Chapter 20
A lba laughed as she made it to one of the empty picnic benches outside her office and straddled the bench, placing her lunch on the table beside her.
“Why are you laughing?” Zainab demanded from down the phone.
“Oh, I’m sure you can figure that out,” Alba said, still laughing.
“I call you with an emergency and this is how you respond?”
“This hardly constitutes an emergency now, does it?” She twisted towards her food and began spearing some of it onto her fork.
“What else would you call it?”
“Um, I don’t know, maybe what it is? A date.”
“It is not a date.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know. That’s why you’re supposed to be helping me,” Zainab whined.
Alba stifled another laugh. “Look, someone asked you out for dinner, just the two of you, and you said yes. What else would you call that? What would you call that if it happened to someone else?”
Zainab hesitated. “A date. Probably.”
“Right. So, what do you think it might be if it happens to you?”
“Something else?”
“ Zainab .”
“It can’t be a date. I’ve been annoyed with them since they started.”
Alba paused to slowly chew her food, allowing the thought to sit with Zainab for a moment.
“Alba?”
“Zainab. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason you’ve been so annoyed with them is because you’re actually into them?”
“No.”
Alba’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “Oh, has it not? Are we just ignoring that this is kind of how you do things?”
“It is not,” Zainab replied petulantly. She was always petulant when she was like this.
“Do you want me to start naming names?”
“No,” she said hurriedly. “I do not.”
“So, you admit you know this is a pattern?”
“It’s not a pattern.”
“Li—”
“That’s enough.” Zainab groaned. “I can’t like them.”
“But you already do.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” Alba bounced her fork against her lip. Zainab had been surprisingly scant on details about them, even if they had come up multiple times, so she couldn’t place what the problem would be. Although, she wouldn’t put it past Zainab for it to simply be that she was stubborn and didn’t want to like them. As if attraction remotely worked that way.
Perhaps it was easier to believe that when you weren’t the one being attracted to someone inconvenient.
“Because. Because because.”
Alba laughed. “ Because isn’t actually a reason. You do know that, right? You’re kind of required to name whatever comes after the because in order for it to make sense.”
Zainab groaned. “Can’t you just fill in the blanks?”
“Ordinarily,” Alba said around a mouthful of tomatoes, “I would. However, in this particular case, you’ve given me annoyingly little to work with.”
“Ugh.” She sucked in an audible breath. “They’re just… loud and noisy and outgoing.”
“Two of those mean the same thing.”
“ Alba. ”
“The third one seems irrelevant, if you ask me. You’re outgoing. What difference does it make if your partner is too?”
“They’re not my partner!”
“Hypothetical partner.”
“I don’t know.” She drew the end of the sentence out, suggesting she didn’t have any complaints lodged in actual reality or reason. “They’re… funny and annoying and messy.”
“Okay, that last one I’ll give you. Mess does annoy you.”
“Yeah, so, imagine being around someone like that all the time.”
“What? They’re just running around the place, messing everything up? How is that even possible?”
“No.” Zainab sounded agonized, but Alba had seen her like this before—she’d seen Alba like that too.
“So, what, then?”
Zainab sighed. “They’re just… messy, as a person.”
“Like, sloppy in the way they dress?”
“Actually, no,” she said after a brief pause. “They’re quite stylish. But just… emotionally.”
“Ah,” Alba replied, smiling widely. “So, what you’re telling me is that they aren’t willing to put up with your bullshit. Or that their personality makes it hard to even try that bullshit.”
“You don’t have to make it sound like I’m the worst person ever.”
“I didn’t say that! And I don’t think that. You know I don’t. I’m just putting the pieces together, like you asked, and what I’m getting is that you’ve found yourself around someone that makes you feel exposed.”
She was quiet for several long seconds. “Fine. I guess you could say that, yes.”
Alba smiled again. “I’m happy for you.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
She laughed. “You want me to be angry that my best friend likes someone, and that same someone asked them out on a date?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” Zainab groaned again. “Because this is going to be a disaster.”
“Hey, you thought my whole thing with Neve was going to be a disaster and that’s going just fine.”
She snorted. “I don’t think we can definitively say that just yet. Something’s going on between you, neither of you is addressing it, and we’re all just sitting around waiting to see what happens.”
“Sounds so dirty when you say it like that.”
“It’s a statement of fact.”
“Yeah, well, so is you liking… Hey, are you finally going to tell me their name now that you’re going on a date?”
