Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
LUKAS
River had done an incredible job editing the scene between Asher, Jax, and Blue.
It was a hell of a piece of art, and I had a feeling it was going to launch Asher into the stratosphere.
That idea, however, made unease slither through me.
I’d only ever wanted to protect Asher, to shield him from the shit I’d gone through. The shit his brother had gone through.
But by trying to shield him, I might have done him a disservice. Asher was an adult when we met, and I’d treated him like a kid. But I’d only ever wanted to protect him the way Leo had done.
At my feet, Lara let out a gentle woof, and a second later I heard a knock at my office door.
“Yes?”
Asher poked his head in.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you. Did you want to see the rough cut of the footage? River did an amazing job so far.”
“Uh, not right now.” Asher stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. His face was white as a sheet. “Can I talk to you?”
“Of course.” I motioned to the couch on the other side of the room and moved to join him there. Asher sat at the other end, as far away from me as he could get. He wouldn’t look at me, only at his hands and the way he twisted his fingers in his lap.
“Is this about your scene the other day? I know we haven’t touched base since then. Did you get my messages?”
Asher shook his head. “No. I mean yes, I got them, but this isn’t about that.”
It was hard to feel any semblance of relief when he looked like he might be sick at any minute.
“Okay, well, tell me what happened.”
Asher glanced at me, not quite looking in my eyes. “I fucked up.”
“Unless you killed someone, I’m pretty sure you couldn’t have fucked up that badly. Did you kill someone, Asher?”
Even my sad attempt at humor did nothing to improve his dour expression.
“No. Ugh. I said some shit to Sawyer. Some shit that was fucking mean, okay. And he was fucking nice about it, mostly, which was even worse.”
My fingers twitched as I thought about getting my phone and calling Sawyer for his side of the story, but before I could move, Asher continued talking.
“He said this would be better coming from me, and that if I didn’t tell you by tonight, he was going to.”
“Well, he wasn’t wrong.” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice, but I wasn’t entirely successful and Asher dashed a stray tear away. “So now you can explain to me what you said and why.”
Leaning back, I kept my stare focused on Asher, so he’d know he had my undivided attention. The story he told wasn’t a good look on him.
“So basically, you saw Sawyer minding his own business and then verbally abused him in public.”
Asher shrank in on himself, curling his shoulders inward. “There’s more.”
I leaned forward and dropped my face into my hands, barely suppressing the urge to scream. “More?”
I loved Asher like a brother, and the way I wanted to strangle him reinforced that brotherly bond I felt for him.
“I—I said one day you were going to start filming again, and you’d be fucking men who weren’t him and—fuck, Lukas. I’m sorry. And then he was like blah, blah, I know his real name and you don’t, and I realized he was right and I was stupid.”
The sigh I let out came from the depth of my soul, and Asher looked over at me, wide eyes full of sorrow.
“I’m sorry.”
I stood up and motioned for him to stand.
“I know I’m probably fired and, like, not welcome here anymore, but—”
“Good grief, Asher. Am I happy with you? Not particularly, but you’re young, you’re going to fuck up. You’re going to do stupid shit, and that’s why I’ve tried to keep you around. So I could look out for you and try stop you from making big, dumb mistakes the way I did. Now get over here.”
I held an arm out for him and draped it over his shoulders when he came closer. I steered him to my desk and sat him down in the chair. Closing the video, I pulled up the document Sawyer had sent over with his progress on the book so I could listen to it with one of my text-to-speech programs.
“What’s this?” Asher looked at the screen, his brow furrowed.
“It’s the book Sawyer has been working on for me. It’s not done, but it’s finished enough for you to get a first impression of it.”
Asher looked up at me and blinked, his wide eyes making him look even younger than his twenty years.
“I want you to sit here and read it.”
He looked at the screen and then glanced back up at me. “All of it?”
“Every word.”
His brows pulled together in confusion. “Why?”
“You’ll figure it out.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at the screen. No calls or texts from Sawyer yet, which didn’t sit well with me. “I’ll be back in two minutes. Start reading.”
Slipping out into the hallway, I followed Lara to the back door where I let her out into the yard. I took the opportunity to call Sawyer. It went to voicemail, which I should have guessed it would have, but worry smacked me in the chest, knocking the air out of me.
“Sawyer, Ash came over and told me what happened. I’m going to come see you as soon as I deal with this, but it might take a bit.” I let out a breath and leaned against the wall. “Asher was not only out of line, but he was dead wrong. Call me back, okay.”
