Chapter 1
CHAPTER
ONE
ATOMIC
I’m not a good man. I never have been. I can say I’m a good leader because I have a loyal crew behind me, which shows that. It proves it. They aren’t scared of me, but they sure as fuck respect me.
It hasn’t always been that way.
Once upon a time, I was a fucking idiot like the rest of them. She made me an idiot. The only woman I ever loved or thought I loved. Maybe I didn’t know what the fuck love was. I’m sure she didn’t.
Eighteen and too goddamn young for my thirty-year-old ass.
Eleven years ago, she walked into the clubhouse looking for her clubwhore sister, Ellen. I took one look at her and knew she was mine. I had to have her for myself. I had to keep her. She was so good, pure, fucking clean, and I hadn’t seen anything like that in the clubhouse before.
So, I tried. I succeeded for five years.
But I made mistakes. She did, too. Mine were bigger. I figured I could make it up to her eventually. Some sweet words, some good fucking. Until she walked away and never looked back. That was her biggest mistake, or maybe it wasn’t.
Maybe she honestly didn’t give a fuck, and it was easy for her. At the time, she was all about me, but she was also all about protecting that whore sister of hers. But I gave a fuck then. I still give a fuck.
It’s been six years, but it still feels like goddamn yesterday.
Lifting the glass to my lips, I take a long drink, downing half the contents. It burns, sliding down my throat, but I don’t give a shit.
I welcome that burn.
What a gigantic cluster this club is in right now. I need this drink just to get through the fucking night. When I feel a tap on my shoulder, I slowly turn around and freeze at the sight in front of me.
It’s as if thinking of her has fucking manifested her. She is standing in front of me. As if she’s suddenly appeared like fucking magic. I haven’t laid eyes on her for six years, but I would recognize her in the darkest seediest club or walking down a shadowy street. Anywhere.
When the shock of seeing her standing directly in front of me wears off, the anger fills me. It consumes me in almost an instant. The color red flashes in front of my eyes, and I try to blink it away, but it doesn’t work.
I’m that fucking pissed off right now.
Who would have thought that a leggy blonde could make me so fucking pissed? But this one can and does.
Reaching out, I wrap my fingers around her slim bicep, and I grunt as my cock twitches beneath my jeans. It presses against my zipper, threatening to leave a permanent mark there. That pisses me off, too. How do I still have a physical attraction to her when I’m so fucking angry with her?
It’s been six years. Why am I pissed?
Dragging her behind me, I march her straight to my bedroom. I should probably take her somewhere like my office, somewhere that doesn’t have a bed. But who am I kidding? I could fuck Ryan Turner anywhere, on any surface, any second of any day.
Propelling her into the room, I watch as she practically slides along the floor, stopping with a few stumbling steps. I slam the door behind me and flip the lock into place before I turn to face her.
I watch her shoulders deflate, and then, as if she’s moving through molasses, she finally faces me.
“You don’t fucking so much as send me a text in six years, and then you show up here looking at me like you’re an injured innocent doe? Why don’t you tell me what the fuck is going on. And spare me the puppy-dog eyes because I don’t give a fuck if you’re sad.”
She flinches at my words. She should. I made sure that my tone was just shy of hostile. Sucking in a breath, she dips her chin in a single nod before she speaks. Her voice is small and insecure. I hate that, but I’m not here to boost her fucking ego. Not anymore.
“I need help,” she whispers.
I let out a bark of laughter and shake my head. “Bitch, that is fucking rich.” Ryan takes a step toward me, then another. Holding out my palms, I warn her off from coming any closer. “Don’t fucking try me.”
She gulps, swallowing loudly before she speaks again. “I was young, Atomic. I was in over my head. I panicked and ran. I don’t know where else to turn. And Ellen, she was being Ellen…”
I lift my hand and run my fingers through my hair, then let my hand fall to my side.
“You can’t turn to whomever you’ve been fucking the past six years?
” I snap. “Don’t come at me and act like there’s been nobody.
That you just walked out of here and didn’t slide into someone else’s bed. Not when I know better.”
Her lips press together, and her eyes narrow on me. “That’s not fair,” she breathes. “That’s not fair at all.”
It’s not.
I was the one who fucked any and every whore who crossed my path, including her own sister. I loved Ryan, but I wasn’t a good partner to her back then. I'm not sure if I would be now, either.
Ryan probably wasn’t wrong for leaving me when she did, but that doesn’t mean I’m not angry about it. Because I am. I’m still livid. There will be no just getting over any of this. I’ve been swimming in resentment for six years with no closure. I’m getting that now. All of it.
“What the fuck do you want?” I snap.
“I’m in trouble,” she whispers.
“Elaborate.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I tilt my head to the side and wait for her to continue. She takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment, then lets it out slowly. I don’t know if she’s gathering the courage to tell me what the fuck is going on or what, but I have shit to do.
My patience is fucking gone.
“My sister,” she begins, and I almost interrupt her because her sister is nothing but a fucking junkie, but I decide against it. “She’s been working the streets. She owes her pimp a lot of money, and he’s expecting me to pay him back.”
“Why would you pay him back?” I ask.
