Chapter 9
NINE
SAWYER
It was clear to me that Lukas had done well for himself in spite of, or maybe because of, his upbringing. I found myself thinking about him a lot, even when I wasn’t actively working on his book. The intro was done, and I’d been working on the opening chapters that detailed his younger years.
In many ways, Lukas was an open book, but I couldn’t ignore the feeling that he was keeping something from me.
It was silly, of course. Anything I asked, he answered.
I tended to text him all hours of the day and night with random questions about his life.
Sometimes I needed him to clarify something, other times I was just curious.
Sometimes I just wanted any excuse to talk to him.
He had two kinds of responses. Short text messages or longer voice notes.
I found myself far preferring the voice notes.
The low timbre of his voice had started to invade my dreams. In short, I was developing a crush on him.
Which is why it was a monumentally bad idea to even consider looking up his work.
Lukas had made adult content for his entire adult life, meaning there were plenty of people who’d seen him naked.
Who’d seen him fuck and be fucked. I’d probably have to see it eventually, I told myself.
For research purposes, of course. Watching his work was part of the book.
It would help me understand the things he’d been through a little more. It was practically mandatory.
I got as far as opening my laptop and googling his name before I stood up and walked away from my desk.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I admonished myself for even thinking that this was necessary.
I should only watch whatever content Lukas deemed necessary for me to see for professional reasons.
Surely this was crossing a line. Wasn’t it?
But it wasn’t like Lukas’s content was a secret to me.
It wasn’t as though the book was going to be anything other than his career in the adult industry, I told myself as I sat back down at my desk.
Besides, wasn’t it better if I had seen some of his material and gotten the awkwardness out of the way beforehand?
In case there came a time where he had to show me something?
Maybe that was a reach, but it gave me the courage I needed to press play on the first video.
Deciding to start tame, I chose a solo video of Lukas.
He was sitting on a chair in a hotel room, legs spread wide, his cock was rock hard, when the video started.
Hard and shiny with lube like he’d been at this a while.
I watched him wrap his hand around his cock and drag it from tip down to the root and up again.
His head tilted back, exposing his throat as he moaned.
His other hand swept across his chest, and he teased his nipple with his fingertips.
Pausing the video, I tore my gaze away. Lukas was hot as hell.
He was hot with his clothes on, but naked was an entirely different matter.
Lukas was built. I don’t know that I’d call him ripped or stacked, but he looked solid.
Firm. The dusting of hair on his chest turned into a trail that tapered and led down to his neatly trimmed nest of pubes.
Okay, he was hot and could work a camera. Wasn’t that all I needed to know? Probably? I couldn’t make up my mind if this was a good idea or a really fucking bad one, but I pressed play again anyway.
Lukas stared into the camera and my cock throbbed. It made me feel funny, like he was looking directly at me. Had he been in front of me in person, I wouldn’t have been able to meet his eyes. The heat in my face had turned into an inferno as arousal and embarrassment intertwined under my skin.
Precum leaked from the tip of Lukas’s cock and his moans filled the room. I turned the volume down a little, suddenly conscious of the fact that I lived in a condo, and my neighbors might hear the porn if it was too loud. Paranoid? Me? Probably.
Lukas’s hand slid down his body, and he cupped his balls as he jerked himself faster, adding a twisting motion sometimes to tease the head of his cock.
I desperately wanted to touch myself, but I kept my hands pinned to my sides and gripped the bottom of my chair.
When Lukas let out a particularly throaty moan, my hand shot up and I paused the video.
My hands shook as I grabbed my headphones and synced them with my computer.
When I let the video resume, it was better because the fact that now for sure no one but me could hear what I was watching.
It was also worse because Lukas was looking into the camera lens again which meant he was staring directly at me.
And now I had his voice in my ear, whispering to me.
Telling me how hot I was. How good I was. How much he wanted me.
My stupid dick loved hearing that. It twitched in my pants and leaked a stream of precum into my underwear, causing a wet patch. I badly needed to adjust myself, but I was worried that one touch would have me shooting off like a rocket.