“I suppose I have to.”
“You don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“Yeah, but it’d be weird not to.”
“A little, but when am I not weird?”
Zainab hummed. “Fair point. Still. Their name is Kai.”
“Nice name. I look forward to meeting them.”
“Ugh. The two of you are going to be insufferable together.”
“Ah, confirmation that, in fact, you are annoyed that they’re like me. You’ve fallen for someone just like me.”
“I haven’t fallen for anyone. And they’re not just like you.”
Alba scoffed. “Tell me which of the ways you described them wouldn't also apply to me.”
Zainab floundered for a moment. “I cannot be interested in someone like you. It’s like… dating your cousin.”
“It definitely isn’t.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Not really.”
“You’re my best friend. And a complete pain in the ass.”
Alba laughed. “I think all this tells you is that you like someone who’s a little bit of a pain in the ass. Either as a friend or as a romantic interest, what gets you is someone who can, well, give you a little bit of a run for your money.”
“I think I hate myself. This is ridiculous.”
“You do not. You’re just having a moment. But, soon, you can be having a moment with Kai. On a date. And I bet it’s going to go great. I mean, they’re clearly already into you.”
“I hate all of this.”
“I know,” Alba said sympathetically. “And I’m sure you’ll continue to until the moment where it suddenly gets really good and everything just makes sense.”
“Why does dating have to be so hard?”
“You’re asking me?” Alba replied pointedly.
“Yeah, okay, fair point. What was I thinking? You’re even worse than I am.”
“Rude. But hey, if you’re back to insulting me so readily, that must mean you’re already feeling better about this whole thing.”
“I can confirm I am not.”
Alba laughed, but, before she could reply, a shadow fell across the table and her lunch. She looked up at the figure standing across from her and frowned. “Zainab, I’ve gotta call you back. Charlie’s here.”
“Charlie is?” Zainab replied, startled.
“Apparently so.”
“Well… Good luck, I guess? Text me after.”
“Will do.”
She hung up the call, watching Charlie with interest.
As far as Neve had told her, the two of them hadn’t spoken since the night of their argument. Alice had made a couple of attempts to smooth things over, but they’d been pitiful in comparison to what happened. As far as Alba could tell, Charlie hadn’t tried anything.
Well, anything other than showing up at Alba’s workplace. She hadn’t even known Charlie knew where she worked.
“Alba,” Charlie said, her voice clipped.
“Charlie.”
“How are you doing?” Her voice was so stiff, it barely sounded like a question.
“If you’re looking to contract someone, I don’t think I’m your go-to person.” Alba waved a hand in the direction of her office.
“I’m not here for that.”
“Good to know. To be honest, I didn’t know you even knew where I worked. A little bit weird just showing up, don’t you think?” She watched Charlie pointedly as she finished up her food.
Charlie shifted. Her expression was furrowed, like she was trying to be intimidating, perhaps, but her gaze jumped to and from Alba so frequently as to completely undermine the attempt.
She didn’t speak again, so, once Alba was done with her food, she cleared her throat and said, “So, are you going to tell me what you are here for, or are you just going to scowl at me until I go back to work?”
“I want to talk about Neve,” she finally said, her voice still hard.
“No, thank you,” Alba replied with a serene smile. She wasn’t particularly bothered if it antagonized Charlie.
Charlie’s jaw twitched. “She isn’t talking to me.”
Alba studied her. “And you’re surprised? After what you did?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Mm. Right, because everyone treats all of their friends the way you’ve been treating Neve, and then yells in their faces and insults them.”
Charlie’s hands clenched and she took a steadying breath. “Perhaps I said some things I shouldn’t have, but she shouldn’t just be ignoring me.”
Alba shot her a deadly look. “I don’t think it’s your business to be deciding what Neve should and shouldn’t be doing.”
“Oh, but it is yours?”
“Absolutely not. See, unlike you, I actually care about Neve and what she wants, not simply what I can control her into doing.”
Charlie slammed her hands onto the table. “Don’t you dare imply I don’t care about her. I’ve been here longer than you have.”
Alba watched her with raised eyebrows. “You can’t claim dibs on a person. You’d do well to remember that. Especially when you’ve made no effort at all to apologize to her.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
Alba looked around exaggeratedly. “Oh, is Neve here too? Didn’t know I should be expecting her.”
Charlie leaned in closer. “I’ll never know what she sees in you.”
“I could have said the same thing to you.”
