Chapter 4
THEO
Note to self: next time you suggest going out in the car, get in the front with Shaun.
It turns out the rear seat is no place for two adults and a booster. Not if you want to keep more than an inch between you and the woman you can’t look at without wondering what her lips taste like now.
Who knew a kid’s car seat took up more space than Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson? No wonder Sadie glanced at me all wide-eyed when I followed her in. And it wasn’t like I did it out of habit either.
I did it to reassure her that I want to be doing this. That I want to spend time in their orbit – and that they’re welcome in mine – even if I haven’t exactly shown it to date.
But judging by the way her legs are pressed tight together, her palms stuck between them, and her eyes stare resolutely ahead, she’s finding this about as easy as I am.
‘You really didn’t have to do this,’ she says through her teeth.
Lottie glances between us, not really hearing her mother but sensing her speaking.
Her true focus is on the tablet Aunt Tay-Tay bought her.
She grips its neon-pink case like it might vanish if she blinks, while her glittery headphones mercifully muffle whatever high-pitched drama the animated blobs are unleashing.
‘I’m sure you have better things to be doing with your Sunday.’
‘I wanted to do it,’ I say, and I can practically hear her silent scoff.
‘I did, Sades.’
She turns to me, one brow raised, and I strip my sunglasses to hold her gaze.
‘I swear it.’
Tension coils through her frame. Her blue eyes bright as they dig into mine, hunting for the lie, but I’m too hooked on hers to care. I could sit here for days. Work be damned.
‘So…’ Her tongue flicks across her bottom lip – something I really didn’t need to witness this close. ‘ Taylor didn’t put you up to it?’
Fuck.
‘It’s too nice a weekend to spend it indoors,’ I hedge. ‘And if I’m being totally honest, I feel bad that I didn’t offer to take you out sooner.’
All true.
‘You feel bad?’ she huffs out. ‘Pull the other one.’
I choke on a laugh. More surprised that she’s calling me out on it. No one calls me out on anything. Save for Taylor and Axel, who know me better than I know myself at times. But then, this is Sadie, the girl who always saw right through me…
‘Why is that so hard to believe?’
She hesitates, her blue eyes sweeping over my face.
Then she shakes her head and turns away, and the scent of her shampoo – sweet and subtle, cherry, if I had to guess – rises in the air like a hit of high-end perfume.
One my body’s all too eager to enjoy, even as my brain labels it: Bad Idea No. 5 .
‘You shouldn’t feel bad. You’re a busy man doing us a favour by giving us a place to stay,’ she murmurs, her eyes now fixed on Lottie’s screen. ‘But you can quit with the babysitting, okay?’
‘The baby sitting?’
She might as well have kicked me in my overly stoked balls for the sickening roll in my gut.
‘You think I don’t know that she asked you to take us in so that you could keep an eye on us?
That she didn’t guilt trip you into this now so that she could make sure we’re getting out and about, having fun, living life’ – she does finger quotes around the words – ‘so that she can feel better about this whole situation?’
‘It’s not about her feeling better,’ I say tightly. ‘It’s about you feeling better.’
‘Perhaps.’
‘There’s no “perhaps” about it. She loves you. She loves you both. She wants you to be able to put the past behind you and get on with your life. Is that really so bad?’
‘It is if you’re wishing Axel was the man she’d put in your place.’
‘I didn’t say I wished? —’
She clenches her hands together in her lap, her stress ripping through me, and I give up on the semantics of it. She needs the truth. A version of it at least.
‘Can you blame me, Sadie? Seriously?’
‘Wow,’ she scoffs, ‘I think I preferred it when you were at least trying to deny it.’
‘Axel is the guy who should be looking out for you. He’s the one with the security company. He’s the one who used to work the doors long before he became the top dog. If any one of us should be keeping you safe from that piece of shit, it’s him.’
But above all, Axel’s not the one haunted by the ghost of her mouth on his – by the one kiss that never should have happened and the thousand I haven’t stopped imagining since.
That wasn’t to say Axel wouldn’t imagine it though, given a chance. Imagine it and act on it. And that thought doesn’t make me feel any better either.
‘Are you saying you’re not up to the task?’
She looks at me now, eyes lit with challenge, a teasing glint that slices straight through to my pride. She’s testing me – my ability, my masculinity – and damn if my body doesn’t bristle at the idea while thriving on her sudden fire.
‘I’m saying that of the two of us, Axel is the more obvious choice.’
‘Well, when you put it like that…’ she says, lips twisting wryly.
