Chapter 19
NINETEEN
SAWYER
Getting ready for a date, as it turned out, was no easy task.
I didn’t want to dress too nice because Lukas said that I should dress casual, but nice.
Fashion wasn’t something I thought a lot about, but on one of my previous shopping trips, I’d discovered the wonderful invention that was the personal shopper.
I’d worked with DJ a few times now, trusting him to pick clothes for me. It took a lot of the stress of shopping off my shoulders, and most of the time I didn’t even care what he selected for me. He had good taste and was actually the sole reason I wore anything other than khakis and polo shirts.
Today, however, I was a bit nervous when he dropped the items off for me.
“Thank you for doing this on such short notice.” I took the bags from him, curious as hell what was in them.
“You better send me a selfie before your date.” DJ pulled his keys out of his pocket and motioned to his car. “I should get going. I hope your date goes well.”
“Wait.” Shoving my hand into my pocket, I fished out my wallet and pulled out a nice tip for him. I liked to tip in cash instead of using the app I hired him through. “Thanks for this.”
“Anytime.” DJ shot me a dazzling smile and pocketed the tip.
With a final nod, he practically skipped away, leaving me to duck inside and hurry to get ready.
I showered in record time to keep myself from jerking off.
Besides, I’d already done that last night…
and this morning… and maybe an hour ago too.
I’d thought about cleaning myself out, but decided against it.
Lukas wanted to take things slow. I didn’t have the most experience with relationships and dating, but I didn’t think that sex on the first date qualified as taking it slow.
Freshly showered, I dabbed a small amount of cologne on and then went into my room to see what I’d be wearing. With almost no time left to get ready, whatever was in those bags would be what I wore so I prayed that it wasn’t awful.
The first thing I pulled out was a long sleeve shirt made from a soft material. It was burgundy, which wasn’t a color I normally wore, or had ever worn, but I set it aside and dug out the next item.
DJ had bought me a pair of black jeans. They weren’t quite skinny jeans, but the closest thing to, by my best guess.
I looked in the bag, not expecting to see more clothing, but there was a pair of socks and something else.
I pulled the items out and realized that DJ had bought me underwear.
They were unlike anything I’d usually wear.
The material was shiny and sleek and they were the same color as the shirt he’d bought me.
With nothing to lose, and even knowing Lukas wouldn’t see them tonight, I pulled them on anyway.
They were cut differently than I was used to, and the material felt almost too nice on my skin, but I liked them and decided that I felt good in them.
I pulled on the socks next, then the jeans.
After yanking the shirt over my head, I went back to the bathroom to check it out.
The color of the shirt made my cheeks look a little pinker than usual, but that wasn’t a bad thing as far as I was concerned. It was better than looking like Casper the friendly ghost.
I completed the look with black shoes and a matching belt. On a whim, I pulled out the single piece of jewelry I owned and fiddled with the clasp on the silver chain until I managed to fasten it around my neck.
I’d just finished fussing with my hair when there was a knock at my door.
Normally, I met dates at the restaurant or whatever we decided on, but I didn’t mind giving Lukas my address or relying on him for a ride home.
I mean, if things went really awry, there was always Uber, but I had a good feeling about him.
After making sure I had my wallet, my keys, and my phone, I opened the door.
Lukas looked like a wet dream. For some reason, I’d expected him to show up dressed in all black. Black shirt. Black pants. Black shoes. Black leather jacket.
Instead he wore a white shirt that was on the dressy side of casual. It looked like it was a soft knit fabric. His jeans were dark and so were his shoes, but the white shirt really made me notice him and how gorgeous he was.
“Hi,” I said, suddenly tongue-tied. “You look great.” Great was an inadequate descriptor, but nerves made it hard for me to think straight.
Lukas stepped closer, and I froze as he leaned in and brushed a kiss against my cheek. My stupid stomach erupted in butterflies at the chaste touch.
“You look amazing.” He was still so close I felt his breath on my face.
“So do you.” I grimaced a second later when I realized I’d already told him he looked good.
He didn’t mention it, not directly, but he grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m nervous too. If that helps.”
I pulled my door shut and made sure it was locked, then I looked at Lukas.
“It would help if I were nervous. Which I’m not.
Why would I be nervous?” My line of bullshit broke the ice, and Lukas and I laughed as we headed for his car.
It looked older, but it was clearly well cared for. Neat as a pin inside and out.
Lukas cared for things. His house was well maintained. His dog was well looked after. He took care of his things, and while I didn’t consider myself to be a possession, it made me want to be his.