I ended the call feeling like there was more for me to say, but I didn’t want this conversation to happen over the phone.
When I slipped back into the office, I stretched out on the couch and played on my phone.
I kept an eye on Ash as he read through my book.
Though he’d been around for the past couple of years, there was a lot about me that he didn’t know.
Though I didn’t exactly keep the mistakes of my early career a secret, they’d never been laid out in such detail before.
The terrible contracts I’d signed. The naiveté and desperation that had been a beacon to predators looking to take advantage of me.
I’d been young and inexperienced and easily lured into situations that I wasn’t equipped to deal with.
And from the look of increasing horror on Ash’s face, I could almost guess what parts of the book he was reading.
At one point, he wiped some tears away and glanced at me, the heartbreak clear in his expression.
“Don’t look at me like that, kid. I turned out okay.”
Asher sniffled. “I’m so dumb.”
“You’re not dumb.”
“You were never going to see me as anything more than a kid brother, were you?” He pushed away from the desk, the rolling wheels gliding across the wooden floor.
Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees.
He let out a long, deep breath and eventually lifted his head so he could look me in the eyes. “Were you?”
“You’re too young for me, Ash.”
“Sawyer isn’t that much older.”
“Sawyer is twenty-eight. That’s eight years older than you. And even if Sawyer wasn’t in the picture, you know it would still never happen.”
Asher sighed. “Yeah, I know. But I think you need to know that even if it did, you’re not like him.
” He motioned to the computer. “You’re nothing like that skeezy guy.
You were barely out of high school. You were vulnerable, and he saw that.
You… you’d never, ever prey on someone the way he preyed on you. ”
“That means a lot to me, Ash.”
“I guess I owe you and Sawyer a massive apology.”
“You sure do.” I stood, walked over to Asher, and scooped him up off the chair into a hug. “But not today. How about you go find Jax and Blue, and I’ll send the three of you the early cut that River did. You can all watch it together while I go find my boyfriend.”
Asher pulled out of the hug. “Boyfriend, huh?”
I reached for him, ruffling his hair. “Yeah. Boyfriend.”
I put my hands on his shoulders and stooped down a little to get on his level. “I want you to know that you’ll always have a friend here, Ash. A brother. We weren’t ever going to be anything else, but we will always be family.”
The wind rushed out of me when Ash launched himself at me, wrapping his arms around me. A few more muffled apologies came, and I patted him on the back telling him not to worry about it.
Worrying was my job, and the longer I went without hearing from Sawyer, the more my concern grew.
“I’m going to go.” Asher pulled out of my arms and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He still looked contrite and a bit lost, and a whole lot too young for me.
“I’ll tell Jax and Blue to be expecting a call from you.”
Asher narrowed his eyes at me. “I know what you’re up to.”
“I have no idea what you mean,” I lied. Jax and Blue would be good for Asher. They were both a little older than him, Jax more so than Blue, and they had good heads on their shoulders. They’d be good influences on him.
Asher started for the door but turned and gave me a lingering look. “You know,” he said eventually. “I meant what I said. You’re nothing like him.”
“Thanks, kid,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. When he didn’t leave, I arched an eyebrow at him. “Anything else?”
“You should tell the guys about your dyslexia. It’s not like they wouldn’t understand.
Your whole book, Lukas, it’s all about how you were fucked over when you were young, and then the strides you’ve made as you’ve gotten older to do better, to be the opposite of the example you were given.
And, well… hiding your dyslexia from everyone is something the young Lukas had to do.
But you’re not in that same place anymore.
The people around you wouldn’t seek to exploit you with the knowledge. They’d want to help.”
“You probably have a point, but they’ll find out when the book comes out.”
He frowned at me. “Tell them sooner, Lukas. Let them support you the way you support them.”
“How’d you get so smart all of the sudden?”
The sheepish expression returned to Asher’s face, and he rocked back on his heels. “I did a lot of growing up today.” He paused. “Can you tell Sawyer that I’m sorry?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.” As soon as I saw him. I’d only just seen him, but it felt like a month had elapsed since that morning.
Asher left, letting himself out the front. Lara padded into the room and groaned as she lowered herself down onto the floor.
I called Sawyer again, and again I got no answer. Worry washed through me, but then another number made my phone buzz with a text message. It was from Eugene, and he’d sent a picture of a sleeping Sawyer and then a message that read get your ass over here.
I responded so fast I almost dropped my phone.
On my way.