‘Not to mention you could’ve just as easily gone to Taylor’s. It blows my mind she sent you to me when she has a place in the city big enough for you both. I know she’s away a lot, but Axel would’ve put someone on you twenty-four-seven if need be.’
And just like that, the fire in her dies, and I know I’ve hit another nerve. Big mouth!
‘Look Sadie, it’s?—’
‘She didn’t tell you?’ she says quietly, her left knee starting to bob.
‘Tell me what?’
‘Why she didn’t want me with her…’
‘She told me that you didn’t want to risk Danny beating down her door. That you couldn’t cope with her fussing, too.’
She’s nodding but her knee keeps jigging.
‘What else is there?’ Because I know there’s more; I’ve known it all along. But when Taylor asks for a favour, I do it. No question. ‘Sade?—’
‘She didn’t tell you that we fought?’
‘What— no? When?’
She wrings her hands, shakes her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. Not any more.’
‘It does if you’re still?—’
‘Sorry to interrupt, sir,’ Shaun says from the front. ‘But we’re here. Do you want me to pull over?’
No. I want to tell him to keep driving until I get the whole sorry tale out of Sadie, but I know that’d probably freak her out even more.
‘Please, Shaun.’ I look back at her. ‘We’ll pick this up later.’
‘There’s nothing to pick up,’ she says, avoiding my eye. ‘It was a stupid argument. It happened a long time ago. She said some things. I said some things. And things haven’t been the same since. I doubt they ever will be. End of story.’
The car rolls to a stop, and she quickly moves to unbuckle her seatbelt, her fingers electrifying my hip as she fumbles over the button. ‘Now can we get out of here, please?’
‘Wait.’
I cover her hands – partly to stop the accidental caress from lighting me up any further, and partly because I need a second to process what she just said.
She and Taylor were inseparable. From the moment Sadie’s mum left her on their dad’s doorstep and disappeared, they came as a unit.
Yes, Sadie left with Danny. Yes, the distance must’ve been brutal.
But a fight?
Bad enough to crack that bond?
And why the hell hasn’t Taylor told me about it?
‘Sadie?’
* * *
Sadie
Theo reaches out when I don’t look at him, his finger light upon my chin. No touch should be this dizzying. No gaze, no scent, no man!
He eases my chin up until I have no choice but to meet his eye. Theo semi-naked is drop-dead gorgeous, Theo broody and commanding – dynamite .
‘We will talk about this later, okay?’
No. Not okay. I swallow. It’s hard enough acknowledging how I feel about it, to put words to it and have him judge me too. No, thanks. But I can’t force the words past my lips.
And then his eyes are on my lips and I’m about two seconds away from spontaneously combusting.
‘Okay,’ I hear myself agree. But honestly, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give him when he looks at me like that – those green eyes hotter than the sun blazing outside.
‘Good.’
It comes out raw, breathless, just like I feel. His gaze drifts back up, his mouth parting as he wets the inner edge of his lip. Oh. My. God . The space between us shrinks, and I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t?—
‘Eeeee!’ Lottie screeches, straining at her harness like a caged gremlin, her tablet thudding into my lap as I jerk back – moment shattered. Thank God.
‘Mummy! Out!’
‘Okay, honey, okay.’
I throw myself into freeing her, wrestling with the harness like I’ve never used one before, while Theo steps out, smooth and composed – like his world hasn’t just tilted the way mine has.
And let’s face it, it hasn’t. This is all on me. In me. The woman who should know better…
Once burned, twice shy? I wish.
The door opens beside Lottie and Theo reaches in. ‘The park awaits you, princess.’
She lets out an excited squeal and thrusts her headphones at me before launching herself into his arms – easy as – and I feel the smallest pinch of envy.
Oh, to be that trusting again…
Oh, to be able to do that with Theo again…
‘Can I help you with your bag?’ Shaun says, glancing over his shoulder at a very frozen me.
‘Nope— nope, I’ve got it,’ I say, cheeks burning as I shove Lottie’s things into her bag and scramble out of the backseat, careful not to get taken out by passing cars as I step onto the road and close the door behind me.
It’s the noise that hits me first: the constant hum and clatter of city life. Horns. Barking. Shouting. Then comes the heat – thick and pressing, clinging to my skin.
I join Theo and Lottie on the pavement, my eyes darting all around. Even with the shade being gifted by the trees lining the park and the tall, fancy buildings across the way, the air feels too hot, too thin.
At least I dressed light – trainers, shorts, vest – but sweat still gathers between my breasts, at the bend of my elbows, the nape of my neck… I drop Lottie’s bag to the ground and tug a bobble from my wrist, use it to scrape my hair into a high ponytail and breathe. Once. Twice.
‘You okay?’