Chapter 14
Lana
Holland fell asleep during the second movie, and before I could do the same, I cleaned up all the bowls and plates. As tired as I was, I was never too tired not to clean up, and so I grabbed everything and brought it downstairs.
It was just past midnight, and when I reached the bottom of the stairs, I heard faint voices coming from the filming room.
I froze for a second. The lights under the door were on, but I couldn’t make out what was being said or done.
They had probably filmed more for the movie, but I was glad I didn’t have to sit and watch. At least not now.
I didn’t want to eavesdrop, so I turned toward the kitchen and started cleaning up everything that was sitting dirty on the counters. It looked like Callan had ordered takeout, because there were empty containers everywhere.
A few minutes later, the voices from the filming room got louder, and I looked over my shoulder to see Callan walk out with Trey and Rocco.
They talked in the hallway for a while, then both guys left, and one of the girls I had the pleasure to watch the other night, Madison, walked out to say goodbye.
Kira, the other actress, was the last to come out of the room, and after clinging to Callan and peppering kisses all over his face, he finally pushed her away and gestured for her to leave as well. Before she did, she glanced toward the kitchen where she met my eyes.
She grimaced, then said something to Callan that clearly didn’t make him happy.
“Time to go,” he told her, pointing to the door. “Come on, shoot’s over for the night.”
“But—” She sighed dramatically and placed her hands on his naked chest. “Why don’t we go back inside and have some more fun? I hate sharing you.”
For a split second, it looked like Callan would give in. But his expression hardened, and he lowered her hands from his chest. “It’s late. I have some things to do tomorrow before we continue shooting. You should get some rest, too.”
Kira pouted. “Karlee said you fucked her all night last weekend. I want that too.”
Gosh, was she needy. I didn’t blame her though. If I were so obsessed with sex, I probably would’ve acted the same. Although…no, I wouldn’t have.
I scrunched my nose at the thought of me being a porn actress. I wasn’t appalled by it because of what that job entailed. I was just hyper-aware of who I was and how bad I would be at something so vulnerable and intimate I would be.
“Not this time,” Callan told her, and Kira finally gave in. She sighed one more time, then gave me a sharp glare before leaving the house.
I turned around to get back to cleaning up when Callan came into the kitchen.
“Sorry you had to hear that,” he said, surprising me.
I looked at him for a second and smiled tightly. “No worries. I’ve heard worse.”
“I bet. Sorry about that, too.”
I didn’t reply this time and kept putting the plates into the dishwasher.
“You don’t have to do all that. Francine is coming back tomorrow.”
I hadn’t even noticed Francine had been gone, but I wasn’t leaving anything sitting around when I was perfectly capable of cleaning it up myself. “It’s fine. I’m almost done.”
“You’re stubborn.”
A dry laugh escaped me. “Apparently.”
“What, you don’t think so?”
I turned to face him. “No, no. I know I’m stubborn. I hear it all the time.”
“But you don’t think it’s a bad character trait.”
“No.”
“Fair enough.”
“You think it is a bad trait?” I asked back. Not that I cared about his opinion. But this conversation was going fine, and I didn’t feel like staying quiet.
He shrugged. “Not necessarily. In your case…it shows your strength and determination.”
I stared at him for a moment, unsure what to say. “Thanks.”
He gave a quick nod, then looked around the kitchen before asking, “Where’s your friend?”
“Upstairs, sleeping.”
“What’s her name?”
“Holland.”
He took a step closer and grabbed a glass from the cupboard, then filled it with water from the tap. “She’s got a strong character too.”
I smiled and nodded to agree with him. “Yeah, she’s great.”
He drank his water and leaned back against the counter again. His eyes were on me the whole time he drank, and when he lowered his glass, he asked, “You haven’t changed your mind about the essay, right?”
“I, uh…no, I haven’t. I still want to do it.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I am. I’m just a little confused.”
“About what?”
It wasn’t normal for us to have an open conversation like this. Just about two weeks ago, we barely even looked at each other. “About us.”
He smirked. “There’s an “us?”
“I don’t mean it like that.”
“Then how do you mean it?”
I studied him for a moment. “That night after the shoot…”
“When you rubbed my dick.”
I still needed to get used to his filthy mouth.
My jaw tensed. “Yeah, that. And earlier tonight when you hugged me from behind.”
“What about it?” he challenged.
“Why did you do it?”
“Because I wanted to.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s a lazy answer.”
He chuckled and raised his brows, looking more amused now. “Fine. You want the real answer?”
“Yes. I appreciate honesty.”
“Good.” He pushed away from the counter and took a step closer to me. He stopped right in front of me and rested his hands on either side of me. “I did it because I knew you’d like it. Because I know you’re curious, and no matter how much you’d fight it, you’d still end up in that room with me.”
His eyes were locked in mine, and I couldn’t look away. The space between us had vanished. He was close enough for me to feel his breath when he spoke, and it made my whole body tighten.
“That’s not true,” I said quietly, though I didn’t sound convincing. At all.
He tilted his head slightly. “No? Then why didn’t you stop me?”
My mouth went dry. “Because I didn’t expect it.”
