Chapter 10
TEN
LUKAS
Asher sauntered into my office and draped himself on the couch in a dramatic fashion that reminded me of how a woman in Victorian times might have done. When I ignored his presence in favor of continuing to edit the footage from Jax’s shoot, Asher let out a sigh.
“Yes?”
“I have my list,” he announced.
“You’ve had your list for two years, Ash.” I stopped what I was doing and grabbed my phone from the desk. “And you forwarded it to me eight times.”
“I had to make sure you got it.” Ash shifted around so he was sitting instead of half-reclining on the couch. “Have you thought about who I should scene with?”
I would normally have thought of little else, but I’d had Sawyer to distract me. The distance from the whole Asher thing had provided me with a good perspective.
“I thought at first that I’d pair you with Jax, or Taylor, or maybe Brandon, but I think Blue would be a good choice for you.”
Ash wrinkled his nose. “But he’s like… my age.”
“That’s part of why I picked him. I think you’d look good together on screen. He’s young, but he’s been around for a bit. He’ll be able to help you navigate your first scene in a way that I think you’d benefit from.”
“I’m sure someone older might be better for that, don’t you think? What about Owen?”
I wasn’t fast enough to hide my grimace.
“What?”
“I’ve reached out to some of the guys, just to get an idea of who would be comfortable working with you. Owen was the only one who said no. He’d paired with Leo a few times, and it’s not something he’s comfortable doing.”
Ash scowled but took a breath and shrugged it off. “That’s fine. Plenty of fish. But maybe not Blue. There’s still… Jax. Jax would be good.”
“I want you to book a screen test with Jax and one with Blue. We’ll see which pairing works better and go from there. How about that?”
“Fine.” Ash rolled his eyes then tapped away on his phone, probably booking those screen tests. As much as I didn’t want him to run off and film with another studio, sometimes I thought it might be for the best. Even though I wouldn’t be able to watch out for him as well as I wanted to.
My phone buzzed with a notification, and I recognized Sawyer’s picture on my screen. I put my phone aside and motioned for Ash to leave. “I have hours of edits to do. Would you mind taking Lara for a walk?”
Ash pushed himself to his feet. “Sure, no problem.”
Once he was gone, I pressed play on Sawyer’s voice memo. I’d told him that I preferred voice notes to text messages and, for the most part, he’d made the switch. Sometimes he’d send a text, but only if it was short.
“I’ve never written a memoir before,” Sawyer’s message started. “And sometimes I think Thurston convinced me to bite off more than I can chew.”
There was a silence before the message continued. “I think I have a decent handle on the early years, but I’d like to talk about some of the gaps in your story. Let me know when you’re free. I know your schedule is busier than mine, so I’ll make it work.”
At the thought of seeing Sawyer, I found myself smiling. As a kid, I’d found it hard to make friends, and as an adult, I’d been forced to be a bit of an extrovert. I often found people exhausting, especially when I was in situations that I wasn’t in control of.
Sawyer and I had connected right from the beginning, and I realized I was looking forward to seeing him. I hadn’t known him that long, and I chalked our connection up to the fact that he already knew more about me than a lot of people. Well, not more, not yet, but he knew things no one else knew.
Instead of texting back, I called him. Sawyer answered on the first ring.
“You didn’t have to respond so fast. I’m probably disturbing you.”
“If you were disturbing me, I wouldn’t have called you. When did you want to meet?”
“Oh, we can just… talk… on the phone. I wouldn’t want to put you out.”
“Sawyer, I’ve been staring at a computer screen all day. I bet you’ve been doing the same thing. We both could use a break. And before you ask, yes, I’m sure. How about you come over for dinner?”
I glanced at the clock. It was only a little after three. I could get something tossed on the stove and jump in the shower and get cleaned up in plenty of time. “Say… six-ish?”
“Dinner?”
“Yeah. It’ll be better to discuss some of this stuff in a more private setting. Plus, Lara misses her new friend.”
Stifling a groan, I buried my face in my hand and squeezed my eyes shut. I had officially resorted to bribing someone with my dog to get them to give me attention. Where did that sit on the pathetic scale?
“Okay.” Sawyer’s voice was quiet and slightly unsure, but then he spoke again and he sounded more certain. Like maybe he’d had some doubts but then got over them. “Six, right?”
“Yeah. Six.”
“Okay, see you then.”
He ended the call, and I found myself staring at my phone for a minute afterward wondering why my heart was racing.
It shouldn’t feel like a date, but it kind of did.
I wanted to sit and talk with him again.
I wanted him in my space, and I wanted to cook for him. To dress up for him. To impress him.
Holy shit, I want to impress him.
Letting out a slow, deep breath, I tucked my phone away, saved my progress on the current project, and closed my laptop.
After rummaging in the fridge and the freezer, I decided to make meatballs in tomato sauce.
It would go nicely with a simple pasta, and it was something I could whack together and let sit in the oven.
By the time Asher returned with Lara, I was browning the meatballs.
