Chapter 12 #2
For you to be their father.
The thought comes uninvited, pulsing hot through my chest. I crush it fast. That’s not what he wants – and it’s exactly why we’re doing this. Setting boundaries. Putting it all in writing. Making sure there’s no doubt, no future fallout.
‘Okay,’ I say softly.
He eases back, his hand slipping from mine, and I have to curl my fingers into a fist to stop from pulling him back.
‘Good.’
I watch him walk away, the words spilling out before I can stop them. ‘But if you change your mind in the future and—’
‘I won’t.’
‘But if you did?’
He stops at the glass and stares out, back rigid. ‘You’d do the right thing by them.’
What does he mean ‘the right thing’? By fighting him, or letting him in?
Letting him be a father. Sharing custody. And what would that even look like?
Maybe an anonymous guy in a database is a lot safer after all…
Except the thought of carrying anyone else’s child feels impossible to me now.
And that brings me to the next thing I’ve been circling.
‘What if one of us…’ I force the rest out on a breath ‘…catches feelings?’
He scoffs, dismissing it without hesitation.
‘Feelings? You and me?’ He grunts. ‘Come on, Tay. How many years have we been fucking around without either of us going soft?’
‘Right.’ The word scrapes out of me as I choke on everything I can’t say: that I’ve never felt like this before.
It’s never been like this. Not with them…
and certainly not with him. Claiming me like I belong to him.
Wanting to be claimed. Wanting to be his.
And it’s messed with my head, got to my heart too.
‘Good point.’
Because if he’s not worried, then I don’t get to be either.
If it’s only my heart on the line, then fine. I’ll risk it.
I’ll risk it a thousand times over if it gets me the child I want so badly.
‘What about telling other people?’ I say, thinking back to the beach. ‘Theo, Sadie…’ I hesitate. ‘Future partners—’
‘No one.’
‘I don’t think that’s realistic. My sister, for—’
‘Until there’s a baby on the way, this stays between us.’
‘But when there is? If there is?’ Because I’m well aware pregnancy isn’t guaranteed.
‘Theo and Sadie, fair enough. But future partners?’ His jaw tightens. ‘You’re asking for trouble.’
‘Trouble?’
‘If you were my woman. With a best mate who happens to be the father of your child…’
He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to. I hear everything in what he leaves unsaid. As for my woman…
‘I don’t plan on being anyone’s woman.’
Hell, that’s why I’m doing this alone; that’s the whole point to this.
Until he got you thinking about being his woman.
‘Not ever,’ I say, squashing the inner gibe.
‘No.’ His head turns, eyes dragging over me. ‘You prefer being their Baby Girl.’
The words spark like dry kindling, a wildfire rushing through every vein. For one suspended, torturous moment, I’m caught in his stare, wanting to shove everything off the desk and beg him to make me so. Right here. Right now.
Then he turns away.
And I’m left staring at his back, feeling oddly dismissed and chastised all at once.
‘That’s not to say you won’t…’ I hurry out, ignoring the sharp, misplaced pinch in my chest. ‘Have a woman, I mean?’
‘There ain’t a woman alive I’d share that with.’ A beat. ‘Other than you.’
The fire reignites instantly, everything in me wanting to read far too much into that one statement, and it takes me another minute to speak.
‘And Sadie.’ I’m being pedantic, I know I am, but I’m clinging to sanity here. ‘You said—’
‘I said “once there’s a baby on the way.” Until then, this stays between us. Theo, Sadie – they don’t learn about it until there’s something to learn about. Got it?’
His tone makes it clear: it ain’t up for debate. And when I really think about it, I’m not sure I want to fight him on it. As much as I hate keeping something this big from them – Sadie especially – there’s no point opening that can of worms until there is something to tell.
Especially as I can just imagine how not okay with it they’d be. Not so much Axel being the donor, but the sex. Definitely the sex.
And the last thing I want is their judgement on top of my own for however long this continues, which brings me to my next bullet point.
‘How long are you willing to keep trying?’
He lets out a low chuckle and turns to face me fully, arms folding, eyes burning me alive. ‘You want an end date?’
‘Don’t you?’
Nothing. Not a flicker.
‘We agreed to no other lovers until I’m pregnant,’ I reason, ‘and there’s no telling how long it could take. I can’t expect you to stay…’ I almost say faithful, but it feels too real, too relationship-y. Much safer to say, ‘committed indefinitely.’
‘That cuts both ways.’
‘It does, but…’ I scratch the skin behind my ear, nerves kicking up like static underneath. ‘We should have a date in mind, a point where we reassess. If it’s not working, if we need tests, or—’
He shakes his head. ‘A deadline helps no one.’
‘Then regular check-ins,’ I counter. ‘Like any other joint project.’
‘Regular checkpoints?’ His mouth curls. ‘I can hardly wait.’
