Chapter 6 #2
“Uh huh.” Gray dipped down and brushed his lips over Jack’s. They’d shared dozens of kisses since the first one a week earlier and Jack got butterflies in his stomach every time. “How’s your French?”
“Nonexistent,” Jack said, his voice sounding sandpaper rough. He cleared his throat.
“Guess that means I’ll have to translate it for you.”
“The song lyrics?”
“Mmm hmm.” He slid his body against Jack’s, pressed his mouth to Jack’s ear, and whispered, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?” He flicked his tongue against Jack’s earlobe.
Now it wasn’t only a beating heart Gray would be able to feel, it was also the start of an erection.
It had been years since Jack had lost control of his body like that.
He simultaneously loved the feeling of arousal coursing through him and was petrified that it would offend Gray.
Thankfully, Gray pressed closer, which could only mean he didn’t mind.
“Is that really the translation of the lyrics?”
“It is.” Gray grazed his lips across Jack’s jaw and over to his mouth.
Unable to hold himself back, Jack wrapped his arms around Gray’s shoulders and leaned into him as he deepened the kiss.
“Mmm, Jack.” Gray rubbed his palms across Jack’s wrists, forearms, biceps, and shoulders. “You’re an amazing kisser.”
“I am?” Jack asked breathlessly. Since Gray had proclaimed himself to be Jack’s boyfriend in an effort to shield him from their meddling friends, he had become even more physically affectionate than usual, but Jack didn’t have a firm handle on what that meant and whether Gray truly wanted a relationship with him or if he was doing Jack a favor.
“The best.”
He searched Gray’s face but saw nothing other than sincerity. “I didn’t know that,” he confessed.
Gray winced and closed his eyes.
“You okay?” Jack put his hand on Gray’s chest. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” Gray shook his head and opened his eyes. “I’m fine.” He smiled at Jack. “Let’s go inside and continue this on a soft surface.”
“Okay.” Jack could feel his cheeks stretching from the size of his smile. He walked toward the door and Gray went the opposite direction toward his car.
“I need to grab my bag.”
“You have it?” Jack asked, surprised. “When I saw you here before me, I figured you’d changed your mind about tonight. How did you stop at home and get here this fast?”
With his hand on his door handle, Gray looked over his shoulder at Jack and frowned. “Changed my mind?”
“You didn’t get your things. Or I thought you didn’t get your things.”
Instead of answering right away, Gray reached into the car, put his laptop case over his shoulder, and then took out his weekender bag. “Jack?” Gray said as he walked toward him.
“Yes?”
“I’m not ever going to change my mind.” He lifted the leather bag. “I packed this before the class because I had every intention of smooth talking my way here afterward.”
“You don’t have to smooth—”
“But even if I hadn’t thought ahead and didn’t have my clothes and toothbrush, I’d still want to be with you.” He cupped Jack’s cheek with his free hand and looked into his eyes. “Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Jack said, realizing he sounded silly.
“In a world of Grindr and Tinder, the whole overnight bag thing is outdated, huh?” If he had been with anyone other than Gray, Jack would be embarrassed, but Gray knew him so well that all he could do was laugh and shake his head.
“I swear I’m not completely out of touch.
I know people go home with dates and hookups all the time, and they probably don’t treat the situation like a weekend getaway. ”
“No, you don’t understand.” Gray sighed. “But you will.” He wrapped his arm around Jack’s back. “Come on, let’s go inside.”
The mood had shifted and not in a good direction. “Did I say something to offend you?”
“’Course not.” Gray opened the door and waited for Jack to walk into the house before following him.
“I know I’m being awkward about all this.”
“You’re not awkward,” Gray said with a chuckle.
“Okay, I know that’s not true.”
“Fine, maybe you’re a little bit awkward, but it’s endearing not offensive.” Gray threaded his fingers through the back of Jack’s hair, brushed their lips together, and then said, “We have a few hours before dinner. Do you have work to do?”
The familiar topic calmed him. “I always have work.”
They walked together through the mudroom. “Same. How about we get our laptops, get cozy on the couch, and unwind?”
