Chapter 20
TWENTY
LUKAS
The thing about being around Sawyer was that it was effortless.
We talked all through dinner. Through the band’s first set.
I’d been out with guys before, it wasn’t that I’d never dated, but I guess I hadn’t in the traditional sense.
In the way Sawyer was probably used to doing things.
The whole meet someone, get to know them, date them, and then maybe get intimate with them.
There was something to be said about anticipation.
The reason I wanted to take it slow was because I wanted a more solid foundation.
One that could bear the weight of my past. And maybe I was a bit scared that Sawyer would end up just like the other guys, and once he got what he wanted, he wouldn’t be interested in me anymore.
It turned out that the band did in fact know Sawyer’s favorite song, and when the opening notes played, he stopped mid-sentence and looked at the stage. He watched with rapt attention for a few seconds before turning to me.
“I think that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
” Sawyer reached over and took my hand. I laced our fingers together, tethering him to me.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his bar should be a lot higher.
The fact that he hadn’t been doted on by past boyfriends only served to work in my favor. The bar really was on the floor.
“Don’t go telling people that I’m sweet, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.”
With his other hand, Sawyer pretended to zip his lips shut. “Your secret is safe with me.”
We listened to Sawyer's favorite song with him watching the band and me watching him. When they were done, Sawyer leaned over and kissed me. It was sweet and soft, and it made me ache for him. I wanted to know if everything he did was that soft, that gentle. The idea of taking Sawyer to bed wasn’t a new one, and the more time that passed, the more I yearned to do it.
The band took a break and Perry hopped off the stage, grabbed a bottle of water, and made a beeline for our table.
He glanced at Sawyer and our joined hands, and his smile brightened.
It wasn’t that I was a hermit or anything, but after I retired from performing, my social life took a substantial hit.
The guys all wanted me to find someone to settle down with.
A few of the guys wanted me to get back into filming, but I’m sure their motives weren’t exactly selfless.
And then there was Perry. He had to be one of the nicest guys out there. We’d never performed together, which was something I reminded myself to tell Sawyer.
“Hey, Lukas. It’s good to see you out and about.” Perry cracked the lid of his water bottle open and then looked at Sawyer. “I hope we didn’t butcher your favorite song.”
“No, it was really good. I promise.”
Sawyer and Perry exchanged a couple more pleasantries before he made his excuse to get back to the band.
“He seems nice,” Sawyer said to me once he was gone.
“He’s a good guy.” I hated to admit it, even to myself, but it was nice to be out with a guy who hadn’t fucked all my friends.
Did that make me a hypocrite because I’d fucked most of my friends at one point or another?
Probably. But I couldn’t stop liking the fact that Sawyer didn’t have any kind of past with any of the people I knew.
I liked that it felt as if he belonged to me. Like he was something just for me.
“So, your upbringing ruined live music for you, and now I’ve hopefully given you a new appreciation for it. What else did your parents ruin that I can help you revisit?”
Sawyer laughed but shook his head. “You already took me on the swings, which I hadn’t done since I was small. And now this. How about we work on one of your childhood experiences and make a better memory?”
“God, where to start? I mean, there’s so much that I didn’t experience like a normal kid.”
“Like what?” Sawyer asked gently.
“You name it. Birthday parties. Summer camp. Sleepovers.”
“Well, I’m not much help with any of those.” Sawyer furrowed his brow. “Actually, I do have an idea.”
He pulled his phone out and after a minute, his face lit up. He gave me a beaming smile. “Do you trust me?”
“Yeah, of course.” I absolutely trusted Sawyer. Maybe more than I trusted anyone.
“If you’re ready for our next adventure, I’ll settle the bill and then we can head out.
” Sawyer waited for my nod then got to his feet.
He paused to bend down and steal a kiss.
He didn’t say anything, he merely smiled at me and then zipped away to pay for dinner.
Which, I’ll admit, was a nice treat. Usually, I was the one to foot the bill, but Sawyer just jumped up and took over before I could argue.
I didn’t hate feeling looked after. And even though I had no idea what Sawyer was planning, I found myself suddenly beside myself with excitement.
I waved to Perry on my way out and walked with Sawyer to the car. “Are you going to tell me what we’re doing?”
His answering smile was bright. “You’ll see when we get there.”
The drive to get there was about twenty minutes, which wasn’t bad, and it took us outside the city limits.
“I don’t think I’ve left town in months. Maybe longer.”
“I know what you mean.” Sawyer answered from the passenger seat. “I tend to live within five blocks of my apartment. Sometimes Thurston and Eugene drag me out to their house, but my social circle is pretty limited.”
“How did you come to know Thurston?”