Something flickered across Charlie’s face and she backed away slightly. Alba didn’t understand it, but part of her did enjoy it, just a little. Perhaps not her best moment, but Charlie had hurt Neve and Alba had little patience for that.
Charlie took a deep breath. “Alice left her pancakes and a note. She just ignored them. She’s barely even staying at home. Guess I don’t need to ask if she’s staying at yours.”
Neve had actually been at home about fifty percent of the time since her verbal altercation with Charlie. Even now, Charlie seemed to be barely paying attention to her.
Though she was correct about where Neve was when she wasn’t home.
“If Neve isn’t telling you where she’s going, I don’t think it’s any of your business, is it?” Alba asked.
“She isn’t talking to me,” Charlie said again, gritting her teeth.
“And why might that be?”
“I told you, I’m here. And Alice—”
“Yeah, yeah, left her pancakes. Which, given what Alice has been going along with is barely enough apology from her, let alone from you. And now you’re here, talking to me. Why? You think I’m going to apologize for you? Tell Neve everything’s better because you went to all the people around her and got them to manipulate her into forgiving you? I don’t think so.”
“She’s my friend. I deserve—”
“No, she’s not. She’s someone you’ve been keeping around to control. She’s the victim and you’re the perpetrator. You don’t deserve shit.” Alba stared at her. “The good news, however, is that Neve is strong, and she’s breaking free of you. The best thing you can do is leave her alone.”
“I’ve known her a lot longer than you have.”
“Oh, Charlie, we’ve already been over this, haven’t we? Can’t call dibs on a person. Longevity means nothing if you’ve barely been paying attention to who someone is, if you’ve been abusing them, and if you attack them the second they start to break free of you.”
She leaned across the table at Alba again. “I knew you were trouble from the minute I met you.”
“Hm. Care to share why? What heinous crime did I commit that made you hate me so?”
“You took advantage of someone who was weak.”
“Says more about you than it does about me if that’s how you think about her.” Alba’s blood felt like it was boiling. She hadn’t picked Charlie for the cartoon villain type, but here she was.
“She’d just been dumped, of course she was weak. And you just swept in trying to pick up a girlfriend without knowing anything about her or the situation.”
Alba stood up, face to face with Charlie. “Firstly, she was a strong woman in a weak moment. Secondly, she needed someone to be there for her, and I was. There was no taking advantage of her. She needed a friend. That’s all I was. And thirdly, she has always deserved better friends than you two were to her. Neve finally realizing that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with your treatment of her.”
“You still don’t know?”
Alba’s stomach turned uncomfortably. “Know what?”
Charlie straightened up, smiling slightly. “She isn’t going to give you what you want. It doesn’t matter if she’s interested in you—”
“We’re just friends.” If Alba had a dollar for every time she’d said that lately…
Charlie rolled her eyes. “It’s been all over her since she met you, since we ran into you in that café. But you’re going to leave her and hurt her, just like everyone else. And you know who’ll be there to pick up the pieces, just like always? Me. You’re not special. You’re not different. You’re just like all the others.”
“All I want is for Neve to be happy.”
“Yeah, right. It’s all over you too. You want her. But you won’t. Not when you find out she doesn’t want sex.”
Alba growled. She wasn’t sure she’d ever made that sound before, but something inside of her was white hot and angry on Neve’s behalf. “Some friend you are. As it happens, I did know that, but I’m not in the business of discussing my friends’ sexualities without their permission. I’m also not in the business of diminishing their worth because of how much sex they do or do not want.”
“I’m just looking out for her. And, the quicker you’re gone, the quicker we can all get back to normal.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“She’s not going to change her mind just for you. You’re not as special as you think you are.”
Alba gathered her belongings and walked around the table, standing directly in front of Charlie. “Is that what it is? You need to be special to her?”
Charlie’s jaw twitched again. “I am special to her. I’ve been there all along. I’m the one who picks up the pieces when people like you hurt her.”
“And who picks up the pieces when you hurt her?”
“I don’t hurt her. I look after her. She needs me.”
“I don’t think she does.”
“You don’t know anything.”
Alba smiled darkly, the whole thing finally hitting her like it had been staring her in the face the entire time. “She turned you down. See, we don’t talk about you all that much—you’re not that important—so she hasn’t mentioned how you two met, but that’s it, isn’t it? You met her, wanted her, and she turned you down.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think I do, Charlie. It’s written all over your face. She turned you down and you made it your mission to never let her get away from you?” Alba seethed. “You never deserved to even look in her direction.”