Our destination was kept a secret, and I didn’t know what I was in for until we walked into the pub.
It was the kind that looked like it had been around for a couple hundred years with a well-worn path walked into the flooring and heavy bench seats.
There was a small dance floor at the other end surrounded by tables on one side, with a small stage in the corner where a band had gathered and was quietly setting up.
Instead of one of the benches, Lukas led us to a table, not too close to the stage. He sat more next to me than he did across from me. We ordered drinks, a beer for him and a gin and tonic for me.
“The last live music I saw was an orchestra my mother dragged me to when I was a teenager and she thought I needed more culture. The music wasn’t bad, but this was when she was still trying to pretend that I was straight, and she blindsided me by inviting her friend’s daughter along.”
Lukas frowned for a second. “Well, I promise that this is a two-person date. There’s no surprise guests waiting to date-crash.”
When the server arrived with our drinks, Lukas asked for a couple menus.
“Full disclosure, I do know the band members. Well, I know the drummer. He’s one of my performers.” Lukas glanced at me and almost seemed to shrink in on himself. “I think that was probably something I should have cleared beforehand. If it’s weird, we can go.”
To me, Lukas always seemed so calm and collected. So in charge and sure of himself. Seeing him flustered like this only endeared him to me even more. It was nice to not be the only one capable of tripping all over himself.
“It’s fine, Lukas. I’m not going to pretend that you don’t do what you do for a living or be weird about the people you know and how you know them. Besides, it will be nice to replace my live music experience with something hopefully less awkward.”
“Oh, come on. An evening at the orchestra with some poor girl as your mother’s hostage can’t have been that bad.”
Lukas took a sip of his beer, and I found myself mesmerized by the way his throat moved when he swallowed.
“Zero out of ten, do not recommend. The poor girl tried to hold my hand like ten different times. I finally had to shove my hands under my thighs for her to get the point. When my mother made me walk her to the door after, you know, like a gentleman would do, I told her that my mom was still in denial about the fact that I was super gay. I wasn’t out yet, but I think she knew. ”
“Was your date mad?”
“Relieved.” I took a sip of my drink. “She thought for sure something was wrong with her. See, her mom wanted her to get close to me as much as my mom wanted me to get close to her. Hence the reason she tried to hold my hand.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen. I didn’t want to be at the orchestra with a girl. It wasn’t like I had a rip-roaring social life, but there were a million places I’d rather have been.”
“You said you have a brother, right? Do you see each other often?”
“No. We speak when we have to. My brother is the kid my parents wanted. Smart. Straight. Successful. Doctor. We’re not close.”
“I used to dream of having a brother when I was a kid.”
The band introduced themselves, and the drummer made eye contact with Lukas, who raised his beer at him like a one-sided toast.
“That’s Perry on the drums.”
“Perry? Is that his real name or his stage name?”
Lukas met my gaze, his eyes sparkling with humor as he leaned closer to me, probably so he could be heard over the sudden swell of music. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
Feeling a little bold, I managed to work up the nerve to put my hand on his knee under the table. I leaned in even closer. Close enough to smell the hint of beer on his breath.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to threaten to kill someone on the first date.”
“Right, right. Sorry.” Lukas smirked at me. “That’s second date material. I got ahead of myself. It won’t happen again.”
We were close enough to kiss now, but I didn’t close the distance.
I wanted to savor all the little pockets of anticipation that rose up in me like bubbles of happiness.
I knew Lukas wanted to kiss me—I could see it in the way he kept looking down at my mouth, then back up again.
The fact that we wanted to kiss each other made it worth waiting for.
There was no rush. No hurry. Lukas wanted to go slow which oddly took the pressure off.
Our conversation paused as our food arrived. When we were left alone with our drinks and our burgers, Lukas looked at me and asked, “so, what’s your favorite song?”
“Why?”
“Curious.”
“Well, I usually have several favorite songs, but right now it’s thoughts I have while lying in bed by The Maine.” The name of the song almost made me keep it a secret, but I’d tell Lukas anything.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and shot off a quick text before tucking it away again.
“What was that about?”
Lukas grabbed a fry off his plate and popped it in his mouth. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said, acting innocent.
Reaching over, I stole a fry off of Lukas’s plate and bit it in half. “I’m watching you.”
His eyes darkened. “Promise?”
Heat flared in me, unexpected and sharp, and suddenly taking things slow sounded like a terrible idea.
An impossible idea.