“You didn’t expect to like it either, did you?”
My lips parted, but no words came out. I wanted to deny it, to tell him he was wrong. But I couldn’t lie. Not when the truth sat so heavy in my chest.
He smirked faintly. “That’s what I thought.”
I crossed my arms, mostly to keep from shaking, and to try to look more in control. “You think you know everything about me, but you don’t.”
“I know enough,” he said. “I know what I saw in your face when I touched you. You wanted more, and you’re scared of what that means.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I want,” I snapped.
“Then tell me I’m wrong.”
I opened my mouth again, but he didn’t give me the chance to answer. His body pressed against mine, and one of his arms came around my waist to really lock me in between him and the counter. “You can’t. Because you know I’m right.”
I shook my head, trying to find my balance. Funnily enough, I had never felt steadier. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t say things like that to me.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re making it confusing. Because you—”
He cut me off. “You think I’m trying to confuse you? I’m not. I’m being honest.”
“Honest about what? That you’re using me to get off?”
His jaw tightened, and for a second, I thought he’d snap. But instead, his tone softened. “No. Honest about the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you. About the way you make my head spin without even saying a word.”
I swallowed hard. “You shouldn’t be saying that.”
“Maybe not. But it doesn’t make it less true.”
I could feel my pulse pounding in my neck, and my breathing turned shallow. I hated how much I felt the same about him, but I couldn’t admit to it. The attraction was there, and there was no doubt about it. But it felt too soon. It shouldn’t have been normal to feel all this so fast.
“Callan,” I said softly, though it came out more like a plea than a warning.
I was slowly losing control over myself, and my body was doing whatever the hell it wanted.
My hands came up and rested against his chest while his moved down my sides.
He cupped the backsides of my thighs, and with one swift move, he lifted me up onto the counter.
He positioned himself between my legs, pressing his crotch against mine.
My hands instinctively clutched his naked shoulders, as if doing so would steady me against the whirlwind of emotions crashing through me.
His body was pressed hard against mine, and I couldn’t move away.
I didn’t want to. Every inch of my body responded to him, like some kind of magnetic pull I couldn’t fight, even though my mind screamed at me to stop.
He didn’t do anything, really, except stay there, just a breath away, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that made my head spin. He wasn’t backing down, and secretly, I didn’t want him to.
“Do you feel that?” His voice was low and calm, but every word sent electric waves through my body.
I swallowed hard. I wasn’t sure if I felt anything beyond the rapid beat of my own heart, pounding so loudly I was sure he could hear it. “Callan…” I repeated, unable to say anything else.
“You can’t deny the attraction, Lana.”
No, I couldn’t. But I didn’t want to admit to it, either.
I shook my head, struggling to find the words.
I wanted to tell him to step back, to create some distance between us because this was just too much, but my hands betrayed me, still gripping his shoulders like I was afraid that if I let go, I’d lose myself entirely.
“This is too much. You’re too close. Is this supposed to feel this good? ”
The last part slipped out of me uncontrolled, and I wanted to slap myself for it. Instead, I just stared at him, my eyes wide. A smirk curved at the corner of his mouth. “It does for me.”
“But why?”
He probably understood that I had never felt like this before, and that’s what scared me. I didn’t want him to use me for it. “This isn’t...what I want.”
“Tell me why.”
“Because you’re confusing me!” I said, my voice cracking slightly. “Before that night, we barely ever spoke. We went out of each other’s way, and I was just a ghost in this house. And now…this.”
“I’m not trying to confuse you, Lana. I’m being honest with you. I’m telling you how I feel.” For a second, something in his expression softened. His thumbs brushed my waist, unconsciously making me keep calm.
“I can’t help but think you’re using me.”
His brow furrowed. “You think I’m using you?”
“Yes,” I said quietly. “Maybe not on purpose, but that’s what it feels like. It’s all happening so fast. It feels like you’re only doing this to make your job easier. I don’t want to be your toy.”
He stared at me with his jaw tense, and his breathing heavier than before. “You’re not a toy, Lana. Stop thinking that you are. Truth is, you’re the only thing that feels real right now.”
I frowned. “But that’s exactly what I’m saying. You’re using me to keep doing your work. And I don’t gain anything from that.”
His eyes narrowed, and he looked like I had just offended him. But as quickly as that emotion flashed in his eyes, it was gone again. He took a step back and dropped his hands to his sides, lowering his gaze for a moment before meeting my eyes again.
When he didn’t speak, I got off the counter and rubbed my arm in a nervous manner. “I need to think.”
He dragged a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. But when he spoke again, his voice stayed calm. “Think about what?”
“I don’t know, Callan.” I was starting to get frustrated too. “About sitting in that room while you get blowjobs by two girls but only get hard when I’m in your sight.”
There. I said it.
Callan nodded. “You’re right. I don’t know how this happened, but it’s not what you think. I’m not using you, Lana. That’s all I want you to know.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t say more.
He didn’t push any further. “Take your time.”
He gave me a final look, then turned and left. I stood there, unsure whether to feel relieved or more confused than ever. I didn’t have answers. I only knew I had to figure this out before it consumed me completely.