Chapter 12
TAYLOR
I watch Ax pour himself a drink. His second, judging by the empty one discarded on the balcony outside. And I wonder what’s driving the need.
Me.
Lottie.
This.
Us.
All of the above.
‘Want one?’ he asks without turning.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘I think it’s a great idea.’
‘It’s really not. Not for either of us.’
He throws me a look over his shoulder, eyes challenging me as he lifts the glass. The way his tattooed fingers cradle it, the slow drag of his mouth on the rim, the bob of his throat as he swallows: every detail teases through me, daring me in more ways than one.
‘You wanted to talk,’ I say over the rising fire within. ‘So let’s talk.’
‘Correction, Baby Girl.’
My blood fizzes over at the pet name and I swear he knows it.
‘You wanted to talk. I just agreed.’
But he was the one wanting to do it tonight. When I’m not ready. When I’m not right. When I’m…
‘Why did you do this?’ I blurt.
He turns to face me fully, that damned distracting mouth twitching. ‘Do what, exactly?’
He settles back against my desk, very much the relaxed panther seconds from striking. And I’m most definitely the tensed-up prey.
‘Demand that we…’ The words snag in my throat, battered by my racing pulse.
‘Have sex?’ he offers.
‘Yes!’
‘I thought we’d already been through this.’
‘And I want to go through it again.’
‘Why?’
Oh my God, does he have to be so maddeningly cool all of the time?
‘Because I do.’
‘What does it matter if we’re both getting something out of it?’
‘It matters to me.’
‘What’s wrong, Tay – you not enjoying it?’ He sips his drink, the move as taunting as his words.
‘I’m not debating the enjoyment,’ I bite back, cheeks too hot. ‘I’m debating the sanity of it.’
A muscle works in his jaw. ‘The sanity?’
‘Yes, Ax!’ I throw a hand out, gesturing wildly between us. ‘You don’t want a relationship. I don’t want a relationship. Fine. But aren’t you worried about our friendship, that this is changing things—’ My voice falls to a whisper. ‘That it already has changed things?’
He stills, glass midair, black eyes narrowed. ‘Not for me, it hasn’t.’
I swallow hard, and I swear he sees it. My nerves and the sole reason they exist.
‘Are you saying it’s changed things for you?’
I can’t answer. If I do, I know I’ll lose everything. Him. This. Us.
‘Taylor?’
‘I don’t want to lose you,’ I say weakly.
‘I don’t want to lose you either.’
‘Which is why we need to be clear about this. Get things in writing, sign on the dotted line, before it goes any further.’
‘You want contracts?’ His tone darkens. ‘I told you I ain’t interested in parenting a child. Any kid of ours will be all yours, no question.’
His words should comfort me. Instead, they hollow me out.
‘It’s more than just contracts,’ I say softly. ‘It’s us. Our friendship. The before, during, after…’
‘I told you, we keep it clean. No getting cosy. No—’
‘No kissing?’ I say, one brow raised, because I know how stupid that line is with him. I’m living proof.
‘Yes.’
‘No impromptu fucks in the pool house…?’ I raise both brows now.
‘So that’s what this is about? Because you weren’t complaining this morning.’
‘Because you came onto me and I— I couldn’t say no.’
He takes a step forward, his energy shifting. ‘Are you saying I forced you? That I—’
‘No!’ I cut in fast, before he can twist it into something ugly. Something worse.
‘Then what?’
I drag a hand through my hair, eyes shifting towards the glass doors. The night beyond is black, endless, but it’s his reflection I see. Tall, dark, brooding: his midnight-blue shirt, worn jeans, adding to the magnetic effect that’s all him.
How the hell did I ever function with this man in the same room as me?
‘Then what are you saying, Stone?’
Yes, what are you saying, Miss-I-don’t-know-my-arse-from-my-elbow-right-now?
I force my eyes back to his and…
‘I just don’t know how to be around you any more,’ I allow myself to admit. ‘Not when we’re not…’
I wave another helpless hand, the heat climbing into my cheeks.
‘Fucking?’ he says with annoying ease.
‘Yes!’
Because it doesn’t matter whether it’s his arms around me, or his dick buried deep inside me; it feels right. So right. And everything comes easy. Too easy.
‘I’m still me, Tay.’ The mouth I’m desperate to taste draws tight, a storm brewing behind his eyes. ‘I haven’t changed.’
But you have, I want to scream, in every way that matters, you have.
And it’s changed me too.
I’m not just thinking about a baby. I’m thinking about him. Dreaming of him. A future as impossible as it should be unthinkable.
And that’s not okay.
I take a wide berth around him and open up my laptop, determined to anchor myself in practicality and do what I set out to before he insisted we do it right now.
‘What are you doing?’ he says, coming up alongside me.
‘Making a plan.’
