Chapter 23
T here was something so freeing to Neve about realizing she had never really been the problem. Well, maybe she had, in that her sexuality was not compatible with Roxanne’s—and her revelation didn’t really change anything about her previous relationships—but it wasn’t that Neve was wrong and everyone else was perfectly right. Just like everyone else in the world, Neve had her problems and Roxanne had hers. Neve wasn’t sure what they were, exactly, but they had her hiding who she was, lying about her life and her family, and blaming someone who never stood a chance against that by throwing something that hurt them in their face.
Neve wasn’t even that angry with her. She’d already known she was long over the relationship. She’d already accepted it wasn’t right and was never going to work. Now, all she really hoped was that Roxanne would figure herself out and refrain from purposefully hurting anyone else in the future.
Even the fact that they’d ended up at the same party, somehow ended up in worlds that were destined to collide again, didn’t matter. All that mattered was Alba. And, when Neve really thought about it, there was a little bit of truth in the fact that, without Roxanne, Neve might never have met Alba, and she couldn’t imagine that life. She didn’t want to.
Maybe fate had been at work bringing her and Alba together after all.
Life lately had been filled with plenty of difficult things, but, as she walked back up the beach, her arm wrapped around Alba’s waist, Neve had never been happier. That was all that really mattered. The difficult times were going to happen and you couldn’t postpone the good until they passed. You just had to find the person who loved and understood you in all of the moments and work together to build the best life you could.
She paused as they reached the boundary where the beach petered out into the garden.
Alba held Neve’s face in her hands. “Are you sure about this?”
“About you? Absolutely certain.”
Alba melted a little, a blush coloring her cheeks. It brought out the green of her eyes so beautifully. “Not what I meant, but good to know.”
“I’m glad.” Neve pushed herself up onto her tiptoes—the gesture taking some extra effort in the sand—and pressed a kiss to Alba’s lips. Even after how many times she’d already kissed them today, they were still perfect.
Alba met her and deepened the kiss, moaning slightly. She pulled back with a grimace. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s okay,” Neve assured her with a smile. “I know you’re not going to… So it’s okay.”
“I’m glad,” Alba said, leaning back in.
Neve met her happily. It was true. She felt perfectly safe kissing Alba. It didn’t matter how clear it was that Alba was into it, it didn’t matter if part of her enthusiasm was sexual, because Neve trusted her. She’d always felt nervous kissing people, especially when they got too into it, but not with Alba. She simply felt safe, loved, and respected.
Alba laughed softly and pulled back. “I actually meant, are you sure about going back in with Roxanne there?”
Neve took a bracing breath as she nodded. “Yeah. I’m ready. That’s long over. I’m not interested in her. It is what it is and I have no interest in hiding.”
Alba beamed. “I’m proud of you.”
Neve laughed, laced their fingers together, and pulled Alba back into the garden. “I’m proud of you too.”
“Well, you should be. I am pretty awesome.”
“You are.”
“You’re a little insufferable is what you are,” Handel said, appearing at their side almost immediately.
“Hey,” Alba protested, pulling Neve in front of her and wrapping her arms around Neve’s waist. “What have I ever done to you?”
“Well, when we were five—”
“I wasn’t actually looking for a list,” Alba said, interrupting.
“Then why ask?”
“It was rhetorical.”
“Alba,” a warm voice said, interrupting the sparring that felt more like siblings than cousins.
Neve twisted slightly in Alba’s arms to look at the newcomer. An older woman with short hair and a sleeve of tattoos approached them. Neve’s eyes caught on the progress pride flag by her elbow.
Without letting go of Neve, Alba reached out one arm to hug the women, effectively squashing Neve into the hug with them.
“Nonnie,” Alba said happily. “Long time no see. How’ve you been?”
Nonnie stepped back and beamed at Neve. “Long time, indeed. Have you finally gotten yourself a girlfriend?”
Alba laughed. “Direct as ever, Non.”
“I’m just happy for you.” She turned to Neve. “Nonnie Long. I’ve known this one since she was in diapers.”