‘I’m serious.’
‘Oh, I know.’
‘So, quarterly?’
He takes a slow sip of his drink, dark eyes fixed on mine.
‘Unless you’d rather talk every time we have sex,’ I add, undeterred, ‘and risk violating your no-post-coital-chat rule?’
‘How about we just agree to be straight with each other, Stone? You’ve got something to say, you say it.’
‘You too, Ax. This has to be about you as well.’
‘I don’t need no checkpoint to speak my mind.’ His voice drops. ‘Or don’t you know me at all?’
His question punches right through me, breath snagging. Because haven’t I been asking myself the very same thing since this all began?
Now I’m not sure of anything: who he is, what he’s doing to me, what this even is once you take the baby out of the equation.
Heat bites at my cheeks, and I duck my head, staring at the blinking cursor like it holds all the answers.
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘I’ll get my lawyers to draw up the contract.’ I scroll just to keep my fingers busy, my body distracted. ‘All that’s left is scheduling. I think a shared calendar will—’
‘Scheduling?’ He stalks towards me, each step winding my body tighter. ‘Are you forgetting my terms, Baby Girl?’
I swallow the rush and force myself to meet gaze. I’m not. How could I? But…
‘I’m trying to be practical.’
‘So you keep saying.’ He grips my chin, tilting my head back. ‘But let me be clear with you, my terms haven’t changed. I get you when I want. How I want. Where I want.’
My breath falters, pulse spiking with the promise of it all. ‘But we have jobs,’ I try to reason. ‘Commitments—’
‘You think I care? Make no mistake, Tay, if I’m in the same city as you, I won’t be waiting on a bleeding meeting request. I’ll be tearing down your door.’
And dammit, that shouldn’t thrill me, but—
‘Agreed?’
I feel myself nod.
‘Words, Baby Girl.’
God. ‘Yes.’
‘Good.’ He releases me, stepping back, and it’s like being cut loose from a cliff edge: too sudden, too disorientating.
‘Ax?’ It comes out breathless. Confused.
I don’t even know what I want to ask. For him to come back. To hold me, kiss me, fuck me. Even with Lottie just next door. Even with no contract.
‘Send me the paperwork when it’s ready; I’ll get it signed.’ He sets his empty glass down and turns for the door. ‘Goodnight, Stone.’
‘Wait, you’re leaving?’
He pauses, gaze narrowed: hot, probing, dangerous as fuck. ‘Until you have your contracts, we’re done. Are we not?’
The discussion is done, sure.
But my body…?
His mouth lifts into an almost-smirk, reading everything I haven’t said. The want, the need, the pleading…
‘Or does my Baby Girl want a parting gift?’
Yes. God, yes.
I swallow, mouth too dry to speak, head unwilling to admit it.
He takes hold of my chin again, turning my face side to side. Studying me. Playing with me. And I shouldn’t let him. I should be smarter than this. I should be keeping it under control. At least until the lawyers—
‘Your eyes are begging, Baby Girl.’
He drags his thumb across my bottom lip and the traitorous heat rolls through me.
‘Already itching to break your own rules?’ he murmurs.
No.
I don’t want to break my rules.
But I do want to break his control.
I brush my tongue against the pad of his thumb, and he doesn’t so much as twitch. Just holds his ground, holds me, like he owns the moment and my breath along with it.
‘Are you hungry, Baby Girl?’
A whimper escapes, my thighs clenching tight. Hunger doesn’t come close to the starvation in my blood.
‘You want me to fill you?’
He slides his thumb into my mouth and my body pulses, need pooling between my thighs. I take it like it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted – like it’s the part of him I truly crave – sucking him deep, over and over. Greedy. Shameless.
More, I beg silently, eyes locked on his. I want so much more.
He pulls free slowly, smearing my wetness across my lips, dark satisfaction glinting in his gaze.
‘On your knees, Baby Girl.’
Axel
There’s a bit of me that dares her to tell me no.
To finally see me for what I am – one sick fuck – and show me the door.
But she doesn’t.
Of course she doesn’t.
She sinks to her knees, the lamplight catching in her eyes as she blinks up at me. Obedient. Tamed. The rush hits hard: the same wicked surge I knew when the lock-up was my playground, power earned through grit and blood. Now it’s her.
I step closer, fingers threading into her hair, and she melts into the touch.
I tell myself I’ve got this.
Truth is, she’s got me. Same way the streets once did. Tight. Hungry. Always craving more.
More power.
More control.
Just… more.
‘Look at you,’ I murmur, thumb grazing the corner of her mouth. ‘On your knees the second I tell you.’
Her eyes flash. Her fingers twitch towards me.
‘No.’
She stills. Not a word. Not a fight.
‘Hands behind your back.’
Slowly, she obeys.
‘Now hold them tight.’