I smooth the hem of my dress under me as I take a seat and create a blank document. ‘We’ll list the complications. Agree on boundaries. Draw the line.’
‘Right now?’
‘Yes.’ I stretch my fingers over the keyboard, ready to get down to business. ‘I need to be sure we’ve talked it all through – more sure,’ I add when he stiffens beside me. ‘Then I can instruct my lawyers to draw up the paperwork.’
‘I thought you said you trusted me?’
‘I do trust you.’
It’s me I don’t trust. Not any more.
I’m the one getting carried away.
I’m the one starting to see the possibility of a different future. One where he’s front and centre with our child. I’m the one whose love is trying to grow wings of its own.
And Jesus, now I sound like I belong in a bleeding Hallmark movie.
What is wrong with me?
‘You type any harder, you’ll lose a key.’
‘Shh.’
I wriggle in my seat, every exposed inch of skin buzzing.
I’d say it’s the seriousness of the conversation making me feel suddenly, stupidly underdressed, but I’d be lying.
My body’s far too aware of his looming over me, his dark gaze too.
Does the man have X-ray vision along with his magnetic superpower?
And what do you sound like now, Tay?
A Hallmark heroine with a superhero complex?
My God, Sadie would love that.
‘I need you to concentrate,’ I tell him, but I fear it’s me that needs telling more. ‘This is important.’
‘No shit.’
He breaks away to cross the room and I heave a breath, only to tense when I hear the clink of glass on glass as he tops up his drink again. He brings the bottle back to the desk with a second glass for me.
‘No.’ I take the lot from him and set them out of his reach. ‘No more drink until this is done.’
‘You’re gonna mother me now too?’
I stare him down from my seated position, and he clenches his jaw. I half-expect him to take his glass back. But he doesn’t.
He plants his mighty-fine arse against the edge of the desk and folds his arms. Which would be manageable – if it didn’t put his belt buckle right at eye level.
And suddenly, I’m not just remembering what he did with the leather it’s attached to; I’m imagining my hands there, undoing it, popping his fly, and…
I bite my lip and snap my gaze back to the screen, but I can’t read a word through the fantasy taking over.
‘I’m waiting, Stone.’
His voice is as tight as my clenched core.
I should tell him to take a seat on the other side of the desk.
And I would – if I didn’t know better than to push him any further.
‘Parenthood expectations?’ I blurt, forcing my eyes to focus and my hyperaware fingers to type.
‘Zero.’
‘Will not be listed on the birth certificate,’ I say as I enter it in. ‘No child support or shared custody, but…’ I pause. ‘What about when they’re older and start asking questions? What if they want to know who…?’
I look up at him, realising this is something I haven’t fully considered either.
‘I’m sure you’ll think of something to say.’
‘I don’t think it’s that simple. Even a child born through a clinic has rights…’
‘Rights?’
I swallow. ‘When they turn eighteen, they can ask for the donor’s details. And if they ask me…’
He lifts his gaze to the dark beyond the glass, eyes raging, nostrils flaring.
‘Ax?’ I prompt softly. ‘Even if I said nothing, they could find out. DNA. Tech. Who knows what will be available to them by then. They may even look just like you.’
They could be a gorgeous baby boy with dark hair, rich brown eyes, a cheeky dimple in one cheek. The image melts my heart – while Ax turns to ice.
‘I take it you haven’t considered that?’ I whisper, knowing full well I hadn’t. Not fully. Not until now.
‘No.’ That’s all he says, and I curse my naivety. My carelessness, too. We’re supposed to be grown adults agreeing to something monumental: the creation of another life! And we’ve acted like lust-mad teenagers.
All about the fun.
Blind to the risk.
A chill skates down my spine. Do I even deserve a child?
‘I’d understand if you want to change your mind,’ I say, throat tight. ‘I won’t—’
‘No.’ He bites out. ‘If they ask, you tell them.’
I lick my lips. ‘And if they come to you with questions?’
‘We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it. Next.’
‘Ax…’ I start, turning towards him, but he shakes his head.
‘If you’re gonna question every answer I give, we’ll be here all night. Get on with it, Stone.’
Everything about him urges me to push on, but my mind’s spiralling – a million different futures playing out, none of them helping, all of them freezing me in place.
‘Tay…’ His hand closes over mine and squeezes softly. ‘Whatever happens, any child of yours will be loved. If one day, they want to know who their father is, we’ll both be honest and support them through it. They’ll be okay.’
‘And you, Ax?’ I ask quietly, a sudden lump in my throat. ‘You’ll always be around them. Can you handle that?’
He’s silent for a beat, mouth pressing into a firm line, eyes unwaveringly steady.
Then he nods.
‘I’ll be their BFG.’ His lips curve up into that teasing half-smile, eyes flickering in the lamplight. ‘Their protector. Their mother’s best friend. What more could a kid need?’