Alba’s arms wrapped tighter around Neve as she stiffened slightly, but, after a moment, it felt like nothing. Nonnie was lovely. She was part of Alba’s past. The picture that had, in essence, been painted of her wasn’t based on anything real. And, if Neve only thought of her as someone from Alba’s past, it didn’t matter what lies she’d been told.
She chatted happily, getting to know Nonnie, and her wife, who was clearly the sourdough chef of the couple—she brought Neve and Alba a whole plate of bread samples with various flavored butters—and Neve struggled to figure out why Roxanne had ever lied about them. But, it wasn’t until they stepped away, leaving a clearing through the gathered crowd, that Neve actually caught Roxanne’s eye.
Neve hadn’t been looking for her, but she hadn’t been actively avoiding her either. She had wondered what the moment might be like—awkward, uncomfortable, mildly terrifying perhaps—but it didn’t feel like any of that. It felt like Neve didn’t care. Roxanne felt like someone from a different lifetime, one Neve had no interest revisiting.
Roxanne, however, looked like she’d seen a ghost.
Watching her expression, Neve half expected her to bolt from the party and never return, so, when she started walking over, Neve was a little surprised.
“What are you doing here?” Roxanne asked, her voice rigid and low.
“Celebrating the holiday weekend,” Neve replied instinctively. When it registered fully, she almost laughed at how much it seemed Alba was starting to rub off on her.
Roxanne glared. “Why here?”
“Because it’s my girlfriend’s parents’ place?”
“It’s what ?”
Alba, who had clearly been listening in, even if Roxanne hadn’t noticed her, stepped closer to Neve, wrapping an arm around her. “Lovely to see you, Roxanne,” she said in a voice that suggested it really wasn’t that lovely at all.
Roxanne’s eyes bounced between the two. “You… You’re… You… You two…”
“Yes,” Neve said.
“Bit quick, don’t you think?”
Neve looked up at Alba. “Not really.”
There were a million things Neve could have said about getting to be in a relationship with someone who actually liked her, someone who wasn’t ashamed of a single part of her, but she didn’t need to. She finally knew what it was like, knew that it was possible for her, and it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, least of all Roxanne.
Alba looked pointedly over Roxanne’s shoulder. “Aren’t you here with some guy you don’t mind introducing to your family?”
Neve followed her gaze wondering where Alba had gotten that info from. As Roxanne stared at her in shock, Alba whispered, “Handel,” in Neve’s ear.
Of course . Handel seemed to know everything. Maybe that was the real reason Zainab should be wary of her—the woman knew everything about everyone and wasn’t above a good gossip.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Roxanne said eventually.
“I think it is if you’re bringing us up like that,” Neve pointed out, enjoying the proud way Alba beamed at her.
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Well, I—” She cleared her throat. “I was the one who…”
“Dumped me?”
Roxanne looked around frantically. “Can you shut up?”
Neve looked at her. She hadn’t said it loud enough for anyone to hear, nor would she. She sighed. “Whatever your problem is, Roxanne, you need to figure that out on your own. I’m not looking to out you, not looking to judge you, but you shouldn’t have messed with my feelings and my life by lying to me. Your family—”
“You don’t know anything about my family.”
“I do,” Alba snapped.
Roxanne looked at her, scowling. “What I do on my own time is none of their business.”
“Agreed. But when you’re lying to your partner about them, or putting your partner down and using your family as some sort of shield to play victim behind, it matters, Roxanne.”
“I did no such thing.”
“You did,” Neve said. “It’s over now, but your actions had consequences. You can keep who you are a secret. You can do whatever you want, but don’t act like you’re the victim when the prejudices you’re carrying are your own and you’re using them to hurt others.”
“I didn’t—”
“Hey, babe.” The guy Alba had pointed out appeared at Roxanne’s side. “Who are your friends?”
Before Roxanne could speak, Alba reached out a hand to greet him. “Alba. This is my parents’ place. Roxanne and I go way back. And this is Neve, my girlfriend.”
He smiled widely. “Nice to meet you both. I’m Nate, Roxanne’s boyfriend.”