Charlie’s face turned beet red. “She didn’t turn me down.”
“Oh, did she not?”
“She chose me. She’s my best friend.”
“Funny. I have a best friend and I don’t treat her the way you treat Neve.”
“She lives with me.”
“She shares an apartment with you. You and your girlfriend , Charlie. What are you playing at being with Alice if you’re spending your whole life—what? Trying to get Neve to realize you’re the better option?”
“I love Alice.”
“Just not enough.”
“Of course it’s enough. I love her.”
“Do you?” Alba watched her closely. “Then what’s your play with Neve? What’s the point? She meets someone you suddenly believe she’s going to be interested in, and hate me, to what? Push her away from me? Prevent her from making friends? Prevent her from potentially dating me? What are you after?”
“I’m preventing her from getting hurt.”
“She doesn’t need you to prevent her from living her life, Charlie. She wasn’t interested in you. Let it go. She gets to decide who she does and doesn’t want in her life. Trying to keep her reliant on you forever doesn’t make her yours. Isolating her doesn’t make you the good guy trying to keep her safe. She’s a fucking adult, Charlie. She gets to make her own decisions.”
“She’s asexual. She needs someone looking out for her.”
Alba shook her head, sighing. “You’re angry at her for not wanting you, for the fact that she wouldn’t have sex with you, so you decided that, because she doesn’t want sex, she’s a child and you get to keep the keys to her life?”
Charlie’s nostrils flared. She glared at Alba but didn’t speak.
“That’s disgusting. And manipulative. And aphobic. Sort yourself and your life out, Charlie, and leave Neve alone.”
“You’re no better than me if you’re telling me I’m not allowed near her.”
Alba paused in the middle of taking a step away from her. “I’m not the one telling you to stay away from her. She’s doing that all by herself. She’s an adult, Charlie, capable of making those decisions for herself. And me? Well, I’m the one respecting her decisions and following her lead.”
Alba walked away, leaving Charlie standing there. Of all the things she’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that. With the way Charlie had made zero effort to contact Neve, she’d never have imagined Charlie showing up to talk to her instead. Nor had she had any decent read on the dynamic between them. She wondered whether Neve even knew the reason behind it all.
She wondered if Alice did.
And what was Charlie hoping for? That Neve would one day change her mind and want Charlie? That Neve’s sexuality would change? Or that her decisions would? Did Charlie imagine herself so special that she’d be the one person in the world Neve would have sex willingly with? She’d made it perfectly clear she wasn’t demisexual. And she’d made it perfectly clear she would never want sex with anyone, no matter how much she loved them.
Neve didn’t need Charlie, or Roxanne, or anyone else who thought she just needed convincing. She needed someone who loved that she was asexual, who understood all that it meant to her and her life, and who didn’t want to change a single second of it.
Alba was almost back to the doors when Charlie called her name again, a little more desperate this time. She sighed and stopped, turning slowly to face her. “What?”
“She’s moving out, isn’t she?” This was a much more pathetic version of Charlie than Alba had been facing off with mere moments ago.
Alba shrugged. “Whether she is or not isn’t my place to discuss. I don’t know why you aren’t getting this, but Neve is an adult who isn’t in need of a minder who makes all of her decisions for her.”
“Can you just ask her to stay? We can work this out, I know we can. We’ve been friends too long.”
“Charlie, please get this into your head, I’m not telling her anything from you. I am not your messenger, and I have no interest in being involved in whatever you’re trying to do to her. If you want to talk to her, grow up, realize who she really is, and ask if she’s willing to talk to you. By text or email. Do not ambush her. But, as far as I can see, you’re the one who burned those bridges. If I were her, I’d never speak to you again.”
“I care about her.”
“No, you really don’t.”
“I’ve cared about her for longer than you know.”
“Find a therapist, Charlie. Do yourself, Alice, and any other friends you have in your life a favor, and find a therapist.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
She shot Charlie a look. “I want you to think through all of your actions and decide whether you really think that’s true.”
“I—”
“Bye, Charlie. I don’t want to see you here again.” Alba turned and entered her building, leaving Charlie alone outside the door. She wasn’t entirely sure what Charlie’s next move was, but she knew hers. She wasn’t going to be Charlie’s messenger, but she wasn’t going to decide which information about her own life Neve was and was not allowed to hear. As hard as it was going to be, Neve deserved to know what Charlie was doing.