I clicked away to a different video and fast-forwarded past the intro part of the film where the guy starring opposite him had called for a plumber. Lukas showed up at the front door in a tight shirt, jeans with holes in the knees, and a tool belt around his waist.
I tugged on the collar of my shirt, suddenly needing more air.
Lukas strolled into the room like he owned the place, and being a porn, it wasn’t long before the twink was on his knees, pulling Lukas’s cock out of his pants.
My mouth went dry at the sight of his hands threading into the twink’s hair.
My scalp tingled as I tried to imagine what it would feel like to have Lukas grip my hair the way he gripped his co-star’s. My jaw hung open, and I realized I was practically panting with desperation.
I wanted to see more, though. I had to. Now that he’d had his cock in the twink’s mouth, I needed to see him fuck. I needed to see the way he moved when he was taking someone. They way he’d touch them as he slid inside. I needed to see the look on his face when he came.
Pushing away from the desk, I leaned back in my computer chair just far enough to pop the button of my pants and pull my dick out.
The precum smoothed the way a little, but I needed more.
I curled forward and released a gob of spit.
Catching it on my cock, I used my hand to spread it around.
I’d have preferred a little more, but I didn’t keep lube at my desk, and I wasn’t about to get up and fetch it. Not when I was already so close.
On screen, Lukas folded the twink over the counter, then dropped to his knees, shirtless, dick out, tool belt still on, and shoved his tongue up the twink’s ass.
My hand sped up, and I fucked my fist to the sight of him rimming that guy within an inch of his life.
Seriously, the guy’s face was so red it made me wonder if Lukas got him so hot his brains were cooking inside his skull.
Then Lukas stood and slammed his cock inside the twink. I was breathless as I watched him sink up to the hilt. One hand on the twink’s shoulder, the other on his hip as he pulled back, then slid in again.
I worked my hand over my dick. Up and down the shaft.
My balls tightened, and I couldn’t draw a full breath as my release neared.
I was dizzy with arousal as I watched Lukas rail the twink against the counter, then on the counter, then in the doorway, and finally on the couch with the twink’s legs splayed wide and Lukas seated between them.
When he bent forward and kissed the twink, all tongue and open mouth, messy, imperfect—I came.
My whole body felt like it was imploding and shooting out of my cock I came so hard. I swear I saw stars, the universe collapsing in on itself. My life flashed before my eyes.
What I actually saw was Lukas emptying his balls inside a twink that I wanted to be.
With my orgasm still shaking through me, taking control of me, I let myself admit that I’d love to be fucked like that.
I let myself have a sliver of a daydream about what it would be like to be that twink.
That was a dangerous road to go down, but my orgasm-addled brain went there anyway.
With sticky cum coating my fingers and my legs feeling like a couple of half-melted cheese strings, I was forced to watch the end of the porn, which was almost worse than watching the rest of it.
At the end of the porn, Lukas and the twink kissed.
It didn’t look like a porn kiss, but a real one.
Was it just that one guy he looked at like that? Or was it an afterglow kind of thing?
Whatever it was, it formed a knot in my stomach.
No one had ever looked at me like that. It was soft adoration.
Appreciation. Affection. And I was suddenly starving for it.
I let the next video load up, and I watched that one too.
I didn’t jerk off again, though I could have.
But I paid attention to every little thing about Lukas, and I realized he wasn’t that way with only the twink.
Lukas was like that with everybody. Attentive.
Sweet. His caring nature came through, and now it was my heart that ached for something I didn't know I wanted but wasn’t likely to get. At least not from Lukas.
Annoyed with myself, I got up and washed my hands before returning to my laptop.
I clicked away from the porn and vowed to stop watching it.
At least ones with Lukas. All they did was show me what I couldn’t have.
He’d hired me to write his book for him.
He’d had trouble with fans in the past who wanted to cross the boundary between professional and personal.
Lukas had been able to open up to me because I’d kept it professional. I owed it to him to keep it that way.