to keep my attention on church, but my thoughts went to Atlas and Wes.
They were standing their own trial with the other warriors, and when I closed my eyes, I yanked on the bond.
“It’s over,” I said. “Probation and a watchful eye. They’re not kicking me out.”
“That’s great,” Atlas said.
“The other warriors are skeptical,” Wes added. “But happy we’re back. They want to watch us, make sure we’re not a threat.”
“They don’t realize our little witch is the real threat,” Atlas said.
I internally snorted and shook my head. “I miss you.”
“We’ll be together soon,” Atlas said, sending a light caress of affection down the bond between us.
The meeting went on around me, and when Circe called it over, I turned to head back toward my room.
The separation from Atlas and Wes ached like a lance to the chest, but I tried to take comfort in the fact my coven wouldn’t take them from me.
But…that hollow void inside twisted around my heart, and I knew we weren’t out of the thick of it, yet.
This may have worked out in our favor, but something still wasn’t right. Something loomed just over the horizon, just out of reach, and it was barreling toward us with breakneck speed.