Lara sauntered in and curled up on the floor in the middle of the kitchen.
“You’re a menace to my health. Go on, get to your spot.
” I told her, feeling a little bad when she heaved her old bones up off the floor and moved to lie by the kitchen table where she wasn’t a tripping hazard.
Asher walked over to the stove and peered in the pan. “Oh, we’re having meatballs? I’m starved.”
I winced. “Uh, actually, they’re for Sawyer and me. He’s coming over later with some questions about the book.”
Asher was quiet for a second. “You know I could’ve written it, right? I wanted to do it.”
“I know you offered, Ash, but I wanted to find someone who didn’t know me to take the project on. There’s things that are going to be hard for me to talk about.”
Ash moved back and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked so much like Leo when he was annoyed that it made me smile. At first it had made me sad, but now it was like a little gift to see glimpses of Leo through Ash.
“You do know that I’m going to read it when it’s done.”
“As if I could stop you.” I turned my attention back to the stove where I added some onions to the browned meatballs, and once they were sautéed, I added the tomato sauce and seasoned it well before putting everything in a casserole dish and sticking it in the oven.
“I’m going to head up and shower.”
“I guess I’ll go.” Ash sounded off.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just have a bit of a headache, that’s all.”
“There’s some ibuprofen in the guest bathroom. Take a couple before you head out.” I ruffled Ash’s hair with my hand. “Did you set up the screen tests with Jax and Blue?”
“Next week.” Ash didn’t look particularly thrilled about that, but I chalked it up to him wanting to film with older guys.
Blue was his age and Jax was only a few years older, but Ash seemed to prefer the older men.
It wasn’t a big deal. Logically, I knew that, but I still thought of him as a little brother. As someone I had to protect.
“Go home, kid. Take it easy tonight. You’ve been working your ass off the past couple months. You deserve a night off.”
Ash slid his fingers through his hair, trying to fix it, even though it still looked good after I’d messed with it. “I’m not a kid,” he grumped. “But you’re right about the night off. I do deserve one.”
“That’s the spirit.” I glanced at the time. “I’m going to jump in the shower. But I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon for the shoot. Can you be here an hour early to help set up?”
“What would you do without me?”
“Well, obviously I’d have to do all the set up and take down myself. So that would suck.” I tried to tousle his hair again, but he dodged out of the way and shot me a scowl.
“See you tomorrow, Lukas.” Ash spun on his heel and walked away. When the front door shut behind him, I left Lara in the kitchen and slipped away into the bathroom off my bedroom.
Under the spray, I pondered my sanity. Here I was, getting all cleaned up for a guy I’d hired. For someone I’d been glad to learn he hadn’t known my work. For someone I was determined to have a professional relationship with.
But I’d put the wheels in motion before my brain caught up to what I was doing, and now I had to ride it out. Sawyer was coming over for dinner. It wasn’t a date. It was a business meeting.
With food. That I cooked. In my house. Alone. Unsupervised.
Unless I counted Lara as supervision.
It wasn’t a date, but I scrubbed my body like it was.
It wasn’t a date, but my cock had taken an interest and perked up in the shower.
I’d never been one to deny myself a bit of pleasure, but I knew there was no way I could touch myself and not think about him.
But if I didn’t jerk off and get it out of my system, my dick might make an untimely appearance later.
Reaching down, I took myself in hand. I kept lube in nearly every room of the house because there wasn’t a room that I hadn’t filmed in.
Except my bedroom. I’d filmed a shower scene in this room a few months ago because it was roomier than the downstairs shower, and there had been three men crammed into it.
But I didn’t picture them when I drizzled lube on my dick and pumped my shaft, smearing it around.
Water pounded against my back, and I braced my free hand on the tiled wall.
Sawyer’s face appeared in my mind. His brown eyes hid nothing when he looked at me.
I saw the innocence there. The way he’d blushed when I revealed what I did for a living.
After that, there’d been no judgement of me, but I’d seen the curiosity bloom.
I closed my eyes and fucked my fist. Sawyer’s name lingered on my lips as my release built in me, low and hot and tight, winding my whole body up. Tensing every muscle on my frame. I didn’t make it last. Didn’t dare. I needed to get off and get it out of my system, and then I’d be fine.
I stroked myself faster, until my pulse hammered in my skull and my breaths came in harsh pants…
and then I was coming. Splattering the tile with cum, I leaned more weight on my arm and prayed that my legs would keep me upright.
Though I’d done my best not to think of Sawyer at the moment I’d come, I hadn’t been able to get him off my mind.
But that was okay. I’d be okay now, I told myself.
I finished my shower and got dressed in normal, not-date-like clothes, and finished preparing dinner while I waited for Sawyer to arrive.
By the time the doorbell rang at almost six o’clock, I’d practically convinced myself that the jerk session in the shower had never happened.
I’d told myself that I wasn’t that interested in him, but the minute I opened the door, I knew that was a lie.
I was so into him.
Fuck my entire life.
“I’m glad you could make it,” I said instead, and invited Sawyer in.