“So good to meet you. You make a cute couple.”
He laughed sincerely. “Yeah, you know, pretty new, really. Well, officially at least, but it’s going well.”
Neve shared a look with Alba. Nate was nice, he deserved good things. Neve wondered whether Roxanne had any capacity to give him those.
“Oh, yeah?” Alba enquired.
“Yeah.” He wrapped his arm around Roxanne’s shoulders. “We’ve been seeing each other since Christmas, but just made it exclusive last month.”
Neve sighed. She wasn’t perfect, she knew that, but she really hadn’t been the problem. She and Roxanne had supposedly been exclusive long before that.
Alba pressed a kiss to the top of Neve’s head. “Nate, why don’t you and I get our ladies some drinks? You can tell me all about it while we do.”
They left, and Neve watched Roxanne, who was suddenly bright red. Neve wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Roxanne blush before.
Roxanne didn’t speak, apparently lost for words.
Neve wasn’t. “I deserved better, Roxanne.”
“It’s not what you think,” she replied, a little frantic.
Neve breathed a laugh. “How could any part of that not be what I’m thinking?”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did.”
“Right…”
“You don’t know. You’ve got no idea what it’s like when you need things your partner won’t give you.”
Neve sighed. “I needed honesty, Roxanne. I needed loyalty. You weren’t giving me either of those.”
“It’s not like you weren’t happy with what we had.”
“Actually, I wasn’t happy,” Neve said, feeling the release of finally getting to tell her that.
“Yes, you were.”
“No. I wasn’t. I was trying to be, but I was with someone who was making me feel terrible about who I am. I’ve learned it’s not possible to be truly happy when that’s happening to you.”
“It’s not like I was bullying you.”
Neve sighed again. She was bored of this. She was bored of being treated like she was a kid everyone had to keep things from, like they got to make decisions and tell her how she was allowed to feel about them.
She stepped back. “Roxanne, I’m not going to out you to your family. I’m not going to do anything to you. I don’t care what’s going on with you. You hurt me. You don’t get to pretend it didn’t happen and have me go along with it anymore, but it’s on you to do better moving forward. I’m happy, finally. And Nate seems like a nice guy who likes you. Do better with him.”
Roxanne’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, but Neve genuinely couldn’t muster up the energy to care what she had left to say. Since their breakup, Neve had been on her own journey and was happy with where it had led her. Roxanne hadn’t grown at all, even if she needed to. That was her problem, not something Neve was willing to subject herself to anymore.
“Bye, Roxanne,” she said. Maybe it wasn’t forever, maybe they’d still run into each other at events like this; though she got the feeling Roxanne might not be too eager to. Neve didn’t mind either way.
She found Alba and Nate by the back door discussing the weather with a few other members of Alba’s family. She looked up with them, gray clouds were definitely rolling in fast.
“We should bring stuff inside,” Scott called out.
There was a flurry of movement and not a moment too soon. A deep rumble of thunder echoed around them and the skies opened.
Neve laughed, standing in the pouring rain. It was almost ironic symbolism.
Alba darted towards her, laughing too. “You okay there, Davenport?”
Neve looked up at her, smiling widely. “I’m really good.”
“Good.” She took one of Neve’s hands and her waist. “Now, dance with me.”
“In the rain?” Neve laughed.
“In the pouring rain,” Alba called as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky around them, followed several moments later by another rumble of thunder.
They turned and danced on the rapidly soaking ground, rain penetrating their clothing, and all Neve could do was smile and laugh and take in every one of the sensations flooding through her.
“Alba! Neve!” Alba’s mom called from just inside the house. “You’re getting soaked out there.”
“Ah, leave them to it,” Scott called after her. “They’re happy.”
Neve leaned in closer to Alba, their dance becoming something slower, softer, just like it had at Zainab’s birthday party. She was happy. She didn’t think she’d ever been so happy in her life. If, for the rest of time, every minute looked like stormy days and rain-soaked clothes, she knew she’d still be happy because she was in it all with Alba. The past was being washed away and it didn’t matter what was to come because, with Alba, she was safe, in love, and happy.