“You are the only other person I know who would view working from home on a Saturday afternoon as relaxation time.”
“As long as we’re on the TV room couch, it counts as relaxing.”
Laughing, Jack shook his head. “I need to do something about the furniture in my living room. Nobody ever wants to go in there.”
“It was nice of you to give that up-and-coming designer a job, but”—Gray scrunched his nose and shook his head—“that furniture is medieval.”
“He decorated for his Instagram, not our comfort. He’s young. He’ll learn to find a middle ground.”
“Like I said, it was nice of you. As usual.” Once they stepped into the walkway that ran the length of the house, Gray braided his fingers with Jack’s and said, “I’m going to put my things away.” He lifted his overnight bag as he spoke. “Where do you want me to put it?”
The panic that had dissipated moments earlier returned in the face of that decision.
“Jack?”
“Uh huh.” His heart hammered against his ribs.
“I can sleep in your bed”—he turned his chin to the left—“or I can sleep in the guest room” —he turned his chin to the right. “There’s no wrong answer and no rush.”
Gray was offering to stay in his room, and he had mentioned sleeping together while they were in the cooking class.
Jack hadn’t been the one to bring it up.
That could mean Gray wanted to spend the night with him.
On the other hand, he could be doing Jack a favor, which was definitely something Gray would do and just as definitely something Jack didn’t want.
Since Gray had come up with the Boyfriend Plan a couple of weeks earlier, Jack had done a lot of thinking.
By all accounts, Gray slept around so Jack figured he wouldn’t mind sleeping with him if he asked.
But Jack had already lived a version of that life.
He hadn’t wanted obligatory sex with Jaime when they’d been together, and once that was over, he had promised himself to never be in that position again.
“Damn it.” Gray squeezed his eyes shut, dropped his bag, and rubbed his palms over his face. “We’re in our mid-forties and we’ve been friends nearly half of our lives. This shouldn’t be so hard.”
Gray sounded angry. He was never angry. “I’m sorry,” Jack said reflexively.
“Jack,” Gray said on a sigh. He opened his eyes. “What are you apologizing for?”
“For making this hard.” Not that he completely understood what this was. “For making you mad.”
“I’m not mad, I’m frustrated. And it’s not with you, it’s with…this situation.”
“I’m sorry for creating this situation.” Jack was sufficiently self-aware to recognize Gray was behaving like a typical adult and his own reactions were, as Gray implied, immature.
“Please stop apologizing to me.” Gray reached his hand up and caressed Jack’s cheek. “You’re not responsible for this situation.”
“I know I’m being weird, Gray,” Jack whispered. His own frustration rising, Jack looked up at the ceiling, hoping to keep away the tears he could feel welling in his eyes. “I think maybe the relationship part of me is broken and I’m destined to be alone.” His heart ached with that confession.
“No, you’re not.”
Lowering his gaze to meet Gray’s, Jack continued speaking.
“I was twenty-four when I met Jaime. I thought I was grown, but I was behind in a lot of ways socially. We became adults together. Coming out. Finishing school. Moving across the country. Figuring out what we wanted to do professionally. Building a company. Making new friends. Renting our first apartment. Buying our first house.” He shook his head.
“Looking back, I realize I should have let him go early on, but I didn’t.
” Jack swallowed down his regret. “Everyone loves Jaime. He’s the quintessential good man.
Love takes patience and effort, so I reminded myself to be grateful he was with me, and I tried harder.
We went through all the steps of building a life together.
And now…” He pressed his hand to his chest, trying to rub away the pain of dreams unfulfilled.
“Now I’m twenty years older and my life is established, but I’m alone and it's too late for me to recreate the Notebook.”
“Nope,” Gray said, popping the p in a way that made him sound like the angsty teenager Jack had been channeling.
“What do you mean nope?” Jack sniffled and chuckled at the same time, sad about his failings while also amused by Gray. “You can’t nope that.” He rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes, wiping away the wetness.
“I absolutely can nope that, which is why I did nope it.” Gray grinned. “Watch, I’ll do it again.” He paused and then with emphasis, said, “Nope.”