“Because if I don’t, he’s going to come after me.”
“But why?” I demand.
There has to be more to this. I can’t imagine some pimp would give a flying fuck about his bitch’s family members. He can get what he needs out of Ellen’s ass. No way is he going to demand that Ryan pay him back out of the blue.
She lifts her hand to her forehead, the worry clearly etched on her gorgeous face. “Atomic, my sister is my sister. Nothing has changed. But if she owes him money and isn’t making him money, he’s made it clear that he has no problem using me to pay off her debts.”
My stomach clenches at her words. She’s telling the truth. I can see it in her eyes. And as much as I want to help her, my pride won’t let me. Not yet, anyway.
“Beg me,” I grind out, knowing she won’t.
She wouldn’t even beg when we were together, not for a fucking thing. My girl was hardheaded and strong-willed. Nobody could break her. Not even me.
“Atomic, I’m being serious here.”
My lips twitch into a smirk. “I am, too.”
“I won’t beg you. If you don’t want to help me, that’s fine.”
I take a step toward her to close the distance between us before I lift my hand and cup her cheek as I look into her gorgeous fucking eyes. I missed these eyes. As I slide my thumb along her bottom lip, I don’t break contact with her.
“Beg me, legs,” I rasp, using the nickname I’ve called her since the moment we met. Best fucking legs in Texas, probably the world.
Her eyes search mine, and I think she’s going to cave, but she doesn’t. Instead, she takes a step backward, her eyes sliding to the side and breaking my gaze. Defeat. I see it in her eyes. I know the expression, and I’m not going to reassure her. She needs to beg.
“I won’t.”
“Then I won’t help you.”
She walks past me, unlocking the door before moving out of the room, and I let her go. I let her walk out of my life, something that, this time, I could have probably stopped from happening. But fuck Ryan Turner.
Fuck her.
Goddammit, I should have fucked her one more time before she walked away.
RYAN
I made a big mistake.
Huge.
Leaving through the back door of the clubhouse, I slip into the front seat of my car, start the engine, then grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. I can hear the hard plastic cracking beneath my grasp, but I’m not strong enough to actually break anything.
The air conditioning blows into my face. I can’t tell if it’s hot or cold, but other than that, I don’t see or feel anything else around me.
I’m numb.
This was my last resort.
Atomic was my last hope.
It took all the courage I had inside of me to come out here. To drive the two hours from the small town where I live in Arkansas to here and ask. But I won’t beg. That’s where I draw the line, and Atomic knows that.
Harmony Springs, Arkansas population of four thousand is where I call home now. I love it there. It’s where my sister was running off to, where I followed her, where I stayed. I probably should have kept going, driven somewhere Ellen couldn’t have followed me or was too lazy to follow me.
I should have run hard and fast, somewhere, anywhere.
My driver’s door opens. Swinging my head around, I tip it back slightly and expect to see Atomic standing in front of me, but it’s not him.
“Clink,” I whisper.
I recognize him even though he’s got a new beard and is wearing dark sunglasses.
There are just some people who you know on sight, no matter how much they have changed, and that’s Clink.
His happy-go-lucky smile is too much to handle.
He feels comfortable, and I hadn’t realized how much I missed him.
He dips his chin slightly before he crouches down in front of me so that we’re face to face, and I don’t have to crane my neck back to look up at him. He reaches up, wrenching his sunglasses off, and those kind eyes meet mine.
“It’s been a long fucking time, babe,” he mutters.
Smiling, I dip my chin slightly. “You’re the only person inside of that whole building who has a smile for me. How have you been?”
He hums, his gaze searching mine. “I’m not one to hold on to shit like that. It did hurt when you left, and it fucked a lot of people up. But it’s been six years. We were all young, you being the youngest of us all.”
“Maybe I should have fallen in love with you. Might have been easier on me.”
He chuckles. “Doubt it. I’m just as big an asshole as any other guy in that fuckin’ place, but you’re here, and I’m nosy as fuck, so wanna tell me why?”
Before I answer him, I feel someone watching me. Shifting my gaze toward the building, I see him watching us. Atomic’s arms are crossed over his chest, his chin is dipped, and his eyes are pointed and narrowed on me.
“No,” I whisper. “I need to leave.” He doesn’t move immediately, and I shift my gaze back to his. “I need to leave right now.”
Clink stands, taking a step backward. Reaching for the handle of the car door, I begin to shut it when I hear his voice. It’s warm and friendly. It’s like a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I could listen to it all day long.
“You ever need to talk, Ryan, I’m still your friend.”
Giving him a small smile, I close the door, shift the car into Reverse, and get the fuck away from the clubhouse.
I drive out of Pineville and head home. I thought about staying.
I thought I could visit Atomic again after the shock of seeing me had worn off.
But the way he was looking at me, watching me.
The anger on his face.
He doesn’t want to see me again, and I don’t blame him. He will never forgive me for what I’ve done, and in a few weeks, it won’t matter anyway. My sister’s pimp is going to come for me, then nothing will matter anymore.
I need to get my affairs in order now. I cannot focus on trying to find a way out of this because there isn’t one. At this point, I need to focus on tidying up the things in my life that have loose ends.