“He was my professor. He’s tapped me for a couple projects over the years. Before your book, he’d wanted me to enter this short story competition. I didn’t win, but I did snag fifth place.” Sawyer sat up a little straighter. “Take the next right.”
I felt him watch me more than he was watching where we were going. The road he had me turn down wound through the trees and then came to a parking lot. And a lake. With boat rentals. I pulled into a parking space and looked at him.
“I forgot there was even a lake here.”
“Come on. We only have an hour until they close the rentals.” Sawyer undid his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. He ducked his head back in and grinned at me. “Come on, Lukas.”
Following Sawyer to the rental booth, I only half listened to what was going on. I was too busy watching him. Sometimes, Sawyer was quiet and reserved, but right now he was so open and happy he practically glowed.
The girl behind the counter at the rental shop motioned to a rack of life jackets and told us we had to wear one before getting into our boat. Sawyer grabbed my hand and practically dragged me over there.
“It’s going to clash with our outfits, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.” He slid a life jacket off the rack for me and handed it over before grabbing his own.
“I’m not worried about a fashion catastrophe.” I put the jacket on and zipped it up, making sure that it fit right. Dying on our first date would be a bummer.
The boat, as it turned out, was one of those ones that you get in and pedal. Sawyer climbed in effortlessly and then looked up at me. “Come on. I’ve got you.”
Getting in the boat was unnerving because I was sure it was going to tip, but I managed to get in and get seated without capsizing us. I put my feet on the pedals, and Sawyer took the rudder.
“How does this work?” I asked. “You just pedal?”
“That’s it. We had these at the summer camp I went to. They’re more fun than canoes, if you ask me, and they’re harder to tip.”
He started to pedal, and I followed his lead. The boat wasn’t going to break any speed records, but we did move at a decent clip.
“Did you want to steer?” Sawyer asked once we were away from the dock. He moved his hand back and forth. “To go left, you turn it this way. To go right, you turn it the other way. To go straight, you keep it in the middle.”
Sawyer took his hand off the rudder, forcing me to take control of the steering.
“What was summer camp like?” I asked him, curious about his experiences.
Growing up, I hadn’t known anyone like Sawyer.
I lived in a rough neighborhood where stories like mine were common, and I wasn’t even the worst off out of my peers.
It was wild to think about how different our experiences were.
“Long. Hot. Exhausting. It wasn’t all bad, but everything was so structured. Breakfast at seven. Crafts at eight. Football at nine. Swimming at eleven. Lunch at noon. You get the idea. Every moment was scheduled.”
“Even bathroom breaks?”
Sawyer laughed. “You joke, but you’re not far off.”
“I bet you were the cutest little camper.”
“I bet you I wasn’t.” He glanced at me. “I was an awkward-looking kid, all eyes and frizzy hair. And the gangly body didn’t help. I had limbs with the muscle tone of wet spaghetti noodles.”
“You were a kid. You’re supposed to be awkward and gangly and weirdly proportioned. It’s a rite of passage.”
“One I could’ve done without. Gay. Closeted.
Gangly. It was too much sometimes. Mom wanted a brilliant doctor, or a lawyer, or something equally prestigious so she could brag about her exceptional children.
Dad would’ve been okay with a professional athlete, but I was hopeless unless I was in the pool.
Summer camp is when I started writing, though.
One of the summers was unusually rainy, and we had to spend a lot of time inside. ”
“I bet that was your favorite summer.”
Sawyer grinned from ear to ear. “How’d you guess?”
“Just a hunch.”
The boat was easy to steer, and I took us on a broad circle, keeping the time limit in mind. Though truthfully, I’d have liked to stay out on the water for far longer than we were able.
“What happens if we don’t go back in time and just paddle around the lake in this little boat?”
“They fire up the speedboat, chase you down, and tow you back to shore.”
“I bet we could outrun them.”
Sawyer burst out laughing. “I don’t think so, but we can try if you really want to.”
After pretending to think about it for a minute, I shook my head. “Nah. That sounds exhausting.”
He looked at me then, and the way the sun hit him made my heart speed up. When Sawyer walked into my life, it was like he brought the sunshine with him, and I realized that I didn’t want this date to end.
“I want to do this again,” I said.
“This? The boat?”
“All of it. I want to take you out again.”
Color splashed up in Sawyer’s cheeks. “Our first date isn’t over, and you’re already asking for a second date?”
I simply shrugged. “I know what I want.”
His blush deepened, and he gazed out at the water before looking back at me. “I’d like that.”
From shore, an airhorn let out three short blasts, making both of us flinch.
“That’s our signal to get back to shore,” Sawyer said, his smile unwavering. He looked like joy personified, and I couldn’t wait to get him back to shore so I could kiss him again.